PLT | Chapter 8

You’re Crazy and I’m Foolish

Today’s recording was not just about filming scenery. Naturally, the guests also had a task, which was to experience the nomadic life of the local residents.

It just so happened that this period was not really tourist peak season either, so there were very few visitors in the scenic area. For the time being, there were no diligent fan-site photographers making the long trek all the way to Xinjiang either, which gave the program team a relatively convenient filming environment.

Herding sheep naturally required riding horses. According to the production team’s arrangement, each guest pair needed to send one person to the stables to lead back their horses. Since Yan Chao had grown up here after all, he was naturally more familiar with horses, so he gloriously took on this mission.

Unexpectedly, the moment he walked to the stables with the other two guests, he was suddenly dragged into a car by the assistant director.

The assistant director briefly explained the situation. It turned out that one of the six horses they had prepared earlier had suddenly fallen seriously ill and had been sent to the veterinary station for treatment early that morning. That left only five horses now. To be fair, the three of them each had to take a little rapid-fire Q&A challenge, and the amount of time they took would determine which unlucky group could only lead away one horse.

A trick. It was all a trick.

And one that had not even been written into the script in advance.

Fortunately, Yan Chao was quick to react and smooth with his tongue. A challenge like rapid-fire Q&A was not much of a difficulty for him, so he accepted with ease.

The assistant director gave a sly smile, took out a cue card, and on the side facing Yan Chao, it very clearly read:

“Big Test of Partner Compatibility”

The moment Yan Chao saw that title, the corner of his mouth twitched.

Compatibility? It would already be pretty good if he and Zhou Chenyu did not start fighting. What kind of damn compatibility could they possibly have?

Before he even finished complaining in his head, the assistant director had already asked the first question. “Your partner’s profession?”

Yan Chao paused for a second, thinking what kind of garbage question is this, but he still replied quickly, “Xiangsheng performer.”

“Your partner’s hometown?”

“Beijing.”

“Your partner’s star sign?”

“Gemini.”

“Your partner’s blood type?”

“Type O.”

What was the director team doing here, conducting a household registration check?

If Yan Chao had not long since developed the good habit of thoroughly checking guests’ information on Baidu, along with his memory that never forgot what it saw, he definitely would have been over within the first few questions.

But the next second, the random questions started coming.

“What does your partner like to eat?”

“Soy milk and youtiao.”

A Beijinger, no problem there.

“Is your partner currently single or in a relationship?”

Of course Yan Chao did not know whether Zhou Chenyu had a girlfriend, but no matter what the real answer was, for any male celebrity who had not gone public with a relationship, there was one standard answer to this question:

“Single.”

“What is your partner’s ideal type?”

Female, alive.

Of course Yan Chao did not know Zhou Chenyu’s ideal type either, but this universal answer had already flashed through his mind at lightning speed.

For the sake of speed, he simply picked half of it. “Alive.”

“In your eyes, who best fits your partner’s ideal type?”

…What kind of fucking garbage question was this?

How was he supposed to know what kind of type Zhou Chenyu liked?

If he casually threw out the name of some female celebrity, it would very likely trigger another all-out fan war across several fandoms. How could he dare say anything random?

Yan Chao could not think of a completely safe answer for the moment. Time was limited, so he could only step up himself and, half-jokingly, pat his own chest. “Me.”

The assistant director revealed an expression of her scheme succeeding, but her mouth still kept moving quickly. “Use two words to describe your partner.”

Dumbass, idiot, moron, drama queen… in an instant, n answers appeared in Yan Chao’s mind.

But he still maintained a perfectly upright smile. “Good-looking.”

“Use four words to describe your partner.”

This time, for some reason, one phrase instantly popped into Yan Chao’s head, and he blurted it out almost without thinking. “ChenyuLuoyan.”

…Fuck!

Gossip forums really did kill people.

But all of it had already been recorded on camera, so Yan Chao could only keep up the act and pretend to wear an innocent expression that understood absolutely nothing.

The moment he thought of all of this being broadcast on the show later, he felt a little like he was about to have a heart attack.

The assistant director was laughing so hard she was trembling all over, but she still glanced at the stopwatch in her hand. “Ten questions, forty-five seconds.”

Embarrassing was embarrassing, but luckily the result was at least decent.

Yan Chao quietly let out a breath of relief.

Very soon, the other two people also came down separately from their own cars. The assistant director announced the results. Gu Xin had taken more than sixty seconds, and Chen Shuo had taken close to two minutes, and both of them had skipped questions to varying degrees.

Chen Shuo laughed and hooked an arm around Yan Chao’s shoulder, trying to defend himself. “Of course little girls pay attention to these things. We men are careless. How could we possibly remember that much random nonsense?”

Then, the next second, after hearing Yan Chao’s result, he got slapped in the face on the spot.

Chen Shuo looked at Yan Chao in disbelief. “No way. I thought about that star sign question forever. You could even answer the blood type without any hesitation?”

Yan Chao revealed a calm smile and quietly changed the subject. “You better not let Xu Jing hear that, or she might hit you.”

Of course, he was never going to admit that the reason he knew Zhou Chenyu was Type O was because he himself just happened to be Type A, and as a result, countless fans in that CP thread had been making a huge fuss about it, saying things like A and O are clearly distinct, blood type determines top and bottom, and all sorts of messy nonsense.

In any case, Yan Chao had taken first place with effortless ease, only to hear the assistant director say, “Based on the challenge results, the ‘Halfway Married Couple Group’ and the ‘Plastic Sisters Group’ will each get two horses, and the ‘Verbal Sparring Group’ gets one horse.”

Yan Chao was stunned. “Wasn’t I the one with the shortest time?”

The assistant director gave another sly smile. “Who said the shortest time meant you were the winner?”

Yan Chao: “…A trick!”

When Yan Chao rode up on a snow-white little horse to pick up Zhou Chenyu, he had fully expected Zhou Chenyu to be even more surprised than he was. Unexpectedly, Zhou Chenyu was looking at him with a strange expression, as though he had already known in advance that Yan Chao would only be bringing back one horse.

Yan Chao had just been about to ask him when he noticed that a small screen had somehow been set up in the empty space to one side.

What was on it was… a live feed of that whole series of shots from in front of the stables just now?

In other words, Zhou Chenyu had seen all of those garbage answers from his rapid-fire Q&A with his own eyes?

In that instant, Yan Chao felt like he was going to faint.

Sure enough, Zhou Chenyu revealed a cheap little ambiguous smile. “I didn’t even know what blood type I was myself…”

Yan Chao tried his best to maintain a smile. “I saw it online.”

Zhou Chenyu refused to let him off. “Then what about ideal type?”

Yan Chao kept a calm expression. “Just business. The truth is fake.”

Zhou Chenyu said, “Alright then, thanks for praising me as ChenyuLuoyan, even though that phrase is kind of girly.”

Yan Chao replied, “Beauty is not divided by gender.”

For once, Zhou Chenyu was finally successfully disgusted by him. Laughing, he said, “What, do you think riding a white horse makes you a prince now?”

Yan Chao pressed his palms together. “Amitabha. This poor monk comes from the Great Tang of the East and travels west to obtain the scriptures.”

Zhou Chenyu stared at him for one second, then suddenly started singing, “Who was it, who brought you to my side?”

Yan Chao: “…You win.”

He was afraid that if he did not stop him quickly enough, Zhou Chenyu was going to start dancing to Heavenly Maiden of India on the spot.

Only after Zhou Chenyu had finished having his episode did he remember to ask, “If there’s only one horse, then how are we supposed to herd sheep?”

Yan Chao shifted a little farther back, curled his fingers, and knocked on the front half of the saddle. “What do you think?”

From the very moment when he had clearly taken the shortest time but still ended up assigned only one horse, he had already understood what the program team wanted.

At the end of the day, they just wanted two grown men riding the same horse, did they not?

The director team had set their minds on making them sell CP, and even if he had to grit his teeth, he still had to sell it.

A trick. A trick you could never fully guard against.

Zhou Chenyu, meanwhile, went along with it easily. “Perfect. I wouldn’t have dared ride alone anyway.”

As he spoke, he grabbed the hand Yan Chao had extended toward him, stepped on the stirrup, and with a clean, neat motion, leaped up onto the horse.

But the moment he sat down, Yan Chao heard him hiss softly.

Yan Chao handed him the reins and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Zhou Chenyu turned back and said to him in a low voice, “Fuck, this is digging into my balls.”

Yan Chao: “…”

Zhou Chenyu kept suppressing a laugh and lowered his voice again. “It’ll only get better if Xiao Yan-gege rubs it for me.”

Yan Chao: “…Do you believe I’ll squeeze them to pieces?”

The moment those words came out of his mouth, Zhou Chenyu instantly pictured that horrifying scene in his head, and he could not help shuddering all over. “Holy shit, why are you so bloody and violent?”

Yan Chao said irritably in a low voice, “It’s not bothering me at all. The problem is your posture.”

Zhou Chenyu said, “Really? Then maybe it’s because yours is too small.”

Yan Chao: “…Tonight, when we go back, want me to show you just how not small it is?”

Zhou Chenyu was shameless to the end. “I’ll wait and see.”

Yan Chao: “…”

On one hand, he fought desperately to suppress the urge to hit someone. On the other, he was grateful that fortunately Zhou Chenyu still had at least a tiny bit of brains left, and that both of them covered their mics whenever they said things like this.

Otherwise, if these lines really got broadcast, the two of them were probably going to get banned the very next day.

While they were speaking, the little white horse, as though disgusted by their filthy language, flicked its hindquarters in displeasure, and the two of them bounced along with it on horseback.

…Yan Chao did not even need to look to imagine just how obscene and suggestive this segment was going to look once post-production got their hands on it.

It was probably Zhou Chenyu’s first time riding a horse, so he got startled by its sudden reaction. Yan Chao could feel his whole body tense up, and the very next second, Zhou Chenyu suddenly grabbed Yan Chao’s hand and clamped it around his own waist.

Looking at him like that, Yan Chao could not help laughing and crying at once. “Grab the reins. Why are you grabbing me?”

Zhou Chenyu said nervously, “Gege doesn’t know how to ride a horse. You have to protect me.”

Yan Chao comforted him. “Don’t worry. This is the gentlest horse they have here.”

As he spoke, his long legs lightly nudged the horse’s belly, signaling it to move forward, and sure enough, the little horse slowly began to walk.

Unexpectedly, after they had only gone forward two steps, Zhou Chenyu suddenly said, “Right now I feel excited and scared and thrilled and happy and joyful and blessed!”

Yan Chao: ???

Yan Chao: “…Ziwei?”

Zhou Chenyu: “Erkang!”

Yan Chao: “…Like you, so much, so much?”

Zhou Chenyu: “Me too!”

Yan Chao: “…That’s enough. No need to keep going.”

Zhou Chenyu: “No, I won’t. I want to say it! Me too me too me too! However much you have, I have just as much! No, I have even more than you…”

Yan Chao: “Zhou Chenyu, act normal.”

Zhou Chenyu: “You’re full, then I’m overflowing!”