DPLO Chapter 2

I maintained a fairly composed demeanor until I arrived home. I tried not to think about Kang Euihyun too much, nor did I glance at my phone and anxiously bite my lip. For someone like me, who is usually hyper aware of every single one of Kang Euihyun’s reactions, this required a great deal of willpower.

I walked past my mother, who was sitting alone on the living room sofa, pretending not to see her. My mother didn’t speak to me either; she simply stared at the blank, black TV screen. The silence layered throughout the house had lasted for three years, so it wasn’t strange. If anything, the slightest sound made the back of my neck stiffen.

Even while I washed up and changed into my pajamas, my mother sat there like a still life painting, without making a sound. Her edges were blurred, as if painted with a loose brush, as if she might vanish if I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again. Yet, my mother had never once left this house since that day three years ago.

That person was my mother, but at the same time, she wasn’t.

She was a hallucination I had started seeing three years ago, an afterimage of my mother I first encountered in the house after returning from my parents’ funeral on a day when the sunlight beat down blindingly.

My dead mother remained in the house just as she had when she was alive. She spent her time as if unaware of her daughter’s presence, though occasionally she would drop a kitchen utensil as if to make her existence known, and there were times she would gaze at me while I slept, as if she had something to say.

Whenever I woke up suddenly and locked eyes with the ghost in my mother’s form, I would burst into frantic tears. When my weakened mental state reached its limit, I would even kneel before her and beg her to please leave this house.

However, my mother guarded this house like a waiting stone. Exorcisms and talismans were useless. Even after receiving a meticulously prepared ancestral offering, my dead mother showed no intention of moving a single step.

And three years was enough time for me to grow accustomed to this eerie cohabitation.

I left my mother in the living room and lay down on my bed. The phone by my head vibrated briefly, but I pulled the blanket over my head and ignored it. I didn’t want it to be Kang Euihyun who sent the message, and if it wasn’t him, I would hate it even more.

But this time, the phone began to ring long and persistently, to the point where I couldn’t ignore it. When I peeked out from under the blanket, the screen was flashing alone. The name “Euihyun Oppa♥” floated on top. 

I glared at the vibrating phone with wide eyes. Let’s see who wins. I finally began to gather the pride I had always thrown away in front of Kang Euihyun.

Eventually, the vibration stopped. Kang Euihyun’s name remained as a missed call. Before I could even feel regret, thinking I should have just answered, the phone buzzed again. This time, I answered immediately without playing a game of nerves. In front of Kang Euihyun, I always volunteered to be the loser in this way.

“Did you arrive?”

Kang Euihyun’s calm voice came through the speaker. My eyes stung, and my vision immediately blurred with moisture. I simply nodded, then realizing it was a voice call, I forced myself to speak.

“…Yeah.”

“Is your stomach okay?”

I had clearly told him to stop caring and get lost. If a man who is about to get a girlfriend soon maintains such a consistent attitude even after saying such harsh things, what am I supposed to do with my heart?

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What about the eye mask?”

Kang Euihyun was the only outsider who knew the secret of my house. He was the only guest who would rush to this house when I called in the middle of the night, sobbing as if having a seizure, and he was the one who gave me an eye mask as a gift, telling me to wear it when I slept so that I wouldn’t face my mother the moment I opened my eyes.

“I haven’t put it on yet.”

That was the extent of the kindness the man showed.

“Thanks for the gift and the letter.”

With those words, the call ended. Even so, I curled up on my side and kept the phone pressed to my ear. I wallowed in misery, holding a phone that was doing nothing but emitting electromagnetic waves.

Pathetic Yoo Chaewon. Idiot Yoo Chaewon. Delusional Yoo Chaewon.

Blaming myself, I put on the eye mask and burrowed under the blanket. Even though the black cloth covered my eyes, the afterimages of Kang Euihyun and Jeong Sujin sitting side by side occupied the inside of my eyelids.

Even if my mother didn’t visit my room tonight, I would surely suffer from terrible nightmares. I would wake up gasping for air, but even then, I wouldn’t call Kang Euihyun. I reached out blindly and turned the phone’s power off.

***

Fallen pink petals rolled messily along the roadside. The falling of the cherry blossoms meant that midterms were just around the corner. It also meant that regardless of whether my seventeen year old unrequited love was on the verge of being forcibly terminated, I first had to sit at my desk.

While I was forcing myself to stay confined in the university’s central library, a subtle scent of woody stems drifted to the tip of my nose. Since it was the perfume I had smelled until I was sick of it while picking out his gift, there was no way I wouldn’t know who the owner was.

Soon, a heavy bag was placed next to my desk. Even though I felt a familiar presence, I didn’t lift my head. I desperately fixed my gaze only on my tablet PC, trying not to make the mistake of glancing sideways.

Kang Euihyun didn’t acknowledge me separately either. Because of the man who wore the perfume I gave him yet acted like a stranger, my already gloomy mood sank a bit more sluggishly.

I loved that he sat next to me, but I also hated it. Yet, if he were to move to another seat, I would hate that even more. I had long since become so accustomed to my fluctuating emotions, specifically regarding Kang Euihyun, that I didn’t even feel motion sickness.

Suddenly, I thought it was a relief that Jeong Sujin didn’t attend this university. At least I wouldn’t have to see the two of them sticking together and flirting right before my eyes. Within the fences of this campus, I could get along with Kang Euihyun as I did before, as long as I could thoroughly hide my sense of inferiority toward her.

While I was diligently drawing meaningless underlines, a canned coffee and chocolate suddenly entered my field of vision. I hoped it was from Kang Euihyun, but when I looked up, an unknown man was looking down at me.

The man, upon meeting my eyes, wore an awkward smile. His eyes, with faint double eyelids, crinkled roundly, creating a bright impression. In contrast, his thick neck and broad chest looked quite sturdy.

The man left after placing a square folded piece of paper down. When I opened the note, a cliché message was written in poor handwriting.

[Hello 🙂 I’m Han Jio from the Mathematics Department.

Please eat this and study hard! Fighting haha.

010 XXXX XXXX]

Since my standards had been set by Kang Euihyun from a young age, my expectations were sky high, but I judged that Han Jio looked quite decent. It was likely largely because I had become anxious since Kang Euihyun started seeing a woman. 

The pressure to quickly pull myself together might have pushed Han Jio up several levels in my estimation.

While I was imagining a scene where I appeared before Kang Euihyun holding another man’s hand, a hand reached out from beside me and snatched the note away. Kang Euihyun, who took the note without a word, scanned the contents. Then, he began to transcribe the man’s name and phone number from the note into his own notebook.

I stood by and watched him. This was our own tacit procedure. If there was a man showing interest in me, Kang Euihyun would be the first to find out what kind of person he was. He would check his reputation through mutual acquaintances, scour social media, or sometimes even meet and talk to him directly.

However, until now, no man had ever earned Kang Euihyun’s approval. Likewise, there had never been a single man I wanted to date enough to defy his opposition. Since Kang Euihyun was the only man I was obsessed with, I had never felt a flutter of excitement just because someone showed interest in me.

Maybe I could date Kang Euihyun when I turned twenty. That was my only interest. Since Kang Euihyun had never been in a relationship either, I desperately hoped that we could be each other’s first love.

But Kang Euihyun had appeared at a birthday party with another woman as if it were nothing. Despite ruthlessly crushing my only wish, he still remained wary of the man who gave me his number, all while wearing the perfume I had gifted him. He must know that this is an incredibly petty thing to do.

I took the note back. And then, right in front of Kang Euihyun, I saved Han Jio’s phone number. Since the procedure had been followed, it was now my turn to do as I pleased.

Feeling a piercing gaze from the seat next to me, I smiled innocently, mouthing the words, “Why?” Kang Euihyun didn’t answer and simply gazed at me.

Whether Han Jio passed Kang Euihyun’s screening or not, I decided to establish some sort of relationship with that man, just as Kang Euihyun and Jeong Sujin had done.