PLT | Chapter 6
by _squisheeThe Melon-Eating Masses
The Little Ancestor beside him was sleeping soundly, but Yan Chao already had a bit of trouble falling asleep to begin with. Now that Zhou Chenyu was pillowing himself on his shoulder, even though Yan Chao was a little sleepy, there was no way he could drift off.
So after the plane took off, Yan Chao idly started playing with his phone.
He had been busy with the show these past few days and had not had the chance to really look through the broad masses of netizens’ reactions to the official announcement of the new program. In order to keep up with the direction of public opinion at all times, Yan Chao habitually opened the gossip forum he often browsed.
Who would have thought that the moment he opened it, the very first post on the homepage would be a towering skyscraper thread:
Yan Chao and Zhou Chenyu? What is The Second Role even doing???
0l
Wasn’t all the gossip before saying Yan Chao was going to a boy group??? How did it suddenly change to xiangsheng???
1l
I just saw the official announcement on Weibo and I was shocked too.
These two??? My dimensional wall has collapsed!
2l
Isn’t it super obvious? He was originally supposed to go to the boy group, but then that one suddenly got his relationship exposed, so they changed the guest at the last minute.
3l
Pfft, from an idol to a xiangsheng performer? Isn’t that gap way too huge?
Our Xiao Yan really suffered.
It’s not easy being Huanyu TV’s leading mc.
4l
These two, way too terrifying…
The more I look at them, the less they match.
5l
1551 I’m crying, I was originally imagining getting to see our Xiao Yan-gege go onstage and perform.
6l
What are Yan fans even thinking? And this counts as miserable? Learning singing and dancing as an idol is exhausting, and you’ll still get scolded if you coast.
Now it got changed to xiangsheng, and that’s all just talking, which is nili Xiao Yan’s actual day job.
7l
But xiangsheng can get pretty wild. For someone like Xiao Yan, all gentle and refined, can he really loosen up enough…?
8l
He’s not stupid. Just because he speaks properly on his usual shows, you all think he doesn’t understand dirty jokes?
9l
What does the person upstairs mean, my gege is only a twenty-three-year-old child!
10l
Jiejies, wake up. I don’t know what you’re all worried about. It’s going on satellite TV, do you really think the xiangsheng they can say will still have any edge?
11l
Pfft, if there’s no edge, then what else can Zhou Chenyu even say? Wasn’t he famous precisely for telling dirty jokes?
12l
Really? I thought it was because of his partner.
13l
Please get to know Qiuming Mountain Racer God Yu, the kind who can lead the whole audience into racing mode, make everybody blush from what he says, while he himself stays totally calm and detached the whole time.
14l
Wow, are handsome xiangsheng gege really this uninhibited? You can’t see a handsome guy telling dirty jokes in other circles, 1551.
15l
I just watched a video of him flirting with fans onstage, and my viewing experience was… strange…
Emmm, how do I put it? I just felt like the whole audience was girls, and he was still telling dirty jokes. Isn’t that kind of disrespectful to women?
16l
Can people who don’t understand xiangsheng please stop opening your mouths randomly? If you want refined art, go watch televised xiangsheng. Non-televised xiangsheng always has some lunli gen in it, okay?
What’s more, a lot of the routines he says already existed in the script to begin with, and other xiangsheng performers have said them too. Don’t just watch it once and then start pointing at him alone to curse him out. Go finish watching all the xiangsheng the masters have said before talking.
17l
Did a living Yu fan just arrive upstairs? Since when does a vase penggen who only gets carried by his partner have the face to clout-chase a master?
18l
I always hear you guys saying Yu only got carried by his partner. So exactly how did he get carried? Can a little sister who doesn’t mix in xiangsheng circles have a bite of melon?
19l
They used to have a bit of a name in the quyi world, but in the entertainment industry they were totally nbcs. Then a few years ago, He Chenfeng helped a friend out and filmed a low-budget arthouse movie, and who knew he’d unexpectedly win Best Actor, so that counted as getting famous overnight.
In xiangsheng circles, penggen and dougen are treated as one body. After He Chenfeng became popular, their theater started filling up, and Zhou Chenyu got fed a huge wave of face fans along with it.
Usually in xiangsheng, the penggen is older than the dougen and has more experience. These two happened to be the reverse. He Chenfeng is seven years older than Zhou Chenyu. Five years ago, when they started working together, Zhou had only just turned twenty, so He kind of had that feeling of raising a kid, I guess. Anyway, everybody said Zhou couldn’t hold him up.
He is publicly acknowledged as having good professional ability, and the penggen naturally has low presence to begin with, so it was inevitable that Zhou got mocked as a useless vase.
20l
As someone from idol fandom, I suddenly get it now. Isn’t this exactly like a group? One teammate is good at everything and single-handedly drags the whole group into popularity, but the result is always one person dragging the plane behind…
21l
And xiangsheng partnerships only have two people in them… one old one raising a kid, one constantly getting outshone. If that goes on long enough, of course there’ll be problems, right? So how’s their relationship now?
……
By the time Yan Chao got here, he had finally gained a somewhat deeper understanding of Zhou Chenyu as a person, and at the same time, he felt the bitterness behind that nickname “vase penggen.”
It really did feel a bit like the dynamic in an idol group, getting carried into popularity by an excellent teammate, yet always living in the shadow of that excellent teammate’s brilliance, even being mocked for it all over the internet. The longer it went on, the more complicated the feeling in his heart must have become.
Besides, the xiangsheng world was different from an ordinary group. It was not that Zhou Chenyu lacked ability. It was just that the natural disadvantage of being the penggen was not something he could make up for through hard work alone.
Yan Chao silently sighed in his heart and kept scrolling down:
22l
Their relationship definitely can’t be that great. Zhou Chenyu was originally the dougen before, and now everybody dislikes him. He probably doesn’t want to keep doing penggen work anymore, right? He Chenfeng is probably tired of dragging a deadweight plane too. Anyway, it feels like the two of them are starting to have the intention of liexue[1]?
23l
What kind of brainwashing package is the person upstairs quietly pushing? Zhou Chenyu can’t keep up professionally? Wl, he was originally trained as a dougen. He willingly became He Chenfeng’s foil, and you’re stepping on him for it instead?
Actually, if they really did liexue, that’d be great. If he went solo and returned to being the dougen himself, he’d definitely get even more popular than he is now.
24l
The toxic solo stans in xiangsheng fandom are suffocating. Can you stop hanging liexue on your mouths every other second? Don’t you know that once a xiangsheng duo breaks up, they’re bound to flop?
25l
bhys, interrupting for a second, what does liexue mean?
26l
When the two partners stop going out together to perform, that’s called liexue, basically it means they’ve split up.
A xiangsheng partnership usually only recognizes one partner for a whole lifetime. Especially once they’ve become established, they absolutely cannot liexue. The moment they do, both sides get hurt. It’s more serious than a married couple getting divorced.
27l
Holy shit, are xiangsheng partnerships really this rio? Isn’t this way more shippable than CPs in temporary boy groups, 1551.
28l
Everybody saying He and Zhou are on bad terms can guna from me. They grew up together since childhood, over twenty years of friendship. You think they can liexue just because you say so?
And the people saying Zhou Chenyu doesn’t want to keep doing penggen work, did you all forget why he went to become He Chenfeng’s penggen in the first place?
29l
Wow, does jiejie upstairs have a story again? Knocking on the bowl and waiting.
30l
So the melons in xiangsheng circles are actually this plentiful? Jiejie, don’t go! I’ve already brought out my little stool!
31l
Looks like Liao Feng Pavilion really was nbcs a few years ago… Let this old fan explain it to you all.
Zhou Chenyu was a child from Zhoujia Village, the home village of Zhou Maoqin. When he was little, it seems like he got some kind of illness and was almost dead. The villagers made all kinds of detours bringing him to Beijing to find Zhou Maoqin, and Zhou Maoqin cured him. But then his biological parents didn’t want to take care of him either, so they directly dumped him at Zhou Maoqin’s house.
32l
Woc, those parents… were they even biological?
I always thought Zhou Chenyu was Zhou Maoqin’s son.
33l
No. Haven’t you heard Zhou Chenyu always call Zhou Maoqin shifu? In xiangsheng circles, you can’t acknowledge your own biological father as your shifu.
But although Zhou Maoqin isn’t his biological father, he really treated him better than a biological father would.
34l
There were so many people in that whole village, and actually Zhou Chenyu and Zhou Maoqin probably didn’t even have much blood relation, right? To put it bluntly, he was just some child from a fellow villager’s family so distant that it took eight poles to reach.
My god, Zhou Maoqin is such a good person.
35l
Continuing on. After Zhou Chenyu came to the Zhou family, he was raised at the side of his shiye Zhou Yinchun.
36l
Shiye? Old troupe leader Zhou Yinchun? Woc, so among the Chen generation, only Zhou Chenyu is the master’s personally taught disciple?
My god, what kind of magical realist plot is this? For one second I thought I was reading an ancient martial arts novel.
37l
+1, it feels like Zhou Chenyu got the script of a Jack Su male lead, the type who’ll one day shoulder a mission to save all under heaven.
38l
Zhou Chenyu started performing xiangsheng in the theater when he was in his teens, but he never had a fixed partner and could only do mixed pairings with younger performers. Before that, he had always been the dougen.
Later, He Chenfeng took that movie for a friend, and the filming cycle was pretty long, so he couldn’t perform for a long time. His original partner was unhappy about it, and after making a scene several times, the two of them did liexue.
By then, He Chenfeng was already the pillar of Liao Feng Pavilion, and ordinary people couldn’t hold him up. Zhou Chenyu was clever and sensible, and the two of them had grown up together since childhood, so they had tacit understanding. That was why he volunteered to do penggen for him, and only then did the two of them keep going all the way until today.
39l
Woc, I was wrong, this isn’t a Jack Su male lead novel, this is a childhood-friends danmei novel!
Never leaving each other, crossing storms together, guarding till the clouds part and the moon appears, all that, it’s way too shippable 1551!
FengYu szd!!!
40l
Wake up upstairs, He Chenfeng’s child is already pretty big.
41l
…What? I’m withered.
42l
It’s not that I have to say this, but why the hell are you blindly shipping a married partnership? Can you please raise your head and look at the title? Does Xiao Yan not deserve to have a name?
43l
Those two should forget it. They’re not even from the same dimension. There’s absolutely no CP feeling at all. It’s more forced than random pairing videos on Letter Site.
44l
+1 upstairs. Didn’t you see that the fans already tore into each other the moment the official announcement came out?
45l
What? They started tearing into each other that early? What was the cause?
46l
Zhou Chenyu posted a Weibo saying the two of them were both vases. Yan fans started jumping up, Yu fans said Yan fans couldn’t take a joke, and then they started fighting.
47l
Pfft… if one Weibo post is already enough for a fight, then once the show airs won’t it be xfxy every single day?
48l
Yan fans were already foul to begin with. They ran under somebody else’s Weibo to start cursing. Whoever picks the fight first is cheap.
49l
What’s wrong with Yu fans upstairs? Hasn’t your side’s fandom also been climbing the pole to throw shade?
50l
I’m done, Yan Chao, that sugar-baby-backed connected climber, only attracts a bunch of low-IQ fans anyway. Actually, nili Xiao Yan-gege calls Huanyu TV’s president “dad” every day.
51l
Fans of that useless vase really do have mouths as filthy as their idol. Let our plgg go and go kneel-lick your foul-mouthed master instead.
……
Yan Chao had originally still been immersed in the jianghu legend around Zhou Chenyu, so full of rich legendary color, but he had not expected that once the style of the thread shifted, it would suddenly turn into another ripping-each-other-apart thread.
…So out of this thousand-floor thread, the part with actual value was just that tiny bit, and everything after it was all fighting.
Half the melon eaten, and then suddenly there was no melon left. Yan Chao backed out of the thread with a slight sense of loss.
And then, right there on the homepage, he saw another newly built skyscraper thread:
ChenyuLuoyan szd!!!
Yan Chao froze. In almost an instant, he had a bad premonition.
But he still clicked into the post almost unconsciously.
0l
A xiangsheng actor and a sharp-tongued host!!! Officially announced CP!!! Everybody ship it for me!!!
1l
Whatever else you say, this absolutely has to be the visual peak of cross-industry CPs! Vase Group szd!!!
2l
In front of others, verbal sparring like swords and spears. Behind others, lips and teeth entwined! Wuwuwu, the vibe is amazing!!!
3l
Xiao Yu’s Weibo today was so cute, wuwuwu, and Xiao Yan even said the two of them cei together!!!
Cei! Together!
Round it up! They’re sleeping together!!!
4l
This CP name sounds so good, 1551, it really fits the two of their flourishing-age beauty. But allow me to weakly ask one thing, who’s top and who’s bottom between them?
5l
ChenyuLuoyan, going by the literal meaning, Yu is on top.
6l
Nonsense, obviously it’s Qi Orange…
7l
Jiejie upstairs, your driving speed is way too fierce.
8l
It absolutely has to be YuYan! Full-of-flirty-talk veteran driver × calm and steady little wolfdog.
9l
What’s wrong with the person upstairs? If he’s already a little wolfdog, then you’re still making him the bottom???
10l
YanYu is the royal road!!!
Calm and steady on the outside, beast in a suit on the inside, little wolfdog gong × full of flirty talk on the outside, pure and spotless on the inside, great beauty shou!!!
Younger seme supremacy!!!
11l
Ah! I got hit by the person upstairs! YanYu szd!!!
12l
No, Xiao Yan may be domineering-CEO style, but he’s also very innocent!
Unlike Xiao Yu, who knows so much! YuYan is the real szd!!!
13l
Why are you all just assuming Xiao Yu knows more than Xiao Yan?
Being fierce with your mouth doesn’t mean you’re fierce in bed, okay?
14l
+1, Xiao Yu looks exactly like the kind who keeps talking dirty all day, but in the end fails at teasing and gets fucked instead.
15l
The direction this thread is heading in, cough cough…
16l
Aiya, who cares who’s top or bottom, that doesn’t matter. Reversible but not separable, ChenyuLuoyan szd!!!
17l
ChenyuLuoyan szd!!!
18l
ChenyuLuoyan szd!!!
……
Yan Chao was stunned.
The thread next door was still in the middle of a war, yet over here there were people who could already ship a CP that had only just been born for one day with full vigor and prosperity, and do it in complete harmony. They had even failed to start so much as the tiniest quarrel over the incomparably important issue of CP top-bottom direction.
There is true feeling in the world, there is true love in the world!
CP fans really are the cutest creatures in the world!
ChenyuLuoyan is real…
Real my ass.
If he himself were not one of the protagonists in this beautiful love story, and if the other protagonist were not also such a complete dumbass, Yan Chao might actually have believed it.
Yan Chao settled the complicated emotions in his heart and tried to keep reading, only to realize that the content after that had suddenly entered a midnight racing ground.
Since the imagery had become far too pornographic, he was just about to exit the thread when he suddenly felt his shoulder lighten.
Yan Chao’s heart jumped, and he instinctively turned his head, only to find Zhou Chenyu staring at his phone screen, the expression on his face extremely subtle.
In an instant, Yan Chao realized something. He turned his head back again, followed Zhou Chenyu’s line of sight, and saw the newly refreshed reply on his phone screen:
“What kind of roller coaster are the jiejies in this thread even driving! I suddenly got a brainwave. Once Yan Chao and Zhou Chenyu start doing xiangsheng together in the future, won’t they be able to do dagua’er play??? awsl!!!”
Note
For everyone’s reading experience, this chapter doesn’t use too much fandom/forum slang, but here are the abbreviations anyway.
nili = you all / your
ylq = entertainment industry
nbcs = nobody cares
rio = real
szd = is real / for real
xfxy = bloody storms / huge fandom chaos
plgg = pretty gege
awsl = ah, I’m dead
Footnotes:
[1] Liexue : The breakup of a xiangsheng partnership, when two longtime partners stop performing together. In xiangsheng culture, this carries very heavy weight and is often treated as more serious than an ordinary professional split.