TA •Chapter 87

Mili went downstairs first. Cheng Ke wiped away the unsightly image on the sand painting table. Luckily, his left hand wasn’t very steady, so what he’d drawn was a little abstract. If it had been his right hand…

He went to the bathroom on the third floor, washed his face, calmed himself down, and went downstairs.

Mili and Huihui, the new front desk girl, had almost finished talking with the customer. Only a few details still needed Cheng Ke’s confirmation.

After Cheng Ke confirmed them and the customer paid the deposit, the customer left. He sat by the table and listened as Mili and Huihui finalized the things that needed to be prepared, then they started discussing brewing.

"Are we going to make wine?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Brother Xu said we could do a little, in small amounts. For regular customers who come often, we can give them some. Homemade beer, fruit wine, grape wine…" Mili said. "It’s pretty interesting. If customers want to make their own, we can leave it here for them too, so when they come back, they can drink it."

"Mm." Cheng Ke nodded.

He listened in silence for a while. Mili didn’t really know how to do it, mainly Huihui handled the actual operation, and from the sound of it, her hobby on the side was brewing.

"Um," Cheng Ke hesitated for a few seconds before speaking. "Huihui."

"What is it, Cheng-ge?" Huihui looked at him.

"Have you… ever brewed strawberry wine?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I have. I’ve used almost every ingredient that can be made into wine," Huihui said, turning to discuss it with Mili. "Then let’s add strawberry wine too."

"Can you teach me?" Cheng Ke said. "I want to… try it."

"Do you want to play around with it or drink it?" Huihui asked. "If you want to drink it, I can just brew it for you. Otherwise you’d still have to buy bottles and all that yourself. It’s pretty troublesome."

"I’m making it to give to someone," Cheng Ke said.

For that bastard who didn’t know when he would be back.

On the eighth day of Jiang Yuduo’s escape, he wanted to torture him in every possible position.

Cheng Ke squatted on the floor, staring face-to-face with Mao at the thing in front of them.

A basket of strawberries, a bag of rock sugar, a brewing bottle, a bottle for storing the wine, and several packs of fruit wine yeast.

The strawberries and sugar he had just bought from the supermarket. Huihui had given him the yeast. He had ordered the brewing bottle online, and the bottle for storing the wine after it was done had been begged from one of Xu Ding’s glassblower friends. It had a very simple, bright ring-like design.

Everything was finally ready today, so they could start making it.

"Wash the strawberries, remove the stems, then dry them," Cheng Ke said, looking at the instructions Huihui had written for him on his phone. "I’ve lived this long, and besides learning how to boil instant noodles and eggs, I’ve never done any of this. And now it’s even brewing wine, such a high-level job."

He picked up a strawberry, pinched one between his fingers, and held it out to Mao’s mouth. "Want some?"

Mao came over and sniffed it for a long time, then lifted a paw to steady the strawberry and started gnawing. He ate with surprising focus, one eye even squinting shut, while strawberry juice coated the fur on his chin.

"Cats eat strawberries too?" Cheng Ke was a little surprised. "Does your brother know you’re this greedy?"

Mao ignored him and kept gnawing.

But Cheng Ke had no interest in saying anything else. Talking to himself while chatting with a cat about its owner made him feel lonely. Especially since the cat didn’t even bother to respond, it just kept eating.

It would be nice if he were like a cat. If you were here, you were here. If you weren’t, you weren’t. When you came back, I’d curl my tail around your ankle. If you didn’t come back, I’d just eat the strawberries other people gave me.

It took quite a while to wash and dry the strawberries. His left hand was already clumsy, and washing them was one thing, but he still had to remove the stems… Could eating them with the stems on poison you? In the end, he bit off every stem with his teeth.

Following the steps he had basically memorized, Cheng Ke put the bitten strawberries into the brewing bottle. Ten jin of strawberries, two jin of sugar, all dumped in at once. The yeast was activated with warm sugar water…

Then came crushing the strawberries.

He put on gloves and squeezed them in the bottle.

Outside the kitchen window was a small open area, and Saisui-Ban was riding a little scooter around in circles there, singing something under his breath.

Cheng Ke watched for a moment, a little dazed.

He didn’t really like children, but Saisui-Ban was pretty cute, not annoying. Mainly because… Jiang Yuduo often brought him up.

So in a sense, Saisui-Ban was connected to Jiang Yuduo.

Once the strawberries were all crushed and steeped, Cheng Ke put the bottle beside the radiator, and that was that.

What came next was waiting.

Waiting for the strawberry wine to finish brewing.

Waiting for the person who would drink the strawberry wine to come back.

The sunlight was good. Jiang Yuduo sat in the chair by the window, his eyes half-closed from the brightness.

"How have you been lately?" Luo-jie sat across from the small table.

"Pretty good," Jiang Yuduo said. "My sleep is pretty normal. I even slept last night without taking medicine."

"This is the song you wanted to hear." Luo-jie put an MP3 on the table. "I’ve loaded everything into it. If you get sick of them, I’ll help you change it."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo nodded, took it, and plugged in the earphones to listen.

"I didn’t buy you cigarettes. I’ll bring them next time I come," Luo-jie said with a smile. "Did Doctor Li tell you to smoke less?"

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo held up four fingers. "I promised him. Only four a day."

"Can you stick to that?" Luo-jie asked.

"I can," Jiang Yuduo said. "That’s nothing… come with me for a walk in the yard?"

"Okay." Luo-jie stood up.

Once they got to the yard, Jiang Yuduo clearly felt a breath of relief.

Hospitals, no matter what kind of hospital they were, even this one that didn’t look much like a hospital at all, made him afraid.

He had never thought that one day he would actively ask to be admitted.

Until yesterday, he could only barely fall asleep without medication. The first two nights, he had even spent sitting in the corner of the bed.

Doctor Li had talked to him about his fear of hospitals.

There were many things he didn’t want to think about, and this stretch of time that he clearly remembered but had been forcibly erased so that he could no longer remember it, he had no choice but to face.

He chose to be hospitalized. He chose to tear open the wound. He chose to tell himself that this was a memory that would shadow him for the rest of his life, and that meant he had to bear the pain that would not stop for even a second right now.

That night after their talk, he spent the whole night slipping back and forth between wakefulness and hallucination, unable to tell dream from reality.

The images were so real that even breathing became difficult.

He lay in a brightly lit room, with chaotic voices and swaying shadows. Struggling, he turned his head and could see another bed through the curtain that hadn’t been pulled shut properly.

So much blood.

Doctor Li told him that was a police officer.

He no longer remembered the man’s face, what he looked like, how tall he was, whether he was fat or thin, what his name was, or even the sound of the voice that had shouted, "Jiang Yuduo, run!"

But he remembered that blood. He remembered the warmth that had shielded his body.

And that drawn-out "beep—"

He could clearly feel the life that had been slipping away bit by bit because of him, impossible to hold back.

Bright lights, the lingering smell of disinfectant, swaying figures in a sea of white, the "beep-beep" of instruments, all of it had become tied to death because of him, and had become the only connection.

He was afraid of these things. Even more, he was afraid there would be another person like that.

Later, in the days that followed, the people who became gradually familiar to him and then one by one left and vanished, never appearing again, all made him uneasy, made him afraid.

From the moment Cheng Ke began to become a slowly fixed part of his life, he started to feel nervous. Another disappearance seemed inevitable, and when he realized he might make Cheng Ke truly "disappear," that unease reached its peak.

The Cheng Ke who left him was safe, was someone who would not disappear. But the Cheng Ke who left him would also leave no trace behind.

"Lately," Jiang Yuduo and Luo-jie slowly walked along the path in the yard. He lit a cigarette, counted one for himself, the third one today. "Has Cheng Ke… contacted you?"

"No," Luo-jie said. "After I called him that day, he didn’t contact me again."

"Did you tell him?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Tell him what?" Luo-jie lightly patted his back. "Tell him where you were? Or tell him I couldn’t say anything about your condition?"

"Couldn’t say." Jiang Yuduo said.

"I told him." Luo-jie nodded.

When Jiang Yuduo heard that, he suddenly felt a little disappointed, but after a pause, he relaxed again. "So if he wants to find me… he wouldn’t even know where to look, right?"

"Right," Luo-jie said with a smile. "He was very worried about you, so when I said I couldn’t tell him, he was a bit unhappy."

Jiang Yuduo pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"I just… didn’t want him to see it," he frowned. "And I didn’t want him to know how I… was being treated."

"Mm." Luo-jie nodded.

"He only knows I’ve got mental problems," Jiang Yuduo bit his lip. "But seeing me staying in a psychiatric hospital is still different, right?"

"It’s not as serious as you think." Luo-jie smiled.

"I didn’t want him to get such a direct impression," Jiang Yuduo said softly. "It would scare him off."

"He may not be without a direct impression," Luo-jie said. "You’re not always able to hide it, are you?"

"Tell me," Jiang Yuduo turned his head, "when I go back, do you think he’ll… already be gone?"

"Why would you think that?" Luo-jie asked.

"I told him if he couldn’t wait, he could leave," Jiang Yuduo said, frowning as he looked down at the small stones on the path, one by one, the first one he saw vanished as soon as he blinked, and then he couldn’t find it again. "He’s a rich young master, and he’s always been… he’s been especially good to me, but this kind of thing…"

"Xiao Jiang," Luo-jie stopped walking. "He told me something before, and asked me to pass it on to you when the time was right."

"What did he say?" Jiang Yuduo stared at her, a little urgently.

"Xiao Cheng said he wasn’t going anywhere." Luo-jie said.

"He wasn’t going anywhere." Jiang Yuduo repeated softly.

"Mm." Luo-jie nodded.

Jiang Yuduo didn’t say anything for a long time. That sentence kept repeating in his head, and he could imagine Cheng Ke’s expression and tone when he said it.

"I’m not going anywhere."

If he hadn’t been talking to Luo-jie, he might have said, "I fucking am not going anywhere."

Jiang Yuduo smiled.

This was the first time he had wanted to smile since he secretly ran away. He hadn’t forced the corners of his mouth up, hadn’t squeezed out a smile. Just thinking of Cheng Ke’s tone made him smile naturally, almost without realizing it.

But tears followed too.

He quickly turned his head and wiped at his eyes with a fast swipe of his hand.

When he didn’t need tears, he could bring his emotions back under control in just a few seconds.

He still had a lot of skills born from pain like this, just like pain itself, embedded in his life.

When he turned back, he knew there were no tears left, but he still couldn’t hold back that sentence.

"I miss him." Jiang Yuduo said softly. "I miss him so, so much."

"I know, I know," Luo-jie’s voice was gentle. "Do you want me to tell him that?"

"No." Jiang Yuduo looked up, refusing immediately. "I don’t want him to think I’m pitiful, and I don’t want him to feel sorry for me."

"Okay." Luo-jie nodded.

On the twentieth day of Jiang Yuduo’s escape, he wanted to use shameless tricks on him.

Cheng Ke sat in the small room on the third floor, facing the window. There were quite a lot of customers today, and there would be a sand painting performance in the afternoon, so the third floor might end up full too.

He was holding his laptop, poking at the keyboard with his left hand. It took him a while before he remembered that he now had a right hand too.

Habit was such a strange thing. Just because of a cast, he had actually forgotten his right hand existed.

By that logic, he looked at the calendar and found it no wonder that he still couldn’t adjust to the loneliness of not having Jiang Yuduo by his side.

Maybe the waiting time just hadn’t been long enough.

After reading Huihui’s summary for this month, he added his own opinions after several ideas for improvement, then closed the summary and opened another document.

On it was a list of psychiatric hospitals all over the country, with names, addresses, and general information.

Luo-jie couldn’t tell him where Jiang Yuduo was, which actually meant Jiang Yuduo wasn’t with her. And since Jiang Yuduo had made that kind of decision, he definitely wouldn’t simply go looking for Luo-jie again. Luo-jie had also said that Jiang Yuduo had undergone a lot of treatment before, to the point that even though he had always resisted it, he could handle many different treatment methods.

Cheng Ke felt that Jiang Yuduo must have had experience with hospitalization, and this time, he had chosen to go back to the hospital.

So his target actually only needed to be set in Luo-jie’s city. After Jiang Yuduo had been rescued, that was the only place he had stayed, and there were also quite good hospitals there.

The reason he was still listing every hospital he could find one by one like this was just to pass the time.

He needed to do things related to Jiang Yuduo during his free time, during the times when his emotions were in chaos.

The strawberry wine had already fermented almost enough. Huihui told him it could be drunk in another while, but if he let it sit for another two months, it would taste even better.

He had also gone out to eat with Chen Qing twice, and taken Mao for two baths.

Next week, he planned to go collect rent with Chen Qing too.

He needed to keep making connections with Jiang Yuduo, to keep letting Jiang Yuduo appear in his life, his traces, his scent.

Jiang Yuduo was afraid he would leave.

I’m especially scared that before I’m better, you’ll be gone.

If you can’t wait, then go.

It’s fine.

And the things Jiang Yuduo was afraid of were exactly the things he was afraid of too.

In all his years, he had never felt this kind of emotion toward anyone.

The length of time, the depth of it, had already gone beyond even his own understanding of himself.

His interest in Jiang Yuduo came from his uniqueness, from his personality, from his strange way of thinking, even from his naked body when he opened the door…

But after that?

He had no doubt about the seriousness of Jiang Yuduo’s feelings for him. What he feared was change.

Time was cruel to Jiang Yuduo.

To him, it was unsettling.

The current him couldn’t imagine himself leaving, or disappearing, but he was just as afraid of time.

He was afraid that one day when Jiang Yuduo came back, he wouldn’t be here.

For the first time, he had such huge expectations and such huge fear for his own feelings, so he needed every trace of Jiang Yuduo’s existence.

Even Chen Qing, whom he had always thought was a huge tax cheat and a top-tier offender at dodging taxes, would make him feel亲切.

"How about this," Chen Qing, who was taking him to collect rent for the third time, made a decision. "Next month, you can come collect the rent."

"Huh?" Cheng Ke blinked.

"With the way you are, it looks to me like you’re planning to continue the unfinished cause of Third Brother," Chen Qing said. "You’ve already taken three calls this trip, right? There’s a pile of stuff at the shop, and you still ran over here with me to collect rent."

Cheng Ke was immediately a little embarrassed. If Chen Qing hadn’t said it, he hadn’t even noticed he had already followed along collecting rent for two months.

"Collecting rent counts as a cause now?" he sighed. "Your standards for what counts as a cause are a little low, aren’t they?"

"Stop pretending," Chen Qing looked at him. "Just say whether you’re taking over or not."

"I am." Cheng Ke said.

"There you go. Actually, I think you collecting rent works even better than Third Brother," Chen Qing said. "Third Brother, you know, he’s just imposing. Everyone knows he’s the boss of this area. But you, people can’t quite figure you out. Maybe they think you’re involved with the black market or something. That’s scary."

"…Do I really look that scary?" Cheng Ke was stunned.

"Way scarier than that," Chen Qing said. "Ever since what happened with Zhang Daqi, those guys have all been convinced by you. If you have any trouble now, just say the word, and they’ll come with you."

"I’d better not poach Third Brother’s people then." Cheng Ke said.

"You can’t poach them away, that’s not the same thing." Chen Qing waved it off, then after thinking about it, let out another sigh. "Damn it, still no news from him?"

"Mm, none." Cheng Ke leaned against the wall nearby, feeling a little down.

It had been three months. Jiang Yuduo still hadn’t sent any news, and Luo-jie hadn’t called him.

"Third Brother’s birthday is coming up soon, on Children’s Day, you know that, right?" Chen Qing said.

"I know." Cheng Ke said.

"If he still hasn’t come back by then," Chen Qing thought for a moment, "how about the two of us still celebrate his birthday for him?"

"…Isn’t that a little stupid?" Cheng Ke blinked.

"What’s stupid about that?" Chen Qing clicked his tongue. "There are even brides who hold their own wedding when the groom can’t make it!"

Cheng Ke choked and coughed for quite a while. "Don’t rush. I’m planning to… wait a bit longer."

By the day Jiang Yuduo escaped, he had forgotten how many days it had been, in any case it was already several months and his birthday was almost here. He wanted to go from morning until deep into the night.

The strawberry wine already smelled wonderful, a clear red. When placed in the sunlight, it would cast trembling pale red ripples against the white wall.

Cheng Ke put the wine back in the fridge and took out his phone to call Xu Ding.

"I’m planning to go on a business trip for a few days," he said, glancing at the calendar. "To inspect some other themed restaurants."

"Where to?" Xu Ding asked.

"…A few places," Cheng Ke cleared his throat and casually listed a few place names. "About a week."

After a moment of silence, Xu Ding laughed. "All right, then as for the shop…"

"You don’t need to worry about it. Just for these few days, I’ll have Huihui keep an eye on things. She’s pretty capable," Cheng Ke said.

"Fine then," Xu Ding said. "Wish you… a smooth inspection."