KM: Chapter 34

You Chen never cries, but this time, it's as if he needs to shed all the tears he hasn't cried before in a single day. Ji An hurriedly reaches out to wipe You Chen's tears, which fall one by one onto his chest, burning hot. Only now does he realize what it feels like to watch someone you love cry; it makes your heart ache, and you don't know how to comfort them, so you just keep asking what's wrong, what's wrong, please don't cry. Watching the other person cry is also a very sad thing. When someone in love cries, it's as if both are shedding tears.

"Don't cry, okay? I'll kiss you."

Ji An holds You Chen's face and lightly kisses him several times. You Chen lowers his head and kisses him hard, then leans on his chest, resting his face sideways, ear pressed tightly, listening to his heartbeat.

Ji An's heart is racing.

You Chen says, "I'm sorry, baby."

"I shouldn't have hated your stutter, shouldn't have bullied you, shouldn't have tricked you into eating sour candy, shouldn't have kissed you in the equipment room, shouldn't have ignored your messages, shouldn't have yelled at you on the phone, shouldn't have scared you, shouldn't have forced you."

"I shouldn't have been mean to you, making you cry all the time."

Ji An is stunned, not speaking.

He knows what kind of person You Chen is.

A person who looks down on others, never lowering his head, as if no one in this world can catch his eye.

No one has ever heard You Chen say "I'm sorry."

But just now, Ji An not only saw You Chen's tears but also clearly heard him say "I'm sorry."

Why is You Chen apologizing? Why would those things need an apology?

"Why… apologize… I've never thought… you did anything wrong."

You Chen holds him tightly and asks, "Do you forgive me, baby?"

Ji An frowns, repeating, "I don't think you were wrong, I… never blamed you."

You Chen still repeats, "Do you forgive me, baby?"

Ji An, feeling a bit helpless, complies, "I forgive you, so please, don't cry… okay?"

"Mm," You Chen responds muffled, "You don't blame me, but I blame myself."

"Why?"

"Are you happy being with me, Ji An?"

You Chen asks him, choking up.

Ji An replies slowly, "Hap-py."

"Then why are you always crying? If you're happy, why are you always crying when you're with me?"

"Then you're crying now, is it because you're with me and unhappy?"

"No."

"Then when I cry, it's not that either."

You Chen stops talking, burying his head in Ji An's embrace. Ji An mimics how You Chen comforts him, stroking his hair, and they remain silent, holding each other for a long time.

There are no spare clothes for You Chen here, so he can't bathe and decides to go home before heading to the office the next morning.

Ji An tells him to sleep first, and he nods in agreement. Yet, when Ji An comes out of the shower, he sees You Chen lying straight on the floor by the bed, using a pillow from the sofa and covered with a thin blanket.

He asks confusedly, "Why are you sleeping on the floor?"

"I haven't showered, so I won't stink you up."

Ji An walks over, bends down, and tries to pull You Chen up from the floor.

"Get on the bed."

You Chen refuses to get up, and Ji An, with his small strength, can't move him. You Chen laughs and suddenly grabs Ji An's ankle, saying, "Baby, your pajama pants are so short, are you trying to seduce me?"

Ji An is startled, struggling slightly to make him let go, blushing, "I… am not."

You Chen leans over and kisses the top of his foot, asking, "Where's the anklet I gave you?"

Ji An is so shocked by You Chen's sudden action that he doesn't dare move, the kiss on his foot feeling especially hot, like a brand, etched through the skin into the bone.

You Chen waits for a while without getting a response, then uses force to pull Ji An's foot into his arms, catching the falling Ji An.

Ji An hasn't recovered from the kiss and is startled again by You Chen's dangerous move, letting out a small "ah" and going limp.

You Chen pinches his waist, holding him and asking, "What are you thinking? Where's the anklet?"

He weakly replies, "In… the little box in the… cabinet."

You Chen tilts his head, reaches out to open the bedside cabinet door, finds a small box inside, takes out the anklet, and holds Ji An, making him sit sideways on his lap, bending down to put the anklet back on Ji An.

"Tomorrow, when I go to the office, don't run around. Stay at home, and I'll come back for lunch. In the afternoon, I'll have someone come over to move things."

Ji An nods, "Okay."

You Chen straightens up, bites his face lightly.

"Don't run away."

Ji An nods, turns to kiss him, then quickly climbs off him, runs to the bed, and curls under the blanket, turning his back to him.

Why, when he wears this anklet for the second time, does he still feel that kind of anxious and trembling feeling?

Clearly, he's no longer seventeen or eighteen.

You Chen looks at Ji An, smiles, lies down, and tugs at the blanket hanging off the bed, saying, "Baby, can you sleep without me holding you? Do you want me to hold your hand?"

Ji An doesn't respond, and after a while, he turns over, reaching his hand to the edge of the bed.

You Chen lifts his hand, first using his index finger to scratch Ji An's palm. Seeing Ji An instinctively clench his fist, he opens his hand to envelop it completely; Ji An's hand is small.

Ji An also pokes You Chen's palm with his little finger.

You Chen gently loosens Ji An's fist, holds Ji An's hand, and softly says, "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight."

——

Ji An sleeps until nine o'clock, and when he wakes up, You Chen is already gone, leaving a note on the bedside cabinet, telling him to drink the congee on the coffee table.

He slowly gets out of bed to brush his teeth and wash his face, then sits on the sofa, holding the bowl and sipping the congee.

Halfway through, he can't drink anymore, and just as he puts the bowl down, You Chen calls him on video.

Only then does Ji An realize that You Chen seems to have added his new WeChat number to his phone. His lock screen password is You Chen's birthday, cliché and easy to guess, so You Chen didn't even need to think about it.

Ji An taps the answer button, and You Chen calls out "baby," as Ji An glances at him, then at the half bowl of congee.

"Baby, did you sleep well? Did you drink the congee?"

Ji An nods.

"Did you finish it?"

Ji An shakes his head again.

You Chen chuckles, coaxing him, "You need to finish it, okay? I'll watch you drink it, alright?"

Ji An nods, picks up the congee, and resumes taking small sips. Once finished, he puts the bowl down, obediently staring at the screen, unconsciously sticking out his tongue to lick the congee residue from the corner of his mouth.

You Chen's throat tightens, he raises his hand to cover his mouth, coughing lightly to cover it up, smiling as he praises, "Good boy, baby. I'll come back later to take you out for a meal."

Ji An's eyes curve into a smile, and he leans closer to the screen, asking, "Later, when is that?"

You Chen looks at Ji An's face, so close on the screen, and wishes he could go back immediately and press Ji An onto the sofa until he cries.

"Very soon, I'll be back soon, baby."