TA •Chapter 60

When Cheng Ke lowered his head, at that very instant, Jiang Yuduo still had a split-second thought that Cheng Ke pressing on his forehead was just to check whether he had a fever.

By the time he realized what was going on, Cheng Ke was already on top of him.

And then he fucking kissed him again.

Jiang Yuduo had already lost track of how many times this had happened. It felt like so many that he could even say, with complete composure, that he had "gotten used to it."

But this time was different.

Different from any other time.

Because Cheng Ke was kissing him differently too.

Jiang Yuduo tasted green tea on the tip of his tongue, to be exact, green tea toothpaste. Of course, he had seen the toothpaste before, it was green tea flavor, otherwise he never would have guessed. After all, he wasn’t some rich young master who sprayed cologne in his cabinets, so he didn’t have that many demands in that area…

Tongue?

Yes, tongue!

Not just the tongue…

As Jiang Yuduo felt more and more contact in a wave of shock and confusion, his whole body lost the ability to react.

He was very confident in his own reactions and in his ability to handle sudden situations. He knew what response should be given to what kind of move.

But all of that was limited to attacks.

Frontal, side, ambush.

Knives, sticks, bare hands.

There had never been any kind of training that could prepare him for the situation he was in now.

What should someone do when another person stuck their tongue into their mouth.

A situation like this, one he had never experienced in person but had seen described countless times in books, and which usually came with all sorts of detailed descriptions.

But he was a man, after all, and those people in the books, whether mutually affectionate or half-willing, were all women…

He didn’t know what to do anymore.

His first instinct was to throw Cheng Ke off, but he hadn’t forgotten Cheng Ke’s words.

My wrist is broken.

After that, there was no second reaction. He just felt like a wooden dummy, unable to move.

And he didn’t dare move.

Any movement, big or small, even the slightest one, might turn into a response in this position. Since he didn’t dare have a reaction, he certainly didn’t dare do anything that might make Cheng Ke think it was a response.

One, two, three, four, five…

Jiang Yuduo’s mind was spinning like a storm had blown through it, but he still hadn’t forgotten his habit of counting time.

What surprised him was that only four or five seconds had passed, yet in that shock he had sensed so many things, including the shape and route of Cheng Ke’s tongue.

And then the sudden pause.

Cheng Ke left him for about a second and looked at him.

Jiang Yuduo couldn’t find a suitable expression or gaze to meet his eyes, but Cheng Ke didn’t seem prepared to look back either. After glancing at him, he kissed him again.

Fuck!

Was he drunk or something, pausing halfway through a kiss to make sure he was kissing a person and not a sofa?

But maybe because of that brief buffer, after Cheng Ke leaned in for the second time, Jiang Yuduo suddenly had a different feeling.

Like his body had only started to register sensation after the pause.

Tiny breaths, faint touch, even just the breath brushing across his skin, all of it began to make his body, as if suddenly awakened, start to feel.

…

Cheng Ke didn’t want to stop. He only stopped because he was dizzy, and because his breathing had become a little strained from the dizziness. If he didn’t stop, he might really suffocate himself into unconsciousness.

Of course, there was another important reason.

Although Jiang Yuduo hadn’t seen what he had been curious about while Cheng Ke was showering, if he wanted to, he could see it now. Or even without seeing it, if Cheng Ke didn’t get up, once Jiang Yuduo came to his senses he would probably be able to feel it directly.

When he propped himself up on one arm, Jiang Yuduo cursed, "Can you fucking find a proper place to use your strength?"

Cheng Ke looked at him and realized his left hand was still pressed against Jiang Yuduo’s forehead. At this point Jiang Yuduo’s eyes had been stretched wide by him.

He withdrew his hand and braced himself on the sofa armrest as he sat up.

He was sitting on Jiang Yuduo’s legs.

Then he stood up again and looked at Jiang Yuduo, who was still lying on the sofa. He took a few seconds to carefully recall whether, driven by lust, he had done anything else besides kissing him without any clear or implicit consent. Had he moved his hands? Touched him? Rubbed against him?

Probably not. Right now he had only one hand anyway, and it had been pressing on Jiang Yuduo’s forehead the whole time.

After staring at each other for a while, Jiang Yuduo sat up, leaned against the sofa, and looked at him with his head slightly tilted back.

"Um…" Cheng Ke didn’t know whether he should apologize, but he also felt that apologizing would make things even more awkward.

He shouldn’t have gotten up.

A few seconds later, Jiang Yuduo’s gaze shot down his body, then snapped back to his face. Less than two seconds later, it dropped down again, then jumped back up.

On Jiang Yuduo’s third glance downward, Cheng Ke sighed, tugged at his pants, turned and went into the bedroom, and pulled a pair of pants from the wardrobe to put on.

Then he sat down hard on the edge of the bed and didn’t really want to move anymore. Just thinking about going back to the living room and facing Jiang Yuduo, who didn’t even know what had happened to himself…

Maybe he should know by now.

Although Cheng Ke hadn’t looked at that part of Jiang Yuduo, and hadn’t had the time to feel around either, he could still sense the change in Jiang Yuduo’s breathing.

Whether there were any other reactions or not, a normal straight man probably wouldn’t have made it this far…

Cheng Ke felt a little like smoking. His cigarettes were in the pocket of his coat, and the coat was in the living room.

He hesitated for a moment, then got up and walked out.

Jiang Yuduo, who had been sitting on the sofa, saw him come out and suddenly stood up, quickly… or rather, in a blur of movement, went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

It was the first time he had ever seen Jiang Yuduo move that fast.

He was immediately a little depressed.

He poured himself a glass of water, took two sips, then lit a cigarette and sat down on the sofa.

The sofa still carried Jiang Yuduo’s body heat.

He picked up his phone and scrolled through it a couple of times. There was nothing going on over on Cheng Yi’s side. The feed had already refreshed with another two waves of photos, including one with his mom sitting in a bar, and another warm, intimate group photo of his mom with him and Li Na. The background was actually that little "sprite" they had taken selfies with, the one he and Jiang Yuduo had used before.

He sighed and looked again. The Jiang Yuduo Global Fan Club naturally wasn’t going to miss posting some late-night snack photos.

But seeing himself in Chen Qing’s photos for the first time, he still felt something he couldn’t quite put into words, as if he had seen another version of himself in a different world.

He and Jiang Yuduo were leaning back against the chair together, both of their faces turned toward the same side, yellow light haloing their features.

Chen Qing had taken this photo in his usual landline-camera style, but unexpectedly, it had a strong sense of atmosphere.

In the yellowed frame, the two people who weren’t looking at the camera were surrounded by blurry bustle and noise, while the lights traced out faint streaks.

Cheng Ke glanced at the words Chen Qing had added to these photos today.

Time.

He laughed. It actually seemed surprisingly appropriate.

He put down his phone and glanced toward the bathroom. The door was still closed, and there was no sound from inside.

The two people in the photo were just so awkward right now.

Jiang Yuduo’s reaction to the moment he saw him and fled into the bathroom still made him feel rather… uncomfortable.

But after a while, he stood up, a little uneasy.

"Jiang Yuduo?" He walked to the bathroom door and called out.

Jiang Yuduo didn’t answer.

"San-ge?" He called again.

Jiang Yuduo still didn’t answer, but he knocked from inside the door.

"You okay?" Cheng Ke tried turning the doorknob and found it would open. "Can I open the door?"

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo answered.

Cheng Ke took a deep breath first, then turned the knob and pushed the bathroom door open.

As soon as the door opened, a wave of smoke hit him in the face.

"What the fuck?" Cheng Ke froze. "You smoked?"

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo was sitting with his head down on the toilet lid, a cigarette still夹 between his fingers.

"Turn on the exhaust fan," Cheng Ke said, hesitating as he walked in and switched it on. "Doesn’t it stink?"

"No." Jiang Yuduo still kept his head down.

Cheng Ke didn’t speak. He looked at the top of Jiang Yuduo’s head.

He had known Jiang Yuduo for quite a while, but this was the first time he noticed there were two whorls of hair on top of his head, and… a thin scar.

Maybe the scar had simply been left by Jiang Yuduo’s ten years of drifting through the streets, but the things he had said about his childhood suddenly exploded in Cheng Ke’s mind.

Cheng Ke reached out and gently rubbed the top of his head.

Just as he was about to apologize, Jiang Yuduo raised his head. "Cheng Ke."

"Hm?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"You said I… am I," Jiang Yuduo tossed away the cigarette and rubbed his nose, "am I…"

Seeing the crease between his brows, Cheng Ke felt like he could roughly guess what he was about to say. He cleared his throat and tried to answer first, so Jiang Yuduo wouldn’t have to struggle to get the words out and feel awkward.

But Jiang Yuduo got the words out pretty smoothly: "Do you think I’m gay too?"

"You…" Cheng Ke had already thought of a lot of responses, but now he suddenly couldn’t say any of them. After a long while, he finally forced out, "Why would you ask that?"

"I got hard just now," Jiang Yuduo said.

Cheng Ke froze.

"Doesn’t that mean I am too?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"What did you just say?" Cheng Ke couldn’t help asking.

"Are you fucking deaf from alcohol poisoning?" Jiang Yuduo stood up and tugged at his pants, a little impatient. "I. Got. Hard."

"Oh." Cheng Ke was shocked by Jiang Yuduo’s bluntness and almost thought he was about to take off his pants to prove it. He reflexively looked down.

"Look at shit," Jiang Yuduo muttered, sitting back down on the toilet lid. "It’s gone now. It’s been how long."

"…You got it down by yourself?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Otherwise what, I should’ve jerked off?" Jiang Yuduo stared at him.

"Never mind I asked." Cheng Ke waved it off.

Jiang Yuduo said nothing more. He lowered his head and seemed to be stewing in silence, like he was angry with someone, no longer moving.

Cheng Ke stood in front of him for a while and felt the dizziness in his head still hadn’t passed. He was a little unsteady, so he reached out and braced himself against the wall. "Let’s go out. It’s too stuffy sitting here."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo stood up and slipped past him in a flash.

Cheng Ke opened the bathroom window, then went back into the living room.

Jiang Yuduo was sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at the television.

"Do you want to… watch a movie?" Cheng Ke asked.

"No." Jiang Yuduo said.

"Then… sleep?" Cheng Ke asked again.

"Can’t sleep." Jiang Yuduo replied.

Cheng Ke hesitated for a few seconds, then walked over and sat on the sofa, not daring to sit too close to him, afraid he’d make Jiang Yuduo uncomfortable.

Jiang Yuduo turned his face and looked at him. "Aren’t you sleeping?"

"Do you want to talk?" Cheng Ke asked.

"Talk about what?" Jiang Yuduo was still looking at him.

"Just talk. It’s not like it’s a set-topic essay," Cheng Ke sighed. "Can you not ask me what to talk about every single time…"

"Set-topic essay?" Jiang Yuduo didn’t understand.

"…Do you want to talk right now?" Cheng Ke had no choice but to ask it another way. "Do you want to talk to me? Chat with me about something?"

Jiang Yuduo frowned and was silent for a while. "No."

"Fuck," Cheng Ke stood up. "Good night."

"Good night." Jiang Yuduo said.

"Are you sleeping on the sofa?" Cheng Ke reached the bedroom door and looked back. "If you are, take the blanket with you. I only have one hand."

"Oh." Jiang Yuduo stood up, went to the wardrobe, took out the pillow and blanket, and carried them outside. He also added, "Don’t close the door."

By the time he said it, Cheng Ke had already reflexively pulled the door toward him. Just as Jiang Yuduo finished speaking, the door slammed shut with a bang.

A second later, Jiang Yuduo shoved the door open again. "I told you not to close the door."

Only then did Cheng Ke remember something and carefully asked, "Didn’t you say…"

"I’m not afraid you’ll be in danger," Jiang Yuduo looked at him. "I just… anyway, don’t close it. If you close the door, I’ll think you hate me."

"I wouldn’t kiss someone I hated." Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo paused, then turned back to the sofa and shook out the blanket.

"Aren’t you showering?" Cheng Ke asked.

Jiang Yuduo froze with the blanket raised in midair. "Can’t I set the bedding down first and then go shower?"

"Good night." Cheng Ke said.

"You already said that once," Jiang Yuduo clicked his tongue. "Good night."

Whether Jiang Yuduo slept that night, whether he got up, whether he slept well, Cheng Ke didn’t know. He got into bed, closed his eyes, didn’t even dream, and slept until dawn.

His phone was ringing on the bedside table. Groggily, he reached out to grab it, saw the plaster cast, and only then realized he had stretched out his right hand. So he switched to his left.

Before he could touch the phone, a hand waved past his eyes, and then the phone was held right in front of him.

"Xu Ding." Jiang Yuduo’s voice came from above him.

Only then did Cheng Ke realize Jiang Yuduo was standing by his bed.

"You got up this early?" Cheng Ke asked.

"…It’s eleven o’clock." Jiang Yuduo said.

"Ah." Cheng Ke blinked, then quickly answered the call. "Hello?"

"Today the tables, chairs, sofas, and everything are going in. The front desk is getting installed too," Xu Ding said from the other end. It was noisy there, as if he were outside. "Lin Xu is there. Do you have time to go over this afternoon and take a look?"

"I have time." Cheng Ke said.

"Then that works," Xu Ding said. "I’ll bring the designer over tomorrow to sort the rest of the stuff out. You can go this afternoon and just check the inventory. Don’t do any heavy lifting, your hand is broken, right?"

"Yeah, I fell." Cheng Ke sighed.

"Is it serious?" Xu Ding asked. "I know a department head…"

"Not serious, it’s already fixed. I’ll get the cast off next month." Cheng Ke smiled.

"All right," Xu Ding said. "You suffer a little more this afternoon, and once we open, it’ll be fine."

"Won’t opening be even busier?" Cheng Ke said.

"You don’t need to be busy. I’ll set up a few events first, you just help keep an eye on things," Xu Ding said. "But once your hand’s better, you’ll have to get busy."

"Okay." Cheng Ke said with a smile.

After hanging up, he sat up. Jiang Yuduo had been standing by the bed all along, and Cheng Ke couldn’t tell whether he was waiting to help him out of bed or had something to say.

"What is it?" Cheng Ke sat cross-legged on the bed and looked at him.

"Are you hungry?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Still…" Cheng Ke pressed a hand to his stomach and thought about it carefully. "I’m okay. Not really hungry."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo pulled over a chair and sat down. "Want to chat for a bit?"

Cheng Ke froze. "Okay."

"I sat here since midnight last night," Jiang Yuduo said. "I sat here until just now."

"…You could’ve called me to wake up if you couldn’t sleep." Cheng Ke was a little surprised.

"What would I have called you up for? I didn’t want to talk to you then either," Jiang Yuduo said.

"Then you fucking sat by my bed and watched me all night," Cheng Ke said. "What are you, some filial son?"

"Cheng Ke," Jiang Yuduo bit his lip. "Didn’t you say before that you had feelings for me?"

Cheng Ke stared at Jiang Yuduo for a while and felt that Jiang Yuduo’s brain had probably never stopped working all night. He was saying something like this now, and there wasn’t even the slightest stutter or hesitation.

Straight to the point, simple and decisive.

"Yes." Cheng Ke nodded.

"Do you still have them now?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"Yes." Cheng Ke nodded again.

"Feelings are… what kind of feelings?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke paused. That question was a little hard to answer. He had never discussed with anyone what exactly "feelings" included.

After thinking for a long time, he finally cleared his throat. "Just… all kinds of feelings. Including, but not limited to, wanting to stay with you, wanting to touch you, kiss you a few times…"

"Including but what?" Jiang Yuduo frowned.

"Also wanting to go to bed with you and stuff." Cheng Ke was too lazy to explain. He only felt that some things had to be said out loud now. You understand, I understand, everybody understands, especially someone like Jiang Yuduo, whose brain didn’t turn corners and who didn’t know what subtlety even was.

"I don’t have that!" Jiang Yuduo was startled and straightened up at once. "I didn’t want to go to bed with you."

"I didn’t start out wanting to go to bed with you either." Cheng Ke sighed.

"Oh." Jiang Yuduo answered, and after a while he squinted. "I don’t believe you."

Cheng Ke was practically speechless. "Then why the hell did you say oh!"

"Oh means I heard you." Jiang Yuduo said.

"You can’t exactly say you never thought about it, but… let me put it this way. The idea of wanting to go to bed with you, and imagining going to bed with you… how should I say this," Cheng Ke didn’t know how to explain it. "For me, wanting it, and really wanting to do it, are two different things. You know what I mean?"

"Let’s just pretend I do," Jiang Yuduo said.

"…Fine." Cheng Ke sighed.

"Other than going to bed," Jiang Yuduo said, "the rest of mine are pretty much the same."

"Same how?" Cheng Ke looked at him.

"Just," Jiang Yuduo leaned back against the chair and thought about it, "wanting to stay with you and stuff, hugging a bit… kissing a bit? That kind of thing, probably."

Cheng Ke was silent for a very long time, then had to ask, "This ‘pretty much the same’ of yours, since when had it been pretty much the same?"

"Last night," Jiang Yuduo said. "After you kissed me."

"…Oh." Cheng Ke looked at him. "You… don’t need to think getting hard means anything. Physical reactions aren’t always reliable."

"I know," Jiang Yuduo rubbed his nose. "Mm."

Cheng Ke didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t quite figure out Jiang Yuduo’s current state. He had never met anyone like this before. On the surface it looked like he did, but that "did" also seemed a little confused and uncertain.

He didn’t even know whether he should pounce on him and hug him for a few more kisses right now, or give him a little more time first.

"What do you want to eat?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"We’re done talking?" Cheng Ke froze again.

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo nodded and took out his phone. "Should I go out to buy it, or order takeout?"

"Let’s eat out," Cheng Ke thought about it. "Then come with me to buy some cement and have it delivered to the shop. I’ll make that set of tables. Xu Ding said the other furniture starts going in this afternoon."

"How are they bringing in furniture before the floors are even laid?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

"It’s a cement floor," Cheng Ke said. "That kind of style."

"Construction site style?" Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke laughed. "Yeah."

"All right, I’ll go buy cement with you," Jiang Yuduo said, standing up. "Do I also need to help you make the table? The one you mentioned last time."

"Mm." Cheng Ke got out of bed.

Just as he was about to walk into the living room, Jiang Yuduo suddenly reached out and hugged him.

Cheng Ke froze. Before he could react, Jiang Yuduo had already let go.

"Fuck?" Cheng Ke said helplessly, shuffling out of the bedroom in his slippers.

When he came out after washing up, Jiang Yuduo was standing by the window, looking outside.

Cheng Ke didn’t call him. He just went over and poured himself a glass of water.

When it came to Jiang Yuduo, he was a little rattled right now.

After he finished the water and set the glass down, Jiang Yuduo walked over and hugged him again.

Cheng Ke quickly wrapped his left arm around Jiang Yuduo’s back and held him tight. "Are you messing with me?"

"No." Jiang Yuduo didn’t let go.

Cheng Ke rubbed his back. "Then what’s wrong?"

"I don’t know," Jiang Yuduo said. "I just… can’t figure it out."

"If you can’t figure it out, then leave it for now. Not everything can be figured out right away," Cheng Ke said. "So many people, so many things, and they still never figured them out in their whole lives."

"Mm." Jiang Yuduo nodded, but he was still hugging him and didn’t let go.

Cheng Ke felt a little like pushing him away. After all, they had just had some rather shameless contact last night. Being held like this and not letting go now made it easy for him to fall back into the feeling from last night, and if he got any extra reaction, that wouldn’t be appropriate.

"How about we eat breakfast first, then hug?" Cheng Ke said.

Jiang Yuduo let him go, but when Cheng Ke was about to walk off and change clothes, Jiang Yuduo suddenly grabbed his arm again.

Cheng Ke turned back, not even having time to react, and Jiang Yuduo had already leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

Then he just stayed there.

Cheng Ke stared at him for a while. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

Jiang Yuduo bit his lip and leaned in again.

This time it really meant something very different. Cheng Ke felt Jiang Yuduo’s lips had barely touched him before he was directly slammed against the wall, even the back of his head knocking into it.

He had no idea whether this was going to be a fight or a kiss.