SA | Chapter 5

Like an Animal

For a moment, Gu Deng was speechless, and at the same time felt that Zhang Li’s logic was, in fact, completely flawless.

“Do you want to try?” Zhang Li asked again.

Gu Deng still found it a little disgusting, but he really was a bit tempted too. He hesitated and said, “You already cleaned this whale off, right?”

“There’s still a smaller one.” After saying that, Zhang Li dove under the water and led a smaller humpback whale up.

It was called a calf, but it was still as long as the inflatable dinghy, and its personality was much livelier than the adult whale’s. The moment it came up, it started spraying water everywhere, soaking Gu Deng’s clothes. But honestly, no one could dislike this kind of mischief.

Gu Deng wiped his face and bent down to pick barnacles off the whale. This thing really was disgusting, but picking them off was actually pretty satisfying. It was an excellent stress relief.

After finishing the head, there was still the chin, but the little whale kept its head tilted upward. Gu Deng did not know what to do, so he could only lift his head and call out, “Zhang Li.”

Zhang Li understood at once. He reached out and patted the whale on the head, and the whale obediently rolled over, exposing its belly to Gu Deng.

Gu Deng looked up in disbelief. “Why does it listen to you so well? Do you know them?”

“You could say that,” Zhang Li said. “Four years ago, I fell into the water here while kayaking, and this humpback whale used its fin to push me back onto the boat. Ever since then, I’ve run into it here every year.”

Gu Deng’s eyes widened. It was hard for him to imagine that whales could have such deep memories. At the same time, he could not help feeling envious. A human and a whale could actually form such a magical connection.

After hearing that story, Gu Deng even became more serious about picking off the barnacles. After a while, his hands started to feel weak, so he called Zhang Li over to help. The two of them worked together and finally cleaned the whole whale.

The moment Gu Deng picked off the last barnacle, it was as if the whale knew. With one flick of its tail, it swam away. Gu Deng did not even have time to feel disappointed before the little whale swam back again, circling the boat while making soft ying-ying-ying sounds.

Hearing whale song from such close range was even more overwhelming. Gu Deng quickly recorded a segment of it, but unexpectedly, even after he put away the recording device, the little whale was still calling.

Gu Deng felt a little uneasy and lifted his head to ask Zhang Li, “Why does it keep making noise?”

Zhang Li looked very relaxed, but he did not answer the question.

Before Gu Deng could think of a reason, the humpback kept nudging its head out of the water, rubbing around like a cat’s head.

Gu Deng asked again, “Why does it keep nudging the water?”

Zhang Li still did not answer.

Gu Deng was just about to get annoyed when he saw the little whale waving its fins around in the water, looking very anxious.

Now Gu Deng really was anxious. He grabbed Zhang Li by the arm. “Quick, look at it. Why does it keep moving around like that? Don’t tell me I hurt it while I was picking off the barnacles?”

This time, Zhang Li genuinely laughed.

Gu Deng was a little surprised. This man usually looked fierce, but his smile was unexpectedly bright and open, and it was very infectious.

“Zhang Li!” Unfortunately, Gu Deng had no time to admire his good looks, and his tone turned even fiercer instead.

“Can’t you tell?” Zhang Li said with a smile. “It’s inviting you.”

Gu Deng: “Huh?”

What did that mean? The whale had spent all this time fussing around, and in the end it was asking to be petted? Gu Deng cautiously stretched out his right hand, but just before touching the whale, he lifted his head to ask Zhang Li, “Can I really touch it?”

“If you wait one more second to touch it, it’s going to get depressed,” Zhang Li said.

Gu Deng gritted his teeth and put his hand down.

The feeling was amazing. The whale’s skin felt wet and slippery, but also a little rough, and harder than he had imagined. Gu Deng instantly fell in love with the feeling. After petting its head, he moved on to its chin. One hand was not enough, so he simply used both hands at once. The whale’s calls got louder, and it snorted and puffed water out of its blowhole, looking extremely excited.

It was not until the whale left that Gu Deng reluctantly straightened up. He looked down at both hands, then turned them over and showed his palms to Zhang Li, unable to hide the excitement in his voice. “I touched a whale. It’s so amazing!”

Zhang Li was just about to speak when his expression suddenly changed. The next moment, the surface of the sea suddenly roiled.

Before Gu Deng could even react to what was happening, Zhang Li quickly swam to his side, bracing both hands against the inflatable dinghy as he instructed, “Sit steady.”

Gu Deng had no chance to react at all. The moment Zhang Li finished speaking, the sea started bubbling like boiling water. Gu Deng only felt a huge force rise beneath him, and then everything spun, splash! He was flipped straight into the sea.

After the first burst of commotion passed, it was actually very quiet underwater. And because Gu Deng already knew how to swim, after holding his breath he sank into a stretch of deep blue silence.

But unlike an ordinary seabed, there was ice here. Floating ice drifted on the surface like little islands. Somewhere came the sound of ice cracking, and then the humpback sang out. It was so beautiful that Gu Deng fell in love with this place all at once.

It was just too cold, and his clothes made it inconvenient to move. Gu Deng was just about to rise to the surface when Zhang Li swam over from a distance, supporting his body upward.

The two of them broke through the water with a splash, and Gu Deng met Zhang Li’s anxious expression.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I can swim.”

Zhang Li’s expression eased slightly, and he helped Gu Deng back onto the inflatable dinghy.

Gu Deng stripped off his dripping outer layer and asked Zhang Li, “What happened?”

Zhang Li looked embarrassed, and after quite a while he finally said, “It wanted to play with us, but it didn’t know its own strength.”

Gu Deng froze for a moment and almost laughed from disbelief. What kind of fish was this?

Still, he was not angry. He reached out and patted the little humpback’s head again. The little whale immediately started spraying water again, and from the look of it, it wanted to do the whole thing over once more, but Zhang Li coldly drove it away. The mother and calf returned to the pod, sending up two columns of spray that formed two faint rainbows.

On the boat, Gu Deng lowered his head and started taking off his clothes. Hard shell, down layer, fleece… in the end, all that remained was a set of tight compression wear.

Zhang Li took a waterproof bag out of the dinghy and told him to change into the clothes inside.

Sportswear dried quickly, and besides, with today’s bright sun, it actually was not that cold. Gu Deng turned down Zhang Li’s offer. Unfortunately, no matter how he refused, Zhang Li would not back down.

Whether or not he put on the clothes was only a small matter, and Gu Deng had not put much thought into it. He only said, “I’m not trying to be polite. I’m just worried you’ll catch cold.”

“It’s fine,” Zhang Li said. “My wetsuit is semi-dry, it keeps warmth very well.”

Only then did Gu Deng stop insisting, and lowered his head to open the waterproof bag.

Zhang Li’s gear was extremely complete. From outerwear to fleece to base layer, even socks and underwear were included. Gu Deng hesitated for a while, but in the end, he still did not put on Zhang Li’s underwear.

The moment he had opened the waterproof bag, Zhang Li had already turned his back. After putting on Zhang Li’s clothes, Gu Deng found they were a full two sizes too big on him. He actually was not short, only about half a head shorter than Zhang Li. But Zhang Li’s frame was bigger than his, and he had more muscle. Sitting there with his back to him, he had broad shoulders and a narrow waist, and even the heavy wet clothes could not hide the bulging muscle beneath.

Gu Deng felt a little envious. Back then, he had once had legendary abs photos that went viral too. Unfortunately, after getting sick, his physical stamina had gotten worse and worse, and now only a thin layer of muscle remained.

But thinking about that now was useless. It was nothing but self-pity. Gu Deng stuffed the wet clothes into the bag and said, “I’m done changing.”

Zhang Li turned around. Even his chest muscles were big, and Gu Deng got even more envious.

Perhaps his stare was too direct, because Zhang Li’s expression became a little odd.

Gu Deng coughed lightly and said, “Your body is really good. How do you train?”

He had originally only meant to change the subject, but unexpectedly Zhang Li really did start listing off a whole string of training plans. The amount of training, and the amount of food intake, far exceeded that of ordinary people.

Seeing the shocked look on Gu Deng’s face, Zhang Li explained that it was not that he was obsessed with fitness. It was simply because lately it happened to be close to the time of his departure, so both his physical condition and his body weight had reached their peak.

Before every trip out to shoot, Zhang Li would do everything he could to gain muscle, gain weight, and do endurance training.

Most of his shoots took place in uninhabited areas. Some lasted only half a month, some several months. Although there were a few supply points, the camping equipment and photography gear still had to be carried in by himself. With luggage that easily weighed twenty or thirty kilos, without enough physical strength, he simply could not bear it.

A heavier body could also carry more weight. Zhang Li was 189 cm tall, and when he was in his best state, his weight could go up to 85 kg. That number sounded intimidating, but in fact there was not an ounce of excess fat on him, only hard muscle. Before going into the mountains, he would gain as much weight as possible, and by the time he came out, he would often have lost more than 10 kg.

“Like an animal,” Gu Deng said.

Zhang Li did not say anything, but judging by his expression, he did not seem to dislike the description.

Too many things had happened today. On the way back, Gu Deng felt a little excited.

He had always felt as though there was a layer between himself and the world, as if he were looking at the world from inside a glass dome. No matter what he looked at, it was always hazy, and even things he experienced firsthand did not feel real. But when he touched the whale, he suddenly felt as if the world had become clear. Gu Deng inexplicably wanted to say something. It had already been a very long time since he had last felt such a strong urge to express himself.

He glanced at Zhang Li, hesitating over whether to speak. Telling someone he had only just met his thoughts on life felt a little presumptuous.

“What is it?” Zhang Li asked.

Gu Deng was still hesitating. Logically speaking, as a public figure, someone like Gu Deng should have been incapable of confiding his true thoughts to someone he had only known for a few days, but Zhang Li simply had this kind of ability.

Perhaps because he had spent years moving around in the wilderness, Zhang Li carried a rare sense of reality about him. This sense of reality did not mean that he had a vivid personality or wore his emotions on his sleeve, like some people who loved to laugh loudly, were good at making exaggerated expressions, or grabbed your hand the first time they met you and called you dear.

On the contrary, Zhang Li looked rather plain and calm, yet this calmness embraced everyone equally, which made him feel real. Thinking of this, Gu Deng finally found an accurate adjective, sincere.

How strange. He had actually recovered his desire to confide in someone from this taciturn, somewhat silent stranger. Perhaps it was precisely because he was a stranger that he was more willing to speak his heart.

Gu Deng told Zhang Li, “I’m someone who really chases value. I feel that if I do something, it has to have meaning. If I can’t find the meaning in it, then I can’t convince myself to keep doing it.”

He wrote songs because creation gave him value. He had come to Alaska to see whales because he wanted to get some kind of healing out of it. So after seeing the humpback whale covered in barnacles, he broke down. He felt as though he had been deceived, as though none of this had any meaning at all.

“But…” Gu Deng looked up at the setting sun, and for some reason his nose turned a little sour. “But strangely enough, right now I can actually feel happy because of some meaningless things.”

He was curled up inside Zhang Li’s oversized shell jacket, his skin so pale it almost looked transparent. He was clearly smiling, yet he gave off a fragile air that even he himself did not seem to notice.

Zhang Li said, “How about we play a game? I ask, and you answer.”

Gu Deng said, “But I might not answer.”

“That’s okay.”

Gu Deng was in a relatively agreeable mood right now, so he agreed to this somewhat abrupt suggestion.

The two of them paddled over toward the glacier. Gu Deng stopped beneath the huge glacier and heard Zhang Li ask him, “What do you think a glacier is?”

Why was he suddenly testing him on geography? If anyone else had asked him that, Gu Deng would not have answered at all. He might even have cursed them in his heart. But the one asking was Zhang Li…

Gu Deng did not think Zhang Li was the sort of person to ask such boring questions, so he tried to draw on the knowledge in his brain and said, “A glacier should be a body of ice that doesn’t melt, mainly appearing in high-latitude and high-altitude regions. They cover a very large area, but because of global warming, the trend of melting is intensifying.”

Zhang Li said, “Go a little closer and look.”

Gu Deng moved closer to the glacier.

Zhang Li asked, “What do you see?”

“Ice?” After saying it, Gu Deng felt the answer was too simple, so he added, “White, but some places are blue.”

Zhang Li said, “Touch it. What does it feel like?”

“Ice…? Cold.” Gu Deng felt a little uncertain. The question was just too simple.

Zhang Li said, “What can you hear?”

Gu Deng listened for a while and said, “It sounds like cracking.”

Zhang Li said, “Are they still?”

“I think so,” Gu Deng said after hesitating for a while. “But it also feels like they’re moving very slowly.”

“Okay, I’m done asking,” Zhang Li said. “Now it’s your turn.”

That was it? Gu Deng was left completely baffled by Zhang Li. At first he had thought Zhang Li was going to ask him about his privacy, things like why he wanted to retire, or why he had come to Alaska alone, why he was afraid to listen to the songs he himself had written. Or at the very least, why he had not dared to go see the whales.

Who would have thought that after all that, they would spend all this time talking about glaciers?

“Do these questions have any meaning?” Gu Deng started searching for that damned meaning again.

“Not really,” Zhang Li said. “I just wanted you to take a close look at the glacier.”

“…?”

Gu Deng got even more confused. It was not as if he had never seen one before. But looking at Zhang Li’s expression, he did not look like he was teasing him either. Gu Deng could not think of an answer, and did not want to keep struggling over this anymore, otherwise it would make him seem too spineless.

“Fine, then it’s my turn to ask.” Gu Deng lifted his head to look at Zhang Li. “Why did you bring me to see whales?”

The moment the words fell, a brief silence appeared in the air. After a while, Zhang Li finally answered, “Because you gave me that song.”

Again, the same reason. By now, Gu Deng was no longer as resistant to talking about that song, he just felt embarrassed. “It’s only a half-finished piece…”

“But I really like it.” Zhang Li looked at Gu Deng with that direct and sincere expression unique to him. “I think that song sounds very good, even if it’s only half-finished.”