SA | Chapter 20

Crying Face

After sending the little deer to the rescue station, Gu Deng took a flight back to Anchorage. Smith came to pick him up and eagerly asked about his journey. Gu Deng shared some interesting bits, and before long, he fell asleep leaning against the car window.

When he was hiking every day, he didn’t feel much, but once he relaxed, all the accumulated fatigue hit him at once. Gu Deng returned in the afternoon, intending to take a short nap, but ended up sleeping for five hours straight. After waking up for dinner, he went back to sleep again.

He woke up the next afternoon, disturbed by a phone call. Smith asked him to help pick up Ali from school.

Smith and Judy were a dual-income family, both busy with work—one traveling frequently, the other working overtime like crazy, raising their kid by instinct. Gu Deng, who was freeloading at their place, had offered to pay rent multiple times but was always refused, so he couldn’t say no to such a request.

After agreeing to Smith’s request, Gu Deng hung up the phone and got out of bed, only to kneel straight down as soon as his feet touched the ground.

His calves hurt so much that even a light touch was excruciating. Gritting his teeth, Gu Deng crawled up and found his walking posture had become quite bizarre.

Dragging his half-crippled body, he went to pick up Ali. Ali, with her rock ‘n’ roll braids, was looking around at the school gate but didn’t recognize Gu Deng.

Gu Deng waved at her, but Ali took two steps back, her eyes wary.

Only then did Gu Deng remember he was still wearing a mask and hat. After all, he was a public figure and had some image to maintain when going out. Usually, this outfit made him look like a cool guy, but today, with his whole body aching, he looked like a suspicious character squatting at the school gate.

Gu Deng pulled down his mask and called out to Ali. Her expression changed instantly, and she transformed into an Alaskan dog, running over to pounce on Gu Deng.

“Whoa, slow down…!” Gu Deng couldn’t catch her and fell down with weak legs.

“Uncle!” Ali clutched Gu Deng’s collar, screaming.

It was about to cause a commotion!

Gu Deng couldn’t afford to lose face like this, so he quickly got up and asked Ali to keep her voice down.

“Are you hurt somewhere?” Ali asked, looking like a little adult, checking his body.

“No,” Gu Deng insisted, “I’m fine.”

Ali stepped back, her expression a bit hard to describe, “Then why can’t you even lift me?”

Gu Deng: “…”

For the next few days, Gu Deng’s routine was eating, sleeping, and picking up Ali from school. Occasionally, he was also in charge of Ali’s meals.

Ali wasn’t picky; she’d eat the pre-made meals from the supermarket heated in the microwave with gusto.

These pre-made meals were all about being cheap and plentiful, easy to make with just heating. But the high sugar and oil content made Gu Deng sick after one meal, so he ended up going to the organic supermarket to buy vegetables, even teaching himself some cooking.

Three days later, Smith returned from his research. They were supposed to make the first supply run to Zhang Li, but since Gu Deng had left his food with Zhang Li, they had to delay the trip for a few more days.

Gu Deng resumed his comfortable city life, but strangely, he couldn’t help but miss the Alaskan wilderness.

Even Smith noticed his boredom and invited him to see the brown bear habitat. It was part of their research, but the fieldwork was relatively relaxed, and Ali would be going too.

Since the reindeer attack, Gu Deng hadn’t had a good impression of brown bears. But staying home was too dull, so he decided to join them.

The research site was outside Fairbanks, with Smith and his colleagues driving three off-road vehicles there.

Their task was to assess the impact of a newly built road on the brown bear habitat. The off-road vehicles drove on the new asphalt road, then onto a gravel road, finally stopping by a mountain range.

The last two kilometers had to be covered on foot, partly to protect the ground vegetation and partly to avoid stressing the brown bears. By mid-April, the hibernating brown bears were waking up, and they were mostly irritable and hungry, highly aggressive. However, they wouldn’t be facing the bears directly this time, just studying their migration paths through tracking collars, along with droppings and footprints along the way.

Gu Deng put on snowshoes and followed the group. He was initially worried that Ali’s short legs wouldn’t keep up, but the kid, wearing snowshoes, was huffing and puffing along faster than him.

Apparently, Ali had been skiing, hiking, and camping with her parents since she was two. Despite her young age, her outdoor experience was enough to outshine Gu Deng, an adult.

As they hiked deeper, they gradually found brown bear droppings and footprints. Gu Deng didn’t understand them and wasn’t interested, so he sat with Ali, listening to the birds in the trees.

It was a pleasant environment, but suddenly, a lookout picked up a tranquilizer gun, looking alert. A kilometer away, a brown bear was rushing toward them. Remembering the reindeer attack, Gu Deng tensed up and picked up Ali. Only when he heard someone say brown bears couldn’t climb cliffs did he relax.

The group continued forward, with Gu Deng keeping an eye on the brown bear through binoculars.

It was then he noticed the brown bear had a cub with it. The cub was thin and small, not very fast, like a black sesame seed on the snow. When it couldn’t run anymore, it rolled down with a thud. Its clumsy appearance made Gu Deng laugh. Although he had issues with adult bears, no one could dislike such an adorable little cub.

Gu Deng was engrossed in watching through the binoculars when someone nearby said, “Oh no, that cub probably won’t make it.”

Gu Deng: “Why?”

The person told him there was a male brown bear chasing from behind.

Only then did Gu Deng understand that the cub wasn’t playing but fleeing for its life. The female brown bear with the cub had tried several times to fend off the male bear. But it was too thin, its size much smaller than the male. The male bear, just out of hibernation, was ravenous, eager to devour anything it could.

The brown bear was getting closer, about to reach the cub.

Ali was so anxious she started crying, clutching Smith’s neck and shouting, “Daddy, can we save the cub?”

Smith sighed and covered Ali’s eyes with his hand.

The fight was inevitable, and the female brown bear lost its cub, letting out mournful cries.

The research team witnessed it all, and the mood was somber on the way back. Ali cried herself to sleep in the back seat, still sobbing in her dreams.

Gu Deng sat in the passenger seat, unable to see his own face, but he felt his expression must be terrible.

·

In the heart of Alaska, Zhang Li stood in the river bathing.

He was used to taking ice baths during hikes, a technique he learned from a therapist to reduce inflammation, improve circulation, and ease muscle soreness after exercise.

The river had been frozen a few days ago, and with Gu Deng around, he couldn’t exactly strip down.

But now, with no one around for miles, he didn’t care. Animals on the shore curiously watched him, and Zhang Li confidently displayed his bare body.

Ten days of continuous hiking had consumed some muscle but also made his physique more streamlined and fit. Broad shoulders, a narrow waist, firm buttocks, and muscular thighs—he bathed naked in the river, exuding a primal wildness.

Suddenly, the satellite phone on the shore rang. Zhang Li reached for it.

On the other end, Gu Deng’s voice was a bit muffled, “Is it convenient for you to talk now?”

“Yes,” Zhang Li walked to the shore, “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” Gu Deng said, “Just wanted to ask how things are on your end.”

Zhang Li carefully explained his progress and what had happened recently.

He was too concise, so Gu Deng pressed, “Isn’t there anything else?”

Zhang Li was silent for a moment, then said, “No.”

“Oh? Alright then…” Gu Deng sounded a bit disappointed.

“Hiking is pretty dull,” Zhang Li said, “Except for a few moments, there’s not much fun.”

“I think it’s interesting,” Gu Deng said, turning over in bed, “These past few days, whenever I close my eyes, I keep thinking about what happened during those days. If I had the energy, I’d want to keep going.”

“And you?” Zhang Li asked again, “How are you doing back home?”

“Pretty good,” Gu Deng replied, “Just eating, sleeping, playing with Ali, not much else.”

Zhang Li acknowledged with a hum, the cold wind blowing over his bare body. He put the phone aside and dressed in warm clothes.

Gu Deng heard the noise and asked, “Am I interrupting you?”

“No,” Zhang Li said, “You don’t have to hang up.”

The call continued, but neither spoke for a while. It wasn’t until Zhang Li finished dressing that Gu Deng spoke again, “Zhang Li, I saw a cub.”

“A cub?”

“Yeah,” Gu Deng nodded, his voice carrying a hint of nasal sound, “I saw a cub get eaten by a male bear.”

Zhang Li’s surroundings suddenly became eerily quiet, the sound of the wild wind audible. In the distance, the sunset illuminated the valley, vaguely showing the silhouette of a brown bear.

“Gu Deng,” Zhang Li called his name.

“Yeah?” A muffled breath came from the other end of the phone.

“Don’t be sad.”

“I’m not really sad,” Gu Deng said, “I just can’t accept it.” He seemed a bit incoherent, after a while adding, “It’s not that I can’t accept it, it’s just the first time seeing it, I can’t handle these things.”

Zhang Li: “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Gu Deng shook his head, “I’m not blaming you, I just wanted to talk to you. Besides you, I don’t know who else to talk to about these things.”

Only Zhang Li knew about his fear and dislike of bears, so he felt Zhang Li would understand his complex and conflicting feelings at the moment.

Zhang Li was quiet for a long time after hearing this, and Gu Deng guessed his words might have been hard to respond to.

Gu Deng took a deep breath, trying to sound cheerful, “Don’t take it to heart, I just…”

“Gu Deng, I—” Zhang Li suddenly interrupted, but halfway through, he stopped.

“What is it?” Gu Deng asked.

Zhang Li was strangely silent, his breathing growing heavier. If Gu Deng were beside him, he’d see his tense muscles and the complex, suppressed expression.

Gu Deng waited for a while, but there was still no response, so he said, “I won’t bother you anymore, have a good rest, see you in three days.”

“Yeah… see you in three days.”

The conversation had ended, but neither hung up.

Just as Gu Deng was about to hang up, Zhang Li said, “Sorry, I couldn’t give you any useful advice.”

Gu Deng sighed and shook his head, “I told you not to apologize, it makes me feel bad.”

Zhang Li then fell silent.

“But after talking to you, I feel much better,” Gu Deng said, “Don’t feel burdened, or I won’t dare to talk to you next time.”

“Don’t.” Zhang Li immediately said.

“Okay, get some rest, goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

The call finally ended, Zhang Li lowering his right hand, the veins on his arm holding the phone bulging from the force.

He had almost impulsively wanted to end the hike and fly over immediately.

Closing his eyes, Zhang Li’s mind was filled with the image of Gu Deng’s crying face.

He knew better than anyone that what Gu Deng needed now wasn’t verbal comfort, apologies, or some trivial advice. What he needed was a hug, solace, and to be kissed until he couldn’t breathe.