KC | Chapter 106

Chapter 117, “Get lost.”

Outside, dark clouds hung low, and rain droplets as big as beans smashed against the floor-to-ceiling window, pounding into Lin Yiran’s heart.

People in sales were always out and about all year round, Lin Yiran had no obligation to report every part of his daily schedule to his partner. If there was no trust, then no amount of explanation would help.

Silence was not the best answer, if something could be explained, it had to be made clear.

Chen Xi had listed too many crimes, Lin Yiran sorted out the logic and first said the easier thing to explain: “After that night, I wasn’t sure about my feelings, so I didn’t tell you I was already divorced. I’m deeply sorry for the psychological harm you suffered. Even though these three words don’t carry much weight, I still have to say ‘I’m sorry.'”

The powder keg had already exploded, Chen Xi was completely unable to control his emotions. Hot-tempered No. 1 spoke for him: “You weren’t sure about your feelings, so why did you come on to me? I hid from you, avoided you, why did you keep clinging to me? Was it fun dangling me like that? Do you know how tiring it is to talk to you?”

Lin Yiran said honestly, “I’ve been thinking about these questions all along, and only recently did I figure them out. I had never hired a prostitute, and I had never done it with a guy. The root of that impulse that night was that I wanted you. I explained this to you before, but you didn’t believe it.”

When negotiating with a client, Lin Yiran could list facts and physical evidence, but communicating with Chen Xi was not a negotiation, and emotions could not be proved with evidence.

Trust was the foundation of emotion, now the foundation was being destroyed, and the building packed with happiness would collapse instantly.

“You have no evidence to back up your words, why should I believe you?” No. 1 said aggressively, “Since you don’t want to say it, then I’ll say it. You clung to me because after sleeping with me that night, you developed a taste for it, and wanted to develop an improper relationship with me. I didn’t want to pin the feelings I had secretly liked for three years with the label of immorality, so you only got a little more serious and publicly announced the divorce.”

Lin Yiran wrapped immoral desire in packaging and easily enjoyed the happiness that was right within reach. Chen Xi tore off that fig leaf and told him, our beginning was not love.

He could argue back, but at this time, arguing would only sound more like sophistry.

Lin Yiran chose silence.

After No. 1 vented his emotions, rational No. 2 began sorting through the logic: “You knew I liked you, and only confessed once you were sure I wouldn’t refuse. Was it because I was too easy to get, cheap and useful, so you could use all kinds of methods without restraint to satisfy your pathological urge to vent?”

“No.” Lin Yiran denied it immediately, “I didn’t know when I started liking you. After I realized this feeling, I also didn’t want to admit that I was gay. Later I felt you were too good, and I wasn’t worthy. As for those things… I thought you would like them, so I did that.”

Although Chen Xi had hit the mark on the beginning, Lin Yiran really had developed feelings later. Before the two of them started dating, it had indeed been his fault, so after they got together, he coaxed him, and gave him whatever he wanted.

Negotiating with a client also had a gradual process, Chen Xi had no evidence and directly guessed that he had gone to find someone. Now there was a rather impulsive trend of fighting that completely ignored explanation.

Fighting would only damage the relationship between them, Lin Yiran decided to end this conversation as soon as possible, and wait until Chen Xi calmed down before talking properly.

“I did indeed look for someone at Wanxiu Glory before, but not yesterday.” Lin Yiran said, “Today is the last day of the holiday, I still have some work…”

“Heh, no evidence, and when your logic doesn’t hold up you want to run, is that it?” No. 2 refused to let go, “You think maliciously stealing deals, deliberately slandering, and intentionally snatching orders isn’t anything important, and think I’m making a fuss over nothing. You’ve already made lying a habit, you say you didn’t go look for someone last night, how are you going to prove it?”

Meng Hai knew that Lin Yiran’s itinerary from last night could serve as proof, but this was their matter, what was the point of dragging a friend into it? Suddenly calling Meng Hai and asking him to “talk about my itinerary yesterday” would be too abrupt, Lin Yiran did not want to do that.

Putting himself in Chen Xi’s shoes, Lin Yiran could understand his anger, but speculation without evidence would only create a rift between them. He said he had to work because he cherished their feelings, and did not want meaningless arguments to arise while Chen Xi was not calm. The same logic of putting oneself in another’s place, but if Chen Xi cherished this relationship, why was he deliberately picking a fight and pressing him so aggressively.

Being continuously one-sidedly dumped on by Chen Xi, Lin Yiran also got a little angry, and frowned. “Aolai obstructing bids and blocking people, we did that together. Too honest a salesperson can’t close deals, that’s just how the market is. If you think there’s a problem with my character, I’ll admit it. I’ve been living like this for 13 years in sales, I can’t change, and I don’t want to change.”

“Our relationship isn’t work, I promised you ‘I won’t have relations with anyone else during the relationship,’ and if I said it, I’ll do it.”

On Christmas two years ago, Lin Yiran had already thought that he would never let Chen Xi cry again, but he had broken his word. His “I’m sorry” was like his promises, all of it was worthless.

Lin Yiran, rotten to the bone, wanted to reveal the little sincerity he had left, but the skin had been on him for too long, grown together with his flesh and blood. If this shell was torn off, only white bones remained.

With those ghastly white bones, what morality was there at all.

“You don’t want to change?” No. 1 selectively filtered out what Lin Yiran said next, seized on his fault and would not let go, sneering, “No wonder your wife ran away.”

“What did you sa…”

“Wang Jingjing ran off with someone else because she couldn’t stand being with a person like you who has no morality.” Chen Xi’s eyes were red, No. 1 and No. 2 kept switching in his head, coward No. 3 was unable to stop it, the muscles on his face twisted from the shouting, and all reason had completely collapsed.

“She just posted on her Moments. Today she gave birth to a big fat boy, and even said ‘husband, you’ve worked hard.’ You two had just divorced and she already had a child for another man, which means that in her eyes, you are nothing at all.” No. 1 was speaking, No. 3 was crying, No. 2 was laughing.

The bond of trust fell apart, the building overflowing with happiness crashed down with a roar, the twisted unease turned into raging fire and burned through their past, burning all the heart-fluttering feelings into ashes.

KA big shots could precisely understand a client’s needs, Lin Yiran knew Li Ying was afraid of being reported, so he threatened her with what she cared about most; Chen Xi knew Lin Yiran had strong pride, and the way he retaliated was to throw his pride on the ground and trample it.

Countless days and nights were torn apart by desire and morality, what I thought was a successful secret crush, in your eyes was nothing more than a tool that took the initiative to come to your door to relieve desire. So you made holes in my body, said nasty things in bed, and when I couldn’t satisfy your curiosity and twisted urge to vent, you went looking for someone else.

Why did I have to be so humble?

Just because I liked you?

You really weren’t worth it.

The sharp-tongued No. 1 said whatever sounded the nastiest: “Why did you two divorce? Was it because you cheated and went looking for someone? Once you cheat, there will be countless times after that, dirty goods that nobody wants, I…”

The previous marriage could not be called happy, but it had been managed with care. Because of the nature of their work, they spent more time apart than together, and on top of that both of them had strong personalities. In the end, reaching the point where the marriage broke down was not the result either side wanted to see.

With his extremely strong pride, Lin Yiran could not accept being dumped. On the day of the divorce, he threw away the wedding ring, deleted the other person’s contact, and put the house up for sale.

Lin Yiran liked children, Wang Jingjing did not want any while she was with him, but now she had given birth to one for someone else, it seemed he really was nothing at all.

Chen Xi’s first few sentences pierced him in the ribs, sentence after sentence, and the last sentence stabbed straight through and shattered his heart.

He had bought a car full of joy, wanting to live together with Chen Xi, and in the end the other side said he was dirty.

Before, when Lin Yiran had wanted to save the marriage, Wang Jingjing had said, “I can’t feel that you love me.” At that time he really didn’t know what “love” was, but now he understood.

Love was the joy of eagerly sharing happiness after signing an important client, it was the determination to advance and retreat together when facing hardships, it was the unhesitating willingness to give him everything… love was willingly sticking a knife into your own chest, giving the one you loved the right to kill you at any time.

When Lin Yiran had broken ties with Xu Dongxu 10 years ago, he had never said anything this ugly, because they had worked together before.

Even clients with fleeting relationships would care about face, but Chen Xi didn’t give him a chance to explain, and made the final judgment with one blow.

Tore open his flesh and skin, dug out his marrow, and stabbed fiercely into his heart without regard for anything.

Every word was sharp as jade, every cut drew blood, every sentence was slow slicing torture.

Maybe, Chen Xi did not care about this feeling at all.

He thought that from beginning to end, we were all guilt and immorality.

It was that I was not rational enough, thinking I could control everything about him. I just did not expect that after he discovered my nature, he would no longer like me.

Because he didn’t like me, he would mercilessly destroy this feeling.

He thought I was dirty.

A person rotten and dirty to the core was not worthy of having anything beautiful, it was me who was not worth it, wasn’t I the one who knew that from the start.

A feeling destined to have no result, why was he always so irrational, so unable to see things clearly.

“At the end of last quarter you came back late for a few days, were you going to find someone? Liking novelty is human nature, I can understand that, but after messing with them you came to mess with me too, not taking some defensive measures was your fault.”

“Did you sleep with me because you wanted to taste what it was like to be with a man? How was it, was it satisfying?”

“How much do you pay public relations each time you go whore around? I played around with you in different ways, shouldn’t you add some extra money? You transferred the money from the former Pinnacle seam work to me as whoring fee, so originally you helped me sign key clients just to whore me?”

…

No. 1 kept talking, saying mostly things about feelings, things Lin Yiran had no evidence for and could not explain.

Many clients would say nasty things, but there was not one like Chen Xi, who could so easily trample on his dignity.

That clear face twisted into a shape he did not recognize, personally denying the feelings between them, and without stopping for even a moment, saying the most sharp-tongued things in the world.

Lin Yiran’s sincerity was stabbed to pieces and crushed, hurting so much that he went numb.

Dirty to the core, anything a person did would be dirty, explanation had no meaning at all.

Lin Yiran argued forcefully with clients, pressured colleagues hard, but he had never once talked back to Chen Xi’s one-sided abuse.

He could not say anything nasty, because he couldn’t bear to.

No. 1 cursed for a long time, until his throat went dry, and Lin Yiran, as he always did, very considerately poured him a cup of water.

Lin Yiran’s consideration made Chen Xi a little at a loss, and his eyes turned red.

As rationality gradually returned, No. 1 handed back control of the body. Chen Xi trembled as he took the cup of water, and murmured, “Brother Lin, I…” He had not meant it just now.

Lin Yiran said, “Get lost.”