PLT | Chapter 10

Naming Dishes Is Nothing Compared to Holding You

As evening fell, the guests finished their exhausting day of life as little shepherds and gathered beside a small mountain stream, preparing for tonight’s open-air barbecue dinner.

The night was dim and hazy, and the mountains were full of green pines and cypresses. With the cool breeze blowing gently at this hour, there was quite a bleak sort of beauty to the scene.

Everyone worked together to pitch the tents and light the fire, and then the bonfire picnic began.

Before long, waves of rich aroma began rising from the grill. Yan Chao flipped over the whole row of lamb skewers laid out on top one by one, then swiftly sprinkled cumin powder and pepper over them in quick succession. Instantly, the meat let out a chorus of sizzling sounds, “zila zila.”

After watching him for a while, Zhou Chenyu could not help remarking, “Your technique is pretty skilled, huh?”

Yan Chao said, “It’s a hometown specialty no matter what. What, don’t tell me you can’t even slice some Beijing roast duck or something?”

The moment the words left his mouth, Yan Chao realized something and added, “Forget it. I think I overestimated you.”

Zhou Chenyu curled his lip. “Can you cook, then?”

Yan Chao glanced at him. “When you’re a single dog living by yourself, no matter what, you’ve got to know at least a few simple things, right?”

Zhou Chenyu smiled at that. “Not necessarily. I’ve lived alone for years, and I still haven’t even learned how to make egg fried rice.”

“So you’re actually proud of that?” Yan Chao let out a snort. “Then what do you normally eat?”

Zhou Chenyu said, “We always perform at night. By the time we finish, it’s already the middle of the night, so everyone just gets together for late-night snacks.”

Yan Chao asked, “What about during the day?”

Zhou Chenyu said as though it were the most natural thing in the world, “During the day, I wait for late-night snacks.”

Yan Chao looked at him in disbelief. “So you only eat one meal a day? And it’s always in the middle of the night?”

Zhou Chenyu nodded. “Full, you blow. Hungry, you sing. Never heard that before?”

Yan Chao: “…The fact that your stomach hasn’t developed problems from the way you abuse it is honestly a miracle.”

It was as though some brilliant idea had suddenly sprouted in Zhou Chenyu’s head. “Hey, since both of us are single anyway, how about we live together in the future?”

Yan Chao: ???

Zhou Chenyu: “Sorry, that slipped out. What I meant was, the two of us join up and live our lives together.”

Yan Chao: “…What exactly are you trying to say?”

Zhou Chenyu: “Aiya, I mean the two of us live together!”

Yan Chao looked at him warily, afraid that the next sentence out of his mouth would be more filthy nonsense. “What are you trying to do?”

Zhou Chenyu gave a bright smile. “You cook, I wash the dishes. Man-man pairing, work won’t be tiring.”

Yan Chao: “…Dream on.”

As they were talking, this round of barbecue had finished cooking. Yan Chao filled two big metal trays with all sorts of meat and vegetables, then carried them with Zhou Chenyu over to the tent area not far away, setting them down on the little tea table around which everyone was seated.

Gu Xin smiled. “Chef Yan, thanks for your hard work.”

Yan Chao smiled back. “It’s just grilling meat, not that big a deal.”

Zhou Chenyu sat down. “He just said he can cook too, you know?”

Xu Jing said, “His cooking really is top-tier. One time our station went out for a team-building trip, and he made a whole huge table of stir-fried dishes all by himself.”

Zhou Chenyu looked at Yan Chao in surprise. “Couldn’t tell at all. So you were hiding it.”

Yan Chao smiled slightly. “Low-key, low-key.”

Chen Shuo said, “These days, there really aren’t many guys who can cook. Whichever girl ends up marrying Xiao Yan is definitely going to be especially happy.”

Xu Jing smiled. “Isn’t your marriage-pushing a little too early? Our Xiao Yan is such a pure boy, he hasn’t even dated before.”

Yan Chao smiled with helplessness written all over his face. “Jing-jie, we’re still recording a show here. Can you leave me a little face or not?”

As someone who spent her days and nights around him, Xu Jing really was not wrong.

When Yan Chao was in school, he had been a low-key academic overachiever and school-heartthrob who turned down countless olive branches from girls and only wanted to study hard with all his heart.

After graduation, he had become a complete and utter workaholic again, with neither the time nor the inclination to date. More than two years had slipped by in a blur, and only then did he realize that, in the blink of an eye, he was already twenty-three, yet he had not even given away his first love.

When he thought about it carefully, he realized that he had never even liked anyone before, to the point that he had always suspected he might have been born frigid.

Yan Chao joked, “How can a person destined for great things be tied down by romantic entanglements?”

Then he heard Zhou Shuangshuang suddenly say, “Don’t be scared, Xiao Yan-ge. My gege is two years older than you and still a womb-to-tomb solo too.”

Hearing the topic suddenly shift onto him, Zhou Chenyu froze for a moment, then laughed. “Men are flowers at thirty-one. I’m still waiting to stay single until I bloom into a flower. I’ll definitely be in demand.”

Xu Jing looked shocked. “No way. It’s one thing that Xiao Yan was obsessed with studying before, but how have you never dated either? What is wrong with handsome young guys these days?”

Zhou Chenyu said helplessly, “Wasn’t it because the family kept a tight rein on me? Where would I have gotten the chance?”

This “family” naturally referred to the Zhou family, and Zhou Shuangshuang had already started laughing in open schadenfreude.

Zhou Chenyu glanced at her. “And you’re still laughing. Once you’re a little older, you’ll understand just how hard it is to endure your youthful years without the nourishment of love.”

But Zhou Shuangshuang did not seem touched by his words in the slightest. She was still smiling at him, and those bright, watery eyes of hers were filled with tender feeling like flowing water.

As though suddenly remembering something, Yan Chao nudged Zhou Chenyu with his elbow. “Right, so what exactly is your ideal type?”

Zhou Chenyu turned his head to look at him and blurted out, “You.”

Everyone had seen the live feed of Yan Chao’s rapid-fire Q&A earlier that day, so at that moment they all burst into laughter.

Seeing Yan Chao once again reveal that speechless, choking expression, Zhou Chenyu could not help laughing too. “Isn’t that what you yourself said?”

Yan Chao: “There was no time back then. If I hadn’t answered fast, could I have gotten first place?”

Zhou Chenyu let out a snort. “And the reward for getting first place was a single underage little horse that, halfway down the road, stopped in place and…”

Knowing exactly what he was about to say next, Yan Chao cut him off at once. “Stop! We’re eating!”

The moment he said that, everyone more or less guessed what had happened, and they all started laughing in that strange way again.

Yan Chao hurried to drag the topic back from its increasingly weird direction. “So what exactly is your ideal type?”

Without even thinking, Zhou Chenyu replied casually, “Gentle, kind, good-tempered? Quiet, well-behaved, and doesn’t make trouble?”

Yan Chao nearly laughed when he heard it. He thought to himself, what kind of idiot straight-guy aesthetic is this, stuck back in the age of the Three Obediences and Four Virtues?

His gaze drifted unconsciously to Zhou Shuangshuang at the side, and by accident he caught the sudden light bursting from her eyes. Instantly, his heart gave a jolt.

Everyone said Yan Chao had high EQ, but in truth that came from the fact that he really was someone with delicate thoughts and a gift for reading expressions and observing the atmosphere. And it was not just him, most excellent hosts were like that.

So when he accidentally caught the look Zhou Shuangshuang had directed at Zhou Chenyu just now, a subtle feeling rose in his heart at once.

Although Zhou Chenyu and Zhou Shuangshuang were not related by blood, the two of them had grown up together, and Yan Chao had always thought their bond was simply deep brother-sister affection.

But the look in Zhou Shuangshuang’s eyes just now, that completely undisguised yearning and hope, made it impossible for Yan Chao not to think further.

He was still turning it over in his mind when he heard Xu Jing evaluate Zhou Chenyu’s ideal type. “Isn’t that just Xiao Yan himself?”

Before Yan Chao could argue back, Gu Xin, who had not spoken for a long while, suddenly threw in, “ChenyuLuoyan is real!”

Yan Chao: …what?

Were they netizens from the same thread or something?

Little sister, you really were hiding your depths.

And then he accidentally noticed that the light in Zhou Shuangshuang’s eyes instantly died out.

Before he could speak, Zhou Chenyu repeated curiously, “ChenyuLuoyan?”

Gu Xin had already revealed a full-on auntie smile. “Your CP name. Nice, right!”

Zhou Chenyu laughed too. “Kind of interesting.”

Yan Chao looked helpless. “We’re still recording a show here. Ship quietly in your own lane, okay, miss?”

But Zhou Chenyu still seemed to be turning that CP name over in his mind. Muttering to himself, he said, “ChenyuLuoyan? What position is that?”

Yan Chao: “…Riding. Satisfied?”

As soon as he said that, he turned his head with a blank expression and called to the cameraman not far away, “When the time comes, cut this whole section. Don’t air any of it.”

Everyone was already laughing themselves silly from how suddenly the two of them had started driving, and paired with Yan Chao’s utterly self-destructive expression, it became even funnier.

Xu Jing laughed so hard she could not stop. “Such a pity, such a pity. Such naturally occurring comedy, and it can’t even be aired on the show.”

Zhou Chenyu said, “It’s fine. We can put it into xiangsheng later.”

Yan Chao: “Don’t you dare!”

Gu Xin really was still a little younger sister. Even if her head probably contained all kinds of indescribable material, at a moment like this, her face was still thin enough that she felt embarrassed. “My fault, my fault. Everyone, let’s skip over that topic just now.”

Zhou Shuangshuang also seemed as though she could not wait for the topic to end as soon as possible. Picking up the beer jug from beside her, she filled everyone’s cups.

Chen Shuo called out to everyone, “Putting all these silver-tongued people together really is different. But don’t just keep talking, alright? In a bit the food’s all going to get cold.”

So everyone clinked the glass cups in their hands and got ready to start eating.

Then Xu Jing suddenly said, “It’s not every day we get a famous xiangsheng performer on the show. How can we not have a Bàocàimíng before dinner?”[1]

Zhou Chenyu smiled. “This is my old bread and butter. What’s the point of making me do it? Xiao Yan should do it instead.”

Yan Chao hurried to push it away. “Go, go, go. I’m not a xiangsheng performer.”

Zhou Chenyu raised his eyebrows. “Don’t think I don’t know. In broadcasting and hosting voice training, don’t you practice guankou in your day-to-day drills?”[2]

…And just like that, he had really hit the mark.

Yan Chao wore a helpless look. “I only know a tiny little bit. Isn’t this just showing off in front of Lu Ban’s door?”

Chen Shuo, delighted by the spectacle, said, “Then why don’t the two of you do it relay-style?”

Xu Jing clapped her hands. “That’s right. And besides, Xiao Yan, you’re about to start learning xiangsheng from him anyway. Let Shifu Zhou test your foundation first.”

Inwardly, Xiao Yan was unwilling in every possible way. After all, the full text of Bàocàimíng was so long that Zhou Chenyu definitely knew it backwards and forwards. Yan Chao, on the other hand, was a different story. He had only memorized a little of it overall, and after not saying it for so long, he had already forgotten almost all of it.

But Yan Chao also knew very clearly that slow-paced variety shows were naturally prone to becoming dull, and viewers loved exactly this kind of plot with conflict and friction. Otherwise, the two of them would not have been assigned to the “Verbal Sparring Group” in the first place.

So Xiao Yan, sacrificing himself for the program, had no choice but to open his mouth. “I’ll treat you to steamed lamb, steamed bear paw, steamed deer tail—”

The opening few lines were still clear in his memory. And besides, Yan Chao’s tongue had always been quick, so with the words flying out rapidly, he actually looked pretty convincing.

Zhou Chenyu picked it up. “Roast flower duck, roast chick, roast gosling—”

Yan Chao’s tongue was quick, but no matter what, it could never be quicker than a professional xiangsheng performer’s. The moment Zhou Chenyu opened his mouth, Yan Chao immediately realized that Zhou Chenyu had deliberately gone easy on him. That speaking speed had been completely matched to his own.

So he pressed on and continued rapidly. “Braised pork, braised duck, soy chicken, cured meat—”

Zhou Chenyu followed, “Pine-flower little tripe, air-dried meat, sausage—”

Yan Chao: “Assorted su platter, smoked chicken white tripe, clear-steamed eight-treasure pig—”

Zhou Chenyu: “Glutinous-rice stuffed duck, jarred pheasant, jarred quail—”

…Help. What was the next line again? Yan Chao genuinely could not remember.

If he went over after only saying two turns, that would be way too embarrassing, right?

As his brain spun at high speed, a flash of inspiration suddenly struck him, and he blurted out, “Dove chocolate, cocoa brownie—”

The moment he said it, even he found it funny. This was just some silly internet joke he had happened to see online before. There was no way Zhou Chenyu could keep going with it.

Unexpectedly, Zhou Chenyu only froze for half a second before immediately picking it up. “Vanilla-flavored Baskin Robbins, durian and jackfruit?”

Yan Chao was stunned in an instant. What was wrong with this guy?

So he did not just know Bàocàimíng, he even knew stupid internet meme jokes too?

Fortunately, Yan Chao had always possessed a photographic memory, and even stupid meme jokes were etched into it with perfect clarity. “Chicken gravy mashed potatoes, cheesy corn kernels?”

Zhou Chenyu smiled with complete confidence. “Braised spicy chicken, green jade set in gold—”

Yan Chao: “Braised lion head, black pepper beef tenderloin, orange spare ribs and fish in vinegar sauce.”

That was the end of the meme. Yan Chao rattled off the last few lines in one breath, then looked leisurely at Zhou Chenyu as if to say, I’ve already said it all, let’s see what else you can possibly say now.

Unexpectedly, Zhou Chenyu looked at him without the slightest disorder in his expression, raised his eyebrows at him, and said, “Not as good as you, none of it is as good as you.”

Footnotes:

[1] Bàocàimíng (报菜名): A famous traditional xiangsheng routine built as a long, rapid-fire recitation of dish names. It is often used to showcase memory, diction, rhythm, breath control, and guankou skills.

[2] Guankou (贯口): A xiangsheng performance technique involving a long, uninterrupted, rapid recitation. It emphasizes articulation, breath support, rhythm, and fluency.