TA •Chapter 79

When they left the coffee shop, the sky that had been overcast the whole time began to spit a light rain.

"Kind of cold, huh?" Jiang Yuduo tilted his face up to look at the sky. "Rain feels colder than snow."

"It’s fine," Cheng Ke said, zipping up his coat. "Should we take a cab back?"

"Can we take the bus?" Jiang Yuduo asked. "I haven’t taken a bus in a long time."

"Sure. Is there one nearby?" Cheng Ke looked both ways.

"Ahead." Jiang Yuduo led him along the road.

They hadn’t gone far before they saw a bus stop. The two of them stood together under the shelter, neither of them saying anything.

Cheng Ke took a deep breath.

The rain of early spring smelled different from rain in other seasons, cool and faintly earthy. Even on a day like this, with the north wind still blowing, the wet ground, tree trunks, umbrellas, and hair of passersby all glinted with a fine, delicate sheen.

"I lived here for a year," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Really?" Cheng Ke hadn’t expected him to say that so suddenly, and he froze for a moment.

"With another kid," Jiang Yuduo said. "Sister Luo wanted to help us."

Cheng Ke turned around and stood facing him, lifting a hand to squeeze lightly at his shoulder.

"Later I ran away," Jiang Yuduo said. "Ran far away, didn’t come back much. I called that kid once."

"What did he say?" Cheng Ke asked softly.

"He said he wanted to kill himself," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke’s heart gave a hard jolt. Only then did he realize this was the child Sister Luo had mentioned, the one who had died by suicide.

"I didn’t tell Sister Luo," Jiang Yuduo said, looking up at him. "After that, he died."

"You…" Cheng Ke froze, then quickly tightened his grip on Jiang Yuduo’s shoulder. "That wasn’t your fault."

"I never thought it was my fault." Jiang Yuduo lowered his head, took out a cigarette, lit it, and bit down on it. "It was his own business, his own choice. If dying felt better than living, then he just died."

Cheng Ke didn’t speak. His hand kept kneading Jiang Yuduo’s shoulder, one squeeze after another. Jiang Yuduo held the cigarette out to him, and Cheng Ke took a drag, turned his head away, exhaled the smoke, and asked in a low voice, "Then you…"

"I don’t want to die," Jiang Yuduo said around the cigarette, narrowing his eyes slightly. "I won’t let them kill me. I won’t die in their hands."

Cheng Ke let out a soft sigh and said nothing else. He leaned forward a little, lowered his head to rest his chin on Jiang Yuduo’s shoulder, and wrapped his arms tighter around his back.

Cheng Ke added Sister Luo on WeChat. After they got back to the hotel, Sister Luo sent him a message saying that if they needed anything, they could come to her.

Jiang Yuduo sat beside him watching. Cheng Ke didn’t reply right away. He put the phone back in his pocket. "Should I have the hotel send some food up to the room?"

"I want bread," Jiang Yuduo said. "Something with sweet filling. Do they have that?"

"Or we can just go eat in the restaurant. It’s on the second floor." Cheng Ke looked at him.

Jiang Yuduo hesitated. "Fine."

The hotel restaurant was decent enough. Cheng Ke ordered a bowl of noodles, and the sweet-filled bread Jiang Yuduo wanted was actually on the menu. It was red bean paste.

"Good?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Good." Jiang Yuduo held the bread, bitten once, out toward him. "Try it."

Cheng Ke took a bite. "Mm, seems pretty good."

"When you contact Sister Luo, don’t do it in front of me," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Huh?" Cheng Ke blinked.

"I’ll… get nervous." Jiang Yuduo frowned a little.

"Okay. Actually, I won’t have much contact with her anyway," Cheng Ke said. He could tell that even now, even though Jiang Yuduo was willing to face this, willing to admit he was sick, he would still be unable to control the unease inside him, the suspicion.

Originally, Cheng Ke had thought that if there was nothing to do that night, he could take Jiang Yuduo out for a walk. But now that he knew this place didn’t hold any especially good memories for Jiang Yuduo, he didn’t bring it up.

After they finished eating and came back, they both took showers, then Cheng Ke lay down on the bed and turned on the TV.

When he booked the room, he hadn’t asked for a twin room. He had been afraid the front desk would think too much about it, so he’d gotten a standard room. Now that he was lying there, he regretted it a little.

He wanted to squeeze into bed with Jiang Yuduo, but he also felt like calling Jiang Yuduo over to squeeze in with him would seem a bit improper. He didn’t have any improper thoughts, but given their current state, that feeling clearly wasn’t right. If there had been only one bed, there wouldn’t have been anything to agonize over.

Jiang Yuduo stood by the window for a while, then turned around.

Cheng Ke didn’t look at him, just kept his eyes on the TV.

Jiang Yuduo stood by the bed near the window for a bit, glanced his way, then walked over and lay down, scooting closer until he was pressed up beside him.

He kept inching closer until he was tightly贴着 him, then turned on his side and wrapped his arms around him.

"Sleepy?" Cheng Ke looked down at him.

"They’re downstairs," Jiang Yuduo said, pressing his face against Cheng Ke’s waist. "I saw them."

Cheng Ke glanced toward the window. "It’s fine. You can’t see them now, can you?"

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo answered in a muffled voice.

Cheng Ke turned the TV volume up.

Jiang Yuduo didn’t move again, just held him quietly for a long time.

When Cheng Ke was wondering whether this guy had fallen asleep, Jiang Yuduo grabbed his clothes and tugged them downward. "Move down a bit."

Cheng Ke shifted lower and settled onto the pillow. "What is it?"

Jiang Yuduo didn’t answer. He propped himself up and looked at Cheng Ke for a while, then carefully lifted Cheng Ke’s right arm, the one in a cast, and placed it beside the pillow. "Keep it here."

"Why?" Cheng Ke moved his arm a little. "I’m not asleep yet. I won’t bump it."

Jiang Yuduo stared at him.

"Fine, fine, I’ll leave it here." Cheng Ke put his hand back down.

Jiang Yuduo lowered his head and lightly brushed his lips against the corner of Cheng Ke’s mouth.

Cheng Ke went still.

Jiang Yuduo pressed down a little more, his tongue tip licking at the corner of Cheng Ke’s lips.

Cheng Ke snapped back to his senses at once. He looped his left arm around the back of Jiang Yuduo’s neck and yanked him down into a fierce kiss.

But the response Jiang Yuduo gave him next was genuinely surprising. His breathing changed almost instantly.

Jiang Yuduo’s hand slid along his waist and slipped under his shirt.

It was like someone had dropped a timed bomb into Cheng Ke’s brain.

Boom.

When Cheng Ke flipped over and shoved Jiang Yuduo beneath him, he didn’t think about the cast at all. It wasn’t until Jiang Yuduo pinned him back down onto the pillow that he realized his wrist was starting to ache faintly.

"I told you to keep it there!" Jiang Yuduo panted hard, forcing Cheng Ke’s hand back beside the pillow and holding it there.

"How the hell was I supposed to keep it there?" Cheng Ke was breathing just as hard. "You were basically stripping me. Let me see you keep one still."

"I didn’t strip you," Jiang Yuduo said, pointing at him. "I just lifted it once!"

"What’s the difference?" Cheng Ke looked down at the shirt that had been lifted up.

Jiang Yuduo quickly reached out and yanked his shirt back down, even patting his stomach twice.

"What kind of move is that?" Cheng Ke couldn’t help laughing.

"Just telling you I didn’t strip your clothes off," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Then I’ll strip yours." Cheng Ke grabbed his shirt and flipped it upward, then gave his waist a hard squeeze. When his hand went toward Jiang Yuduo’s butt, Jiang Yuduo caught it at once.

"Don’t grope around." Jiang Yuduo pinned his left hand to the bed.

"Fuck," Cheng Ke said helplessly. "Fine. Can I at least kiss around randomly?"

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo answered, lowering his head to kiss him again.

It was pretty agonizing.

Cheng Ke felt that people were such strange animals. The worse your mood, the more tangled up your emotions, the more confused your head, the harder it was to extinguish the fire once it had been lit.

It was as if you had to wait for someone to set you on fire, to burn away all the useless emotions.

But Jiang Yuduo was already asleep beside him… Even if he hadn’t been asleep, judging from how resistant Jiang Yuduo was, Cheng Ke could only self-immolate for the moment.

Luckily, he really was exhausted today. His brain was tired, his heart was tired, and after the curtains were yanked open, the emptiness left by all thought filled his body with fatigue.

He fell asleep soon after, to the sound of Jiang Yuduo’s breathing.

In the morning, Cheng Ke didn’t hear his alarm go off. What surprised him was that Jiang Yuduo, who was always so alert, hadn’t heard it either. Fortunately, they had ordered breakfast the day before, and when the delivery service called to ask whether it could be brought to the room now, the two of them finally jolted awake.

"What time is it?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Seven-thirty," Jiang Yuduo said, glancing at his phone. "Won’t we be late?"

"We’ve still got time." Cheng Ke let out a breath of relief. "As long as we leave before eight, it’s fine."

"Half an hour to pack, wash up, eat breakfast, and then call a car," Jiang Yuduo said, springing straight from the bed to the floor. "That’s pretty tight."

Cheng Ke glanced down between his legs and smiled.

Jiang Yuduo looked down. "What are you grinning at? You don’t have one?"

"Whether I do or not, I’m not running around with a gun in my hand." Cheng Ke said.

"You definitely don’t." Jiang Yuduo went into the bathroom.

Cheng Ke sat on the bed laughing for a long time, not even knowing what he was laughing at.

Maybe he still felt a little lighter. Even if everything ahead was dark, the wall was gone. As long as he kept going forward, there would be a road beneath his feet.

Jiang Yuduo had never taken a plane, much less sat in first class.

After they boarded, he sat in his seat and looked around for a long time, then leaned close to Cheng Ke’s ear and said softly, "This first class isn’t that great."

"What did you think it should be like?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Don’t know," Jiang Yuduo said. "Feels like it’s only a little roomier than the flight here."

"Then next time we’ll pick a more impressive first class to sit in." Cheng Ke smiled.

"Next time?" Jiang Yuduo asked immediately. "When? Where to?"

"…Next time just means next time, some future time, if there’s a chance, or when we go traveling…" Cheng Ke hadn’t finished before Jiang Yuduo cut him off.

"Travel where?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke laughed, leaning back in his seat for a long while. "Anywhere. Do you have somewhere you want to go?"

Jiang Yuduo thought for a long time without saying anything. In the end, even his brows knotted together. "No."

"No?" Cheng Ke asked.

"No." Jiang Yuduo suddenly looked a little down, lowered his head, and sighed. "I don’t want to go anywhere."

"Why?" Cheng Ke asked again.

"Scared." Jiang Yuduo frowned.

"Got it," Cheng Ke said, taking his hand. "Then we won’t go. We’ll go traveling again when you’re not scared anymore."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo closed his eyes.

He didn’t show that fear all that much, but after they got home, Cheng Ke could clearly feel him relax at once.

When he sprawled on the sofa and made out with Miao, Jiang Yuduo looked pretty happy.

A familiar environment, one he could control, was very important to him. Once he left it, he became tense, so tense that he would flop down and fall asleep in an unfamiliar place, so tense that even after falling asleep he wouldn’t hear his alarm.

Although Jiang Yuduo had made up his mind to face the darkness, this wasn’t quitting smoking, or breaking some bad habit, and it wasn’t even directly facing a psychological shadow.

What Jiang Yuduo had to fight against was the kind of damage that would never be erased in a lifetime.

Just after they put their luggage back into the closet, Chen Qing called and said they were eating dinner that night.

"I don’t feel like moving," Jiang Yuduo said. "You eat by yourself."

"Third Brother, how’s your injury? Any better?" Chen Qing asked.

"How could it not get better?" Jiang Yuduo said. "It’s pretty good."

"If you don’t want to come out, then don’t," Chen Qing said. "I’m going to eat with Da Bin in a bit, then head to the bar."

"How’s the effect?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Pretty good!" Chen Qing’s voice rose at once when he brought it up. "Nobody’s fighting, nobody’s even talking. Yesterday there were about seventy or eighty people when we went. The place was packed. We should have even more tonight."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo smiled.

"Actually, if we really wanted even more, that wouldn’t be a problem. Once everyone heard about Third Brother’s business, they all came," Chen Qing said. "I held it back. After all, it’s Ji family money. Even if it’s spent crooked when it comes crooked, we can’t let one crooked haul cost too much."

"Any movement from Zhang Daqi?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Haven’t seen him for two days, but yesterday even their security guards came out and watched us," Chen Qing said. "I’m guessing if we go two more days, we really could rent the whole place out."

"Keep it up for a full week first," Jiang Yuduo said.

"No problem," Chen Qing said. "Making people sick to their stomachs is my specialty."

After he hung up, Cheng Ke walked over and checked the gauze on his head. "This needs changing. There’s blood coming through."

"It felt a little swollen on the plane." Jiang Yuduo touched his head.

"Want me to change it for you?" Cheng Ke asked.

"No need." Jiang Yuduo took out the little first-aid kit. "Let’s go to the supermarket in a bit."

"Buy what?" Cheng Ke asked.

"A lot. The fridge is basically empty." Jiang Yuduo had just checked the fridge. There was almost nothing left to eat. They needed to stock up, or else he and Cheng Ke would have to eat takeout every day…

He and Cheng Ke.

He glanced at Cheng Ke.

"What?" Cheng Ke said. "It’s not all me eating it. I only had a few bites, okay?"

"You still want to eat?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Are you saying I’m not allowed to eat anymore?" Cheng Ke said. "Should I pay for meals then? Fine, today I’ll pay."

Jiang Yuduo suddenly felt a wave of relief, and the corner of his mouth almost slipped out of control. "You’re not going back today, right?"

"I’ll live here at least until before the opening." Cheng Ke tapped the tip of his nose. "I’m busy these next few days. I’ve got one arm, so I need someone to take care of me."

"Me?" Jiang Yuduo asked right away.

"Then who, Chen Qing?" Cheng Ke clicked his tongue.

"He would never take care of you," Jiang Yuduo said, clicking his tongue too. "He’s got a huge problem with you."

"I’ve got a pretty big problem with him too," Cheng Ke said. "I’m honestly impressed you two have gotten along for so many years."

Jiang Yuduo smiled, and just as he was about to speak, Cheng Ke’s phone rang.

"Who is it?" he asked casually.

"No idea, maybe Xu Ding…" Cheng Ke took out his phone, glanced at it, and fell silent.

"Who?" Jiang Yuduo leaned over to look. The phone only showed a number, not a name, but the sudden change in Cheng Ke’s face, like someone had hit him with something unpleasant, made it clear this was a number he could recognize even without saving it.

"Fuck." Cheng Ke bit his lip and looked up at him. "My dad."

Jiang Yuduo froze. "Your dad? What does he want?"

Before Cheng Ke could answer, he shot to his feet. "Is it because of that idiot Cheng Yi?"

"I’ll answer it first and hear what he says. You make a list of what we need to buy at the supermarket." Cheng Ke patted his face. If it really was only about Cheng Yi, his dad might not have called again. His dad already knew that he had beaten Cheng Yi, and the fact that he had taken one million from Cheng Yi didn’t count for much in his father’s eyes.

There was only one possibility.

His father was calling because of Jiang Yuduo.

Jiang Yuduo, looking thoroughly annoyed, took out a piece of cigarette pack paper and sat at the table to start writing the list. Cheng Ke walked out to the back yard and answered the call. "Dad?"

"Do you have time?" His father’s voice came through, carrying no emotion at all, cold as ice.

"What is it?" Cheng Ke asked.

"I’m at your boyfriend’s front gate," his father said. "If you have time…"

"Where are you?" Cheng Ke’s voice rose sharply.

"At your boyfriend’s front gate," his father repeated Jiang Yuduo’s address. "There’s a newsstand here. I want to see you within five minutes."

"Say it on the phone." Cheng Ke’s voice went cold too.

"Five minutes." His father hung up.

Cheng Ke stood there dazed for a moment. When he turned to go back inside, he saw Jiang Yuduo standing by the window. He hurried over. "You…"

"Was that… your dad’s car?" Jiang Yuduo pointed outside, then turned back to look at him. "I can’t see the whole plate, just three ones."

"How… did you hear that?" Cheng Ke’s heart ached.

"I heard you ask him where he was," Jiang Yuduo said, the corner of his mouth tightening. "You sounded so shocked. I figured he had to be at the gate for you to react like that."

Cheng Ke tossed his phone onto the sofa a little irritably. "Let him wait there."

"There’s someone else in the car," Jiang Yuduo said. "If you don’t go, he’ll come in… Go. I’m fine."

Cheng Ke didn’t speak.

"Really," Jiang Yuduo said. "I’m in a pretty good mood right now. It’s fine."

"You stay right here," Cheng Ke said, pointing at the window. "Just stand here and watch me."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo nodded.

"Keep watching me until I come back." Cheng Ke said.

"Mm, don’t be afraid." Jiang Yuduo cupped his face and rubbed it gently. "I’ll be watching right here. Nobody can do anything to you on my watch."

Cheng Ke smiled, put on his coat, and went out.

He wanted Jiang Yuduo to keep watching him so Jiang Yuduo’s attention would stay fixed on this and wouldn’t have a chance to drift to anything else.

But Jiang Yuduo’s answer still made Cheng Ke’s nose sting.