WC ⋆ Chapter 32

"Classmate?"

Xing Yun took the food tray from Qi Lin's hands and called out to Yu Jiaming, who was about to walk away.

Yu Jiaming had been paying attention to every move on this side with the back of his head, and he turned around when he heard her, thinking she had something to ask. He had his answers ready, just waiting for her to speak.

But he hadn't expected Xing Yun to ask, "Are you Xiao Qi's friend?"

Yu Jiaming's smile stiffened for a moment. His subconscious sensed something was off, his confidence deflated by a full head, yet he still forced himself to say, "Classmate."

"Is that so?" Xing Yun pushed up her glasses and turned to ask Qi Lin.

Qi Lin looked at him coldly. "…No."

"Not a friend, then." Xing Yun leaned back slightly, both hands resting casually on her knees. "So why did you come over to greet us?"

Yu Jiaming couldn't keep up his smile. He could think of plenty of excuses, but pinned under that sharp, shrewd gaze, he felt a prickling at his back.

No matter how good his psychological composure was, it could only carry him through the first half of the performance. Faced with someone who so plainly saw through everything, any further acting was nothing but a clown's pantomime, and Yu Jiaming didn't have skin that thick.

"Are you here to tell me some gossip?" Xing Yun's voice wasn't loud, and her tone wasn't particularly stern. She even smiled a little after she said it.

Qi Lin's fingers, hanging at his side, moved slightly. He turned his face a little to look at his mother sitting beside him.

"No…"

"So it was unintentional, then?" Xing Yun's smile faded. "You don't know Xiao Qi well, and you casually talk about his private affairs to others. That's a bit rude, don't you think, classmate."

At this point Yu Jiaming had grievances he couldn't voice. His usual little tricks had been called out directly twice in a row, and by members of the same family no less, leaving him no way to save face.

"I don't need anyone else to tell me what kind of person Xiao Qi is."

Xing Yun always spoke in an unhurried tone, but her presence was anything but gentle. She reprimanded him the way a teacher reprimands a student. Yu Jiaming was pierced without mercy, and all the ease and satisfaction he had felt moments ago vanished without a trace.

Qi Lin watched Xing Yun reduce Yu Jiaming to a red-faced mess, and felt little satisfaction. Instead, a nameless sourness welled up, making his whole chest feel swollen.

He had almost never seen his mom stand up for him so unhesitatingly like this. The people they had encountered before were all well-mannered, and there had never really been an occasion where someone spoke out of turn.

Just now, when he was getting food at the counter and saw Yu Jiaming's figure appear at their table, his heart had sunk. He had braced himself to be questioned, but his mom hadn't gotten angry at him. She had simply driven away the gossip-mongering man.

Some long-established way of thinking had been shaken. Qi Lin couldn't quite put it into words.

The food was still warm. Xing Yun picked up the soup and drank about half a bowl. Qi Lin quietly observed her. It was her habit, drinking soup before eating to help lower blood sugar.

The waiting was undeniably agonizing. Qi Lin gradually came back to his senses and realized that Xing Yun was waiting for him to speak first.

"Mom."

"You're not working anymore?" Xing Yun asked.

Qi Lin stayed silent.

Xing Yun deliberately lowered her voice, showing anxiety on her face for the first time. "Why didn't you tell the family? Do you still have money?"

"I do." Qi Lin lowered his head.

He occasionally took on freelance work with some old friends, and had continued to have income since resigning. He didn't go into detail. A single "I do" was enough.

Compared to the matter of a close male friend, Xing Yun was clearly more concerned about the resignation.

"Why does this child never tell the family when something happens? What were you thinking? If I hadn't come, were you just never going to go back?"

Qi Lin had nothing to say. He was at fault to begin with, and the question was too pointed to know how to answer.

Back then, after the disagreement with his family, he had sensed the awkward and difficult atmosphere at home, and knowing it had all started because of him made him deeply uncomfortable, so he had chosen to run away.

Running away is addictive. Without the resolve to face things head-on, all you can do is keep being a turtle hiding in its shell.

Seeing him stay silent, Xing Yun's irritation rose steadily, though she still had to mind her image on a school campus. "Fine. In a bit, take me to see your place."

"Okay." Qi Lin nodded obediently, but his heart was pounding.

He finally understood Jiang Yishen's nervousness from this morning. His mind was rapidly scanning the layout of the apartment, one moment thinking there were holes everywhere, the next thinking it was actually hidden well enough.

Perhaps his pitiful expression softened his mom's heart. She looked at Qi Lin and couldn't bring herself to press further, only letting out a sigh.

Seeing her like that, Qi Lin's heart sank too. He would rather his mom blow up at him than see disappointment on her face.

Disappointment was a terrifying emotion for Qi Lin. He feared seeing his parents' disappointment, and he feared seeing a partner's disappointment. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried, he had never managed to satisfy both.

He brought his mom back home. Fortunately, the apartment that greeted them when the door opened was very tidy. It was clear Jiang Yishen had cleaned up before leaving.

It was hard to tell whether his mom was satisfied with the small home. Since leaving the campus she had been expressionless the whole time, the atmosphere around her heavy and low. She walked a circle around the apartment and settled onto the sofa.

Qi Lin turned into a small animal that had done something wrong, shrinking to one side to minimize his presence.

"When there's a big house at home, you insist on coming out to rent." His mom offered her verdict, its meaning unclear.

Qi Lin quietly pushed a cup of water toward her.

"How long is the lease?"

"Half a year," Qi Lin said.

"Move back home when it's up," Xing Yun said. "That's a different matter if you get accepted somewhere. Find another place to rent based on where you end up working."

Qi Lin bit his lower lip.

Xing Yun frowned. "You don't want to go home?"

"No, I…" Qi Lin organized his words. He could easily say he'd look for other internships after the exam, using that to delay leaving the city. But he didn't want to hide anything anymore. Trust is a fixed quantity; once it's overdrawn, it's gone.

"…Let me think about it."

The conversation ended on a sour note. Xing Yun's patience was exhausted, but unlike what Qi Lin had imagined, they didn't erupt into a quarrel. There wasn't even a back-and-forth argument or rebuttal. His mom received all this bad news with an unusually calm composure, and was willing to give him time to "think about it."

The terrible days that had once felt so knotted up they were about to explode finally came to an end. It was only today that Qi Lin realized what had been festering in his heart wasn't the bad days themselves, but the bad days of not being accepted by his family.

Xing Yun left. Qi Lin sat alone on the sofa as night fell.

Jiang Yishen had sent a WeChat message before coming home to check in, and received a reply fifteen minutes later. Qi Lin said it had gone "pretty smoothly."

But when he opened the door and saw the pitch-dark room and the person stuck motionless on the sofa, he knew that "pretty smoothly" had most likely been embellished.

He turned on the light, knelt on one knee beside Qi Lin, reached out to wrap his arms around him, and tucked the person into his embrace.

Jiang Yishen had just come in from the wind outside, his arms and legs ice cold. Qi Lin flinched at the chill but didn't move, tilting his head to rub against his collarbone.

"Did Auntie leave?"

Qi Lin nodded, his hair getting squished into a mess.

"What happened, did you two argue?" Jiang Yishen smoothed his hair down, wanting to kiss him, but having to hold himself back.

"No." Qi Lin mumbled. "I made her angry."

Jiang Yishen asked while changing his clothes, "Why? Because you're not going home?"

He waited a long time and got no answer, so he poked his head out of the bathroom. "You there?"

"Yeah." Qi Lin leaned his head back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling light.

He didn't want to tell Jiang Yishen about running into Yu Jiaming today.

Jiang Yishen brooded too much. The grudge between him and Yu Jiaming had started because of Jiang Yishen in the first place. He was afraid that if he brought it up, Jiang Yishen would overthink it and take the whole thing onto himself.

"Can't tell me?" Jiang Yishen asked.

"It's not that." Qi Lin shook his head. "My mom found out I resigned."

Jiang Yishen's hand paused in the middle of drying itself. Just hearing it made him feel a cold dread. "What do we do? Should I go talk to her, should we meet up?"

He watched Qi Lin's expression and carefully added, "Or we could try tonight… to see if we can keep the loop going."

The loop was the simplest solution to all of this. Let everything that had happened unhappen, and keep papering over the cracks.

But deep down, Qi Lin was layered over with resistance. He knew clearly that he didn't want to lose "today."

Today he had come to know a mother who was different from any version he had known before. The loop could replicate a stretch of time and space, but it couldn't replicate a feeling. And feelings are what fill time and space. If everything is erased by the loop, it's as if time is no longer time, and space is no longer space.

What was the point of the loop, in the end?

"I don't know," Qi Lin said. "I don't know whether to loop or not."

"Then tell me about it. What exactly happened today?" Jiang Yishen asked.

The living room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Jiang Yishen tugged at the corner of his mouth. "There you go again, not willing to tell me anything."

"I've already told you. What more do you want to hear?" Qi Lin was swept up in a heavy exhaustion, his voice listless.

"How Auntie found out, what you're thinking, what you want to do. You won't say any of it." Jiang Yishen said aloud the words he would once have kept buried in his heart.

Qi Lin sat up straight and looked at him. "I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to tell you."

"Not saying is one thing, not knowing is another. If you tell me you don't know, I can help you think it through." Jiang Yishen walked quickly over and sat down beside him. "A relationship is something two people are in together. Don't try to figure everything out on your own!"

"How are we supposed to think it through together?" Qi Lin's mood was terrible today, and even his best efforts at restraint couldn't keep his tone calm. "I don't want to loop. I want to tell her I'm in a relationship, tell her I want to stay here. But I can't get those words out!"

Jiang Yishen moved closer and gripped his shoulders, his own emotions stirred up, teetering on the edge of anxious frustration. "What's so hard to say about that!"

"Because I don't want to make her angry again!" Qi Lin's irritation slipped slightly out of control. He grabbed Jiang Yishen's collar, as if trying to press every word into his heart. "She said I never tell the family anything. But the family is already a mess because of me. Everyone is upset because of me. I don't want it to be like this…"

Before he could finish, a strong force pressed down on the back of his head and pulled him forward. A shadow fell over his eyes, and Jiang Yishen's kiss landed hard, forceful and rough, brooking no argument, allowing no refusal.

The palm pressed to the back of his head gripped his hair and pushed his neck down. Qi Lin had nowhere to retreat, couldn't even breathe. He felt dizzy and lightheaded, and the fingers clutching Jiang Yishen's collar began to tremble.

This was the first time Jiang Yishen had made a decision for him.

A kiss with no technique whatsoever, yet Qi Lin strangely drew an enormous sense of satisfaction from it. He felt his eyes growing hot, and blinked twice before he could see Jiang Yishen clearly in front of him, lips still damp, saying something.

"She's not angry at you. She's hurting for you. Go tomorrow. Say whatever you want to say to her."

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