TA •Chapter 85

Cheng Ke had always thought he was the kind of person who was used to being alone.

He could stay in his room by himself for an entire day, read books, listen to music, play with sand, or go to the most hidden corner of the family garden and watch the sky.

Even when he went out with friends, even in noisy bars and KTVs, he could still drift outside all the sounds and sights.

He could have people he liked, people he was interested in. He could also test the waters with a bit of ambiguity, but the moment his private space was invaded even a little, he would start to pull away.

Cheng Ke had never imagined that one day he would face a loneliness so sharp it could not be ignored, and even less tolerated.

Right now.

At this very moment.

He was sitting alone in Jiang Yuduo's house, the house without Jiang Yuduo anymore.

Sitting on the floor in front of Jiang Yuduo's bed, where cigarette ash often flicked onto the ground.

There was no sound in the room. After nightfall, the occasional noises from outside only made the surroundings even more silent.

The intense loneliness of being alone made him feel suffocated. When Miao walked over softly and lay down by his feet, he almost couldn’t breathe.

Because of the sound, it was even quieter.

Because of Miao’s company, it felt even lonelier.

All of it was because Jiang Yuduo had vanished.

He had always understood exactly what he felt for Jiang Yuduo. From the initial, "I kind of have some thoughts," to some interest, to liking him, and then to now.

Every step forward had come from his real heart.

He didn’t know what it was like for Jiang Yuduo to be afraid of losing someone, afraid of the person he cared about disappearing. He only knew that what he was facing now was loss, and what he was going through now was disappearance.

It felt terrible.

Time seemed to have stopped.

His mind kept turning over and over, tracing back bit by bit from those cigarette boxes, minute by minute, like a movie with no end in sight, one that made him afraid of missing any frame even though it might end in an instant.

He had held his phone the entire time. Jiang Yuduo’s phone had never been turned on again.

And his own phone had never rung again either.

Sister Luo, Chen Qing, all seemed to have disappeared together with Jiang Yuduo. There was no news from any of them.

Cheng Ke admitted that his mood was extremely complicated right now.

One second he was missing and worrying about Jiang Yuduo intensely, and the next he was furious. One second he could understand that Jiang Yuduo was a patient, that he would have many thoughts and actions he couldn’t control, and the next he wanted to smash his phone.

So he did smash it.

He threw the phone onto the floor. It bounced into the wall.

Miao was startled and leaped onto the bed.

The phone rang from the impact.

He stared at the lit-up screen for nearly ten seconds before realizing it was an incoming call.

When he rushed over to pick it up, his shoulder slammed into the wall. It hit hard, but he didn’t really feel it.

The caller ID showed Xu Ding.

His shoulder started to hurt.

"Hello," he answered.

"Are you coming to the shop tomorrow?" Xu Ding asked.

It had already opened. For the whole day today, he had not only failed to go to the shop, he hadn’t even called Xu Ding.

"I’m coming," Cheng Ke cleared his throat. "Something came up today and delayed me. Sorry."

"Xiao Ke," Xu Ding hesitated for a moment. "Did you run into something? Do you need help?"

"I… it’s nothing," Cheng Ke said.

"There are a few interviews at the shop tomorrow. Milly’s been helping out all month, and she knows the exact times," Xu Ding said. "If you… I can go too."

"No," Cheng Ke said hurriedly. "I’ll go."

They had agreed from the start that he would mainly handle management on a regular basis, and Xu Ding still had a company to take care of.

"All right," Xu Ding said, and after a pause added, "Xiao Ke, I’m not going to pry into your private matters, but if you’ve got trouble and need help, you have to say so. After all, we do count as friends."

"I know," Cheng Ke smiled. "Thanks."

After hanging up, he stood there in a daze for a long time. When he got up, it felt like everything below his waist no longer belonged to him. First he felt absolutely nothing, then numbness, and after a while, soreness set in.

He leaned against the wall for about five minutes before slowly walking out of the bedroom and slowly into the bathroom.

The bathroom was still the same as before. Jiang Yuduo’s towel and toothbrush were still in their places, the body wash and shampoo were still where they had always been, and he even saw one of Jiang Yuduo’s T-shirts tossed aside and still not washed.

When he saw all these things before him, he could even hear the gasping from that day in the bathroom.

Cheng Ke turned on the faucet and buried his face in his left hand as cold water splashed onto his face.

When he lifted his head again, he felt much more awake, but the fatigue on his face in the mirror was obvious at a glance.

He opened the cabinet under the sink and took out a new towel and toothbrush.

These things had been bought in pairs. Jiang Yuduo had taken one set.

When he wiped his face with the towel, he felt a little annoyed. Jiang Yuduo had wanted to use the same things as him, so he had bought the same ones, and then taken them with him when he left.

He didn’t want to cooperate.

He didn’t know when the fire in him, sometimes hidden and sometimes flaring, would finally calm down.

But he still used them.

Before coming out of the bathroom, he propped his own new toothbrush on top of Jiang Yuduo’s old one.

Then he thought about it and tilted Jiang Yuduo’s brush head downward.

"Let’s use this posture for now," he said. "Wait and cry, asshole!"

Cheng Ke went out. It was a little late for dinner now, but he still planned to eat something casual.

He wandered slowly along the familiar bar street and bought a bowl of oden from a small shop. After eating it, he felt much better.

Just as he stepped out of the shop, he heard someone call him.

"Ke-ge?"

Cheng Ke turned and saw Da Bin with a few younger brothers.

"Ke-ge eating?" Da Bin walked over, while the others stopped a few steps away.

"Yeah, just had a bit of something," Cheng Ke looked at them. "You guys…"

"Zhang Daqi’s bar," Da Bin said. "Qing-ge’s waiting there."

"What? Didn’t they say it was already settled?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Yeah." Da Bin nodded. "Today Zhang Daqi invited us over. Once everything’s said and done, neither side should mess with the other."

"Then… will there be problems?" Cheng Ke was a little uneasy.

"Shouldn’t be any problems," Da Bin said. "The one invited was… Third Brother. Since Third Brother went out, it’s just us going."

"I’m going," Cheng Ke said.

"Qing-ge said no need," Da Bin said. "It’s just a talk. We’ve got people with us. If it really comes to fighting again, we’ve got our own people too."

"I invested in this matter," Cheng Ke said.

"Inves…" Da Bin blinked, then sighed and took out his phone to call Chen Qing.

Cheng Ke had no intention of taking over Third Brother’s grand enterprise, and he didn’t plan to get too close to these younger brothers. But he knew these people were, to Jiang Yuduo, part of his sense of security, proof that he existed, and part of the life he had lived for all these years.

If Jiang Yuduo came back, Cheng Ke hoped everything here would still be the same as before.

Chen Qing, Da Bin, those younger brothers, the trash cans Jiang Yuduo had counted.

Besides, this resolution had been his own suggestion in the first place. Since it had already produced results, then it should be properly wrapped up and finished.

…

Maybe, in truth, he just wanted to do something to distract himself, to ease this overwhelming low mood. And these people could still let him feel Jiang Yuduo’s existence.

At this time, the bar should already have had quite a crowd, but Zhang Daqi’s bar had very few people. Half the tables in the main hall were empty. It seemed the private booking from before had still affected the business. No one wanted to come to a bar while worrying and feeling on edge. At the very least, it would take another month or so before business recovered.

Chen Qing was sitting in a corner booth with one leg crossed over the other.

When he saw Cheng Ke coming over, he immediately stood up. "Ke-ge."

Cheng Ke respected how naturally he switched between ways of addressing him and how he never had one fixed one.

"Actually, you didn’t need to come," Chen Qing said. "Zhang Daqi just wanted to confirm that neither side would cause trouble for the other from now on."

"I’m free anyway." Cheng Ke sat down.

"His business is really slow right now," Chen Qing said. "I’m guessing he doesn’t want to keep messing around with us anymore either."

Cheng Ke had never met Zhang Daqi before, but when that man walked over, he knew at a glance that this was Zhang Daqi.

At the same time, he remembered that it was this man’s people who had blocked Jiang Yuduo in the back of this bar when Jiang Yuduo had been at his most helpless and panicked…

"Where’s Lao San?" Zhang Daqi came over with two people. He frowned and didn’t sit, his tone unfriendly. "I asked for Lao San, not you."

"This is our Ke-ge," Chen Qing said. "Talking to him is the same."

"No Lao San, no discussion." Zhang Daqi turned with a cold face and was about to leave.

"If I’m not here, then even if Lao San talks with you, it’s still bullshit." Cheng Ke said from the sofa.

Zhang Daqi turned back and gave a cold laugh. "I know you. You’ve been running with Lao San for a while. What, you’ve taken over? Nice. But even if you’ve taken over, I still have to acknowledge it. I only acknowledge Lao San."

"My surname is Cheng," Cheng Ke said, looking at him. "Cheng Ke."

Zhang Daqi’s face plainly said, I don’t give a shit who you are.

"This place is rented, right?" Cheng Ke picked up his glass and took a sip of orange juice. "Go back and ask what this street is surnamed."

Zhang Daqi turned around. Although he still looked unhappy, the cold laugh had faded. "What do you mean?"

"If you want to open your bar, no one’s stopping you," Cheng Ke said. "No one’s collecting protection money from you either. If you don’t keep pushing things, and no one will be bored enough to come cause you trouble."

One of the people behind Zhang Daqi stepped away after taking a call, came over, and whispered something in his ear. Zhang Daqi narrowed his eyes and looked at Cheng Ke.

"This matter ends here. Let’s all calm down and make things easy for everyone," Cheng Ke said as he stood up. "If you don’t want this bar anymore, then it’s just a matter of one sentence. Mr. Zhang can try it if he wants."

After speaking, he threw the glass in his hand onto the floor. "Let’s go."

"Go!" Chen Qing waved his hand.

Cheng Ke took two steps forward and stood face-to-face with Zhang Daqi. After a few seconds of silence, Zhang Daqi stepped aside a little.

Cheng Ke kicked away the glass that had rolled to his feet and walked past him out of the booth.

After they left the bar entrance, everyone remained silent, following behind Cheng Ke without any sign of dispersing.

Cheng Ke was just about to speak when he heard Da Bin laugh and say, "Fuck."

Then another younger brother said, "That was satisfying, fuck."

"Be civilized," Cheng Ke said with a smile, taking a cigarette out of his pocket.

"Ke-ge," Chen Qing said, taking out a lighter to help him light it. "You’re really something. You’re even better at acting all badass than Third Brother, huh?"

"Different style," Da Bin said nearby.

"If this were Third Brother today…" Chen Qing had only gotten halfway through when his eyes suddenly dimmed. He didn’t continue, just lowered his voice and changed the subject. "But does this even work? This street belongs to your dad, that’s true, but one ask and they’ll know you’ve been kicked out…"

"Two different things," Cheng Ke said. "Even if I’d been kicked all the way to the moon, if I really lowered my head and made an interstellar phone call to my dad, this could still get done."

Chen Qing laughed. "Satisfying!"

"Satisfying!" a few people shouted along.

"I’m heading back. I still have to be busy all day tomorrow," Cheng Ke said.

"All right," Chen Qing nodded. "I’ll go eat something with them."

Just as Cheng Ke turned to leave, Chen Qing caught up in two steps. "Jijia."

"Hm?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"Any… news?" Chen Qing asked.

"Not yet," Cheng Ke said.

Chen Qing said nothing. Disappointment was written all over his face, and he looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"If there’s news, I promise I’ll tell you first thing," Cheng Ke said, then after thinking it over added, "If you get any news, you have to tell me too."

"Mm." Chen Qing nodded.

Cheng Ke patted his shoulder and turned to leave.

The first day Jiang Yuduo ran away. Want to fuck him.

Cheng Ke sat behind the bar counter, listening to Milly tell him about the few people who were coming in for interviews today.

"The two piano players are both students. I’m not very good at listening, so you’ll have to judge that part," Milly said. "They’re all set for ten o’clock."

"Mm." Cheng Ke nodded. "I’m only pretending to understand anyway."

He wasn’t that familiar with Milly, but Milly was the outgoing type and talked a lot, so he didn’t have to strain himself to respond.

"You don’t need to worry about the waitstaff and all that. I’ll pick them," Milly said with a smile. "I’ve got years of experience as a waiter. A veteran themed-restaurant server."

Cheng Ke nodded. "Okay."

"The three sand painting performers," Milly said, "are scheduled for the afternoon. You’ll definitely need to handle those yourself."

"Mm," Cheng Ke glanced at her. "You arranged this really tightly."

"Wrap it up quickly and we can still see how they work. If it doesn’t work, we can replace them right away," Milly said.

"Thanks," Cheng Ke said. "If you weren’t here, I really wouldn’t have much of a clue."

"It’s nothing. I just quit my job and wanted to rest for a while. I don’t have much to do every day anyway," Milly said. "But if it’s another shop, I won’t work for free."

Cheng Ke looked up at her. "Work for free?"

"Mm. Brother Xu asked me whether I wanted to come help out. I said I didn’t want to work right now, but I could help for free," Milly said with a smile. "I’m your number one fan."

Cheng Ke tugged at the corner of his mouth in a smile and said nothing.

"I thought Third Brother would come with you," Milly looked toward the door. "Doesn’t he always come help? I even saw him on opening day."

Cheng Ke’s heart gave a sudden pang of pain. "He went traveling."

"Wow, envy," Milly said.

There was a knock on the door.

Jiang Yuduo, sitting by the window, asked in a low voice, "Who is it?"

"Young man, I brought your dinner over," the landlady’s voice came from outside. "Should I just leave it on the table by the door?"

Jiang Yuduo said nothing. He stood and walked to the door, opening it a crack and using his foot to push it open a little so he could look outside.

There was only the landlady outside.

Seeing him open the door, the landlady smiled. "Eat quickly, it’ll get cold in a bit."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo opened the door and took the tray she handed over. On it were two plates of stir-fried dishes and a small bowl of soup. On the little table outside the door was also a large bowl of rice.

"I’ll help you bring it in." The landlady picked up the bowl of rice.

Jiang Yuduo hesitated for a few seconds, then held the tray and turned to walk to the table inside the room.

It was fine. Nothing would happen. It had already been three days, there was no danger.

No danger.

"You don’t even go out," the landlady sighed as she followed him in and put the rice on the table. "I don’t know what kind of trouble you’ve run into, young man, but you should still pull yourself together. There’s no obstacle you can’t get past."

Jiang Yuduo said nothing.

"I’ll still bring you breakfast at eight tomorrow morning," the landlady said.

Jiang Yuduo nodded.

Only after watching the landlady leave and close the door again did he sit down beside the table.

The landlady was probably a good person. Jiang Yuduo had lived in this tiny, run-down inn for three days, paid her for meals, and every day she brought him three meals on time to the door.

Every day she would say a few words to him.

Jiang Yuduo did not want to talk to the landlady, but he also would not stop her from talking.

He knew that the landlady’s voice was the only real sound in his life.

Beyond that, the last sound he had heard was Cheng Ke’s soft breathing.

Real, gentle, a breathing sound that made him feel warm when he listened to it.

He tugged at the jacket Cheng Ke had left him.

It was a little hot. It had been raining here constantly, but for this jacket, the temperature was still a bit too high. Still, he had worn it the whole time, even sleeping without taking it off.

Before eating, he got up again and went to the window to look outside. As long as the rainy weather didn’t end, they would keep standing there…

You could try giving them a deadline, telling yourself they would leave at some specific time. A few minutes past a certain hour, at dawn, at dusk, anything would do.

Jiang Yuduo stared at the figures under the tree outside.

When the rain stopped, they would leave.

Jiang Yuduo had never tried this method before. He knew he had rejected all kinds of attempts.

This was the first time, after such a long stretch, he still had not gotten rid of them. It was also the first time he urgently wanted to get rid of them.