SA | Chapter 35

Meeting Again

The day after returning to the country, Gu Deng had an appointment with his psychologist, proactively handing over his medication records and mood diary.

“I think I might know why I can’t write songs anymore. I’d like your help to solve this problem.”

After two hours of consultation, the psychologist left the room. Shen Qinglan pushed the door open and walked in, somewhat surprised, “I heard you voluntarily asked to continue treatment?”

“Yeah, I’ve figured it out,” Gu Deng nodded, “If you’re sick, you treat it. It’s no big deal.”

Shen Qinglan was stunned for a few seconds, then suddenly smiled genuinely, “I’m so glad you think that way, really, I’m so happy. We all believed you’d pull through.”

Gu Deng stepped forward and gave her a hug, “Sister Lan, I’m sorry for worrying you all these years.”

Shen Qinglan’s eyes were a bit moist, and she patted Gu Deng’s shoulder firmly, “There’s no need for apologies between us. If I hadn’t met a genius like you back then, I wouldn’t have achieved what I have today.”

After her divorce, Shen Qinglan never remarried, focusing solely on her career. She didn’t have kids over the years and almost treated Gu Deng like half a son.

“We’re all really happy you’ve come to terms with things.” Shen Qinglan breathed a sigh of relief and added, “You were photographed at the airport yesterday, so everyone knows you’re back. What’s your plan next?”

Gu Deng: “Write songs, get treatment, and oh, I want to set up a darkroom at home.”

“A darkroom at home?” Shen Qinglan’s heart skipped a beat.

Though not young anymore, Shen Qinglan, having been in the entertainment industry for many years, knew all the dirty secrets. Even if Gu Deng had always been well-behaved, who could guarantee he wouldn’t do something impulsive while sick?

Could it be that Gu Deng picked up some bad habits on his trip?

“Is there a problem?” Gu Deng was puzzled.

“Uh, not really,” Shen Qinglan cleared her throat, “I just wanted to ask what you need the darkroom for, so we can accommodate your needs.”

“What else would a darkroom be for?” Gu Deng looked baffled, “To develop photos.”

“This kind of darkroom?”

“What kind of darkroom did you think it was?”

“…”

She thought it was a small black room, the kind set up to punish people.

Shen Qinglan let out a sigh of relief and laughed as she walked out, but Gu Deng called her back.

Shen Qinglan: “Anything else?”

Gu Deng hesitated, words on the tip of his tongue before shaking his head, “Never mind, I’ll tell you once I’m sure.”

“What is it?” Shen Qinglan returned, squinting her eyes, “Don’t spring any surprises on me. Whatever it is, tell me first so the studio can prepare.”

Gu Deng was silent for a moment, then nodded, “You’re right, I’ll tell you.”

Shen Qinglan tensed up, “Go on.”

“I…” Gu Deng took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and said, “Sister Lan, I like men.”

“You scared me, so that’s it.” Shen Qinglan relaxed, generously saying, “Alright, I know.”

Gu Deng: ?

“Did you hear me wrong? I said I like men.”

Shen Qinglan: “I know.”

“Uh?” Now it was Gu Deng’s turn to be confused, “How do you know? When did you know?”

Shen Qinglan thought for a moment, “About ten years ago.”

Gu Deng was incredulous, “You knew ten years ago?”

“Yeah,” Shen Qinglan said, “During your teenage years, you never looked at pretty girls, only handsome guys. How could I not know?”

Gu Deng: “…”

He endured for so many years, but the closet door had been wide open all along?

“I was terrified back then and even made several contingency plans,” Shen Qinglan, who was also a newcomer at the time, was nervous for years after Gu Deng became popular. Now, looking back, she felt a bit nostalgic, “But you never dated anyone or secretly got involved with any guy, so I got busy and forgot about it.”

“Alright then,” Gu Deng was a bit speechless, “Now you know.”

Shen Qinglan: “Why are you suddenly coming out? Did you meet someone?”

Gu Deng: “Sort of.”

Shen Qinglan: “Are you in a relationship?”

“We were,” Gu Deng said, “but we’re temporarily apart now.”

Shen Qinglan: “What do you mean by temporarily apart?”

“He’s in New York, and I’m in Beijing. If we want to be together, we have to solve the long-distance issue first,” Gu Deng explained, “So we decided to handle our own matters first and formally confirm our relationship once the problem is solved.”

Shen Qinglan sneered, “You’re that confident? Aren’t you afraid he’ll fall for someone else?”

“I’m not afraid,” Gu Deng shook his head, “I haven’t loved anyone else in the past thirty years. It took me this long to meet him, and I think it’s the same for him. In my heart, our experiences are irreplaceable. If he falls for someone else in just a few months, it only means I misjudged him. If he doesn’t love me anymore, there’s no need for us to be together.”

“You sure are confident,” Shen Qinglan looked up, “So what do you plan to do now? Come out publicly?”

Gu Deng hadn’t figured it out yet, hesitating before asking, “What do you think is the best way to handle it?”

Shen Qinglan: “I think there’s no need to make a big announcement about liking men. As long as our studio knows and has a plan, that’s enough.”

Gu Deng frowned, “So I have to hide all the time?”

“Not really. If you’re photographed, so be it. As long as you don’t come out publicly, who can definitively say you like men?” Shen Qinglan had experience handling such matters, “After all, the country is still quite conservative. If you come out, your performances and endorsements will be limited. It’s better to keep it unspoken.”

Gu Deng looked at her suspiciously, “You won’t set me up with female celebrities for publicity, will you?”

Shen Qinglan gasped, “Who would dare set you up with a female celebrity? Have you forgotten your glorious achievement of confronting a program team? Since then, no reality show has dared to invite you.”

Gu Deng laughed, “That’s true.”

Only today did he realize that what he once thought were burdensome, maddening issues could actually be resolved.

“Of course, it’s all because I have a great manager,” Gu Deng gave Shen Qinglan a hug, “Thank you, Sister Lan.”

“What are you doing? So clingy,” Shen Qinglan feigned disdain but didn’t avoid Gu Deng.

“Hehehe,” Gu Deng buried his face in her shoulder, rolling around, “Sister Lan, I love you.”

“Go, go, stop being mushy. If you have nothing to do, go play. Don’t interrupt my work.” Sister Lan pushed Gu Deng away with a stern face, but couldn’t control the smile on her lips as she turned around.

“Judging by your expression, is there good news?” Xiao Mi, waiting outside, asked with a smile.

“Pretty much,” Shen Qinglan said modestly, “Brother Deng is preparing a new album.”

“Ah, that’s great!” Xiao Mi exclaimed excitedly, “I knew Brother Deng could do it!!”

Gu Deng began to retreat and write songs.

He used to put on layers of masks, pleasing everyone with a positive and cheerful demeanor, even convincing himself. So, after he got sick, he couldn’t write a satisfying piece.

Back then, he always thought the pain would pass, the illness would heal, and when the sun rose again, he’d become the happy, sunny, and positive Gu Deng, illuminating those who were less fortunate.

But now, he started writing about his illness, his journey, and his lover. He no longer pinned his hopes on the future, no longer imagined a better self replacing his current self. He began writing about sadness, struggle, and pain, the parts he feared to face but were the most real.

He still hadn’t become the perfect image he once envisioned, but this time, he saw his true self.

.

A month later, cheers erupted in the recording studio. After countless sleepless nights, takeout meals, and lost hair, Gu Deng’s new album was finally complete.

Shen Qinglan, who had taken other artists abroad for an event, returned and heard about it, puzzled, “Wasn’t it supposed to be done half a month ago?”

The nearly-crazed producer laughed maniacally, “Hahaha, because we wrote two albums! 26 songs! Hahaha!! I’m strong for not going insane! From now on, I’m going to sleep for three days and nights, even if the world ends, don’t wake me!!”

The producer left in a daze, and Shen Qinglan pushed the door open, looking at the album title, “In the Spring of Alaska? It suits your experience.”

Xiao Mi, who had been managing Gu Deng’s meals these days, saw the name for the first time and tilted her head, puzzled, “Why does it feel familiar…”

Shen Qinglan: “Familiar how?”

Xiao Mi exclaimed, “I remember now, there’s a restaurant nearby with the same name.”

Gu Deng, napping in the corner, took off his baseball cap, his hair a mess, and asked, “Alaska’s Spring?”

Xiao Mi thought for a moment, then shook her head, “No, it’s called Alaska’s Restaurant. You mentioned their delivery is good, and we’ve been ordering from them recently.”

Gu Deng hadn’t noticed, “Oh,” he said, lying back down.

But after a few seconds, he sat up again, “Why’s it called that? Did the owner go to Alaska?”

Shen Qinglan squinted, glancing at the unusually curious Gu Deng.

“No idea,” Xiao Mi said, “They have an Alaskan dog in the store, maybe that’s why.”

Gu Deng fell silent.

He had been working almost non-stop for a month, meeting with his psychologist and hadn’t contacted Zhang Li.

Just as Xiao Mi thought he wouldn’t say anything else, Gu Deng asked, “What’s the owner like?”

“It’s hard to describe, but he’s quite handsome. Many people go there to check in, and you need a reservation to eat there. It’s become a popular spot.”

Gu Deng asked again, “Is the owner around thirty, tall, muscular, looks fierce but is actually easygoing?”

“No,” Xiao Mi said confidently, “The owner is quite young, probably in his twenties, very tall, with a buzz cut, tattooed arms, and earrings. He looks cool but has a cold demeanor, a bit hard to approach. People seem to call him Ah Meng?”

It’s hilarious that someone who looks so fierce has a name like Ah Meng. Xiao Mi wanted to joke about the name, but Gu Deng had already lost interest and lay back down.

·

At ten in the evening, at Alaska’s Restaurant, a buzz-cut young man in a black short-sleeve shirt was tallying the accounts behind the counter.

Soon, a young man wearing a mask, sunglasses, and a hat pushed open the restaurant door.

“Who?” Ah Meng looked up, revealing a young, indifferent face. But before he could say they were closed, the person retreated.

Strangely, the person didn’t leave, pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant, looking suspicious.

Looks like another admirer smitten by the master’s looks. For some reason, his master attracts men like a magnet. Ah Meng, familiar with the routine, opened the door, speaking in a lifeless voice, “Hello, the restaurant is closed. Please make a reservation if you want to dine. If not, please don’t disturb the owner…”

“Closed?” The man interrupted.

“Yes.” Ah Meng was a bit impatient.

“No.” A deep voice simultaneously sounded.

“Woof woof woof~!” Zhang Li returned from walking the dog. Ah Meng frowned, glancing at his master in confusion.

“Not for you,” Zhang Li, who used to coldly reject every admirer, unexpectedly smiled. He led the heavily disguised young man into the restaurant, asking gently, “What do you want to eat? I’ll make it for you.”

Ah Meng was curious, but he wasn’t one to gossip. While wiping the little Alaskan’s paws, he looked up and said, “Master, I want to take Jiajia home to sleep… Damn!”

He was so startled he swore.

His master and the man were kissing…

To be precise, his usually cold master was pinning the man against the wall, kissing him, under the restaurant’s warm yellow lights illuminating their profiles.

Their breaths intertwined, full of deep affection, like any couple madly in love.