TA •Chapter 61

Cheng Ke felt that if he had to choose between fighting and kissing in his current state, fighting would probably be more accurate.

Maybe Jiang Yuduo was being unusually vicious because he was overwhelmed with embarrassment, because this "kiss" was basically him slamming Cheng Ke against the wall and then kissing him with one hand clamped around his throat.

That was fighting, and an ambush at that. A victory won unfairly.

It also counted as striking fast and hard.

Before Cheng Ke was squeezed to the point of struggling for breath, Jiang Yuduo had already let go and stepped away.

Cheng Ke leaned against the wall, holding his arm, and it took him a long while to come to his senses. In fact, the time it took him to blank out seemed even longer than the kiss itself.

"Let’s go," Jiang Yuduo said in a muffled voice.

"…What are you doing?" Cheng Ke looked at him as he walked into the bedroom. "Where’s the dipping sauce dish?"

Jiang Yuduo said nothing. He went to the bedroom door and leaned against the frame. After a while, he laughed. "Your mouth really is fucking nasty."

"Did you taste it?" Cheng Ke pulled out a wool sweater, looked at the sleeves, then put it back and took out a shirt instead.

"You’re wearing a shirt? Aren’t you afraid of the cold?" Jiang Yuduo asked, still amused.

"The sleeves on shirts are a little wider," Cheng Ke said. "I’m either in the room or in the car, so it’s not like I’ll get that cold."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo came over, took the shirt, and shook it out. "Have you always just worn this shirt without unbuttoning it, like pulling it over your head?"

"What else?" Cheng Ke said.

"You’re really lazy." Jiang Yuduo slipped the shirt over Cheng Ke’s head and pulled his arms through the sleeves.

"Do you have to button a shirt when you wear one?" Cheng Ke asked. "If you have to button it up anyway, why unbutton it?"

"…I’ve never worn a shirt before," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke glanced at him. "Not even those tacky plaid shirts?"

"You just said tacky, so why would I have worn one," Jiang Yuduo said with a frown. "Am I tacky? Chen Qing is the tacky one, right?"

"Don’t talk nonsense," Cheng Ke said with a laugh. "Chen Qing isn’t tacky. He’s all right."

"So I’m tacky?" Jiang Yuduo glared at him.

"When did I say you were tacky?" Cheng Ke said. "I just asked if you’d worn one!"

"No." Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke sighed. "Then isn’t that settled?"

"The key point is that I’m not tacky." Jiang Yuduo said.

"I get it!" Cheng Ke shouted, then couldn’t help laughing again. "So annoying. Come on, let’s go."

After they left the apartment and got into the elevator, Cheng Ke leaned against the car wall and watched the numbers, his mind starting to sort through the pile of things he needed to do today. Jiang Yuduo lowered his head and looked at his phone.

But Cheng Ke noticed that his finger never actually touched the screen. Even when the phone had gone black, he was still holding the same posture. Following his gaze, Cheng Ke saw that he seemed to be staring at the gap in the middle of the elevator doors.

"What do you want to eat later?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Whatever," Jiang Yuduo said. "I can eat anything."

Cheng Ke also looked at the seam between the doors. He could tell Jiang Yuduo wasn’t spacing out, so what was so interesting about that gap?

It wasn’t until they reached the first floor and the elevator doors opened that Cheng Ke still hadn’t figured out what was worth staring at all the way down.

When they passed the security room, the guard was standing at the door and greeted them. "Heading out?"

"Yeah." Cheng Ke smiled.

"Are the lights in the hallway on the fourteenth floor broken?" Jiang Yuduo suddenly asked.

"Huh?" The guard froze. "Broken? No one’s reported anything. I’ll call the maintenance department, they’ll send someone to check it."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo answered.

"How did you know the light was broken?" Cheng Ke asked softly.

"Not sure," Jiang Yuduo said, glancing at him. "There was a little bit of light leaking through the crack in the elevator door."

Cheng Ke thought about it. It was true that he could see light flashing occasionally through the gap in the doors.

"The fourteenth floor wasn’t lit," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Oh," Cheng Ke nodded. "Your observation skills are really good…"

"If it wasn’t a broken light," Jiang Yuduo said, "then something or someone was blocking it. If it was a person, why would they be standing right in the middle, and so close?"

"What?" Cheng Ke froze.

"If someone was trying to go downstairs," Jiang Yuduo continued, "why didn’t the elevator stop on the fourteenth floor?"

Cheng Ke looked at Jiang Yuduo and suddenly felt uneasy. "So what are you saying?"

"I’m not saying anything," Jiang Yuduo said, jerking his head up sharply as if he’d been jolted awake from deep thought. "I was just… talking casually."

"Should we go back and take a look?" Cheng Ke asked. "Didn’t the guard say he’d call maintenance?"

"No need to look," Jiang Yuduo said with a laugh. "We’ll ask when we come back."

"Mm." Cheng Ke smiled too.

They had gotten up too late, so breakfast was too late, and lunch was still a little early. They casually ate a bowl of noodles at a small shop across the street, then took a taxi straight to the store.

On the way, Jiang Yuduo barely spoke. He wasn’t looking around like he usually did either, and though he leaned against the car window with his eyes closed the entire time, Cheng Ke could tell he wasn’t asleep, and he wasn’t blanking out either.

That familiar tension around Jiang Yuduo had reappeared after disappearing for several days.

Cheng Ke looked out at the road ahead and didn’t try to make conversation. His own head was a little chaotic now.

Those questions that had been set aside for the moment because he’d been overwhelmed by one thing after another were surging back, crowding his mind until it was full.

I’m here to see my therapist.

Pretty resistant to it… digging up my scars…

The effect.

I can basically no longer see them.

After a while, I’ll be fine.

Then you won’t have to… hide from me like this.

Jiang Yuduo’s words played over and over in his ears. Cheng Ke admired himself for still remembering them so clearly. Maybe it was because he had been too shocked. He even remembered the careful tone Jiang Yuduo had used at the time.

He also still remembered the faint uneasiness he had felt then.

What kind of mental or psychological illness could get better in such a short time?

And after Jiang Yuduo had admitted to seeing a therapist, and indirectly admitted that "they" did not exist, in just one short month, when they met again, all the behaviors about Jiang Yuduo that had once made him question things were gone. He didn’t even check the peephole before opening the door anymore.

Cheng Ke glanced at Jiang Yuduo.

Jiang Yuduo turned his head and smiled at him.

"Laugh at your ass," Cheng Ke said. "We’ve got work to do in a bit."

"Only the young master is afraid of work." Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke smiled and said nothing.

He didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t dare discuss these issues with Jiang Yuduo face-to-face anymore, but he also had to sort everything out.

He had chosen to leave because he felt Jiang Yuduo’s "abnormality" had something to do with him.

And Jiang Yuduo had rapidly become "normal" because he left.

That kind of cause and effect made him deeply uneasy.

He suddenly realized that he seemed to have changed nothing.

Except for the suddenly intimate relationship between him and Jiang Yuduo.

That was what he wanted, but not what he wanted right now.

There were people at the store, several workers cleaning up the debris left after the renovation.

Cheng Ke spoke to them briefly, then went up to the second floor. When he looked back, he saw Jiang Yuduo turn his head and stare out the door for two or three seconds.

"What now?" Jiang Yuduo said as he came up the stairs.

"I’m checking the placement of everything again," Cheng Ke said. "And the position of the tables and chairs on the second floor, then we’ll go buy cement and stuff. We also need to buy some boards and rebar."

"This really does feel like a construction site," Jiang Yuduo said.

"You don’t need to patrol the streets today, right?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Nope," Jiang Yuduo said with a smile. "I’ve got something tomorrow. I need to go check the rental place tomorrow, and the neighborhood office will still come inspect after the New Year, so we can’t let them find anything wrong. And then I still have to buy your birthday present."

"Birthday present?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"Yeah. It’s your birthday, aren’t you supposed to get a gift?" Jiang Yuduo said.

"…You could’ve kept it a secret and surprised me," Cheng Ke said.

"Do you think I wouldn’t give you a gift?" Jiang Yuduo frowned.

"I think you definitely would." Cheng Ke answered.

"Then what’s the point of keeping it a secret? You already know I’m definitely going to give you one," Jiang Yuduo said. "If I tell you I’m going to buy it tomorrow, does that ruin the surprise? What surprise is left?"

"Ah, none," Cheng Ke sighed. "That’s pretty reasonable."

Jiang Yuduo was still about to keep talking. "I was planning to…"

"There’s still a surprise!" Cheng Ke hurriedly cut him off. "Third Brother!"

"Huh?" Jiang Yuduo looked at him.

"As long as you don’t tell me what gift you’re buying," Cheng Ke said sincerely, looking at him. "That still counts as a surprise."

"If I don’t tell you, how am I supposed to know whether you’ll like it?" Jiang Yuduo frowned.

"I’ll like it. I’ll like whatever you give me," Cheng Ke nodded furiously. "I’m begging you, Third Brother, don’t tell me. I’ll like whatever you give me."

"Fine. You’re such a pain, just like a kid." Jiang Yuduo said.

"I’m the little brother of a three-and-a-half-year-old," Cheng Ke said. "Anyway, just don’t tell me."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo nodded.

Cheng Ke took the floor plan and walked around the store twice. After finishing, he realized he hadn’t remembered a single thing about where the afternoon deliveries were supposed to go.

He frowned and glanced at Jiang Yuduo, who was sitting on the stairs with his back to him, smoking.

That’s right, it was all Jiang Yuduo in his head.

Aside from the Jiang Yuduo full of question marks, there was also the Jiang Yuduo who had been pressed onto the sofa and kissed by him last night, the Jiang Yuduo who had sat by his bed until he got up, and that kiss that was like dumplings dipped in vinegar…

"Finished?" Jiang Yuduo turned around.

"Not yet." Cheng Ke turned back and went up to the third floor again.

Standing in the middle of the third floor, he sorted out his thoughts.

He had taken part in part of this store, and Xu Ding trusted him a great deal. He didn’t want anything to go wrong with the part he was responsible for.

Maybe in his family’s eyes, he was useless, but the things he wanted to do, he would still try his best to do well.

No matter why he had been kicked out of the house, he had been kicked out. He had to do something. Not to prove he wasn’t useless, just so he wouldn’t really become useless.

He carefully walked through the third floor to the first floor again, making sure every space for the things they would place there had been cleaned up and the spots reserved. Only then did he look at Jiang Yuduo.

"Finished?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Mm," Cheng Ke nodded. "Let’s go buy the cement and stuff."

Cheng Ke didn’t know where to buy cement, but Jiang Yuduo somehow did.

"For those rental buildings of Lu Xi’s, she was afraid the workers would rip her off, so I went with them for most of the materials," Jiang Yuduo said. "I know where to buy everything."

"How old were you then? You were so amazing," Cheng Ke said.

"Not that old," Jiang Yuduo said. "I had to do something, help Lu Xi out a bit. I couldn’t let her just think I was… pitiful, and keep me around."

"Mm." Cheng Ke reached out and rubbed his back. Thinking about Jiang Yuduo’s past, even if it wasn’t the earliest part of it, made his heart ache.

"When this store opens, will you basically have to come here like you’re going to work?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Not as strict as work, but I should come over most of the time. Sometimes if Xu Ding organizes some activities, I’ll have to come too." Cheng Ke smiled.

"Then this counts as you starting your career," Jiang Yuduo said, looking at him.

"I guess so." Cheng Ke nodded.

Jiang Yuduo said nothing and kept walking with his head down.

"Can we get there directly by subway?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Yeah, just four stops," Jiang Yuduo said. "Then we can just call a car to haul it back."

All the way from the store into the subway station and then onto the train, Cheng Ke quietly kept observing Jiang Yuduo.

He seemed fine. He wasn’t looking around, and he didn’t say anything strange again, but that feeling of being unable to completely relax was still there.

After Jiang Yuduo came back from the therapist, all the way until today, he had been relaxed. And before that, on those earlier days, as long as he didn’t see "them" or bring up the past, even when Jiang Yuduo was alert, Cheng Ke had rarely felt such obvious tension coming from him.

What exactly had gone wrong?

Who was it?

At what point in time?

What happened?

What had made him suddenly tense up?

The subway was crowded. The two of them stood by the door, pressed in by the people around them. Jiang Yuduo leaned against the door frame, his left hand gripping the pole beside him, enclosing the space where Cheng Ke was standing.

"I won’t get shoved," Cheng Ke said, arms folded. "I’ve got my hand protecting me."

"Just in case," Jiang Yuduo said softly. "It was only injured recently. If it had been injured a month ago, I wouldn’t be like this either."

Cheng Ke smiled.

After the train passed one stop, even more people got on. Jiang Yuduo moved slightly closer to him, making room for the people behind them.

Cheng Ke looked at him, unable to describe what he was feeling.

He didn’t want this relationship to change in any way, but it was like living inside a house made of frosted glass on all four sides. There was light, air, warmth, but nothing could be seen clearly.

He wanted to splash some water onto the glass and see what was on the other side.

No matter what it was.

"Are you sleepy?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Why?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"You seem listless." Jiang Yuduo said.

"Maybe I slept too long," Cheng Ke said with a smile. He lowered his head, looked down, let his left arm drop, and took Jiang Yuduo’s right hand, squeezing his palm lightly. "A little foggy."

Jiang Yuduo looked at him and lowered his voice. "What are you doing?"

"Mm?" Cheng Ke smiled. "Holding hands."

"My hand isn’t small," Jiang Yuduo said, glancing to the side. "What if someone sees us in a bit?"

"Who would see us? It’s hard enough just to keep your head down," Cheng Ke said with a laugh, though he still let go.

But after a while, Jiang Yuduo quietly caught one of his fingers and said softly, "That’s not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?" Cheng Ke asked quietly.

"Just…" Jiang Yuduo thought for a moment. "I don’t dislike you."

"What’s there for you to dislike?" Cheng Ke clicked his tongue.

"Yeah. A little elf who can’t even make a bed is still an elf." Jiang Yuduo also clicked his tongue.

Cheng Ke laughed for a long time. "Now you’ve got another line and you’re never going to stop, huh?"

Jiang Yuduo smiled but didn’t answer.

In the narrow back lane behind the building materials market, every shop sold cement, sand, boards, and the like. The prices and quality were more or less the same, so Cheng Ke could basically get everything he needed by visiting just two stores.

When they were buying cement, Jiang Yuduo stood by the door and didn’t go inside. He faced the street at an angle while Cheng Ke talked to the老板, and Cheng Ke watched him from the corner of his eye the whole time.

After buying the cement, Cheng Ke stepped out of the shop and looked in the direction Jiang Yuduo had been staring at.

There were people on the road, several coming and going, and trucks hauling cargo.

He didn’t know what Jiang Yuduo had been looking at. Every person there looked like nothing more than an ordinary passerby.

"Bought it?" Jiang Yuduo glanced over there again, then turned back and asked.

"Mm. We’ll leave it here for now. We’ll come back to pick it up once we’ve bought everything else. The老板 will arrange a truck to deliver it." Cheng Ke said, while quickly staring again at the direction Jiang Yuduo had been looking.

At the front of a hardware store ahead, two people were standing there chatting with cigarettes in their mouths.

Cheng Ke couldn’t see anything unusual.

"Let’s buy the boards," Jiang Yuduo said, turning to walk toward the shops selling boards across the street.

"Mm." Cheng Ke followed him.

They passed several board shops, but Jiang Yuduo didn’t stop. He kept walking forward, and only stopped at the last board shop. If they kept going, they would be out already.

"This one," Jiang Yuduo said.

"…Why? Is there a difference?" Cheng Ke walked into the shop.

"Fate." Jiang Yuduo walked in with him.

"What kind of wood do you need?" the老板 asked.

"For the cement mold, and some treated lumber too," Cheng Ke said.

"Got it. What kind of treated lumber do you want?" The老板 brought out several boards.

Cheng Ke took them and picked two kinds of carbonized wood. He was about to turn and ask Jiang Yuduo which one looked better when Jiang Yuduo suddenly took two steps out and strode sharply out the shop door.

Jiang Yuduo could still see "them"!

That was Cheng Ke’s judgment in that instant.

Without thinking, he didn’t even have time to put the boards down before he rushed after him.

He had to see it with his own eyes.

This "them."

The "them" in Jiang Yuduo’s eyes.

Whether they were ordinary strangers, not-so-ordinary strangers, or… nothing at all.

No matter which it was, he wanted to see it, at the same time as Jiang Yuduo, from the same perspective.

When he rushed out the door, there was no one outside.

No, there was someone.

Two shops away from them, someone entered a board store, but Cheng Ke didn’t see it clearly. He only caught a corner of a piece of clothing.

"Did you see it?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"See what?" Cheng Ke felt a chill run down his back when he heard that. "Did someone go into that shop?"

"Yeah," Jiang Yuduo said. "That guy behind the two smokers had a white stripe on the hem of his clothes."

Cheng Ke paused. Hearing Jiang Yuduo say that, he suddenly remembered those two smokers from earlier. One of them did seem to be wearing a sports jacket with a white stripe.

"I’ll be right back." Cheng Ke threw the boards back to the bewildered老板 and rushed toward that shop.

"Cheng Ke!" Jiang Yuduo called after him.

When he entered the shop, Cheng Ke only saw one person, who looked like the owner, staring at him in surprise with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Did two people just come in?" Cheng Ke asked.

"…Yeah," the老板 said, pointing to the other side. "They went out through that door."

Cheng Ke immediately rushed toward the back door, and Jiang Yuduo beat him there first and charged out.

When Cheng Ke ran out after him, Jiang Yuduo instinctively reached out to shield him and looked around to both sides.

Outside the back door was a stretch of muddy ground with yellowed weeds growing on it. There were quite a few parked vehicles, small cars and trucks carrying cargo, and a row of three-wheelers.

But he didn’t see the two smokers from before.

Across the whole open lot, there were only a few workers loading goods onto trucks in the far distance.

"Was it them?" Cheng Ke looked at Jiang Yuduo. "The two people you saw, was it them?"

Jiang Yuduo frowned. "No."