DPLO Chapter 5

With the bubbling soup in front of them, the smile completely vanished from Jeong Sujin’s face. As she took a sip of the broth and began stirring in the seasoning, her reluctance was impossible to hide.

“What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t the only one who noticed Jeong Sujin’s hesitant reaction. The quick witted Kang Euihyun asked the woman beside him for the reason. Jeong Sujin hesitated, glancing briefly in my direction.

“The smell is…”

I let Jeong Sujin’s barely audible voice go in one ear and out the other as I mixed my rice into the earthenware pot. Because my nose wasn’t sensitive enough to pick up the gamey scent, I was once again pushed out of Kang Euihyun’s field of interest, just as I had been at the cafe. The man paid no attention to whether I was eating or not, instead staring intently at the menu.

“Boss, one kids’ pork cutlet, please.” 

“I’m fine, really…”

With an awkward expression, Jeong Sujin pushed her pot aside. Her round eyes darted around busily, as if she were embarrassed to be acting like a picky eater. Her gaze landed on me frequently, since I was the one who had chosen the problematic menu.

A fist sized pork cutlet arrived quickly. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Kang Euihyun took the fork and knife and cut it into small, bite sized pieces for her. The consideration I thought was reserved only for me had now naturally shifted to Jeong Sujin.

Unaware that the broth was scalding, and oblivious to the discomfort in my stomach, I buried my face in my soup.

“Is the pork cutlet okay?”

“Yeah, this is delicious. Sorry for the trouble, oppa.”

“It’s nothing. As long as something suits your taste.”

The conversation happening across from me felt like an attack. I was the one who chose the menu, and I was the one who suggested going to the nearest restaurant; it felt as if they were indirectly saying that I was the sole cause of their inconvenience.

I know. This is an inferiority complex born from petty jealousy. Kang Euihyun hadn’t paid me a shred of attention, and Jeong Sujin was actually feeling embarrassed while walking on eggshells around me. Despite that, my twisted heart concluded that they were subtly blaming me. Thus, I isolated myself, justifying that it was fine for me to just eat in silence.

In truth, I was just terrified that if I recklessly tried to join the conversation, I would be ignored by Kang Euihyun. I was scared of having it confirmed that his interest lay solely in Jeong Sujin.

My lips remained stubbornly sealed until I finished my meal and Kang Euihyun paid the bill. 

The man, car keys in hand, looked back at me. Having focused all his attention on Jeong Sujin, he only shared his gaze with me when it was time to part.

“Are you going back to the cafe?”

“I think I’ll just go home.”

Being trapped in a space alone with my dead mother, or continuing to be a third wheel on the date of the man I loved. Naturally, the former was incomparably better. My mother merely shared a chilly atmosphere, but the current Kang Euihyun was pushing me into the mire.

“See you next time, unnie.” 

“Sure, Chaewon. Don’t push yourself too hard with your studies.”

I gave Jeong Sujin a bright smile. Since her only crime was going on a blind date with Kang Euihyun, I didn’t want to act pathetic, so I managed my expression as best as I could. At the same time, I had to constantly remind myself of the truth: that it was entirely my fault I hadn’t made the list of Kang Euihyun’s potential girlfriends.

“Call me if anything happens. You know that, right?”

Kang Euihyun’s low reminder held me for a moment.

“I’ll try contacting Dokyeom one more time.”

A sudden surge of irritation flared up because of this man, who was going to spend the whole day with the woman from his blind date yet went out of his way to worry about me, left alone. If he were that worried, he should just stay with me. He wouldn’t even stick his head past the threshold of my house anyway, so his constant nagging to call was just cumbersome.

“I’ll handle it.”

I threw away the act of being a good girl in front of Jeong Sujin and whipped around. I caught a glimpse of the woman’s bewildered face, but I quickly hurried away from the restaurant before I lost my temper further. Feeling like a childish brat throwing a toy in a fit of rage, my pride shriveled pathetically.

***

As soon as I arrived home, I went straight to the bathroom. The greasy broth filling my stomach was churning violently. I had no thought other than wanting to throw it up as quickly as possible, so I didn’t even have the leisure to care where my mother was.

Bending over the toilet, I shoved two fingers deep into my mouth. My fingertips ruthlessly scrambled against my uvula. Through my wide open throat, the food I had just eaten erupted like a fountain.

Only the sound of my retching echoed through the quiet house. Saliva leaked from the corners of my mouth, and physiological tears streamed down my cheeks. My stomach contracted, pushing the food upward. I closed my eyes, disgusted by the sight of the filthy vomit.

After flushing the toilet and barely leaning against the sink, the mirror before me reflected my flushed face. It was bright red, looking as if it might burst at any moment. Labored breaths escaped through my damp lips. It was a hideous sight I didn’t want anyone to see.

My mother sat crouched in the corner of the bathroom, watching her daughter brush her teeth.

I went into my room and locked the door. It wasn’t as if that would actually stop my mother from entering, but I wanted to make a point. That I wanted to be alone right now. I wasn’t sure if my dead mother could perceive that intention.

Lying on the bed, I listened blankly to the ticking of the clock before picking up my phone. I wondered what Kang Euihyun was doing. Was he watching a movie with Jeong Sujin? Or maybe he was studying since it was exam period? Come to think of it, where did Jeong Sujin live? Surely she didn’t live alone…

Delusions weighted by unrequited love quickly raced down a suggestive path. After the bout of vomiting, anxiety surged through my exhausted body. A tiny studio apartment, a bed too narrow for two to lie in, imagining bodies hastily overlapping, I could no longer resist and moved my fingers.

[Oppa]

The read receipt appeared immediately after a simple text.

[I threw up]

Without a moment to wait, Kang Euihyun’s name popped up in the center of the screen. I relaxed my throat and answered the phone. A hypocritical, weak voice flowed out.

“Hello…?”

“Are you home?”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll be there soon.”

The call ended in less than ten seconds. I bolted upright from the bed and ran to the vanity. I applied a tinted lip balm and tied my hair neatly. Then, realizing my face looked too healthy, I rubbed my lips with a tissue and loosened the tie to mess up the hair at the back of my head. Only then did I look sufficiently sick.

I left the locked door half open and climbed back onto the bed. Finally, I turned on the phone camera to check if my lying face didn’t look too much like a plump dumpling.

Kang Euihyun strictly kept the time he promised. If he said he would be there soon, he was the kind of person who arrived at a speed anyone would find impressively fast.

And as expected, the doorbell rang just over five minutes later. I didn’t rush out to greet him and stayed lying on the bed. Even though he knew the passcode, Kang Euihyun always rang the bell before entering.

When there was no response from inside, the sound of the door lock being pressed followed. As if intentionally letting me hear, the man entered the six digit code slowly, one by one.

Kang Euihyun, who had been coming in and out of my house since elementary school, had recently started being formal. The exact timing was around the end of last year. The reason he was drawing a line remained a mystery.

“Chaewon.”

Finally entering the front door, Kang Euihyun walked toward me, calling my name. Only then did I become mindful of my mother’s presence somewhere in the house. She was a mother visible only to my eyes, but I worried that Kang Euihyun, who shared that knowledge, might feel a chill.

A daughter living with her dead mother.

To capture his gaze, I had even confessed the shame of seeing my mother’s ghost. However, there were times I wondered if that strategy was useless. After I became an adult, Kang Euihyun didn’t seem to pity me for being alone, and rather than coming to my house to worry, he tried to brush it off by telling me to wear a sleep mask and just go to bed.

Could I no longer stimulate his sympathy with just a ghost mother? Should I vomit every day?

“Yoo Chaewon.”

Kang Euihyun’s footsteps across the living room reached the front of my room. Instead of welcoming him brightly as usual, I let all the strength leave my body and lay there, blinking slowly, imagining myself as the protagonist of ‘The Last Leaf.’ 

Kang Euihyun crossed the threshold. At the same time, his Adam’s apple bobbed once, though I didn’t know why. Perhaps he was nervous because he felt my mother might be somewhere in this room.

“How are you feeling now?”

Kang Euihyun set down a bag with a pharmacy’s name on it beside the bed. He had probably bought various types of digestive medicine. That was Kang Euihyun’s way of worrying about me.

I simply shook my head without a word. The man, who had been observing my complexion from a couple of steps away, eventually perched himself carefully on the edge of the bed. Then, he placed his large hand on my forehead.

As if I had been waiting for this, I rubbed my face against Kang Euihyun’s palm. His fingers flinched.