TA •Chapter 88

Cheng Ke hadn’t bought a plane ticket. He had bought a bus ticket.

He wanted to bring Miao along, and flying with him really wasn’t something he felt at ease about, so he chose the bus.

He had also always wanted to experience what it felt like for Jiang Yuduo to ride a bus, to see what he saw, hear what he heard.

But after getting on, he regretted it a little. What the hell was he being so sentimental for?

It took too long, the environment was uncomfortable, and there was even a smell.

He had already chosen the most expensive ticket, but it still didn’t improve much… Luckily, the driver let him bring Miao’s little carrier bag onto the bus instead of stuffing it into the luggage compartment.

After finding his seat, Cheng Ke put on his headphones and tilted his head toward the window.

Actually, that action made him miss Jiang Yuduo intensely.

Jiang Yuduo’s fixation on watching the scenery outside the window was already carved into his memory. Whenever he thought of Jiang Yuduo in all sorts of situations, there was always a window.

Sometimes he also looked out the window, but mostly because he was bored, or because he wanted to avoid conversations he didn’t want to have. Jiang Yuduo, though, did it out of habitual vigilance.

If that was the case, then what they saw should be different too. When Jiang Yuduo looked out the window, he probably didn’t even notice the shop signs in all kinds of styles, the different trees and flowers, the buildings whose colors shifted in the sunlight.

If Jiang Yuduo came back, after he finished what he needed to do, maybe he should take him out again and let him see the new world properly.

Actually, Cheng Ke wasn’t really in the mood to sightsee right then. He was basically just staring at the glass, dazed.

Xu Ding probably had already guessed that the real destination of his inspection trip definitely wasn’t the few places he had reported. As for Huihui, she was very considerate and added a few more themed restaurants with local特色 in the cities he had said he’d be visiting.

Of course he wasn’t going to inspect restaurants this time. He was going to inspect a mental hospital.

But how far he could inspect, and whether the inspection could reach its intended purpose, he had no confidence at all.

He hadn’t even called Sister Luo in advance, afraid she would stop him right there on the phone from setting off.

But this time, he wasn’t acting on pure impulse. He had thought it over for quite a while.

That bastard Jiang Yuduo had secretly started treatment some time ago. From early spring to early summer, if he had cooperated during that period, there should already have been some effect.

If the doctor agreed to let him see Jiang Yuduo, maybe that would give Jiang Yuduo the motivation to keep cooperating properly.

When Cheng Ke got off the bus carrying Miao, his whole body felt a little numb, his lower back was sore, and he seemed to have picked up some strange smell.

He took a taxi straight to the hotel he had stayed at with Jiang Yuduo last time, only to find that when he booked the room, he hadn’t managed to get the same one as before.

This time he had more luggage than last time. After all, the weather was hot now, and he had also stuffed a small folding cat cage into his suitcase.

After he got into the room, the staff watched him put Miao into the cage before leaving.

“Bear with it for a few days,” Cheng Ke said, putting water and cat food into the cage. “Tomorrow I’ll take you to see your Third Brother. If we can see him… if the doctor agrees, then you can stay with him in the hospital too.”

Miao had sat in transit all day and didn’t look all that energetic. He only ate a few bites of cat food before lying down.

“If not, then you’ll still have to go back with me.” Cheng Ke stroked him.

If he couldn’t see the person, then he could go back tomorrow.

Cheng Ke suddenly felt a little uneasy. He hadn’t had this kind of nervous, anticipatory, fearful of disappointment feeling in many years.

He had thought he would feel calmer after sleeping through the night… He really had been fairly calm when he walked out of the hotel holding Miao, but once he got into the taxi and gave Sister Luo’s address, he started feeling uneasy again.

After he arrived, he called Sister Luo.

"Hello, Xiao Cheng."

Sister Luo answered the call.

"Hello, Teacher Luo," Cheng Ke cleared his throat. "I… happened to be on a business trip passing by your area, and I was wondering if you might have time to come out and sit for a while?"

"Ah!" Sister Luo sounded surprised. "Where are you?"

"I’m just… just…" Cheng Ke suddenly felt a little embarrassed. "Downstairs from your office."

"Downstairs?" Sister Luo was even more surprised. "All right, all right, I’ll come down right away."

Cheng Ke’s embarrassment hit its peak when Sister Luo came out through the door.

He was almost thirty. By that bastard Jiang’s imaginary-age rules, he was already thirty. And yet he had gone and done something as impulsive as a little kid.

Even though he had said it was a business trip, when Sister Luo saw Miao in his arms, her eyes already told him, My god, is this a thousand-mile chase for a husband?

"I can’t tell you where Xiao Jiang is," Sister Luo said after they sat down at a small café nearby. "I can only tell you that he’s still in a fairly stable state right now, and the treatment has been working pretty well."

"I’m not here to ask where he is," Cheng Ke said with a smile. He opened the map on his phone and handed it to Sister Luo. The destination had already been set. "I’m planning to go straight over, so… I mainly wanted to understand his current condition first. Is he in a suitable state to see me? After all, it’s been several months. If he’s been thinking I’d get impatient and leave, and I never showed up, I’m afraid he’d be disappointed."

Sister Luo looked at him, and after a while she said softly, "He probably was worried about that. I asked whether I should contact you, and he said no."

Cheng Ke suddenly felt his heart ache.

It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time.

During this period, after he had calmed down from his anxiety, all that was left was waiting. Everything related to Jiang Yuduo could make him dazed, and as the waiting dragged on and on, he gradually stopped being dazed. Everything had become like a habit he had long since formed.

Now, hearing Jiang Yuduo mentioned by Sister Luo, that ache in his heart somehow brought with it a trace of joy.

He and Jiang Yuduo were equally afraid, afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold on, that he would leave, that many things would slowly fade.

And now, in this instant, his reaction made all the anxiety he had never quite noticed but which had truly existed all along sink down, and his whole body became peaceful and calm.

He looked at his fingers gripping the cup handle tightly. "Then…"

"I think you can go and try, talk to his doctor first, hear what he thinks, whether it would be helpful for Xiao Jiang, or whether there might be some other more suitable way." Sister Luo said.

"Thank you." Cheng Ke pinched Miao’s ear. Maybe because he was too excited, he hadn’t controlled his strength very well, and Miao swatted him with a paw.

It was obvious that Sister Luo really did care about Jiang Yuduo. Before Cheng Ke went to the hospital, Sister Luo called Jiang Yuduo’s doctor first and briefly explained the situation.

"Just go straight over, Dr. Li will be waiting for you there," Sister Luo said.

"Thank you, Teacher Luo," Cheng Ke said, rising a little anxiously. "Then, then I…"

"Go on, hurry up," Sister Luo said with a smile. "I’ll treat the coffee."

Cheng Ke bowed slightly to Sister Luo. Before he could say anything else, he grabbed Miao and quickly walked out of the café.

The taxi driver knew where he was going as soon as he heard the address, and probably because he was considering the feelings of a patient’s family, he didn’t speak to him the whole way.

When they got there and stopped, the driver only said, "Haven’t been here before, right? Just go in. The left side is for receiving family members, you can register over there and all that."

"Thank you." Cheng Ke nodded and got out with Miao.

Miao was especially well-behaved today. Aside from the paw he had swatted Cheng Ke with earlier, he kept all his paws neatly together whether Cheng Ke was carrying him or holding him.

Jiang Yuduo’s doctor was surnamed Li, a man in his fifties, and he was a doctor with a very good reputation. Cheng Ke had seen him while looking up information about the hospital before.

After he explained the situation to the nurse at reception, she told him to sit and wait in the hall nearby.

The hall had a lot of small tables and chairs, as well as a television. The news was on at the moment. After Cheng Ke sat down, he looked around.

There were several people there, men and women alike, all wearing clothes printed with the hospital’s name. A very young-looking boy was muttering softly to himself at the table, while the others were all quiet. Cheng Ke felt a little awkward, though, because all of them were tilting their heads and staring at him curiously.

Cheng Ke smiled at them and shifted his gaze toward the corridor, no longer meeting their eyes.

For some reason, seeing this kind of scene made his chest tighten.

These were patients. They all possessed worlds different from everyone else’s, and some people were trapped in another world for their entire lives.

And only when he felt it so directly did he suddenly realize that Jiang Yuduo was the same as them.

Jiang Yuduo was also a patient here.

Even though during most of the time he spent with him, Jiang Yuduo never seemed strange, that was only because he had used pain to cover up pain.

Not being aware of it might have been easier.

People who drifted between two worlds probably endured even more despair.

When Dr. Li came out from the corridor, Cheng Ke recognized him at a glance. He stood up, and the tension in that instant made him forget about Miao lying on his leg. Miao quickly clamped onto his clothes and hung there on him.

"You must be Cheng Ke?" Dr. Li came over, smiling as he held out his hand from several steps away.

"Yes," Cheng Ke said, going forward to shake his hand. "Hello, Doctor Li. Sorry to trouble you."

"Sit," Dr. Li said. "Let’s first have a simple discussion."

"All right." Cheng Ke sat down and held Miao with both hands so they wouldn’t shake from excitement and nervousness.

"Xiao Luo told me about the situation," Dr. Li said. "I think it would have a fairly positive effect if Jiang Yuduo saw you. Especially during this period, he’s been wanting to be discharged. I hope his mood can stay a little more stable. I’d like to observe him for another week."

"He can be discharged?" Cheng Ke sat up straight at once.

"With medication involved now, after several months, he’s basically stable. A full recovery isn’t very likely," Dr. Li said. "But I’m still fairly optimistic. His self-control and willpower are quite strong."

"Then right now he…" Cheng Ke asked carefully.

"His condition is pretty good, much better than when he first came," Dr. Li thought for a moment and smiled again. "Of course, I can’t rule out the possibility that he’s fooling me. This kid used to handle us very slickly, but this time he took the initiative to cooperate with treatment, so I believe his condition really is stable."

"That’s good," Cheng Ke said, letting out a breath. "Thank you."

"I’ll go talk to him, then have him come over," Dr. Li said, getting to his feet. "Wait a moment."

"Okay." Cheng Ke stood up and nodded.

After Dr. Li walked away, Miao meowed. Cheng Ke scooped him off his leg and set him on the table, tugging at his whiskers. "What should I do? I’m a little nervous. What if I end up crying later because I’m too nervous?"

Miao sat upright and looked at him.

"Probably not," Cheng Ke said. "I think your Third Brother might cry first. If I see him crying, I probably won’t get the chance to cry myself. I’ll have to comfort him."

Miao licked his paw.

"If everything goes smoothly, he might be discharged before his birthday," Cheng Ke took out his phone and looked at the calendar. "But then this timing could be either long or short… Should I go back first, or stay here the whole time?"

Miao put down his paw and looked at him with utter indifference.

Cheng Ke felt like he couldn’t stop talking. "I…"

"Meow~~~"

A cat’s meow came from ahead.

Miao turned his head.

Cheng Ke followed suit and suddenly looked up. Even though it was just one unconvincing meow said in a deliberately softened voice, it was enough for him to recognize it.

It was Jiang Yuduo.

When he saw Jiang Yuduo, Cheng Ke felt like his entire body had frozen.

Because there was no return date, the waiting during this period had made him used to numbness, to not thinking too much and not daring to think too much. All his imagination about Jiang Yuduo had only been able to remain at the level of words.

Even in the second before he heard Jiang Yuduo’s voice, he hadn’t concretely imagined what their meeting would look like.

It was only when he saw Jiang Yuduo’s smiling face that the world around him was like a television that had been badly receiving signal suddenly getting reception. It all became real and clear in one sudden rush, even the young man beside them muttering under his breath seemed magnified.

All the colors turned bright and full, all the sounds surged into his ears, and he even caught the smell of soil and grass drifting in from outside the window.

"You…" Cheng Ke looked at Jiang Yuduo, and after a long time he finally said, "You actually didn’t gain weight?"

"I’ve been paying attention to that. There’s a gym on the second floor, and I go every day," Jiang Yuduo walked up to him, one hand resting on Miao’s carrier bag, his gaze never leaving Cheng Ke’s face. "I…"

He didn’t finish the sentence. Just as Cheng Ke had guessed, tears slid down Jiang Yuduo’s face within that second, the tear tracks glinting on his skin.

"I thought you’d left," Jiang Yuduo said, his brows furrowed as he tried hard to hold back his tears, even forcing the corners of his mouth up into a smile. "Sister Luo said she’d contact you, but I didn’t dare. I was afraid you’d already left…"

"I said I wouldn’t leave." Cheng Ke wrapped his arms around him in one motion. "I said I wouldn’t leave, didn’t I? Didn’t Sister Luo tell you?"

"She did," Jiang Yuduo held him tightly, burying his face in Cheng Ke’s shoulder. "But it was too long. It had been so long that I was afraid you wouldn’t keep your word anymore…"

"Since when have I ever gone back on my word?" Cheng Ke rubbed hard along his back. That solid, real touch made him feel like a person who had been hungry for two years and could only eat boiled greens every day had suddenly had his mouth stuffed full of braised pork.

Steady and satisfied.

"Why didn’t you lose weight?" Jiang Yuduo asked in a low voice, crying softly as he spoke. "Don’t you miss me?"

"I do, of course I miss you. I think about you every day…" Cheng Ke also spoke softly, his voice trembling.

"Then why didn’t you lose weight?" Jiang Yuduo asked stubbornly.

"I learned from you every day, three meals a day, not missing a single one, and I ate quite a lot at every meal," Cheng Ke said. "I always ate at the shop. The food was too good, so I couldn’t lose weight."

Jiang Yuduo didn’t say anything. After a while, he covered Cheng Ke’s neck with his hand and laughed. "Idiot."

"You’re the idiot." Cheng Ke laughed too.

Jiang Yuduo kept laughing, and Cheng Ke laughed along with him.

There wasn’t really anything funny about it, but they just wanted to laugh. Cheng Ke even laughed out loud.

He only stopped when he laughed so much he wanted to cry.

Jiang Yuduo let him go and looked carefully at his face again.

Cheng Ke noticed that the tears on Jiang Yuduo’s face were already gone, not even a trace of the tear tracks remained. They must have all been wiped onto Cheng Ke’s shoulder.

"Want to take a walk in the yard?" Jiang Yuduo asked softly.

"Mm." Cheng Ke nodded.

Jiang Yuduo picked up Miao and walked inward, passing through the door and leading him into the yard. "How is it? The view’s pretty good, right?"

"Mm," Cheng Ke looked around. "It’s pretty comfortable."

Jiang Yuduo glanced at him and seemed a little embarrassed as he looked away, hands in his pockets, head lowered as he slowly walked along the path.

Cheng Ke seemed to feel the same way. Maybe because it had been too long since they’d seen each other, he actually felt a little embarrassed too.

After they walked a small circle, Jiang Yuduo sat down by the fountain and looked up at him. "Give me a cigarette."

"Okay." Cheng Ke took out the cigarette case, then hesitated a little. "Aren’t you taking medication? Can you smoke?"

"I can smoke, but I made a deal with Dr. Li for four a day, and he gives them to me every day," Jiang Yuduo said. "Today’s quota is already used up."

Cheng Ke laughed. "So this is sneaking one, then?"

"Mm," Jiang Yuduo laughed too. "Give it to me."

Cheng Ke handed him a cigarette and lit it for him.

Jiang Yuduo took a drag and slowly exhaled a thin column of smoke.

Cheng Ke stared at him and finally began to gradually find the familiar Jiang Yuduo again, the narrowed eyes when he smoked, still with that arrogant Third Brother air.

But there were still some changes, subtle ones, maybe changes only he could feel.

Relaxation.

Compared with before, Jiang Yuduo was much more relaxed. If there had been nothing to compare him to, Cheng Ke felt he might not have noticed. The old Jiang Yuduo had always carried a trace of tension.

"How did you know I was here?" Jiang Yuduo asked. "Did you bribe Sister Luo?"

"No. She’s a good comrade," Cheng Ke said with a smile. "I guessed."

"And you guessed that accurately," Jiang Yuduo said.

"It depends on who you’re guessing. If I’m guessing you, then I’m this accurate." Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo smiled with narrowed eyes. After a while, he reached out and grabbed Cheng Ke’s clothes, tugging him closer, then looked up at him. "I really… thought every day about whether you would leave."

"I said I wouldn’t leave, so I wouldn’t leave. You really don’t understand me at all," Cheng Ke said, lowering his head to pinch his chin. "I still had unfinished business."

"What business?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke looked around. No one was nearby. He lowered his voice. "Fucking you."