TA •Chapter 86

On the fourth day of Jiang Yuduo’s runaway act, he wanted to kill him.

When Cheng Ke was changing the litter box for Miao, he was a little absent-minded and spilled cat litter all over the floor.

"I’ll take you over to Chen Qing’s place," he sighed. "Taking care of you is just too much trouble."

Miao stretched out on the sofa.

"No one knows when your brother’s coming back. Maybe he just… isn’t coming back," Cheng Ke said, sweeping up the litter on the floor before sitting down on the sofa. "I’m not especially fond of little animals. I have very little compassion."

Miao jumped onto his back, then climbed down to drape itself over his shoulder.

"There still hasn’t been any news from him," Cheng Ke said, picking up his phone and opening it. He habitually dialed Jiang Yuduo’s number first, and as soon as he heard the line begin, he hung up. "Do you think he didn’t go far, and is just hiding nearby?"

The tree outside the window already had patches of fresh green buds brighter than the sunlight itself. Cheng Ke stood behind a gap in the curtain and stared at every corner and bend around the area that might have hidden someone.

He found nothing.

Miao cried out on his shoulder.

"He doesn’t worry at all?" Cheng Ke said. "When he’s not here, someone might come ambush me."

Miao didn’t answer him.

Yeah, he didn’t worry?

He probably didn’t.

Sister Luo had said that Jiang Yuduo knew he was ill, and that subconsciously he also knew which things were hallucinations, so… Jiang Yuduo knew Cheng Ke wouldn’t be in danger.

Maybe for Jiang Yuduo, the only danger Cheng Ke had to face was him.

As long as he was gone, Cheng Ke would be safe.

The phone rang once on the table. Cheng Ke, who had been standing by the window for a long time, appeared beside it as if by teleportation and picked it up.

"Hello!" He answered before the second ring had even finished, and he hadn’t even seen who was calling yet.

"Do you have time?" Hearing his dad’s voice from the other end, he froze for a few seconds and brought the phone closer to look at the caller ID.

It really was his dad’s number.

He steadied himself and gathered up his mood, which had crashed instantly, so his voice wouldn’t sound low and dejected. "Dad, what’s up?"

"If you’ve got time, come out and talk," his dad said.

"Today I… I’m pretty busy." Cheng Ke hesitated. The shop still hadn’t gotten onto the right track over the past couple of days, and he had to go there every day, not leaving until after closing.

"I’m at the intersection," his dad said. "There’s a coffee shop here."

Cheng Ke frowned. He had already guessed why his dad was looking for him, probably because of Cheng Yi’s recording. His dad had told him to contact him after listening, but he had never contacted his dad.

He didn’t want to give the recording to his dad. He didn’t know what his dad would do after hearing it, and if it was handled badly, it would only further intensify the conflict between him and Cheng Yi. He really didn’t want to have even a single strand of spider silk’s worth of contact with Cheng Yi anymore.

Besides, in his current state, he simply didn’t have any extra energy or emotion to talk to his dad.

He was insomnia-ridden every day. When he finally managed to sleep a little, the very first feeling when he opened his eyes in the morning was misery.

"Five minutes," his dad said.

"Let’s do it another day," Cheng Ke said, pressing his fingers to his brow. "Right now I…"

"I’m already in the coffee shop," his dad said. "Are you telling me to leave?"

Cheng Ke frowned and said nothing.

"Just ten minutes of your time," his dad said.

Cheng Ke hesitated. Before he could say anything, his dad had already hung up.

He stood there holding the phone in a daze for a while, but in the end he still went out.

This was the first time in many, many years, ever since he had become a useless person, that his dad had spoken to him in this kind of tone.

It was forceful, but mixed with concession.

That really surprised Cheng Ke.

But when he entered the coffee shop and saw his dad, the expression on his dad’s face was obviously far more surprised than his.

"Did you go moving bricks or something?" his dad asked with a frown, looking him over from head to toe. "Or did you work in a coal mine?"

"I took out trash cans." Cheng Ke sat down. He knew he did look a bit worn down.

"You’ve just been busy with that shop with Xu Ding?" his dad asked. "Busy to this extent?"

Cheng Ke didn’t answer, and he didn’t ask when his dad had found out about it.

"There was no need to look into it specially. Old Li went to your opening, so how could I not know?" his dad said. "Xu Ding that brat, he just wanted me to know."

Cheng Ke remained silent. He really hadn’t thought that Xu Ding inviting President Li would be for that reason.

"No one’s looking into you now, and I’ve told Xiaoyi not to look into you anymore," his dad said. "You’ve grown up this much, and this is the first time I’ve heard you threaten someone."

"Who did I threaten?" Cheng Ke frowned.

His dad smiled and said nothing.

Cheng Ke recalled what had happened that day. When they got to the part where he said Cheng Yi was investigating him, he had only said that if Cheng Yi kept digging, then he could always look into Cheng Yi’s girlfriend or something like that…

To his dad, that probably sounded like a veiled threat.

Cheng Ke sighed. He didn’t know if it was because he had spent too much time with Jiang Yuduo, and gotten used to his straight-talking way of doing things.

Go to hell, Jiang Yuduo.

"About Xiaoyi," his dad said, getting to the point. "Do you have anything you want to tell me?"

"What do you need me to say?" Cheng Ke asked. "I just think you and he should have a proper talk."

"Talk about what? I see him every day. We eat dinner together at night. What’s there to specially talk about?" his dad said.

"Then forget it." Cheng Ke lowered his head and took a sip of lemon water.

"Go on, say it. Our father-son relationship, we haven’t talked in a long time," his dad said.

"Dad," Cheng Ke looked at him. "We’ve actually never really talked."

His dad stared at him expressionlessly for a while. "I’ve noticed you’ve… changed a lot. Today is the first time I’ve felt that maybe you really don’t plan on coming home."

Cheng Ke put down his cup. That was probably why he felt his dad’s tone had a hint of concession in it.

"What do you think counts as talking?" his dad asked. "Or rather, what needs to be talked about? Now when I want to talk to you, I even have to beg you. What, you think I haven’t talked enough?"

His dad had always been forceful in business, having built everything from nothing. After so long, the same was true at home and outside. Even now, he could feel that some things had already changed, yet his attitude remained sharp.

"It’s too late. Why did I feel like you were biased? Why did I feel like I was worthless in your eyes?" Cheng Ke said. "Why did Cheng Yi feel like you were biased too? Why did he also feel like he could never satisfy you, and had to drive me out of the house and beat me down until I couldn’t get back up before he could feel at ease? And only now you want to talk? It’s too late!"

His dad looked at him and was silent for a moment. "Competition exists everywhere."

"This isn’t competition," Cheng Ke said, forcing his voice down, though the emotions he had already been struggling to control these past few days were starting to slip. He stared at his dad. "This is slaughter! You stirred up a fight between me and Cheng Yi. I don’t want to join in. I’m just a useless loser, and he’s been fighting all along, yet in your heart he’ll never win!"

His dad’s brows drew together.

"He wishes I had never been born," Cheng Ke said. "I wish I never have anything to do with him ever again for the rest of my life. Is that the competition you want?"

His dad looked at him, his eyes full of dissatisfaction and confusion.

"I really am not going back home anymore," Cheng Ke said. "I’m very comfortable now."

"With your boyfriend?" his dad’s voice turned cold immediately. "Being with someone like that, is that your rebellion, or your choice?"

"I’ve never rebelled." Cheng Ke smiled.

His dad said, "Are you serious about that Jiang Yuduo?"

"If you’d asked me last week, I might not have been this sure," Cheng Ke said. "Now that you’re asking, I can answer you. I’m serious."

"Have you ever thought he’s a mentally ill man with violent tendencies? To put it nastily, a violent madman," his dad said. "Do you know how dangerous a situation you’ve put yourself in?"

"I’m not dangerous at all now," Cheng Ke said, and the moment Jiang Yuduo was brought up, his chest felt tight. "He’s gone."

His dad froze.

"Let’s leave it at that, Dad," Cheng Ke said, standing up. "I’m not in the mood to keep talking. I still have to go to the shop. I really have been busy these past few days."

"Give me that USB drive," his dad said.

"Do you really want to hear it?" Cheng Ke said. "If you can’t guarantee that you’ll be disappointed in me all the way, then don’t listen. Any pressure you put on Cheng Yi will just become the fuel for him not letting me go. I’m not interested in this endless slaughter."

Cheng Ke touched his pocket, pulled out a pack of tissues, took one out, waved it in the air twice, then placed it in front of his dad. "This is my white flag."

Before his dad could say anything else, he turned and left the coffee shop.

"I bought some oranges today," the landlady said from outside the door. "I took a few to each room, try them. They’re pretty sweet."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo brought the food into the room.

The landlady followed him in and set four oranges on the table. "Young man, don’t blame me for being annoying… I’ve seen a lot of kids like you."

Jiang Yuduo looked at her but said nothing.

"Dumped by your girlfriend, right? Or maybe work’s been going badly," the landlady said. "Fighting with your family, young people, it’s always these kinds of worries."

Jiang Yuduo curled the corner of his mouth and picked up an orange, slowly peeling it.

"Nothing can’t be gotten over. Time is the best doctor," the landlady said. "The important thing is you have to cheer yourself up."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo gave a perfunctory nod.

"It’s cleared up today," the landlady said. "Go out and walk around. Staying cooped up in the room all the time, even a healthy person would make themselves sick. At the very least, pull the curtains open and make the room brighter. You’ll feel more comfortable too."

When the landlady came over to help pull open the curtains, Jiang Yuduo lifted his head. "Don’t move."

The landlady stopped and turned to look at him, the expression on her face one of surprise, with a faint trace of fear beneath it.

"I’m going to sleep." Jiang Yuduo knew his voice and his expression probably weren’t very friendly, so he gave himself an excuse.

"Then you… sleep." The landlady stood there blankly for a few seconds before turning and leaving.

Jiang Yuduo kept peeling the orange.

Only after he finished one orange did he stand up and walk to the window, looking out through the gap in the curtains.

The rain had stopped, and the sunlight was bright.

His gaze swept across the corners.

All the shadows had been filled with sunlight, and it was a little blinding.

But the person who had been standing in the shadows had already left.

Jiang Yuduo narrowed his eyes.

They were gone.

Jiang Yuduo finished the landlady’s lunch, peeled another orange, then opened the door to the room.

This was the first time in the few days since he had moved in that he had stepped out of the room.

The corridor was a little dim, and the air felt unfamiliar.

As he closed the door, the room across from him opened. An older woman poked her head out and looked him over. "Well, there really is someone living in this room?"

Jiang Yuduo didn’t speak, just looked at her.

"You can’t go out dressed like that right now," the woman said. "It’s gotten warmer today. If you go out like this, you’ll be drenched in sweat."

Jiang Yuduo took off Cheng Ke’s coat, draped it over his arm, and turned to leave.

"Hey, this guy might be mute…" came the woman’s lowered voice from behind him. He guessed she was talking to the person in her room.

The landlady was sitting beside the shabby welcome counter on the first floor. She was very surprised to see him, but she didn’t say anything.

After hesitating for a few seconds, Jiang Yuduo turned to look at her. "The oranges are sweet."

"Oh, really?" The landlady laughed. "I still have more. I’ll get you a few when you come back later."

Jiang Yuduo nodded and walked out of the little inn.

The sun was different here. Even though it was still spring, once the weather cleared a little, the sunlight immediately became somewhat blinding. Jiang Yuduo took out his sunglasses and put them on.

He crossed to the street opposite and turned around.

From here, he could see the window of the room he was staying in.

From the outside, this building looked even more run-down than it did from the inside. The lightbox sign beside it had broken apart long ago, leaving only the frame.

He had been here a few years ago.

He had wanted to come see where that little dog had killed itself.

A few years ago, this place had already looked exactly like it did now. Looking at it now, it was still the same old place, with the feeling that it had always been this decrepit, no more new than it was now and no older than it was now, whether years earlier or years later.

As if it had frozen in some stretch of time and would never take another step forward.

Jiang Yuduo stared at the window for a long time.

The landlady had already changed, but she hadn’t told him that someone had died in that room. When he insisted on staying in that exact room, she hadn’t been surprised either. Jiang Yuduo could tell she wasn’t deliberately hiding anything. Maybe she simply didn’t know, or maybe because she didn’t care, she had stopped remembering it altogether.

A person had just disappeared like that.

Without leaving even the slightest trace.

Even he himself had already forgotten that little dog’s name.

After Jiang Yuduo finished a cigarette, he walked all the way down this street to the intersection before spotting a landline phone on the counter of a convenience store.

Actually, he didn’t need to use a landline to make a call anymore, but he didn’t have his phone right now. It had been left at home… he didn’t know what Cheng Ke would think when he found out.

He frowned and shook his head lightly, then went into the store and dialed Sister Luo’s office number.

"Hello." Sister Luo’s voice came through.

"Sister Luo, it’s me," Jiang Yuduo said quietly.

"Xiao Jiang?" There was a hint of surprise in Sister Luo’s voice. "I’ve finally been waiting for your call."

"Has Cheng Ke contacted you?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Yes, he has. He’s very worried about you," Sister Luo said.

"I need confidentiality," Jiang Yuduo said. "Don’t tell anyone where I am."

Sister Luo paused. "All right."

"You promise." Jiang Yuduo said.

"I promise." Sister Luo replied.

Jiang Yuduo glanced at the shop owner smoking by the door and lowered his voice. "I’m going to be admitted for treatment."

"Where he is, even which city it is, you still can’t tell me?" Cheng Ke stood by the window on the third floor of the shop. At this hour there were no customers on the third floor. He lowered his voice and asked anxiously, "I can’t even know whether he left town or not?"

"I have to keep the patient’s information confidential," Sister Luo said. "What I can tell you is that his current condition is basically still stable, so you don’t need to worry too much."

"Then is he coming back? How long until he comes back?" Cheng Ke bit his lip.

"I can’t be sure about that, and I can’t tell you either," Sister Luo said gently. "Xiao Cheng, please understand me. Our communication regarding Xiao Jiang has to be conducted on the premise that Xiao Jiang allows it…"

"So now it’s because he won’t let you say anything, right?" Cheng Ke immediately caught the point.

"He asked that all information related to him be kept confidential," Sister Luo said.

"Why doesn’t he just ask you to tell me to get lost, then!" Cheng Ke couldn’t describe his anxiety.

"Xiao Cheng, calm down a little," Sister Luo’s voice was still gentle. "He’s a patient. You can’t force him to think through everything completely rationally and in a way that fits our way of thinking. In his view, this is protecting you."

"I know," Cheng Ke took a deep breath. "Actually, he’s already being very rational like this. I just…"

"I think you are very important to him," Sister Luo said with a smile. "All the decisions and changes he’s made are because of you."

After hanging up, Cheng Ke stood blankly at the window for half an hour, staring at the street outside.

Sister Luo had told him right away that Jiang Yuduo had made contact, but that was also the only information she could let Cheng Ke know.

Where Jiang Yuduo was, what he was doing, what would happen to him, all of it, he could not know.

All he could do was wait.

Wait one day, two days, a month, two months, one year, two years, three years, five years.

If you can’t wait anymore, then leave. It’s fine.

That sentence Jiang Yuduo had written on a cigarette pack wrapper had suddenly made him a little afraid.

In that instant, he felt the same unease Jiang Yuduo did.

Go to hell.

He turned away from the window.

Go to hell, Jiang Yuduo.

Cheng Ke walked over to the sand art table beside him, grabbed a handful of sand with his left hand, and flung it down onto the surface.

He needed to do something to distract himself, or rather, he needed to focus on doing something that could get his thinking back to normal.

He believed in Jiang Yuduo’s resolve. He believed Jiang Yuduo would do everything possible to cooperate. He believed Jiang Yuduo would come back within the presumed period before Cheng Ke would disappear.

He could feel Jiang Yuduo’s urgency about this.

But why did he have to keep it secret!

What the hell was there to keep secret!

Could Cheng Ke still delay his treatment?

Or was he afraid that if Cheng Ke knew how difficult the treatment was, he would run away?

What gave him that fucking illusion!

From now on Cheng Ke would wait for him! Wait for him to come back! Ready to die!

Someone beside him cleared their throat.

Cheng Ke snapped back from his fury and saw Mi Li’er standing awkwardly nearby.

"So…" Mi Li’er glanced at the sand art table, then quickly looked away again and pointed toward the stairs. "There’s a customer who wants to talk about having a small sand art enthusiasts’ gathering here on the weekend…"

"Mm…" Cheng Ke looked at the table, and after a moment of blankness, he was instantly struck by massive embarrassment. But he could only remain composed and look at the two figures on the table posing so shamelessly. "I’m practicing."

"Ah," Mi Li’er hurriedly nodded. "Practicing human… art with the left hand is pretty… great."