SA | Chapter 11

Exploring the World

After measuring his body data, Zhang Li took out two ugly backpacks, one uglier than the other, and asked Gu Deng to choose his favorite.

Gu Deng didn’t like either and asked, “Is there anything else?”

“There is,” Zhang Li replied, then pulled out an especially ugly one.

Gu Deng: “…”

“Too ugly, I can’t bring myself to choose one.”

Zhang Li turned and left, bringing back a few more bags. After looking them over, Gu Deng fell silent; without exception, they were all ugly.

Gu Deng conceded, “With so many companies making backpacks worldwide, how come none of them want to make a good-looking one?”

Zhang Li: “I think they all look pretty good.”

Gu Deng: “…”

But these essentials, no matter how ugly, he had to buy one. Gu Deng tried each one with weights, finally choosing a 65L black and white ultra-lightweight pack.

To his surprise, although the pack was ugly, it was great for carrying weight. Gu Deng tried a 10kg sandbag; it was heavy to hold, but felt like nothing on his back. This boosted his confidence, so he tried 20kg, and it wasn’t too much pressure either!

“Can I really carry this much?” Gu Deng was surprised, “Doesn’t that mean I can complete the whole journey?”

Zhang Li only said, “Try carrying it for half an hour first.”

Fine, he would try it. Gu Deng’s confidence soared, feeling full of strength.

He picked out clothes, hiking shoes, and various cold-weather gear. Looking at these increasingly ugly items, Gu Deng gave up on aesthetics; survival was what mattered.

The last big part was the kitchen system. He could use Zhang Li’s gas canisters, pots, water filter bags, and small table, but he needed to carry his own food.

Gu Deng had long been curious about what Zhang Li ate on such long hikes. Surely he didn’t live like a wild man and hunt? But if he brought all the food for ten days at once, the weight would be no joke.

Until Zhang Li led him to a shelf and pointed at a row of snack-like plastic bags, “Just pick the flavors you like.”

The labels read adventure meals, with flavors like meat sauce pasta, bacon and eggs, oatmeal, beef stew, rice and chicken… Gu Deng flipped it over and finally understood they were dehydrated foods.

Super light, each bag only about 100 grams, compact, with a shelf life…

“30 years?” Gu Deng was incredulous, “The shelf life is actually 30 years?”

Zhang Li: “These are emergency rations too.”

Gu Deng: “…”

He felt like he was preparing for an apocalypse.

Though he complained, Gu Deng still picked out a ten-day supply, trying to mix up the flavors. But the thought of eating this stuff for ten days made him feel a bit hopeless.

Gu Deng still didn’t understand why Zhang Li insisted on completing the entire journey. Under such harsh conditions, it wasn’t even self-torture; it was practically suicide.

Zhang Li said it was to fulfill his brother’s last wish, but why did his brother have such an outrageous wish?

“What’s wrong?”

Only when Zhang Li spoke did Gu Deng realize he’d been staring at him for a long time.

“My shoulder hurts a bit,” Gu Deng said, “Can you help me with this?”

Gu Deng put down the pack and continued browsing. As for personal items, he saved where he could. Shampoo and shower gel were out of the question; using them outdoors would pollute the environment. A quick-dry cloth to wipe his face would do.

After hearing this, Gu Deng’s expression was: -_-||

“I suddenly don’t want to hike anymore.” Gu Deng turned, pretending to leave, but Zhang Li blocked his way, looking down with eyes as dark and bright as a beast’s.

Feeling a bit guilty under the gaze, Gu Deng chuckled awkwardly, “I was just joking.”

Zhang Li finally softened his expression after hearing that, and Gu Deng didn’t dare to speak nonsense again. He still remembered Zhang Li’s scary look from earlier.

After shopping for a long time, they finally bought everything. Gu Deng pushed the cart to the checkout, only to be told the amount had already been deducted from the card.

Gu Deng looked up at Zhang Li, “You’re being a bit unfair, aren’t you?”

Zhang Li loaded the items into the car one by one, explaining, “I know you don’t lack the money, but since I invited you, I should provide the gear.”

“Bullshit,” Gu Deng said, “I’m the one who wants to go, what does it have to do with you?”

Zhang Li insisted, “I invited you.”

Gu Deng frowned, “But I don’t like owing people favors.”

“You don’t owe me a favor,” Zhang Li said, “You’ve already…”

“Don’t bring up that song,” Gu Deng thought he was going to mention it again, full of resistance, “I’ve tried, I can’t write the second half. And I… I…”

He looked up at Zhang Li, as if making a decision, “Zhang Li, I’ve given up on songwriting.”

In early April, Alaska gradually entered the polar day range, with the sun still high at 6 PM. Zhang Li stood with his back to the sun, his body outlined in a fuzzy silhouette by the light.

He looked at Gu Deng for a moment, then said, “Okay, I understand.”

After saying that, he continued loading the car, as if he’d just heard an insignificant piece of news.

Gu Deng stood there, releasing his right hand.

Zhang Li finished packing, closed the door, and got in the car. Gu Deng sat in the passenger seat, still in a daze, mechanically fastening his seatbelt, his eyes a bit unfocused.

“Gu Deng,” Zhang Li called him, and only when Gu Deng looked up did he continue, “Whether you write songs or not, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Gu Deng was still dazed, looking as if the sun had fried his brain, but his cheeks were gradually getting warm.

Zhang Li continued, “And when I said you don’t owe me a favor, it wasn’t because of the work you gave me, but because you’re willing to hike with me.”

Gu Deng finally snapped back, a bit confused, “Because I’m hiking with you?”

“Yeah,” Zhang Li’s eyes softened, “No matter where you go, I’m grateful.”

For dinner, Zhang Li treated Gu Deng and the Smith family to a last big meal before heading into the mountains.

The king crab was plentiful and filling, and Ali’s mouth was busy the whole time. After eating, she even packed some to take to her mom working overtime for dinner.

After the meal, Smith drove Ali to find her mom. Judy worked as a mid-level manager at a logistics company in Anchorage, earning a good salary but with a heavy workload.

Gu Deng and Zhang Li went home first; they still had work to finish—packing all the luggage that night.

Not wanting to seem too incompetent, Gu Deng refused Zhang Li’s help, saying he could pack everything himself. But once Zhang Li left, Gu Deng faced the small backpack and the pile of luggage alone, suddenly feeling doomed.

Gu Deng had always lived a life of excess. On vacation, he’d take two 28-inch suitcases, and after shopping, he’d need two more.

But he had no packing skills. With an assistant, it was fine, but alone, he’d just buy a big suitcase and shove everything in.

This time, he did the same, but the pack was full, and half the stuff was still outside.

When Zhang Li came out of the shower, he saw Gu Deng still sitting on the carpet, looking dejected, and knocked, “Need help?”

“Yes!” Gu Deng immediately responded, looking aggrieved. This was his third attempt, and he still couldn’t manage.

Zhang Li came in, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, and emptied the pack. Gu Deng, holding a cookie, watched curiously as he arranged the items.

Since they were staying at the Smiths’, Zhang Li dressed conservatively, even after a shower, in black long pants and sleeves. Standing was fine, but sitting made his pants tight. Gu Deng roughly estimated with his eyes that Zhang Li’s thighs were over 60cm around, almost as big as his waist.

This was quite a blow to Gu Deng, who grabbed a pillow to cover his skinny thighs.

Maybe his movements were too big, Zhang Li glanced at him.

When Zhang Li looked up, Gu Deng had the pillow in front of his crotch, awkward to put down or move away. In the end, he gave up, pressing the pillow with his elbow, “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.” Zhang Li turned back, continuing to pack, though his ears seemed a bit red.

Under Zhang Li’s hands, the backpack was gradually filled, fitting all of Gu Deng’s luggage. Not counting the extra ski board, it weighed only 13.9kg, light to carry.

Gu Deng thanked Zhang Li profusely and went to the bathroom for a nice shower. They were heading into the mountains tomorrow, so he took the chance to wash his hair, shower, and put on a face mask. If he had the chance, he’d even want a spa.

When he came out, he heard a knock at the door. Gu Deng opened it to find Ali holding a plush Alaskan toy at the door.

“What’s up?” Gu Deng draped a towel over his head, squatting to ask Ali.

“I heard you’re leaving tomorrow, so I came to say goodbye.” Ali said, placing the plush toy in his arms, “This is for you. I made this cookie in school craft class, hoping it can keep you company for me.”

Touched by the child’s gesture, Gu Deng naturally accepted it. But when packing, he was troubled. The toy wasn’t heavy, but it was about as long as his forearm, impossible to fit in the pack.

He couldn’t bear to leave it, but didn’t know how to bring it along. It wouldn’t fit in the pack, and was too big to hang.

In the next room, Zhang Li had already turned off the lights to sleep but heard a knock.

Outside, Gu Deng asked in a low voice, “Zhang Li, are you asleep?”

“No,” Zhang Li opened the door, “What’s up?”

He was ready for bed, wearing a vest and shorts.

Gu Deng had planned to speak at the door but worried Ali might hear, “Can I come in to talk?”

Zhang Li stepped aside, turning on the lamp.

“Ali gave me a cookie,” Gu Deng said, “But I don’t know how to bring it. Do you have any ideas?”

Zhang Li was surprised, “She gave you the cookie?”

“Yeah.” Gu Deng held the toy in both hands, showing it, “Ali made it herself. Isn’t it cute?”

Zhang Li: “…”

“I think you’re pretty cute.”

Gu Deng: ?

Did Zhang Li just insult him?

“So do you have a way or not?” Gu Deng asked, annoyed.

Zhang Li rummaged through his backpack, turning back with three ropes, asking Gu Deng, “Which one do you like?”

Gu Deng looked wary, “What are you going to do?”

Zhang Li: “Tie the puppy.”

Gu Deng: ??

He still didn’t quite understand but chose the red one.

Next, Zhang Li took the toy and rope to Gu Deng’s room. After some work, he tied the toy to the outside of the pack with elastic rope, like making a home for it. Zhang Li even put a transparent waterproof bag over it, so it wouldn’t be a problem even in the rain.

The more Gu Deng looked, the more he liked it, even taking a photo to share on his Weibo account.

The next day was bright and sunny. They got up early, with Judy driving them to the airport. Outside, the sun was rising. Gu Deng sat in the back of the small plane, filled with thoughts.

He remembered deciding to come to Alaska, right after a severe depressive episode, feeling closed off and repressed. Leaving was a desperate, do-or-die decision.

But now, sitting here, he felt a strange calm. This time, he wasn’t running away but filled with anticipation and curiosity, eager to explore the world.

The tower gave the takeoff signal, and the plane began taxiing, the cabin buzzing with airflow, everything around quickly retreating, then the plane lifted—

The ground shrank beneath them, buildings turned into miniature models, beyond the town was vast, boundless land.

Looking down through the glass, Gu Deng felt a lump in his throat.

He was still lost, unsure of the future, his condition not improved, still unable to write songs. Yet, strangely, looking at the glaciers and land, he felt a peculiar healing.

How many disheartened souls had this land comforted? How many, like him, wanted to cry at the sight of such beauty?

Gu Deng didn’t speak to anyone or share his feelings. He just quietly watched, feeling a bit lonely but also free.