TA •Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Jiang Yuduo did not answer the question Cheng Ke asked, a question even he thought sounded like a forced attempt to save face. He just glanced at him, picked up the things, and walked out. "There’s another bag over there, can you grab it for me?"

Cheng Ke held the cat in his coat with one arm, picked up the bag on the floor with the other, and followed him out, shutting the door behind them. "Should we lock it from the inside?"

"No need. If the old lady comes over this afternoon and finds she has to twist the knob twice to open the door, she’ll start yelling," Jiang Yuduo said.

"What kind of weird habit is that?" Cheng Ke blinked.

"She’d say it’s because I don’t want her coming in," Jiang Yuduo said.

"What a hard-to-please old lady…" Cheng Ke was a little speechless.

"I spent the whole day cleaning my room, just afraid I’d miss something," Jiang Yuduo sighed. "If she scolds me, she can go on for two hours."

"Is this place rented to you by Lu Xi?" Cheng Ke asked.

"No," Jiang Yuduo said. "I’m living here for free."

"Oh," Cheng Ke answered. "Does the old lady come often?"

"Once every few months, I guess," Jiang Yuduo said. "Usually I just go stay somewhere else for a few days. Now that there’s a cat, it’s a little troublesome."

"Actually, you," Cheng Ke stood with him at the stairwell entrance, not knowing whether he was about to hail a cab or what, "would be better off renting your own place. Then you wouldn’t have to put up with the old lady’s temper."

"I’m not putting up with anything," Jiang Yuduo said, glancing toward the intersection and lowering his voice. "When Sansui’s grandma was three and a half, she was always scolding me too. I thought it was pretty good."

"What kind of hobby is that?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"You wouldn’t understand," Jiang Yuduo said. "It feels like living in the human world."

"Really," Cheng Ke frowned. "Then am I dead in the human world? I can’t stand people yelling at me."

Jiang Yuduo looked at him. "I’m different from you."

We’re different.

Cheng Ke even sang that line in his head.

They stood there for about two minutes before a Land Cruiser drove up and stopped in front of them. Chen Qing jumped out of the car.

"Fuck! There was this broken tricycle at the intersection, and the guy was gone. I fucking dragged it out of the way before I could get through," Chen Qing said, looking at the things in their hands. "Is that all you’ve got?"

"Did I say there were a lot of things?" Jiang Yuduo glared at him. "Why didn’t you just drive over in a pickup?"

"No pickup at the shop today," Chen Qing said, taking the cat carrier from his hand and putting it in the trunk. "Ji… Ke…"

"Please," Cheng Ke said. "Just call me Jigjia. Forget my name, okay?"

"Jige," Chen Qing said. "Put the stuff over here."

Cheng Ke put the bag in the trunk, then got into the back seat with the cat.

"Third Brother," Chen Qing said as he started the car, "why don’t you just come stay at my place? You can still eat on time."

"When have I ever not eaten on time?" Jiang Yuduo said.

"If you stay at a hotel, it won’t be convenient. You can’t cook for yourself," Chen Qing said.

"Forget it. My mom already looks at me sideways, and she doesn’t even like you that much either," Jiang Yuduo said. "I’m staying at Cheng Ke’s place."

"Huh?" Chen Qing glanced at Cheng Ke in the rearview mirror. "Are you going over there to clean his room and cook for him?"

"…Not quite." Cheng Ke sighed.

But hearing Jiang Yuduo say that, it did sound like he was moving in with him. Only now, Cheng Ke couldn’t quite feel happy about it. He just felt like he’d done something disgraceful.

He had no idea what Jiang Yuduo was thinking either.

"Then…" Chen Qing seemed like he wanted to say something, but after hesitating, he didn’t continue. "Fine. Anyway, it’s only for these next couple of days."

After dropping them off downstairs, Chen Qing hurried back to the shop.

Cheng Ke took the cat out of his coat. The cat had probably been with Jiang Yuduo for a long time and had gone wild. It kept darting around inside Cheng Ke’s clothes, and its claws had probably scratched several marks into him.

Jiang Yuduo had not said a word the whole time. He looked like he was deep in thought.

After they got inside and set everything down, he finally looked at Cheng Ke and said, "I’ve got something to say. Don’t get mad when you hear it."

"Go ahead," Cheng Ke said, sitting down on the sofa. "I’ve got a good temper."

"I do think of you as a friend," Jiang Yuduo said. "So you… liking guys, liking cute things, I don’t care. I won’t think you’re… some kind of pervert or anything."

Cheng Ke looked at him but said nothing.

"It’s just," Jiang Yuduo said, struggling a little, but his expression was extremely serious. It was obvious the thing he was about to say mattered a great deal to him. "If you really do have some kind of thoughts, I won’t say anything. After all, it’s… your own business. But… anyway… you just have to keep it to yourself. Don’t let me feel it."

Cheng Ke went silent.

He wasn’t shocked. He wasn’t even stunned.

Right now, he just wanted to get up, open the window, and jump out.

He had been liked and had liked others. He had rejected people and been rejected himself. Usually, a little hint was enough for both sides to understand what was going on.

But Jiang Yuduo’s serious, earnest tone, like he was issuing a final warning, was as if he had slapped Cheng Ke right across the face.

He had never tasted this kind of embarrassment, this kind of blunt, no-mercy humiliation, before.

The feeling was so tangled it couldn’t even be summed up as mixed emotions.

Right now, there was only one thing he knew for sure, his face was nowhere near as thick as he had imagined.

"Third Brother," Cheng Ke lit a cigarette. "What exactly did you feel?"

"I don’t know what it feels like to be interested in someone," Jiang Yuduo said, looking at him. "But I know what it feels like when someone’s interested in me."

"Fuck your damn uncle," Cheng Ke said. "I’m not interested in you at all. Got that?"

Jiang Yuduo kept looking at him. After a while, he said, "I’m not an idiot."

"I’m giving you one minute, no, one second," Cheng Ke pointed at the door. "Get out."

Jiang Yuduo hesitated, took a step toward the door, then stopped. "Don’t get mad. I just…"

"I’m telling you to get out now. You don’t get to be mad either," Cheng Ke said. "One second."

Jiang Yuduo paused, then went over and opened the door and left.

After the door closed, Cheng Ke stubbed out his cigarette. He stood there staring blankly for a while, then shoved a hand into his hair and scratched at it. A wave of irritation surged up in him, and he raked his fingers through his head again. Fuck! How the hell had it turned into this!

When he looked up, he saw Miao sitting on the coffee table, staring at him intently.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Cheng Ke glared at it. "Get lost!"

Miao ignored him and didn’t move.

Cheng Ke looked at all the cat supplies that still hadn’t been put away, dazed for five minutes. Then he stood up and opened everything, taking each item out one by one.

Cat carrier, cat bed. Jiang Yuduo usually kept them beside the radiator, so he put the cat bed there too. The food bowl and water bowl went by the kitchen door, and the little towel the cat slept with went into the bed. The litter box went into the bathroom.

When he carried it into the bathroom, he knocked it against the doorframe. Cat litter spilled everywhere with a swish, and Miao cried out behind him.

"I know!" Cheng Ke shouted back over his shoulder. "A few grains less and you can still shit, don’t worry!"

Miao did not seem intimidated by his yell. It sat down very calmly and lifted a paw to lick it.

By now Cheng Ke was pretty familiar with sweeping floors. He cleared up the litter in just twenty seconds. When he was about to pour it back into the litter box, he looked at Miao, who had been staring at him the whole time, and in the end he still poured the litter into the trash can.

"There. Happy now?" he said.

Miao stood up, went into the bathroom, made one circle, then came back out.

Probably checking things out.

Cheng Ke poured water into the bowl, went back to the living room, and sat down on the sofa. Miao quickly followed, jumped onto the sofa, and sprawled across his legs.

"Get off me!" Cheng Ke picked it up and tossed it to the side.

It came right back and lay on his legs again.

He threw it off twice more, and each time it came back and lay down on him again. Cheng Ke sighed and stopped bothering with it. He leaned back into the sofa and used the remote to turn on the projector.

Might as well watch a movie.

He looked through the set-top box for a while and randomly picked a film that was obviously all explosions, chaos, and cars and boats flying through the sky and over land. He clicked it open.

He had only just started watching. The opening title sequence hadn’t even appeared yet before he fell asleep.

He didn’t sleep for long, though. When he woke up, the movie was already rolling through the ending credits.

He should have been able to sleep until night, but he had woken up because he was so full he was about to burst. Miao had no idea when it had crawled onto his chest.

Good thing he hadn’t watched a horror movie, or he definitely would have had nightmares.

He sat up and checked the time. He had missed lunch, and afternoon tea was just about the right time now. Thinking about food, he glanced at the cat food. If Miao had been following him around all this time, was it hungry?

Did cats eat three meals a day?

How much did they eat each time?

Was canned food given every meal?

Cheng Ke had absolutely no idea about any of this. He took out his phone, stared at the black screen for a while, then tossed it aside again.

Eat a little. It wasn’t like it would explode from overeating.

He went over, grabbed a handful of cat food from the bag, and put it into the bowl.

Miao immediately went over, lowered its head, and started eating.

In Cheng Ke’s memory, cats and dogs always ate by curling their tongues around the food. This was the first time he had seen such a small kitten open its mouth and crunch into cat food with loud chomping sounds.

"Did that stuff get inherited from Jiang Da-cun?" Cheng Ke crouched down and looked at it. "Huh? You eat way too rough, Xiao Cun."

After saying that, he suddenly got irritated again.

He stood up, went to pour himself a glass of water, and downed it in one gulp.

He had kicked Jiang Yuduo out of here two hours ago. To be honest, even now that embarrassed, humiliating feeling still hadn’t gone away. Every time he thought of Jiang Yuduo’s stern expression and those words, he felt awkward enough to squirm.

But Miao was right there in front of him, moving back and forth. Every time he saw it, he thought of Jiang Yuduo.

And every time he thought of Jiang Yuduo, his whole body felt like it was burning.

Not burning with desire.

It was that scorching pain of being publicly humiliated.

For a while he was embarrassed, then annoyed, then furious all over again, wanting to curse himself for being a dumbass.

He clearly knew Jiang Yuduo was straight and lived a boring, straight line life, and yet he still let himself go and didn’t rein himself in at all.

Useless!

At four o’clock, Cheng Ke felt like he was starving. Usually missing lunch wouldn’t have made him this hungry, but today he probably had burned too much energy from all the anger and humiliation.

He ordered takeout for himself, then went to the window, hoping the delivery guy would show up soon.

It wasn’t snowing anymore, but the wind was still strong. He had never ordered takeout before, but now he was ordering it almost every day, and he genuinely admired the delivery guys who ran all over the streets in weather like this. Every time, he felt like giving them a tip, but he was afraid it might be rude.

Maybe today I should just give him a cup of yogurt… It’s so cold, having the guy drink yogurt seems kind of wrong…

His mind was a mess as he randomly thought nonsense, when he suddenly saw a delivery guy riding over on a motorcycle, head and body wrapped up tight.

That fast?

Before he could even get his phone and check whether it was his delivery, someone came out of the building and walked up to the guy.

It wasn’t strange for someone else in the building to have ordered food, but…

Cheng Ke opened the window, stuck his head out, and stared a few more times.

But that person was Jiang Yuduo!

This was extremely strange!

Cheng Ke could not identify him by the top of his skull, but he recognized the jacket Jiang Yuduo was wearing. A few hours ago, Jiang Yuduo had been wearing that jacket when Cheng Ke kicked him out of the room.

And now Jiang Yuduo was still downstairs!

And… he had intercepted Cheng Ke’s takeout?

Cheng Ke froze. He turned and quickly walked back to the sofa to grab his phone and open it.

It showed that the delivery guy had just arrived at the shop.

That wasn’t his order. It was Jiang Yuduo’s.

Fuck?

Cheng Ke hurried back to the window, and by the time he looked down again, the delivery guy had already turned his bike around and driven off, and Jiang Yuduo was no longer downstairs either.

Cheng Ke stood by the window in the north wind for a long time before finally shrinking back inside and shutting the window.

He couldn’t even think of a rough metaphor for what he was feeling right now.

He sat on the sofa, stunned.

Jiang Yuduo had been kicked out by him, but he hadn’t left. Or had he left and then come back?

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Was he just staying there because he thought someone wanted to kill him?

But whether that was true or not, what the hell did it have to do with Jiang Yuduo!

Because…

I do think of you as a friend.

When Jiang Yuduo said that, he had been very serious, as serious as when he said, "You just have to keep it to yourself."

I think of you as a friend, so I’ll protect you, but even if we are friends, I still can’t accept you wearing that little bit of feeling you have for me on your face.

Cheng Ke sighed.

He didn’t know what Jiang Yuduo’s definition of a friend was.

Because to Cheng Ke, there was no way he could do this much for an ordinary friend.

For Cheng Ke, Jiang Yuduo’s behavior was practically giving him a blatantly shameless opportunity to start overthinking.

His phone rang, and Cheng Ke answered.

This time it was really his takeout.

When he went to open the door, he looked out through the peephole first. Only after seeing the delivery guy outside did he open the door.

He had ordered a plate of twice-cooked pork over rice.

He really liked twice-cooked pork, especially the sauce mixed into the rice… where was the sauce!

Cheng Ke stared in shock at the lunch box, at the clearly separated rice and dish, then poked at it twice with his chopsticks.

"Fuck!" he couldn’t help swearing.

How was this a rice bowl!

A rice bowl without sauce was an insult to the person eating it!

Cheng Ke had already been in a bad mood all afternoon, and now his mood had sunk straight to the bottom. He slammed the chopsticks onto the table and sat back down on the sofa.

Fuck it. Whoever wants to eat this can go eat it!

The security guard talked a lot. In fact, very a lot.

Jiang Yuduo sat in the security booth, and before dinner the guard kept telling him about his childhood. He had only just gotten from kindergarten to elementary school before eating, and after dinner he started talking about middle school.

If it had been someone else, they probably would have already been annoyed enough to leave. But Jiang Yuduo found it pretty interesting.

Kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, these were experiences in life that almost everyone had, even street punks. But for him, they were completely blank.

Those noisy, rambling stories gave him the feeling of slowly experiencing someone else’s life. It was a little lost, a little envious, and it also made him feel safe.

So many people were living in the sunlight. No matter how miserable they thought their lives were, they were still living in the sunlight.

He liked hearing these things, just like he liked hearing Sansui’s grandma and Lu Xi’s mother scold him. That kind of especially worldly, especially ordinary feeling that existed all over the streets and all over the world made him feel real.

Cheng Ke slept on the sofa until night had fully fallen before waking up.

He checked the time. It was already nine at night, and this time he had been woken up by real hunger. In his dream he had gone into three restaurants, only to be kicked out each time because he had no money.

He got up to wash his face, scooped some cat food for Miao, then opened a can of wet food too. He didn’t know how much he should feed it. Judging from the way Miao ate, it could probably finish eight or ten cans. He hesitated, planning to give it just two spoonfuls first.

He scooped up one spoonful, and before it even reached the bowl, Miao had already stood up, hugged the spoon with both paws, and started eating.

Cheng Ke sighed. "You were hungry, huh."

Miao wolfed down the two spoonfuls of canned food and kept eating the cat food. Cheng Ke didn’t dare feed it more. After all, it was someone else’s cat, so he should be careful.

Its owner was still… downstairs?

Cheng Ke hesitated, then walked to the window and pressed his face to the glass to look down.

Fuck.

He really was there!

Jiang Yuduo was probably hanging out in the security booth the whole time. He might already have gotten familiar with the guard, because right then he and the guard were standing together in the open space downstairs practicing military boxing.

What, were the two of them idiots?

Were they full or something!

Cheng Ke did not know where this fire in him came from, but his stomach was actually starting to hurt from anger.

He yanked the curtain shut hard.

After standing there staring at the curtain for a long time, he suddenly felt like he might have found the source of his irritation. Everyone except him could get along with Jiang Yuduo naturally.

Only him, no matter what he did, he could not find the point of balance for getting along with Jiang Yuduo.

Even before he had any dirty thoughts, it had been the same.

I’m different from you.

Jiang Yuduo’s words were still in his head.

Then who are you the same as?

Cheng Ke did not order takeout again. He didn’t want to give himself another reason to stand by the window and look outside.

He went to boil a kettle of water and made himself a bowl of instant noodles.

Then he sat in the living room and turned on a movie.

When Ning Ding’s phone call came, he felt as if he’d been saved.

Although Ning Ding was only reminding him that he had to shoot a video tomorrow and confirming some details with him, all work-related, for Cheng Ke, who had already been irritated all day, it really was life-saving.

"There’s something else I want to talk to you about tomorrow," Ning Ding said.

"What is it?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I started a themed restaurant with a friend," Ning Ding said. "Sand painting."

"Huh?" Cheng Ke paused the movie.

"Would you be willing to come help out?" Ning Ding said. "It’s still being renovated right now. You could help take a look, act as art director. We’d hire people to perform normally, and you could occasionally come in as a special guest performer or something. Interested?"

"Do you think I’m up to it?" Cheng Ke asked. The way Ning Ding asked it, it definitely wasn’t as simple as he made it sound. If it were really just helping take a look and occasionally performing, Ning Ding wouldn’t be telling him while it was still being renovated.

"After thinking it over, I only think you can do it," Ning Ding said with a smile.

"Ning Ding, you’re not trying to help me out by saying this, are you," Cheng Ke said. "I don’t want to owe you that big of a favor."

"If it were just an ordinary restaurant, asking you would count as me helping you," Ning Ding said. "For something like this, asking you would count as me begging you."

"Then fine," Cheng Ke thought for a moment. "Let’s talk in detail tomorrow."

"Okay," Ning Ding said. "Oh, if it’s convenient tomorrow, bring Lao San too. I said last time that if there’s another one of your performances, I’d have him come along."

"…Does tomorrow count as a performance?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I guess so. Shooting a video is more interesting than just performing," Ning Ding said. "But if it’s not convenient, forget it."

"What’s inconvenient about it?" Cheng Ke did not want Ning Ding to notice anything. "Bring him along."

"Then I’ll call him in a bit," Ning Ding said. "I’ll send a car to pick you both up tomorrow."

"Okay." Cheng Ke agreed.

After hanging up, he let out a soft sigh.

After the movie ended, Cheng Ke got up and went to the window again. The security guard on duty downstairs should have been changing shifts by now, and the one Jiang Yuduo had become familiar with would have to go rest.

Would he still be allowed to stay in the security booth with the next one?

…Was he still downstairs?

He had stood by the window for only a few minutes when Jiang Yuduo came out of the building with the guard. The guard waved at him, then turned and walked toward the residential building’s security dormitory.

Jiang Yuduo did not go back into the building. He stood in the open space for a while, then slowly walked toward the back of the building. After a bit, he came around from the other side of the building.

Cheng Ke forced himself to calm down, drew the curtain, and went back to sit on the sofa.

After the movie ended, he went to the window again.

Jiang Yuduo was not downstairs.

He looked around and saw no silhouette anywhere.

He was just about to take a shower and go to sleep when Jiang Yuduo came out of the corridor again, stretched a little in the open space, and started running.

Cheng Ke watched him run along the road into the small garden. Not long after, he came back out from the other side of the garden, then circled around the back of the building again.

Night run?

Although it had stopped snowing, at this temperature…

Cheng Ke suddenly looked up. In that instant, he felt that he was probably really a useless piece of trash, and he really did not deserve to have any friends. The fact that he had no friends standing by his side all these years probably wasn’t without reason.

Only now did he suddenly remember that Jiang Yuduo had a fever.

That guilt and regret made him question whether he even had something called concern.

When he rushed out the door, he had not even remembered to put on his coat. He only remembered to grab the keys. By the time he noticed he had forgotten his coat, the elevator was already going down.

Forget it. Just for a little while.

When he burst out of the elevator, the guard was probably startled by his outfit and shouted, "Mr. Cheng! What’s wrong? Did something happen!"

"Nothing!" Cheng Ke waved at him. "I’ll be back in a minute!"

Only after he ran out did Cheng Ke feel how cold it was. He had just seen Jiang Yuduo run into the small garden again, so he simply ran over there too, using the most direct method.

He shouted into the small garden, "Jiang Yuduo!"

Two seconds later, Jiang Yuduo ran out from the side with a shocked expression. "What is it!"

Before Cheng Ke could answer, Jiang Yuduo had already grabbed his arm and dragged him into the corner between a pillar and the wall. The movement was so fast Cheng Ke didn’t even understand how he had been yanked over there.

By the time he came to, Jiang Yuduo had already pulled a knife out of his pocket.

"I’m fine!" Cheng Ke jumped in alarm and quickly grabbed his left hand, the one holding the knife. "I just came down to find you!"

Jiang Yuduo glanced around again before turning back. "Looking for me?"

Cheng Ke frowned and touched his forehead. "Your fever still hasn’t gone down, has it?"

"It’s gone down," Jiang Yuduo said, leaning back a little.

"Come upstairs," Cheng Ke said, turning and walking back toward the building.

Jiang Yuduo did not move.

Cheng Ke turned to look at him and, lowering his voice, yelled, "Upstairs!"

Jiang Yuduo hesitated for two seconds, then followed him.