GP | Chapter 1.6

“Guiding’s not needed, so just do whatever you want. Just don’t come into my room or this living room.”

“Still, guiding…”

“Can’t you understand me when I say it once?”

“…”

“I can see you’re horny, but that has nothing to do with me, so go jerk off or whatever, by yourself.”

His smile was beautiful, completely unlike the words he was saying. But the moment Seoh tried to approach again, his expression turned blank in an instant. Disgust filled his eyes.

Seoh thought this was no good, so he decided to try explaining his situation, as if grasping at straw. Because he was an Esper, maybe he would understand this pain even a little. No one had ever believed him before, but still, maybe. Even if he could not fully believe it, he might pity him, right?

“Esper Song Taejoon. The thing is… if I don’t use up energy, I hurt quite a lot. So I need to guide, but…”

Then a loud laugh rang out. Seoh’s face began to blanch at the familiar response.

He had not finished explaining, but the important part should have gotten through. And yet Song Taejoon did not believe him. He must have thought Seoh was playing tricks. That was how everyone was. No one believed him.

“Oh, really? It hurts a lot?”

“…”

“If you didn’t keep working your body so hard, it probably wouldn’t hurt. You’ve been poking around so much that of course it hurts. How about you try holding back your sex drive for once? You should at least try. Don’t keep talking about moving that ass around while lying like that.”

It was the same mockery, the same kind of advice he had heard before. Seoh looked at Song Taejoon, who was smiling as if he had not a care in the world, and forgot even to breathe.

“Or is this a hobby? Watching Espers run up all happy when you guide them?”

“…”

“The noble A-rank Guide’s hobby is more fucked up than I expected.”

He had heard that kind of thing before too. But everyone who said things like that either frowned or got angry. No one smiled so brightly like Song Taejoon did. That gap made it feel even more like he was mocking Seoh’s situation. Seoh’s eyes sank dimly.

“I can’t believe a Guide would try to act like an Esper. Did saying that make the other Espers pity you? Guiding them while telling them it won’t hurt, then happily giving them a good fuck?”

Yes, this was reality. Even after being treated like this, he still could not let go of hope. Seoh loosened the hand he had been clenching and silently endured the malice raining down on him. If he endured like this, one day it would end. All he could do was wait for that day to come.

“When you stand there like that, it almost makes it look like I’m the one bullying you.”

Watching Seoh keep his head down in silence, Song Taejoon let out a dry laugh. Acting like that while knowing nothing and trying to use an Esper’s pain for his own purposes. He was in a foul mood just thinking about it, and yet he smiled again.

“As long as you don’t come to me, I won’t bother you anymore either, so let’s just agree to ignore each other. Guide Yoon Seoh.”

“…”

“Take any room on the first floor.”

Having said that, Song Taejoon stood and strode away. There were only a few footsteps before he was already climbing the stairs to the second floor and walking down the hall.

A moment later, the sound of a door closing echoed loudly. Perhaps because the house was so empty, it carried on like an echo. Then it gradually sank back into silence.

Seoh finally lifted his head and let out a long breath. He was so tense that his lungs actually hurt. Song Taejoon was rejecting him more fiercely than he had expected. Seoh had no idea how he was supposed to approach someone like that, and he felt utterly at a loss. He had wanted to get along. Had he been too blind in his faith in the relationship between Espers and Guides?

This would probably backfire on Song Taejoon instead, so he had to be careful.

“Haah…”

Just as he was settling a little and letting out a sigh, he felt blue waves spilling from behind him. Seoh slowly turned his head and looked at the beautiful scene in the massive aquarium.

The ocean forest existed there, neither pushing him away nor rejecting him like people so often did.

A school of unknown fish with pure white fins, large both above and below, swam closer and looked at him with rolling eyes. Seoh cautiously stretched out a hand. The fish swarmed toward him. The sight made it seem as if they were approaching to comfort him, and he gave a faint smile.

The hand that could not reach the aquarium glass wandered for a moment, then quietly returned to its place. He could not follow Song Taejoon’s words when it came to guiding, so at the very least, he did not want to do anything annoying in any other respect.

Despite his resolve, Seoh held back the urge to go upstairs and guide him at once, then moved.

He gathered the clothes and a few other items he had placed on the table and went into one of the empty rooms on the first floor. He set his bag down beside the door, leaned against the wall, and slid down to the floor. The bluish light of dawn was beginning to seep in from outside, growing brighter little by little, but he hugged his arms around himself and lowered his head into the darkness.

Sleepiness was already far gone.

All that remained was the numb pain.

Seoh simply closed his eyes quietly.

✿ • ✿ • ✿

He had no idea how long he had kept the same posture. His whole body was stiff. By now the pain had spread far enough to reach his elbows. He had tried clenching and unclenching his fists a few times and shaking them out, but it would not subside easily.

The good news, if there was any, was that he was used to pain at this level. Knowing there was something worse let him endure it.

He was letting out a quiet sigh when he sensed movement outside. Seoh lifted his bowed head. The sun had already risen, and the room was flooded with light.

“…”

Had Song Taejoon gotten up?

Seoh stood, rubbed from his shoulders down to his wrists, and squeezed his cold fingertips tightly. He repeated that twice while silently staring at the bedroom doorknob.

Judging by the reaction Song Taejoon had shown yesterday, it was obvious he would not want to see him first thing in the morning. But even so, if he just sat there holed up in the room, nothing would get solved. And if he thought about it again, wasn’t this kind of treatment ordinary for him? Song Taejoon would be no different. He was just the same kind of person.

He had merely forgotten for a moment. Being called a male whore, or being mistaken for someone with strange hobbies, none of that mattered to Seoh. It would be enough if they could simply stay together as people who took what they needed from each other.

To do that, he could not avoid Song Taejoon.

Seoh gathered himself once more and carefully opened the door. Then he saw Song Taejoon sitting on the living room sofa, looking at the aquarium.

What should he say?

Good morning? Are you feeling okay? Do you need guiding?

He had no idea how to start a conversation. Was it always this hard to speak first? He did not think he had been this bad at socializing before…

Seoh gave a bitter smile and slowly walked forward.

As he got closer to the sofa Song Taejoon was sitting on, Seoh swallowed dryly. Song Taejoon knew someone was approaching, and yet he did not spare him so much as a glance or a shred of attention, making Seoh feel like a ghost.

Even after he finally reached the side of the sofa, he only looked down at the floor. The words rolling around in his throat would not come out. They simply circled there, as if unwilling to emerge of their own accord.

It was probably because he already expected the reaction he would get. And yet why did he keep wanting something? Was it because Song Taejoon was the only Esper he had? The word exclusive seemed to make him feel strangely off-balance. Everything he had just resolved a moment ago was starting to feel meaningless.

Seoh moved his lips in hesitation, then noticed the water shadows flickering on the floor and slowly lifted his head. The beautiful aquarium looked a little hazy compared to yesterday. Since the lights had been turned off for the morning, it felt more real than fantastical.

He was absently following the fish swimming around with his eyes when he heard rustling from somewhere. Turning his head, he saw Song Taejoon, his brow tightly furrowed as he pressed a hand to his forehead. Was it because he disliked Seoh’s presence? Seoh had just started to shrink back when he noticed something on the back of Taejoon’s hand.

Skin flushed red in uneven patches, veins standing out hard, tendons raised with irritation. It looked very familiar, like someone forcing themselves to endure something.

“…Esper Song Taejoon?”

The man who had seemed so calm just moments ago was, in fact, enduring pain.

An Esper’s power, the more it was used and the stronger it was, tormented the user themselves. If a Guide did not ease it, the strain piled up and became greater pain, and once it passed the limit, the Esper lost reason and rampaged. Until the pain disappeared, until the heart stopped, they struggled with all their might to escape the torment without even realizing they were burning through their own lives.

That was why no one questioned why powerful Espers bowed their heads, or why they did not raise their voices at the Guide Center’s unfairness.

The answer had already been given.

The ones who knew their pain were either other Espers or…

“Esper Song Taejoon?”

“…”

“Are you okay?”

Only Yoon Seoh.

By now Taejoon was even sweating coldly, as if he could hear nothing at all. Or maybe even sound had become pain to him by this point.

Why did he refuse guiding while in that state?

He was famous for hating guiding more than any other Esper. He supposedly hated even being touched by Guides, and sometimes would not even speak to them. The fact that he had spoken to Seoh yesterday had probably been to warn him.

I’m so bad at enduring pain… how does he bear it?

A state where his entire body felt as if it were being cut apart, every nerve on edge so that even air against his skin hurt. Was it really possible to endure that?

Even if they were Espers, they were still people. People who hurt when hit and struggled when injured, the same as everyone else. Their threshold might be higher than ordinary people’s, and they lived with pain and injury all their lives, so they had become used to those sensations.