TA •Chapter 77

Chapter 77

Cheng Ke had never suffered from insomnia this badly before. He stayed awake all night, just lying there on the bed, staring blankly.

Jiang Yuduo had been in the bedroom the whole time, but he hadn’t slept either.

He sat by the window, looking outside.

Cheng Ke didn’t know what he was looking at. The window in the living room looked out onto the street, while the bedroom window faced the backyard. The courtyard wall was high, with no railing.

He could only see that lamp, maybe.

Jiang Yuduo wasn’t spacing out, though. When he spaced out, he didn’t smoke, but all night long he had been smoking.

Even though he opened the window only a crack and carefully blew the smoke out through the gap, even though he tried his best to hold the cigarette tip outside the window, Cheng Ke could still smell the smoke hanging thick in the room.

If this had been any other time, he definitely would have gotten up and hit someone. Could he not smoke? Couldn’t he go outside to smoke?

But he didn’t say a word all night.

When dawn came, Jiang Yuduo got up and quietly walked out of the bedroom, probably to wash up.

When he pushed the door open and came back in, Cheng Ke heard him mutter under his breath, "Fuck, it’s so choking."

Cheng Ke didn’t move. He could hear Jiang Yuduo pick up a piece of clothing and start fanning the room with it. He probably wanted to fan the smoke out.

It didn’t really help, though. Cheng Ke found it kind of funny.

"Cheng Ke!" Jiang Yuduo called him.

"Mm?" Cheng Ke answered.

"Quit pretending to be asleep," Jiang Yuduo said. "Get up and go outside. Can’t you tell how stifling it’s been all night?"

"…No." Cheng Ke sat up. He had thought Jiang Yuduo had been thinking about something and hadn’t noticed that he was still awake.

"Chen Qing’s bringing breakfast over in a bit," Jiang Yuduo said. "Eat first, then go back to sleep."

"Chen Qing?" Cheng Ke froze.

"His mom made dumplings, so he’s bringing them over," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Oh, okay." Cheng Ke got out of bed and went to wash up.

As usual, Jiang Yuduo followed him to the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, watching him.

But today he was much more considerate than last time. The toothpaste was already squeezed out for him, and after Cheng Ke washed his face, Jiang Yuduo helped wring out the towel. Then he cupped the back of Cheng Ke’s head with one hand and used the towel in the other to scrub his face hard.

"Hey, fuck," Cheng Ke said. He felt like Jiang Yuduo had rubbed his features halfway off his face, and the towel was only soft enough to save him. "Are you helping me shed skin?"

"Am I being too rough?" Jiang Yuduo asked, taking the towel away.

"You’re practically giving me a bath. This is my face, not my back." Cheng Ke sighed.

Jiang Yuduo laughed a little and wrung the towel out before hanging it up.

Chen Qing arrived very quickly. The dumplings were still steaming hot, and after he set them down, he grabbed two and shoved them into his mouth. "I’m not eating with you guys. The big boss is coming today, and I can’t be late."

"Then hurry up and go," Jiang Yuduo said, waving him off.

After Chen Qing left, the two of them sat by the table and ate dumplings in silence.

Once a matter was finished, even if it was only washing up, the mind would start running backward as soon as things quieted down. The moment yesterday’s events were pulled back up, neither of them seemed to know what to say.

Cheng Ke glanced at Jiang Yuduo. He hadn’t slept all night, but there was no sign of fatigue or exhaustion on his face. He looked about the same as always.

But the way he silently ate the dumplings one by one made Cheng Ke feel like he was a little different from usual.

Jiang Yuduo normally ate with great enthusiasm, like he had just been unearthed after three thousand years of hunger. He would absolutely not line dumplings up neatly one by one into his mouth. He’d always squeeze in extras. But today he ate in a very orderly way, swallowing one completely before picking up the next.

His appetite hadn’t lessened, though. Not only had it not lessened, if Cheng Ke hadn’t shoved more than ten into his own bowl at once, breakfast probably wouldn’t have been enough.

After they finished the dumplings, Jiang Yuduo stared at him for a long time. Then, as if making up his mind, he finally slumped onto the table and said, "What you asked me before, about the psychologist, that wasn’t because you were jealous, right?"

Cheng Ke froze. He quickly squeezed the hand in his pocket, confirming that his phone was still there. He had already deleted the call log, and he hadn’t slept all night, so Jiang Yuduo hadn’t had a chance to use his finger to unlock it and see the chat records between him and Xu Ding.

He would have to delete those in a bit.

He didn’t answer, not sure what Jiang Yuduo meant by asking that.

Jiang Yuduo didn’t seem to be waiting for an answer either. He fished a cigarette box liner out from under the table, picked up a pen, and started writing on it. "Sister Luo is my psychologist, but she can’t get in touch with me. She can only wait for me to contact her."

"Can’t get in touch with you?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I’ve never used a number that can be traced back to me to call her," Jiang Yuduo said. He picked at a patch of paint that had chipped off the table and, with a sharp scrape, dug off a big chunk of it. "We should get a tablecloth."

Cheng Ke understood why the call log hadn’t shown any out-of-town number.

It hurt.

Beneath Jiang Yuduo’s broad, arrogant, impatient surface was a level of caution ordinary people could never imagine.

He finished writing on the cigarette paper and still didn’t move. Pen in hand, he kept looking at the paper. After a long while, he finally set the pen down, looked up at Cheng Ke, and slowly pushed the cigarette box liner toward him.

"This is… Sister Luo’s," Jiang Yuduo said very slowly, but without stopping. "Phone number."

Cheng Ke looked at him in surprise. A psychologist’s number that had to be contacted through another phone, a number that couldn’t let anyone discover it, had just been placed right in front of him.

That was more than trust. It was a signal.

"Help me," Jiang Yuduo said. "I don’t know what to do anymore."

Save me.

Jiang Yuduo’s words from last night were still replaying clearly in his head. Maybe it was because he had temporarily stepped out of the chaos, maybe it was because "they" had already left. This time, Jiang Yuduo used a more restrained expression.

Help me.

To Cheng Ke, there was no difference between the two, and if anything, Jiang Yuduo’s once again restrained and hidden version of "help me" made his chest ache even more.

This was Jiang Yuduo’s hand, stretched out with great difficulty after struggling in the dark for a very long time. He didn’t even dare wave it around for fear of what might be around him, he only groped carefully.

Cheng Ke picked up the cigarette box liner. Jiang Yuduo had spent so long writing, but there was only Sister Luo, a city name, and a phone number on it. Every stroke was heavy, and the deep indentations pressed into the paper by the pen tip were visible to the naked eye.

He had seen Jiang Yuduo’s written "business cards" more than once, but this was the first time he could feel the writing on the back.

Still, Cheng Ke’s earlier guess had been right. It really was a city in the south, one where it didn’t snow during the New Year.

"Can you call her?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke’s fingertips rubbed back and forth over the back of the cigarette box liner. After two seconds of silence, he said, "Can I go see her?"

Jiang Yuduo froze. "Really?"

That question made Cheng Ke’s nose sting. He nodded. "If she’s willing to see me, I’ll go."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo lowered his head and rested it on his arm.

"If she’s willing to see me," Cheng Ke said, "will you go with me, or should I go alone?"

"I’ll go with you…" Jiang Yuduo said. "If you go alone, she might not see you."

"Okay." Cheng Ke reached out and gently pressed down the little piece of tape that was sticking up from Jiang Yuduo’s hair.

After all, what Jiang Yuduo had been through was no ordinary kind of harm. A psychologist couldn’t easily discuss her patient’s private matters with a stranger, either.

"Do you have time?" Jiang Yuduo asked, lifting his head. "Didn’t Xu Ding say you two were about to open?"

"Before the opening, I don’t need to go to the shop every day. Even if I don’t have time, I’ll go," Cheng Ke said. "This is very important."

"Then…" Jiang Yuduo hesitated. "Should I contact Sister Luo?"

"Whatever. If you don’t want to contact her, I’ll make the call," Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo held his phone. After a while, he stood up and walked into the courtyard with the phone in hand. "I’ll call."

Cheng Ke watched him walk into the yard, toss Miao, who had followed him, back into the house, and then close the door.

For Jiang Yuduo, deciding to call a psychologist must have been extremely difficult, so he didn’t want anyone to hear it, not even Miao could eavesdrop.

But when Cheng Ke had asked him, he had wanted Jiang Yuduo to make the call himself. It would be easier to explain things clearly, and in a way it would also give him a greater sense of control.

He got up, went to pour a glass of water, and pinched a couple pieces of cat food to feed Miao.

Miao wrapped his paws around Cheng Ke’s hand and happily gnawed on both the cat food and his fingers.

Cheng Ke let out a soft sigh, not sure if it was because Miao spent every day with Jiang Yuduo. He felt like the cat’s way of eating was just like Jiang Yuduo’s. If you put a piece of cat food on its tail, maybe it would even eat the tail too.

This kind of habit of always having to finish every meal, of eating until full no matter whether there was an appetite or not, and having to eat the same amount as usual, how exactly had it been formed? Just thinking about it made Cheng Ke feel a little upset.

Jiang Yuduo’s call ended very quickly. He came back into the house with his phone.

"How was it?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I told her I’d bring a friend to see her," Jiang Yuduo said. "Sister Luo said okay."

"Did she ask what kind of person I was, what I did for work, that sort of thing?" Cheng Ke asked again.

"A scrap picker," Jiang Yuduo said.

"…You said it like that?" Cheng Ke stared at him.

"No." Jiang Yuduo smiled a little. The call had probably been very difficult for him, and that smile looked forced. "I said you were a very important friend of mine."

"Mm." Cheng Ke smiled too.

"But… I didn’t say boyfriend," Jiang Yuduo said. "That’s okay, right?"

"What difference would it make?" Cheng Ke said. "Boyfriend isn’t something you say for other people to hear. It’s just the relationship between the two of us."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo crouched beside him and teased Miao with his hand. "Sister Luo said we could make the appointment for… the day after tomorrow."

"No problem," Cheng Ke said, taking out his phone. "We can book tickets for tomorrow."

"What tickets?" Jiang Yuduo asked quickly, lifting his head.

"Plane tickets." Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo didn’t speak, but Cheng Ke still saw the change in his expression.

"You don’t want to take a plane?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Can we take… a long-distance bus?" Jiang Yuduo asked. "You don’t need an ID for a bus."

"You…" Cheng Ke looked at him. "Your ID isn’t fake, is it?"

"It’s not fake," Jiang Yuduo said. Before Cheng Ke could say anything else, he quickly added, "Let’s just take the plane."

Then he rushed into the bedroom, rummaged around for a long time, and came back out holding his ID card, which he handed to Cheng Ke. "Look, it’s real."

Cheng Ke took it and stared at the somewhat youthful face on it for a while before slowly realizing that, given Jiang Yuduo’s habit of being so careful even when making a phone call, an ID card, something that would leave traces every time it was used, was naturally something he would avoid using if he could.

"It’s fine," Cheng Ke said. "If you don’t want to take the plane, we’ll take the bus."

Jiang Yuduo shook his head. "No need. It’s just that… because I’m sick, I feel like… everything’s dangerous."

That hurt Cheng Ke so much that he crouched down and hugged him without saying anything.

At a time like this, he didn’t know what he should say. Yes, you’re sick, but it’s okay. No, you’re not sick… No matter how he said it, it all felt wrong.

In the end, Cheng Ke still bought the plane tickets. Aside from being photocopied when Jiang Yuduo helped Lu Xi rent a place, this was probably the first time his ID card had been used officially.

"So that means the tickets are booked?" he asked when he saw the successful ticketing text message on Cheng Ke’s phone.

"Mm." Cheng Ke nodded. "We just need to pick up the tickets when we get to the airport."

"I’ve never been on a plane before," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke could see a trace of unexpected excitement on his face. He reached out and hooked a finger against Jiang Yuduo’s cheek. "Then you’ll ride one this time. On the way back, we’ll take first class."

Jiang Yuduo smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Cheng Ke couldn’t figure out what Jiang Yuduo was thinking now. He should have admitted that he was sick, because he could see the "them" that everyone else couldn’t. But when it came to avoiding a danger that didn’t exist, he was still convinced that the danger was real.

This contradiction left Jiang Yuduo’s emotions fluctuating over the two days before departure. One moment he would nervously stand by the window, and the next he would come over with excited questions.

"Cheng Ke," Jiang Yuduo said, taking out a suitcase, "what size suitcase is allowed on a plane? Is this one okay?"

"Yeah," Cheng Ke said. "We’re only going for two days, right? A small travel bag for clothes is enough, just underwear and socks."

"I want to bring a suitcase," Jiang Yuduo said. "It looks more like a trip that way."

"Then bring it. My clothes are going in there too, anyway," Cheng Ke said. "Just put the two sets I keep here for changing and washing in there for me."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo put the clothes into the suitcase.

"What about Miao?" Cheng Ke asked.

"For two days, it’ll be fine. We can use the automatic feeder. If… something comes up and delays us, Chen Qing can come over to feed him too," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke didn’t know what he thought would come up, but Jiang Yuduo’s mood rose again very quickly. It kept going like that, back and forth, until the taxi to the airport stopped at the building entrance and they were carrying the suitcase out the door. Only then did Jiang Yuduo say, "I’m scared."

"Don’t be afraid," Cheng Ke said. "I’ve got you."

"You’re not very useful," Jiang Yuduo said, probably because he was too tense to spare him any face at all. "And you only have one arm."

"Then why don’t you take a look first and see if they’re there?" Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo glanced at him, then swept his gaze around outside the stairwell. "They’re not."

"Then let’s go." Cheng Ke dragged the suitcase out.

Jiang Yuduo quickly followed.

By the time they reached the airport, Jiang Yuduo stayed glued to Cheng Ke’s side every step of the way. Cheng Ke secretly squeezed his hand and found it ice cold.

"Are you scared?" Cheng Ke asked softly. "I’m getting the tickets now. Once I have them, we’ll find somewhere with fewer people and wait there."

"Mm," Jiang Yuduo answered. "Go smoke a cigarette."

"Okay." Cheng Ke nodded as he tapped at the self-service ticket machine. "Can’t hold it in?"

"No," Jiang Yuduo said quietly. "Won’t there be none to smoke in a bit? I saw the boxes over there, a whole box of lighters."

"Let’s go, let’s go smoke." Cheng Ke took the tickets and led him outside.

"Let me look at the ticket," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke handed it to him. Jiang Yuduo took it, gave it a quick curious glance, and immediately looked around again.

That state, excited and curious yet tense and afraid, made Cheng Ke want nothing more than to hold him and rub him hard a few times.

He led Jiang Yuduo out the door, out to the open space outside, and found an empty corner. They stood beside a trash can. Just as he was about to touch Jiang Yuduo’s face to comfort him, Jiang Yuduo lit a cigarette and asked, "Do you think the airport sells lighters?"

"Huh?" Cheng Ke froze.

"There are so many of them," Jiang Yuduo said. "And some are pretty fancy too. Would they take them to sell?"

"…I don’t know." After freezing for a moment, Cheng Ke couldn’t help laughing. "I’ve never thought about that."

"Yeah, you just handed a hundred-million-yuan card to Chen Qing without even blinking," Jiang Yuduo tutted. "How many lighters could that buy…"

"You’ll never spend it all anyway," Cheng Ke said with a smile.

"It’s fine," Jiang Yuduo said. "I’ll make money in the future."

"Mm." Cheng Ke nodded.

"When I… get better." Jiang Yuduo bit his lip.

Jiang Yuduo’s excitement and fear only finally began to ease when the plane was almost ready. He leaned back in his seat and fell asleep.

Cheng Ke had kept holding his hand under the blanket. Only then did he feel Jiang Yuduo’s hand slowly return to its usual temperature, warming up again.

The plane began to descend, and Jiang Yuduo suddenly sat up straight and opened his eyes.

"We’re landing," Cheng Ke said. "We’ll be there soon."

Jiang Yuduo didn’t speak. He only held his hand tightly.

From the moment they got off the plane to the time they reached the exit, he remained silent the whole way.

"Is Sister Luo waiting for us at the exit?" Cheng Ke asked. "Should I call her?"

Jiang Yuduo shook his head without speaking, only lifting his chin toward the exit.

Cheng Ke looked over and immediately saw a woman standing alone by the wall on one side of the exit, smiling and waving at them.

"Is that her? The one in blue?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo answered.

Cheng Ke smiled over there and walked toward her with Jiang Yuduo.

"You must be Cheng Ke, right?" Sister Luo stepped forward two paces and smiled as she extended her hand.

"Yes," Cheng Ke said, shaking her hand. "Hello, Dr. Luo. Sorry to trouble you with this trip to the airport."

"Of course I had to come," Sister Luo said with a smile, glancing at Jiang Yuduo. "This is the first time I’ve met one of Xiao Jiang’s friends."

"Let’s go." Jiang Yuduo’s tone was a little stiff. He took the suitcase from Cheng Ke and strode forward, only to stop after a few steps and look back at Cheng Ke.

"Is it out that way?" Cheng Ke asked Sister Luo.

"Yes." Sister Luo nodded.

Jiang Yuduo immediately turned his head and walked toward the direction Sister Luo pointed out.

Cheng Ke felt like laughing a little, and also a little heartache.

"I honestly didn’t think you’d be willing to see me," Cheng Ke said to Sister Luo in a lowered voice.

"Since Xiao Jiang brought it up, I’d definitely agree," Sister Luo said. "I also really wanted to meet you. You’re the only friend he’s mentioned by name in all these years."

"Really?" Cheng Ke was a little surprised.

"I think," Sister Luo said, looking at Jiang Yuduo’s back, "good or bad, your influence on him must be very great."