KM: Chapter 37

Ji An looked at You Chen without speaking. You Chen tapped his index finger on the steering wheel, a hint of anger on his face, and said, "Did you hear me?" Ji An nodded. "Repeat my words." "It's… our home." Only then did You Chen turn back. The red light had just turned off, and he continued driving, answering Ji An's question. "Why don't I come back? You saw how urgently I came back at noon and in the afternoon today. If I could, I would always want to stay at home and sleep with you, my dear wife." Ji An was stunned for a moment. Even without looking, You Chen knew he must have blushed again. Ji An was particularly thin-skinned. In the past, You Chen would occasionally make such a nasty joke with Ji An. Back then, Ji An would get embarrassed more easily and ignore him for a long time, and no amount of coaxing would help. Now, he just pretended not to hear. After waiting a while without a response, You Chen laughed and continued, "Recently, my schedule is full, and I'm quite busy, so I can't stay at home with you. But I'll come back earlier, and I can work from home. When things calm down, I'll take you out to play." Ji An nodded and asked, "Then, when can I go back to the company?" "You can go back when you're better. If you're not well, you can't go back." "Alright." "What's wrong, do you want me to photograph you?" You Chen half-smiled. "I can take pictures at home too." "No…" "No? Then who do you want to photograph you?" Ji An shook his head, trying to explain, "I don't…" You Chen pressed on, "Then who do you want to photograph you?" "…" "Hmm? Baby, who do you want to photograph you?" Ji An conceded, "You." You Chen nodded in satisfaction. After arriving home, You Chen put all of Ji An's belongings into one room and pointed it out to Ji An, saying, "This room is yours, meaning you can put anything here, but you can't sleep here." He paused and added, "You can't get upset with me and insist on sleeping in separate rooms." Ji An nodded. You Chen closed the door and took him to another room, a large walk-in closet, though it was empty and didn't seem newly renovated. You Chen said, "The year I bought the house, I specially prepared this for you." Ji An was stunned. What year was it when he bought the house? They had just gotten back together a few days ago. "The second year after you left." It was like being hit hard by something solid. Ji An experienced a strong bout of tinnitus, standing there dumbfounded. All words seemed weak, and only silence remained. This was a topic they should avoid, yet it seemed inescapable. Who wasn't in pain? Who didn't regret it? Five years was indeed too long. Too long. Long enough that back then, they couldn't see the end at all. "When you were locked in the room, did you often accidentally fall asleep?" You Chen's wording was too euphemistic. Ji An didn't understand at first, then realized after a moment. You Chen asked again, "When you fell asleep, what were you thinking about?" "When you couldn't eat, did you feel terrible? You've lost so much weight. When I hold you, I feel terrible." "If you feel wronged, can you tell me?" "I…" Ji An choked with sobs, tears streaming down his face instantly. He hadn't shed many tears even when tormented by dizziness, vomiting, tinnitus, and insomnia. Now, just being asked if he felt terrible or wronged made him choke up and unable to speak. Is being cared for more painful than being hurt? You Chen held Ji An in his arms, using his sleeve to wipe Ji An's tears. Ji An clutched the fabric of his chest, just like a long time ago, seeking shelter and comfort. "I had a… really bad time… really bad… really bad…" Ji An repeated it several times but didn't tell You Chen what was wrong, only that it was really bad. You Chen was nearly suffocated, saying, "I know, I know." He still wasn't good at comforting people, especially in such painful emotions. He was at a loss, with nothing but hugs and kisses to offer. Ji An nestled in his arms, crying until his whole body trembled. All the previously unreleased, suppressed emotions came flooding in like a deluge. His tears were endless, like a river that would never dry up. He cried so hard that You Chen feared he would dehydrate, so he carried him downstairs to get a cup of warm water and coaxed him to drink it, patting his back like comforting a child. Ji An cried for a long, long time, only stopping when he was exhausted, leaning against You Chen's chest, squinting his eyes to sleep. You Chen placed Ji An on the table, turned to the kitchen to make a cup of milk powder, and coaxed Ji An to drink it. Ji An held the cup with both hands, drinking little by little, his eyes red, sniffling, and his shoulders trembling like a newborn kitten rejected by its peers, reluctant to finish it all at once. But halfway through, he stopped drinking. You Chen held the bottom of the cup and coaxed him, "Finish it, baby. This helps you sleep and is good for your stomach. Once you're better, you can go to the company, okay?" Ji An held his hand and reluctantly drank a little more, then pushed the cup towards him. "You drink too." "Okay." You Chen took the cup and finished the rest under Ji An's pitiful gaze. Afterward, he carried Ji An upstairs to bathe. Ji An leaned against him, half-asleep, half-awake, and asked, "I… don't want to be apart anymore. Can we not… be apart again?" You Chen nuzzled his tear-stained cheek, saying, "You have to believe me, Ji An. I said we wouldn't be apart again." "Then can you… kiss me?" "Okay, I'll kiss you. Don't cry anymore." The next morning, You Chen fed Ji An congee and coaxed him back to sleep before driving to the company, all the while keeping an eye on Ji An's messages. He could sense something was off with Ji An, from the glance Ji An gave the rented apartment to the strange question he asked. That's why he wanted to have a good talk with Ji An last night. Ji An seemed soft and timid but was actually incredibly stubborn, swallowing everything down without a word. Even when he felt wronged, he would never say it out loud. The image of Ji An crying until he couldn't breathe replayed in You Chen's mind. He would never let himself forget it, using it as a self-warning to love Ji An unreservedly forever. Busy until noon, You Chen left work early again, bought lunch on the way, and drove home. He didn't expect to see such a scene when he opened the door. Ji An was squatting at the door, hugging his knees, head lowered, like a little dog silently waiting for its owner to return. Upon hearing the door open, he looked up eagerly, but his nose was red, looking pitiful. You Chen was stunned for a long time, sighing helplessly and with heartache. "Baby, what are you doing squatting at the door?" "Waiting for you… to come back." You Chen bent down to pick Ji An up, walked to the sofa, and sat down, saying, "Why are you squatting at the door waiting for me? Are you a little dog?" Ji An leaned against his shoulder, his warm eyelids pressed against his neck, muffledly saying, "Yes, I am a little dog." He laughed and rubbed Ji An's head, asking, "Whose little dog is crying secretly at home?" "Yours…" "My little dog should eat now." You Chen held the congee, pinching Ji An's neck to make him raise his head, feeding him. "You can wait for me in the room. Don't squat at the door." "In the room, I can't… see you right away."