SA | Chapter 31

A Kiss in the Sky

Gu Deng sat by the window with a cup of instant noodles, holding a titanium cup in his hands. The sour and spicy aroma instantly filled the air, and just imagining it made him know how delicious the first bite would be.

He took a sip of the noodle soup slowly, letting the warmth spread through his body before he started eating the noodles. When he had devoured half of the beef balls and sausages, he looked up and asked, “Where did you get the sausages and beef balls?”

Zhang Li replied, “Leftovers from hot pot, vacuum-packed, still good.”

Gu Deng gave him a thumbs up and finished the remaining half of the sausage. As he ate, he suddenly sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Zhang Li asked.

“Just thinking how strange people are,” Gu Deng said, picking up the last beef ball and staring at it for a while. “Like now, even though I’m feeling down, I can still be happy because of a cup of instant noodles and a beef ball.”

“Isn’t that good?” Zhang Li said and then opened his mouth to eat the beef ball from Gu Deng’s fork.

“You’re even taking that?” Gu Deng was incredulous. “Don’t you have your own?”

He craned his neck to look at Zhang Li’s bowl, which was already empty. While he was contemplating life, Zhang Li had already slurped down two packs of instant noodles.

“I finished a while ago,” Zhang Li said after swallowing the beef ball.

Gu Deng continued to grumble, unaware that Zhang Li had put all the sausages and beef balls into his bowl. Zhang Li didn’t argue back and even drank the remaining noodle soup from Gu Deng’s bowl to avoid dealing with food waste.

By now, it was almost dark. The sun was retreating from the glacier, leaving only the snow-capped peaks illuminated. Gu Deng sat on an outdoor folding chair, holding a steaming cup of red tea, watching the sunlight fade away and the moon rise.

In the wilderness, without human activity, the darkness felt like experiencing death. But when Gu Deng glanced at Zhang Li, he felt a little better.

They sat quietly in the snow, watching the pure moonlight rise in the night sky, the Milky Way spreading across the heavens.

There were no auroras this season, but the summer night sky in the Northern Hemisphere was equally magnificent. Above them, stars of various sizes filled the sky, and one could distinguish their colors with the naked eye.

“It’s my first time seeing colorful stars,” Gu Deng said, tilting his head back in amazement. “City conditions are too poor to see a sky like this. It might be hard to see again in the future.”

He took out his phone to take a picture but couldn’t capture what he saw with his eyes.

Gu Deng wasn’t discouraged; instead, he put away his phone and said proudly, “I guess I’m pretty valuable.”

“Hmm?” Zhang Li looked up.

“Think about it, those high-end cameras worth tens of thousands can’t capture what the naked eye can see. Doesn’t that indirectly prove that humans are precious? Even if a person does nothing, their existence has enough value.”

Under the night sky, Zhang Li quietly watched him and suddenly laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” Gu Deng squinted his eyes, displeased. “Am I wrong?”

“No,” Zhang Li said seriously. “I’m laughing at myself.”

“Laughing at yourself?” Gu Deng was puzzled.

Zhang Li didn’t say anything more, just smiled even wider.

Zhang Li rarely smiled; in fact, he seldom showed any expression. But when he smiled so much that his eyes curved, the cold and tough demeanor disappeared, making him look warm and cheerful, even a bit childishly cute.

Cute? Did he think Zhang Li was cute? Oh no. Gu Deng clutched his chest and stood up abruptly, thinking he was really done for.

Zhang Li looked up in confusion, and Gu Deng suddenly said, “Zhang Li, let’s take a photo.”

“Sure, I’ll get the equipment.”

When Zhang Li came over with the gear, Gu Deng waved from the snow ahead, “Can I stand here?”

“Yes.” Zhang Li set the timer and stood next to Gu Deng.

As the camera’s countdown beeped, similar thoughts flashed through both Gu Deng and Zhang Li’s minds. But in the end, they didn’t make any further moves, just stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the camera.

Under North America’s highest peak, on a glacier 3,000 meters above sea level, Gu Deng and Zhang Li captured their first official photo with the world.

After the group photo, Gu Deng learned to photograph the starry sky. He learned how to find the Milky Way in the night sky and understood the applications of different focal lengths, ISO, and shutter speeds in astrophotography. When he took his first starry sky photo entirely on his own, the sense of accomplishment was so overwhelming it almost brought him to tears.

Time flew by while taking photos, and by the time they packed up the equipment, it was already the middle of the night. The Milky Way gradually sank below the horizon, and small lights appeared on Mount McKinley’s ridge, where climbers prepared to summit.

Gu Deng couldn’t sleep again. Although his body was exhausted, his mind was filled with stars, too excited to rest. He tossed and turned in his sleeping bag, while Zhang Li on the adjacent bed muttered in his sleep.

Another nightmare?

Gu Deng suddenly remembered their first night camping when Zhang Li also had a nightmare, but it hadn’t happened since. At the time, Gu Deng thought he had misheard, but now he heard Zhang Li’s voice again.

Gu Deng sat up in his sleeping bag. In the moonlight, Zhang Li’s brow was furrowed, showing a pained expression.

“Zhang Li?” Gu Deng called his name softly. Zhang Li quieted for a moment but soon was dragged back into the nightmare.

So Gu Deng called him again, over and over, until the sky lightened, and Zhang Li’s breathing finally calmed. Only then did Gu Deng, utterly exhausted, fall asleep.

·

Zhang Li woke up from the heat. May in Alaska was already spring, and the -30°C rated sleeping bag was making him sweat. He pulled the bag down to his chest and turned to look at Gu Deng on the adjacent bed.

Gu Deng was still asleep, his side profile porcelain white in the morning light. Zhang Li watched for a while and took a photo with his film camera.

Before meeting Gu Deng, Zhang Li only photographed animals, occasionally capturing some landscapes. But since meeting Gu Deng, he couldn’t help but want to focus his lens on people. He liked photographing Gu Deng in the wilderness, capturing the vast scenery and the small human figure. He also enjoyed documenting parts of Gu Deng’s body, letting his eyes, lips, and Adam’s apple fill the entire medium format viewfinder.

When Zhang Li’s lens focused on the fluffy eyelashes, Gu Deng suddenly opened his eyes, locking gazes with him through the viewfinder for several seconds.

Zhang Li pressed the shutter.

The shutter sound woke Gu Deng, who turned his head in the sleeping bag, a bit confused. “Are you taking pictures of me?”

Zhang Li was silent for a few seconds and said yes.

“Why are you taking pictures of me now?” Gu Deng looked puzzled. “I haven’t even washed my face; there might be eye boogers!”

“No,” Zhang Li said. “I looked very closely.”

Gu Deng was speechless. “You can take pictures, but don’t post them.”

Zhang Li: “I can give you the negatives.”

“Alright then.” Gu Deng reluctantly agreed.

Zhang Li: “Then let me finish this roll of film.”

Gu Deng: “……”

He suspected this was Zhang Li’s real intention.

Fortunately, a roll of film only had 12 shots, and it was quickly used up. After breakfast, Gu Deng received the negatives and casually slipped them into his pocket. Zhang Li put down the camera and began packing.

“What’s your plan?” Gu Deng asked.

“First, I’ll take you back to Anchorage.”

“And then?”

“I’ll contact a pilot to take me back.”

“Oh.” Gu Deng nodded and didn’t say anything more, finishing the last spoonful of oatmeal.

Half an hour later, the helicopter ascended in the morning light, circling Mount McKinley. The majestic Ruth Glacier was fully visible. In the glacier’s light, small sapphire-like puddles scattered, purer than toilet cleaner blue.

Even after being here for two days, Gu Deng was still dazzled by the beauty before him. How lucky he was, just a passerby, yet able to witness such magnificent scenery.

Gu Deng felt a surge of emotion, and then sadness crept in. He thought he might never return here, and the landscapes, people, and events of this journey would all be lost. Thinking this way made him cherish the scenery even more.

Gu Deng looked up at Zhang Li, who noticed his gaze and turned to look back. Their eyes met, and Gu Deng’s heart skipped a beat.

He thought of his grandmother, Carly, and Zhang Li’s brother’s deaths… Everything we have could end at any moment. Death cruelly strips away our routines, reason, perception, and even the future.

Gu Deng had once been pessimistic because of these thoughts, falling into nihilism. But now, a new idea suddenly popped into his head—if humans have no future, does that mean he has absolute freedom in the present?

A surge of uncontrollable passion rose in Gu Deng’s heart. He didn’t know if he was the first to think this way, but the idea hit him hard.

In an instant, the whole world changed.

He once thought he’d never be free, but now freedom seemed to overflow. Every moment of life is free, and if he wanted, he could do anything he desired. Yes, as long as he wanted.

Gu Deng was liberated.

Something was breaking through the soil in his heart, no longer suppressible.

“Zhang Li, I like you,” he suddenly shouted. “Do you want to date me?”

The helicopter hovered over Mount McKinley, the rotor blades buzzing, unable to drown out Gu Deng’s confession. Zhang Li switched the helicopter to cruise mode, hearing his own heart pounding.

“Okay.” Zhang Li almost didn’t hesitate.

“Can you accept a monthly plan?” Gu Deng asked again. “Let’s date for a month, and when it expires, we’ll discuss whether to continue.”

“I can,” Zhang Li continued.

Zhang Li agreed so quickly, without a hint of hesitation. But Gu Deng felt it necessary to explain his thoughts clearly.

“I know these words sound like a player’s lines, but I genuinely like you. I may seem carefree, but I’ve always lived cautiously. I knew I liked the same sex since my teenage years, but I never dared to come out, not even secretly date a boyfriend.”

“I can’t guarantee the future or immediately swear I’ll love you forever; that’s unrealistic. The current me can’t represent the future me. But Zhang Li,” Gu Deng looked into Zhang Li’s eyes, “I can guarantee that at the moment of my confession, right now, I genuinely like you.”

They were both in their thirties, no longer teenagers who could abandon everything for love. For Gu Deng, there were many important things beyond love.

Adult love is stingy, only cautiously revealing a thin light after careful consideration.

This was Gu Deng’s reality. He already had a habitual lifestyle, a few close friends, and a career that, though frustrated, still had some foundation.

If it weren’t for the time limit, if he hadn’t abandoned his singer identity, he couldn’t fully love someone.

“I understand, you don’t need to explain.” Zhang Li listened intently, his breathing slightly unsteady. His muscles were tense, his chest heaving. If he hadn’t switched to autopilot, he might have flown the helicopter into the mountain.

“I get it,” Zhang Li nodded vigorously under Gu Deng’s clear gaze. “I completely accept everything you said.”

Gu Deng tilted his head, “So, shall we date?”

Zhang Li nodded vigorously, “Yes.”

Gu Deng finally smiled. He held Zhang Li’s right hand, happily announcing, “Then you’re my boyfriend now.”

“Mm.” Zhang Li nodded, squeezing his hand tightly.

The helicopter flew away from Mount McKinley, heading towards Anchorage. Gu Deng and Zhang Li held hands, unable to control their smiles.

He’d never been in a relationship and never knew it could be so joyous. If not for the seatbelt, he felt like he could fly out the window.

After flying for a while, Zhang Li suddenly called his name.

Gu Deng looked up with a smile, “What’s up? Boyfriend.”

Zhang Li said nothing, his eyes fixed on him, the heat of his gaze piercing even through sunglasses.

Gu Deng felt a bit embarrassed under his gaze and slightly averted his eyes.

The next second, a large hand suddenly pressed the back of his head, and Gu Deng looked up in surprise to see Zhang Li leaning in for a kiss.

Gu Deng’s mind went blank for a moment. He was first stunned, then vaguely realized they were kissing. Zhang Li’s lips were indeed soft and warm, very kissable.

However, when he closed his eyes, his mind suddenly buzzed—they were kissing on a plane!!

Is this really okay? Won’t it affect the flight? Although he wanted to kiss, wouldn’t this cause an accident?!

Gu Deng turned to check the direction, but Zhang Li firmly held his head, his tongue aggressively parting his lips, the thick tongue sweeping his palate, sending shivers down Gu Deng’s spine.

The thrill of a first kiss, amplified by the dual layers of life and death, sex and love, left Gu Deng dazed, his eyes unfocused.

He must be crazy, right? Otherwise, why would he and Zhang Li be kissing while flying a plane?!

But as the plane passed through thick white clouds and the sunlight nearly blinded him, Gu Deng felt like nothing else mattered.

So what if they died? If there was no tomorrow, he’d gladly die here with Zhang Li.

The plane flew over Alaska, and Gu Deng wrapped his arms around Zhang Li’s neck, kissing him back passionately.