KM: Chapter 5
by 🐳 MoonyJi An had become more obedient.
Ever since that incident, he was even less willing to interact with others. He curled up in the corner every day, staying only with You Chen. Several classmates had taken leave to rest at home—yes, the ones You Chen had injured.
But Ji An was still terrified. That day, everyone had worn the same expression. No one had been willing to help him. Every pair of eyes had been filled with madness and twisted pleasure. Those who reached for him, those who pinned him to the sofa, those who tried to force alcohol down his throat, and those who stood aside cheering and screaming.
Deriving pleasure from bullying the weak was what that social scum loved most.
Were tears meant to be the nutrient for the weak’s survival? Or merely the seasoning for their lives?
They thought that by giving Ji An the wrong location, they wouldn’t be discovered by You Chen. Or perhaps they thought that even if You Chen found out, he wouldn’t care. After all, everyone knew that You Chen loved to play with Ji An until he was miserable and pitiful.
They just didn’t expect that although You Chen also derived pleasure from bullying him, he was fundamentally different from them.
They didn’t know that the right to derive pleasure from bullying Ji An belonged exclusively to You Chen.
He would never share it with anyone.
Ji An secretly thought that in the future, he must, must wait for You Chen.
You Chen also noticed that Ji An had become more obedient. Even if he was afraid of being late, he would stand obediently at the intersection to wait for him. But he was unwilling to speak again. No matter how much You Chen pressured him, Ji An bit his lip and refused to open his mouth.
You Chen grew impatient. He pinched Ji An’s chin, forcing him to lift his face.
“Speak.”
Ji An’s bright, watery eyes stared at him, but he remained silent.
“Tsk. Have I been too good to you lately?”
You Chen squeezed his cheeks. Seeing tears well up in Ji An’s eyes from the pain, yet still refusing to bow his head, a nameless anger flared in You Chen’s heart. He let go, turned, and walked away.
Ji An stared blankly at his retreating figure. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
Ji An didn’t want to speak. That day, pinned to the sofa and forced to talk, a boundless fear had surged from the depths of his heart. He didn’t just hate his stutter; he feared it.
He wasn’t born a stutterer. When he was five, he lost track of his mother. Human traffickers knocked him unconscious and took him away. When he woke up, he screamed for help. A trafficker slapped him. His head hit the ground, and he was injected with drugs. Since then, he couldn’t speak clearly.
At first, he couldn’t speak at all. After the police found him and sent him to the hospital, he stayed there for over half a month. When he came out, he had become a stutterer.
So he wasn’t born a stutterer. He had transformed from a complete child into an incomplete one. From a lively, vibrant child into a timid, silent one. From a child adored by everyone into a child pointed at and criticized everywhere he went.
He had grown up like this.
He knew the feeling of falling from a height. He knew the feeling of being easily shattered. He knew the feeling of being forced to accept a punishment that might last a lifetime, even though he had done nothing wrong.
So he refused to speak. Speaking felt like accepting punishment. It felt like being forced to revisit the memories of his destruction, like exposing his scars to everyone.
But when You Chen made him speak, he didn’t feel that way. He only felt embarrassed. It was the embarrassment of exposing a side of himself that people might dislike to the person he liked.
After You Chen carried him away from the crowd that day, he had been forced to explain himself to You Chen. Listening to himself stutter through even a few sentences had been painful. When he got back, he realized he was having a stress reaction.
He had forgotten how to speak.
Ji An looked in the direction You Chen had left. He stood in silence for a while, then finally stood up.
You Chen didn’t want to scare Ji An.
In the past few days, Ji An had clearly been frightened. He curled up like a rabbit every day, as if a single touch would make him spring up and run away. You Chen hadn’t wanted to force him further.
But after several days without intimacy, You Chen’s patience had reached its limit. Now that Ji An still refused to speak to him, it was like adding fuel to the fire. If he continued to stay in the same space as Ji An, he didn’t know what he might do.
You Chen played games alone at an internet café. As he played, he wondered if Ji An was crying alone. He rubbed his temples, trying hard to calm down. Just as he planned to leave, he looked up and saw Ji An standing nearby, clutching his backpack straps, looking pitiful.
He hadn’t made a sound. You Chen didn’t know how long he had been standing there.
You Chen paused. He met Ji An’s gaze, and a surge of anger flared in his heart again.
Was saying a word so difficult? Was calling his name so hard?
The more You Chen thought about it, the angrier he became. He turned his head and continued playing games. Ji An blinked. He stood there dazed for a moment, then cautiously sat down next to him. You Chen deliberately turned his face away, typing loudly on the keyboard, refusing to look at Ji An.
Ji An sat upright beside him, hands resting on his lap. He looked very obedient, quiet and still. He was so scared that he bit his lip tightly, nervously watching You Chen. Perhaps he hadn’t slept well for several days; Ji An looked listless. After sitting for a while, his head began to nod as he drifted off.
You Chen softened the force of his typing.
Before long, Ji An’s body swayed. He leaned against You Chen. Whether it was intentional or not, You Chen assumed it was. So he simply reached out and pulled Ji An onto his lap, his eyes still glued to the screen.
Ji An lay in his arms, wanting to cry.
It had been days since he had been this close to You Chen. It felt as if the vine entwined around him was slowly loosening, and the security he drew from it was diminishing.
Now, being held by You Chen, he felt as if he had been pulled out of the water and tossed into a fluffy blanket.
Ji An suddenly wanted to speak.
He struggled for a while. He secretly scratched his neck near his throat. Then, with great difficulty and in a tiny voice, he said, “You… Chen. You, don’t, kiss… me…”
He gritted his teeth, trembling with effort, just to connect the words.
“Why?”
You Chen’s hand paused. After freezing for a moment, he began to type more frantically. On the game screen, his ultimate moves were unleashed one after another. Ji An couldn’t see. Thinking You Chen was angry, he struggled to get off his lap.
You Chen pressed down on Ji An’s lower back, holding him firmly. He released the final ultimate move to end the game, then grabbed Ji An by the waist and lifted him up.
There were too many people here.
“Let’s go to my place.”
You Chen carried Ji An all the way home. Ji An curled up in his arms, a small, obedient bundle.
You Chen pushed open the bedroom door, already quite impatient. In fact, when he opened the door, he had wanted to pin Ji An against it and kiss him thoroughly. He wanted to kiss him until his legs were weak, until he couldn’t stand without holding onto You Chen’s hand. But he didn’t. He knew that once the kiss started, it would be wild and fierce, something Ji An couldn’t handle.
Ji An was tossed onto the bed. Dazed, he sat up. You Chen knelt on one knee at the bedside. He held Ji An’s ankle, his hot palm pressed against the bone. His eyes fixed on Ji An, cold and fierce.
“This time, you provoked me yourself. So be prepared.”
“If you cry,”
“I won’t stop.”