TA •Chapter 82

Chapter 82

Halfway through Cheng Ke’s sand art performance, he had already noticed that Jiang Yuduo was no longer on the first floor.

He knew Jiang Yuduo had gone outside the back entrance for a cigarette, and he had also seen him come back in after finishing it. But after Cheng Ke lowered his head a few times and looked back into the crowd, he could no longer find Jiang Yuduo.

Had he gone upstairs?

There were a lot of people here tonight. Music, conversation, laughter, it was lively, and this kind of environment full of “strangers” might have been a bit much for Jiang Yuduo.

He did not know whether Jiang Yuduo had only wanted to avoid it, or whether he had seen or heard something.

Although he had already told Jiang Yuduo that he could go to the third floor, when he suddenly realized Jiang Yuduo had really walked off, panic still surged through him.

When he let the sand fall from his hand, he froze for quite a while before sliding his fingers across it again, but the thing he had meant to draw suddenly slipped from his mind.

Fortunately, today’s performance was only meant to liven things up, and he was using his left hand anyway. Cheng Ke’s pause over the sand went unnoticed, except by Xu Ding, who happened to be standing by the bar and looked up.

Cheng Ke glanced at him and smiled to show he was fine.

When the distracted performance finally ended, Cheng Ke stepped aside. The staff came over to clear away his things, while the customers around them chatted in small clusters.

Cheng Ke only stayed still for a few seconds before pushing through the crowd toward the stairs.

"Xiao Ke." Xu Ding came over and called out to him.

"Mm." Cheng Ke stopped.

"You all right?" Xu Ding asked.

"I’m fine," Cheng Ke said. "What, did something happen?"

"That Mr. Li over there, it wasn’t easy for him to come," Xu Ding glanced behind him. "Maybe you should wait a little."

Cheng Ke gave the Mr. Li standing behind Xu Ding an apologetic smile, then lowered his voice to Xu Ding. "I’m going upstairs for a bit. I’ll be right back. Have you seen Lao San?"

"I saw him before the performance," Xu Ding said, blinking. "He’s gone?"

"Maybe he’s upstairs. There are too many people here, he might not be used to it," Cheng Ke said, a little embarrassed. "I’m going up to look."

Xu Ding patted him on the shoulder. "Okay."

Cheng Ke hurried up the stairs, nodding and smiling at a few familiar faces along the way. After the second floor, there was no one else, and he broke into a run straight up to the third floor.

The third floor was much quieter than downstairs. There was almost no sound at all.

"Jiang Yuduo!" Cheng Ke could not wait to open the door to the cubicle, so he called out first. Then he went over and knocked twice on the door. "Jiang Yuduo? Are you there?"

No one answered from inside. Cheng Ke pushed the door open. "Jiang Yuduo!"

The room was empty, no one inside. Even the smell in the air was enough to tell him no one had been in there, carrying the stale, unmoving feel of a place left untouched.

He did not know how many times this had happened, but Cheng Ke felt panic rising again.

He rushed to the window, checking all the windows one by one, but he still did not see Jiang Yuduo anywhere. Then, while running back downstairs, he pulled out his phone and dialed Jiang Yuduo’s number.

The call connected. He heard the ring tone, but until he reached the first floor, Jiang Yuduo still had not answered.

Cheng Ke stepped out of the shop and looked around. He did not see Jiang Yuduo, nor did he see any sign of trouble anywhere. He opened the door of a taxi parked by the roadside and got in, giving the driver Jiang Yuduo’s home address.

On the way back, Cheng Ke kept dialing Jiang Yuduo’s number, and no one answered.

He dialed again. If no one picked up this time, he planned to call Chen Qing and have him go find Jiang Yuduo immediately.

He knew Jiang Yuduo did not want the people around him to know about these things, but Cheng Ke really could not be at ease. With Chen Qing’s brain, he might not even grasp what was going on.

This time, the phone still went unanswered, but it did not keep ringing until it stopped. Instead, it was hung up.

Cheng Ke’s grip on his phone tightened at once. Biting his lip, he quickly sent Jiang Yuduo a message.

-Where are you?

Jiang Yuduo sent him a reply.

-Home

Cheng Ke’s whole body lifted with relief. If he could still look at his phone, still reply to messages, then there probably was no major problem.

But there was definitely a minor problem.

"Driver, please go a little faster. It’s urgent." Cheng Ke said to the driver.

"We’re about to take off," the driver said, stepping on the gas again.

The taxi stopped at the entrance to Jiang Yuduo’s building. Cheng Ke grabbed the fare, slapped it onto the dashboard, and got out. "Thanks, keep the change."

Having to fumble for the key with one hand was irritating, and just then his phone rang again.

Cheng Ke bit the key between his teeth and answered.

It was Xu Ding calling. He had suddenly disappeared like that when they were opening, and he had not even said a word to Xu Ding. He could not ignore the call now.

"Hello, Xu Ding. Sorry," he said as he walked into the stairwell. "Something urgent came up with me…"

"Is it Lao San?" Xu Ding asked.

"…Yeah," Cheng Ke hesitated for a moment. "It’s nothing. I just came back to take a look."

"All right then. I couldn’t find you anywhere," Xu Ding said. "I’ll explain it to Mr. Li then."

"I’m really sorry about this," Cheng Ke felt bad, speaking softly as he opened the door. "Please tell Mr. Li I’ll invite him to dinner another day as an apology."

"It’s fine. Deal with your thing first. Call me if you need help," Xu Ding said.

"Thanks." Cheng Ke hung up.

When he pushed the door open, the house was quiet, but extremely bright. The curtains, which were usually kept closed, were wide open, and sunlight spilled over the living room and both bedrooms. Cheng Ke even found it a little blinding.

"Jiang Yuduo!" he shouted. "I’m back!"

Miao, sitting on the sofa, meowed once.

"Where’s your brother!" Cheng Ke shouted at Miao.

Miao meowed again.

Cheng Ke ran into the backyard. "Jiang…"

He froze by the doorway.

Jiang Yuduo was sitting by the flower bed against the wall in the backyard.

His head was lowered, one elbow propped on his knee, his phone clutched in his hand.

Blood was all over his hands.

Cheng Ke could even see blood dripping to the ground.

"What happened?" He went over and crouched in front of Jiang Yuduo. His voice trembled violently as he asked it.

"Did I delay your business?" Jiang Yuduo said.

"No, there was nothing much on my side anymore, so I came back." Cheng Ke stared at him, too afraid to touch him, only able to check him inch by inch, looking over his face and body to see if there were any other injuries.

"I heard it," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Huh?" Cheng Ke blinked.

"You said you’d treat someone to dinner to apologize," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke was a little surprised that Jiang Yuduo had actually heard him talking on the phone from here.

"That was just a polite thing to say," Cheng Ke carefully touched his face, lowering his head to see more clearly whether there were injuries on Jiang Yuduo’s face and what expression he had. "I should’ve stayed and talked with them for a while anyway. I left first."

"It wasn’t just polite." Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke sighed. "I…"

"I’ll keep," Jiang Yuduo lifted his head a little, "delaying your business. Always."

"What?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I’m a huge troublemaker," Jiang Yuduo said.

"You’re not," Cheng Ke looked at him. "Even if you were trouble, it would be trouble I could handle. If it can be handled well, then it isn’t trouble."

"If today," Jiang Yuduo said, "I hadn’t come back."

"Mm?" Cheng Ke finally saw Jiang Yuduo’s face clearly.

There were abrasions on his face, under the corner of his eye, on his forehead. They were not too serious, and a few tiny beads of blood had already coagulated.

What pained Cheng Ke even more was his expression. In the midst of helplessness and despair, there was nothing but apology.

"If I had been in your shop," Jiang Yuduo raised his hand. On the back of it, a rough wound several inches long appeared before Cheng Ke’s eyes. The blood that had welled up was flowing down his arm, tracing long red streaks. "Can you imagine what that scene would have been like?"

Cheng Ke did not speak. He caught his hand.

"Here." Jiang Yuduo held his phone out to him.

"What?" Cheng Ke took the phone.

"Look," Jiang Yuduo’s voice suddenly went hoarse. "I recorded it."

It took Cheng Ke quite a while before he managed to ask, "What did you record?"

Jiang Yuduo slowly stood up, walked to the sink, turned on the tap, and washed his face with cold water. Then he ran the water over the wound on his hand for a while before bracing one hand on the sink and turning back to look at him. "Self-harm."

Cheng Ke’s breathing stopped for an instant.

"I’m going to deal with the wound," Jiang Yuduo turned off the tap and headed back inside. "Go watch it in the bedroom. Close the door."

Cheng Ke stayed crouched there, unmoving, staring at the phone in his hand.

Jiang Yuduo’s hands had been covered in blood, so the phone was also smeared with blood. There were several bloody fingerprints on the black screen.

After a moment, Cheng Ke pulled a tissue from his pocket, wet it a little by the sink, and wiped all the blood off the phone.

The tissue changed color too.

He took the phone into the house. Jiang Yuduo had taken off his shirt and was sitting shirtless beside the table in the living room. The wound on his hand had already been wrapped using his rough-and-ready method, with gauze taped on, but the bleeding had not fully stopped. In just this short while, red had already seeped through the gauze.

Jiang Yuduo did not care at all that the wound was still bleeding. He was pouring alcohol over the cut on his arm.

Only then did Cheng Ke realize that his sleeve was also covered in blood, and the cut on his arm looked like a knife wound.

He stood behind Jiang Yuduo for a while. Jiang Yuduo must have known he was there, but he never turned around.

Cheng Ke went into the bedroom and closed the door as Jiang Yuduo had asked.

After taking a deep breath, he woke the screen and opened the video.

The newest video file name showed that it had been recorded about half an hour earlier, probably after Jiang Yuduo had replied to his message.

Maybe Jiang Yuduo had known that Cheng Ke would be home soon, and that "they" had not left yet…

The video began to play.

Cheng Ke’s hand trembled badly, and the camera itself was shaking and spinning wildly. He had to set the phone on the bed, then sit beside it, his arms wrapping instinctively around his knees.

"Who."

The image was still rocking back and forth, black shadows and white light intersecting. Cheng Ke heard Jiang Yuduo’s voice.

"Come out…"

"I saw you!"

Jiang Yuduo roared, and then Cheng Ke saw Jiang Yuduo’s face flash across the screen, furious, his eyes red as if they were about to spew fire.

Cheng Ke could feel his muscles tightening little by little. It was not because of Jiang Yuduo’s anger, but because of the chaotic look in his eyes. Beneath the flames of rage, his gaze was blank.

In the shaking frame, Cheng Ke could tell this was the backyard.

He saw the lamp Jiang Yuduo had moved under the eaves and hung there.

A dull thud came from the phone, like Jiang Yuduo had bumped into something.

Then the camera slowly lifted, likely because Jiang Yuduo had raised the phone.

The image jolted violently. Cheng Ke saw Jiang Yuduo’s face.

Pressed against the wall, inching backward, the skin at the corner of his eye already split, leaving a faint red mark on the wall. Jiang Yuduo’s brows were twisted in pain, his breathing ragged. A single tear slipped down, carving a clear trail across his face, which had been smeared with wall dust.

The phone fell to the ground, and the image went still, showing only the lower half of Jiang Yuduo’s body.

He was leaning against the wall, feet kicking at the ground over and over, as if struggling to get back up.

In the end, one kick landed on empty air, and he fell back down to the ground.

Cheng Ke saw in the frame that his left hand was gripping the back of his right hand, and his fingertips slowly, forcefully slid across it inch by inch. A pale gash appeared first on the back of the hand, then blood began pouring out.

"It’s not real… it’s not… I saw you… Don’t hide!"

Jiang Yuduo’s voice rose from low to high, and in the end he roared once, swinging his arm hard as he leaped up.

If Cheng Ke had seen that movement in any other context, he would have shouted, "So cool."

The way Jiang Yuduo sprang up was incredibly handsome, his waist and legs drawing out a beautiful curve… but beneath that striking motion was the other side of him, the side sinking into madness.

When Jiang Yuduo’s left hand came back into frame, it was holding a knife. Then, without the slightest hesitation, he drove the blade into his right upper arm.

Cheng Ke lunged forward violently and reached out toward the screen.

He wanted to grab Jiang Yuduo.

His hand hung there in front of the phone screen, and through the gap between his fingers he watched the blade slice cleanly across the forearm, then watched blood seep out from the wound.

Jiang Yuduo dropped the knife and grabbed his injured arm, as if trying to stop the bleeding.

He was panting, brows drawn tight.

He did not move for a long time, just leaned against the wall.

"No… no no no…"

Jiang Yuduo’s face could not be seen in the frame, but his voice could be heard.

"It’s Cheng Ke, it’s Cheng Ke, it’s Cheng Ke… He’s coming back soon… It’s Cheng Ke… Right here, don’t go over there… Don’t go, don’t touch him… It’s Cheng Ke, don’t touch Cheng Ke…"

Jiang Yuduo kept speaking under his breath, over and over. Cheng Ke did not know whether he was talking to someone else or to himself.

Then everything went quiet.

Cheng Ke stared at the time stamp on the screen. After about two minutes, Jiang Yuduo’s bloodied hand reached over, picked up the phone, and pointed the camera at himself.

"I’ll hurt you," Jiang Yuduo in the frame said to him.

The image froze there, and the video ended.

It was almost ten minutes before Cheng Ke slowly walked out of the bedroom.

Jiang Yuduo had already bandaged his injuries. He was leaning over the table, writing something on a cigarette wrapper. When he saw Cheng Ke come out, Jiang Yuduo put down the pen, gathered up the cigarette wrapper, and put it back in his pocket.

"Finished watching?" he asked.

"Mm." Cheng Ke set the phone on the table and sat in the chair.

Jiang Yuduo got up and poured him a glass of water.

Cheng Ke took it, tipped his head back, and drank it all in one go. Then he wiped his mouth and looked at Jiang Yuduo.

Jiang Yuduo’s face had already been washed clean, and he had changed clothes too. Aside from the injuries on his hand and face, everything about him looked perfectly normal. And having injuries on his body was almost a constant for Lao San. If Cheng Ke had not seen the video, he could not have imagined that the Jiang Yuduo sitting across from him, looking as usual as ever, had just gone through such a struggle twenty minutes earlier.

Even though Cheng Ke had already heard from Luo-jie that Jiang Yuduo self-harmed, he still felt so shocked he could not think.

"If you’d gotten here ten minutes earlier," Jiang Yuduo said, lighting a cigarette and putting it in his mouth, "I might’ve taken a knife and stabbed you."

"You were aware, right?" Cheng Ke felt it was difficult even to speak. "You knew you had mistaken me for him."

"It wasn’t a mistake," Jiang Yuduo lifted his eyes to look at him. "I know you’re Cheng Ke, but I’d still think you were dangerous. You might’ve been controlled by someone, threatened by someone, lied to, used. You were here to kill me."

Cheng Ke did not speak.

Jiang Yuduo held the cigarette out to him. "Want one?"

Cheng Ke took it and took two hard drags. After quickly sorting through his thoughts, he asked, "Can you usually tell in advance when you might start feeling danger, and that you might not be able to control yourself?"

"Most of the time, yes," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Then good," Cheng Ke looked at him. "Next time, no matter where you are or what time it is, if you feel it, tell me. You’re not allowed to run."

Jiang Yuduo looked back at him too. After a long silence, he nodded. "Okay."

"We can face it together," Cheng Ke said. "No matter what it is you see, we’ll face it together. You just have to remember that I’m the real one. I’m your connection to this world. I’m still here, so you’re here too."

Jiang Yuduo looked at him for a long time without saying anything.

"Did you hear me?" Cheng Ke pressed.

"I heard you," Jiang Yuduo said.

"I’m going to take a shower," Cheng Ke stood up and went over to give Jiang Yuduo a hard kiss on the forehead. He tried to look as calm as possible, so Jiang Yuduo would not think this was some huge deal. "I smell like fireworks."

"I’ll help you," Jiang Yuduo said.

"No need," Cheng Ke smiled. "Don’t let your wound get wet. I’ll just rinse off a little."

Jiang Yuduo did not make a sound.

Cheng Ke took a change of clothes and went into the bathroom.

After taking off his pants, he looked troubled by his sweater. Jiang Yuduo had almost torn the sleeves when helping him put it on that morning, and now there was probably no way he could get it off by himself.

Just as he was wondering whether he should call Jiang Yuduo for help, the bathroom door was pushed open.

"How…" Cheng Ke turned his head.

Jiang Yuduo walked into the bathroom, pulled the door shut behind him, then rushed up and wrapped his arms around Cheng Ke, kissing him fiercely.

Cheng Ke was caught off guard and pinned against the wall.

Then Jiang Yuduo just started kissing and biting all over his face and neck in a chaotic mess. Cheng Ke could even feel his eyelid getting a nip from Jiang Yuduo’s mouth.

He had only ever seen a Jiang Yuduo like this in a wet dream. Real, steamy, this was the first time.

Just as Cheng Ke’s breathing was starting to burn itself into disarray, Jiang Yuduo pressed against his ear and asked in a hoarse voice, "Want it?"

"…Want what?" Cheng Ke’s mind was especially quick on this topic, and he immediately answered, "You don’t take the bed, do you?"

"Not the bed," Jiang Yuduo said. "Hands. Want it?"

Cheng Ke could almost hear the explosion deep inside his body, the shockwave felt like it could blow him clean into the sky. He did not hesitate for even 0.1 second. "Yes."