PLT | Chapter 22
by _squisheeFenhe Bay
Audience: “Yiii ”
Guan Chenfeng put on an affectedly bashful look and said, “Save that kind of talk for when we get home. Right now we’re performing opera.”
As he spoke, he used his fan to tap the little table beside him. “Pick another one.”
Right after that, the two of them brought up Butterfly Cup, Touring Guishan, Grand Ascension Hall, and so on, all classic Hebei Bangzi operas. They even sang a couple of short lines, but in the end Guan Chenfeng, for one reason or another, said he could not sing any of them.
This was all to bring out the central content of this xiangsheng piece, Fenhe Bay.
Jiang Chenchi said, “Why are you such a pain in the neck? I’ll pick one last piece. If you still can’t do it, I’m getting off work and going home.”
Guan Chenfeng put on an aggrieved expression and said, “Alright, alright, alright, go on, go on.”
Jiang Chenchi said, “Fenhe Bay.”
Guan Chenfeng agreed readily. “Alright, Fenhe Bay. How many characters are in it?”
Jiang Chenchi said, “Two, Xue Rengui and Liu Yinhuan.”
Guan Chenfeng asked, “Who are you playing?”
Jiang Chenchi answered, “I’m playing Xue Rengui.”
Guan Chenfeng said, “Then what about me?”
Jiang Chenchi said, “Aren’t you the one singing the dan role? Then you can be Liu Yinhuan.”
Guan Chenfeng suddenly reached out and shoved at him. “Hang on a second, what kind of relationship do the two of us have?”
Jiang Chenchi said, “A husband-and-wife relationship.”
Guan Chenfeng deliberately shot him a look, then once again revealed an affectedly bashful smile.
Audience: “Yiii, ,”
The audience members familiar with Fenhe Bay all knew that in the traditional script, the bit coming next, in today’s terms, was the “handing out sugar” part.
Sure enough, Guan Chenfeng said, “This relationship between us only exists in the opera. Once we get offstage in a bit, this improper relationship of ours ends immediately.”
Jiang Chenchi glanced at him. “Who’s in an improper relationship with you?”
He snapped open his folding fan and smiled faintly. “The two of us have always been completely open and aboveboard.”
Audience: “Yiii, ,”
Yan Chao sat on the second floor, once again dumbfounded.
He finally understood what Zhou Chenyu had meant back then by “a hundred times more rio onstage.”
He looked at Zhou Chenyu in shock. “Is clout-chasing like this really this open and aboveboard now?”
“Chasing what clout? Your mind is filthy.” Zhou Chenyu looked at his never-seen-the-world expression. “Those lines were already there in the traditional routine to begin with. Go look it up online, the old masters said the same things too.”
When Yan Chao thought about it, that was true. When old artists said things like this, everyone just found it amusing. But swap them out for two handsome young guys, and it immediately felt completely different. No wonder the fans below the stage were so excited they were howling.
Still, seeing the actual people involved personally sail the CP onstage was way too rare. This was basically paradise for CP fans!
While they were talking, the two men onstage moved the table farther back, and Guan Chenfeng started fiddling with his “costume.”
This so-called “costume” on a xiangsheng stage was really just a headscarf, used to distinguish male and female roles.
The moment Guan Chenfeng picked up the headscarf, the audience below all burst out laughing.
His headscarf was red, and paired with his ai-green changshan, it looked especially funny.
Jiang Chenchi gave him a very disdainful look. “Are you cosplaying Little Red Riding Hood?”
Guan Chenfeng said, “What Little Red Riding Hood? I’m Xiao Chenyu.”
Jiang Chenchi said, “More like Dongshi imitating Xi Shi.”
As they spoke, Guan Chenfeng had already tied on the headscarf. He turned and asked Jiang Chenchi, “Is your wife super fashionable? The kind who could walk at Paris Fashion Week the day after tomorrow.”
Jiang Chenchi nodded. “Red with green, looks like dog shit.”
After assigning the roles, they launched into Fenhe Bay, singing it while bantering the whole way through. Of course, in xiangsheng, this kind of tuizi huo’er was mostly not serious full-voice singing, but crooked singing instead, with the main purpose being to make people laugh.
But since they were acting out a scene, there was naturally a lot of movement. One moment Jiang Chenchi used his fan to block Guan Chenfeng’s face, the next Guan Chenfeng reached over to paw at Jiang Chenchi’s head. In the middle they argued and fought too, carrying on in a loud, lively bustle.
The only problem was that once the physical contact increased, the audience below started howling wildly again.
Yan Chao once again declared he could not bear to look. “What are they doing now?”
Zhou Chenyu said helplessly, “No helping it, girls these days just love this stuff. We had no choice, we already took a lot of the more excessive lines out of the old bits.”
After thinking about it, Zhou Chenyu added, “But stage partners are like husband and wife anyway, so if they like it, then they like it.”
Hearing that, Yan Chao could not help asking, “Then when you say this stuff with your partner, are you like this too?”
Zhou Chenyu said oddly, “What else would I be like?”
Yan Chao unconsciously knitted his brows a little, but did not speak.
Zhou Chenyu looked at him, amused. “What, jealous?”
Yan Chao said irritably, “Jealous my ass.”
Zhou Chenyu clicked his tongue twice. “Look at you now, how come you’ve started talking all full of piss and shit too?”
Yan Chao rolled his eyes at him. “Wasn’t it because I picked it up from you?”
Zhou Chenyu could not help laughing. “What, did I pass it to you by kissing you or something?”
Yan Chao said, “Zhou Chenyu, can you stop being so disgusting?”
Zhou Chenyu was still trying not to laugh. “My fault, alright?”
After saying that, he added in a comforting tone, “Relax. Since I’m still in the middle of my fanservice period with you, how could I go around outside with one in each arm?”
Yan Chao: “…Psycho.”
Footnotes:
[1] “Handing out sugar” 撒糖, a fandom term meaning openly giving the audience sweet, romantic, or shippable interactions.
[2] “Your mind is filthy” 思想肮脏. Zhou Chenyu is teasing Yan Chao for reading romantic or suggestive subtext into lines that are supposedly just part of the traditional routine.
[3] “The actual people involved personally sail the CP onstage” refers to 蒸煮台上亲自舞cp. 蒸煮 comes from 正主 and means the real people being shipped, while 舞cp means openly playing up the pairing dynamic in front of the audience.
[4] “Ai-green” 艾绿色, a yellowish mugwort-green shade. It is kept this way to preserve the specific color contrast that makes the outfit look funny.
[5] “What Little Red Riding Hood? I’m Little Chenyu” renders 什么小红帽儿，我小辰瑜. The joke twists “Little Red Riding Hood” into “Little Chenyu,” using the same cutesy “little + name” pattern for comic effect.
[6] “Dongshi imitating Xi Shi” 东施效颦, a classical idiom about an ugly imitation of a beauty. Here it is used to mock Guan Chenfeng for copying someone else and looking ridiculous instead.
[7] “Tuizi huo’er” 腿子活儿, a xiangsheng performance term. In this context, it refers to an opera-based or singing-based bit performed inside a xiangsheng routine.
[8] “Crooked singing” 歪唱, meaning deliberately offbeat, unserious, comic singing done to amuse the audience rather than to show proper vocal skill.
[9] “Fanservice period” renders fanservice期 here. In fandom slang, it refers to a period when two public figures actively maintain visible chemistry or play up a pairing for the audience.