KM: Chapter 30

You Chen felt somewhat agitated, his gaze falling on Ji An's body covered in mottled marks, kiss marks, bite marks, and finger marks, spread across every inch, displaying the brute force and arrogance of the perpetrator. His heart ached with regret; he realized he had acted impulsively. Yet, he couldn't quite understand why he still felt a bit angry, unable to vent the emotions accumulated over a long time, unable to calm down. You Chen laid Ji An on the bed, got off, and went to the bathroom to smoke half a cigarette before immediately returning to the bedside. Ji An lay on the bed, his slender legs still open in the position You Chen had entered him, seemingly unable to close, knees slightly bent, trembling finely, thighs occasionally twitching. His cries were soft but continuous; Ji An had been crying non-stop, eyes closed, face flushed, sobbing with trembling shoulders. Too rough, You Chen thought. He stood by the bed without moving, watching as long as Ji An cried. Only when Ji An cried himself to sleep did You Chen sigh lightly, bend over to carry him to the bathroom, run a hot bath for half an hour, and awkwardly massage Ji An's waist and legs. Once bathed and with fresh sheets, he carried Ji An back to bed, went out again, and specifically bought ointment from the pharmacy, carefully applying it to Ji An. Different areas and different wounds required several types of ointments. You Chen, afraid of mixing them up, earnestly listened to the recording he made of the pharmacy clerk's instructions to distinguish them. The area behind required one type, broken skin another, and unbroken skin yet another. In fact, no one would typically apply ointment to kiss marks, but You Chen's heart ached, applying the ointment to Ji An as if treating himself. After applying the ointment, You Chen lay down beside Ji An, carefully pulling him into his arms. Ji An curled up in his embrace, like a kitten that had lost its support, desperately trying to grasp something, tears constantly spilling from the corners of his eyes, softly humming with a sobbing tone, whispering in his sleep. You Chen leaned down to listen. "You… You Chen… You Chen… kiss me… You Chen, kiss me… You Chen, it hurts… kiss me…" You Chen's breath caught, his heart squeezed out a surge of sourness, all rushing up, pressing against his eyes. His fingers trembled slightly as he brushed Ji An's cheek, tucking his stray hair behind his ear, leaning down to plant many kisses, each one as light as a dragonfly touching water, restrained yet gentle. "Kiss you, be good, it won't hurt anymore." Ji An's humming gradually subsided until it became the sound of steady breathing. He nuzzled You Chen with his fluffy head, the curls Chu Longyu had styled were temporary, now only a hint remained, making him even more adorable, his cheeks glowing pink after the encounter, exceedingly well-behaved. You Chen's heart softened completely, kissing Ji An's cheek, gently patting his back. You Chen found Ji An hard to read now, calling his name in dreams, crying while doing so, yet when awake, not even giving him a chance to make eye contact, trying every way to run away. What exactly was Ji An thinking? You Chen didn't know who was truly sick. Perhaps they both were. Ji An was probably really exhausted, sleeping until the next day. For years, he hadn't slept this long, insomnia was a common occurrence. He thought, perhaps this long sleep was not just because he was too tired. Ji An struggled to sit up from bed, finding himself wearing a large T-shirt, white, clearly belonging to You Chen. Ji An suddenly remembered that lately, You Chen had been wearing white clothes. He recalled that You Chen didn't like white so much before. While pondering, You Chen pushed the door open from outside, holding a bowl of congee. Seeing Ji An awake, he showed no reaction, walked over, and placed the congee on the bedside table, saying, "Eat something." Ji An looked up at You Chen, then immediately lowered his head, staring blankly at the bowl of congee. Why did You Chen put it directly on the bedside table? Did You Chen not want to feed him? Ji An suddenly felt very wronged, and the more he thought about it, the more wronged he felt, sitting on the bed refusing to move, bowing his head forcefully, tears falling in large drops on the quilt. He occasionally wiped them away, but the more he cried, the harder it became to stop, his tears unstoppable, sniffling continuously, causing his shoulders to tremble pitifully. You Chen sighed, sat on the bed, scooped him out of the quilt, placing him on his lap, and fed him congee one spoonful at a time. Ji An wore nothing underneath, the shirt only covering his thighs, legs marked with bite and finger marks. He instinctively closed his legs, You Chen silently pulled the quilt over him. His tears fell even more, obediently opening his mouth to be fed. They remained silent, neither speaking. Human emotions can override many things, sometimes even self-reason. The power from emotions is very strong. Constantly reminding oneself not to do this, constantly reminding oneself how to act, but in the end, always being overwhelmed by emotions and moving in the opposite direction. You Chen spent a night taking notes on how to treat anorexia, wanting to take good care of someone, while Ji An spent a night thinking he was sick, unable to get close to You Chen, not wanting to become a burden. The result was one in a rage, pressing the other onto the bed, leaving him covered in scars, and the other feeling wronged, wanting to be fed congee like yesterday. In rage, nothing can be thought of, in grievance, nothing is willing to be thought of. In this peaceful moment, they both let go of all the pain, resentment, guilt, and self-blame of the past five years. They were whole, just an ordinary couple. They had never been apart, just dreaming in love, experiencing separation in a dream, waking up to embrace. They needed each other too much. Emotions are the source of feelings. They were overwhelmed by emotions, in reality, surrendering to their feelings. You Chen thought, maybe they both needed a little time. After feeding the congee, You Chen wiped Ji An's mouth, told him to rest a while longer, saying he was going to the study to edit photos. Ji An nodded, curled back into the quilt, closing his eyes pretending to sleep. Near noon, they suddenly received a message about a photo shoot that needed to be done, the brand was urgent, urging them to quickly go to the company. You Chen thought Ji An was asleep, intending to cancel for him, but Ji An knocked on the study door, asking if they should go together. He didn't respond, not wanting to answer Ji An's question which had no second option, took the car keys, and drove Ji An to the company, picking up Chu Longyu on the way, who laughed while helping Ji An cover the kiss marks on his neck. It was unclear what major collaboration it was, but several models were present. You Chen went to check the equipment, and Ji An went to change clothes. The dressing room door was locked, so he stood at the door waiting. Someone pulled him from behind, dragging him to another side. "There's a small room here, you can change here." Ji An shook his head, wanting to refuse, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the person already pushed him in. The door to this room locked from the outside, the four white walls evoking his painful memories. The last thing he saw was the person's smug smile. "No!" The door clicked shut, and all the blood in Ji An's body began to flow backward. He leaned against the door, pounding on it repeatedly. "You Chen! You Chen!" He called You Chen's name many times, but outside, the noise was overwhelming. Could You Chen hear him? Severe tinnitus, waves of dizziness, his nightmares impossible to erase. "You Chen… save me…"