DPLO Chapter 1

Blind Devotion

I like Kang Euihyun.

My affection has been solidified over a lifetime, building a fortress so formidable that it couldn’t be shaken by anyone’s casual chatter.

When I first met Kang Euihyun, he instantly occupied the center of my world. Far from pushing him away, I handed over more and more space within myself. Eventually, he swallowed every part of my daily life, but I didn’t struggle. Instead, I kept my eyes wide open, searching for anything more I could give him.

It was only natural that I followed Kang Euihyun around. It felt natural to me, to him, and to everyone else who watched us.

I will say it again: I like Kang Euihyun. Very, very, so, fucking much. No matter how many modifiers I add, I cannot fully express how I feel.

But it seems the time has come to give up on this dragging, one-sided love.

***

The guest of honor at the birthday party didn’t arrive on time. It was strange, as he was a man punctual to a fault. I sent a text asking where he was, but the message remained unread.

I let the conversations flowing across the table go in one ear and out the other, glancing back and forth between my phone and the entrance. People left me alone, paying me no mind. Everyone knew that I was blindly hung up on a man who had yet to show up.

“Oh? Euihyun is here!”

About thirty minutes later, Kang Euihyun’s handsome face appeared in the dim lighting of the pub. My lips curled upward reflexively. The phone I had been staring at just a moment ago was pushed from my mind the second our eyes met.

However, the smile didn’t last long. A strange woman was standing next to Kang Euihyun.

“Who…?”

The others also looked at the woman with bewildered expressions.

Setting aside the fact that she was a face I had never seen before, the problem was that the atmosphere emanating from Kang Euihyun and the woman didn’t look like a simple accompaniment or a casual acquaintance. Even though they weren’t holding hands, anyone could sense the subtle tension between them.

Kang Euihyun walked past me and took the center seat reserved for the guest of honor. I couldn’t take my eyes off his hand as he gently gripped the woman’s elbow to guide her.

“Hello.”

The woman, who had taken the seat next to Kang Euihyun, greeted us with a smile. She then looked at him as if asking for an introduction.

“This is Jeong Sujin. She goes to Baekyoung University. She is twenty four years old.”

A brief summary of her identity flowed from Kang Euihyun’s mouth.

“We went on a blind date yesterday.”

My phone hit the floor with a loud clatter. Everyone’s gaze turned toward me. I leaned over and picked up the phone, its screen now sporting a fine crack.

“A blind date? Kang Euihyun?”

“Who set it up? He wouldn’t even listen when I offered to introduce him to someone back then.”

“So, are they dating now?”

As I slowly straightened up, a commotion echoed from all around. I pretended to examine my dropped phone, avoiding his direction. I wasn’t confident about what my expression looked like right now.

“We are not dating yet.”

It was an answer that meant they weren’t together yet, but the possibility was wide open.

Kang Euihyun’s composed voice sounded no different than usual. However, I still couldn’t snap back to reality. The sight of him holding hands or kissing another woman was something I had imagined in my worst nightmares countless times, and now that very scene was unfolding before my eyes.

 It felt as if I were dreaming.

“I heard it was Euihyun oppa’s birthday, so I stopped by because I wanted to congratulate him too.”

Jeong Sujin’s clear voice carried across the table.

“That is okay, right?”

It wasn’t okay. If I hadn’t bitten my lip, my inner thoughts would have leaked out exactly as they were, exposing my petty, pathetic, and miserable jealousy.

The sight of Kang Euihyun pouring beer into Jeong Sujin’s glass caught the edge of my vision. A playful cheer was about to erupt from around the table but was abruptly cut off. Someone must have noticed my expression and signaled the others.

I lifted my head and looked directly at Jeong Sujin. The features of her slender face had soft lines. If there are different kinds of beauty, Jeong Sujin was of the same breed as Kang Euihyun. They say people are attracted to those who resemble them, and perhaps that was the case for these two. Was that why, in less than a day, they had become close enough for him to bring her to his birthday party and keep her close by his side?

The fact that I had waited in the same spot for over ten years would mean nothing to Kang Euihyun. Even though he had known my feelings for a long time, he only ever granted me the position of a close friend’s younger sibling, yet Jeong Sujin had risen to a place where she could sit side by side with him in just a single day.

That was the difference between me and Jeong Sujin.

Jeong Sujin seemed burdened by my intense gaze. She glanced at me, then leaned toward Kang Euihyun, avoiding my eyes. Kang Euihyun, who had been talking to someone else, pushed some appetizers toward her and whispered something in her ear.

I wanted to run away immediately. But I kept myself glued to the chair. Only then could I keep watch over Kang Euihyun. I could take in everything, noting what kind of face he made when looking at a woman he liked, how he took care of her, and how closely he sat next to her.

A whipped cream cake was placed on the table. Kang Euihyun didn’t hesitate to put on the party hat his friends offered. Jeong Sujin laughed, saying it was cute, and took out her phone to take a picture, while I downed the rest of my beer.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!”

Kang Euihyun’s friends began to sing. I forced my voice to grow louder. In the noisy pub, amidst the clapping synchronized to the beat of the song, my voice was the loudest.

“To our beloved Kang Euihyun…”

For a moment, my eyes met his. But he quickly looked away from me and gazed at the woman he had met on a blind date yesterday. My gaze stubbornly clung to his profile, illuminated by the yellow lights.

“Happy birthday.”

When the song ended, I handed him a paper bag containing a letter and perfume. The tips of his fingers lightly brushed my hand as he took the gift. His warm body temperature and the indifferent eyes looking at me were no different from yesterday. The only change was the fact that he now had a new priority.

Therefore, the perfume I had carefully chosen a month ago and the letter where I wrote in detail how precious he was to me would hold no meaning for him.

I had drunk a lot, but I wasn’t drunk. I pretended to be fine, showing a bright, smiling face to the people checking on me. I knew that the more I pretended to be okay, the more ridiculous I would look to others, but I couldn’t stop the clumsy act.

Since today was his birthday, I didn’t want to ruin it by sobbing here. His day was more important than my emotions.

Kang Euihyun, who had been talking to Jeong Sujin, eventually walked over to me. Until that moment, I was still smiling foolishly, my eyes crinkling.

“Take a taxi.”

Kang Euihyun called a taxi on his phone right in front of me. He used to drive me home himself when gatherings like this ended, but now he intended to send me back alone. Because from now on, there would be another woman riding in his car. Today, I had been pushed outside his boundaries multiple times.

“Fuck off.”

I muttered through my teeth, my lips still stretched wide in a smile. Kang Euihyun, who had been looking down at his phone while waiting for a taxi to be confirmed, looked up. His brow furrowed slightly, as if doubting his own ears.

“I said stop worrying about me and fuck off.”

My voice was low enough not to be heard by the others, but it reached his ears clearly. His composed face stiffened slightly. It was a subtle change that only someone like me, who had watched him for a long time, could notice. Knowing that I had affected him in some way, a sense of pride swelled in my chest.

I turned away without saying goodbye to him. Then, I joined the crowd walking toward the subway station, laughing like an airheaded fool once again. By now, it seemed the others truly believed I was okay.