DPLO Chapter 15

-Then what time are you coming tomorrow?

“I think I’ll leave from here before lunch.” -Right, then. Uh… I’ll see you on Monday.

“Okay.”

 I had spent ten minutes on a pointless phone call. Only after hanging up did I realize that Kang Euihyun was the only one left in the yard. The boisterous noise leaking from the pension was merely floating in the air.

Kang Euihyun’s hand opened wide. This time, a handful of my hair was trapped in his grasp. Unlike when he was on the phone, I could feel a fair amount of grip strength now.

“You’ve gotten quite close.” 

Was it just my imagination that the man’s low voice sounded crooked? 

“You’re even comfortable on the phone.” Contrary to his sarcastic tone, Kang Euihyun’s lips were forming a graceful arc. The urge to snap back at every word he spoke reared its head.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ve just become comfortable now, like you said.” 

I lied, hiding my flustered expression. There wasn’t a single moment where I had completely let my guard down with Han Jio, who unconditionally catered to me. My head was always cluttered because I was constantly running calculations. Rather, I felt a sense of stability in Kang Euihyun’s grip as he held and pressed down on my head.

Sigh. Kang Euihyun let out an audible sigh. A flicker of irritable annoyance appeared as a slight crease between his brows. I grew anxious that he might just let go of my hair and head inside.

“Why are you sighing?” 

“Because you’re too popular.” 

This time, I was the one who let out a sharp breath. The number of his followers that I remembered could fill three trucks.

“Is that something you should be saying to me right now?” 

“This is why I wanted you to go to Baekyoung Women’s University.” 

Kang Euihyun twisted the hair he held in his hand. 

“You went to an all girls middle and high school just fine, so why did you insist on not going to a women’s college?”

I didn’t have the luxury to let my heart flutter at his fidgeting. It was because the topic we had fought about not long ago had resurfaced.

“But thinking about it, it’s not bad that you attend the same university as me.” 

There wasn’t a hint of a smile on the man’s face. 

“I get to know exactly what kind of nonsense you’re getting up to.”

I looked up blankly at the man making a joke that wasn’t funny at all. My skin felt chilly for a different reason than before. First, the fact that Kang Euihyun’s joke might not be a joke; second, the fact that my every move was falling within his sight; and third, the realization that I didn’t find his interference unpleasant at all.

“Does it bother you?” 

I asked Kang Euihyun, expecting an affirmative answer.

 “Of course it does. You’re fearless enough to invite a man into your house.” 

As expected, Kang Euihyun admitted it readily.

 “Dokyeom isn’t acting like an older brother, so shouldn’t I do it?”

Suddenly, I remembered Baek Jungyung muttering that I was strange. No matter how lacking his intuition was, there were times when his insight worked quite well.

 A man who says it’s great to be able to watch a friend’s younger sister’s romantic relationships while attending the same college, and a woman who, far from being terrified by his control, is happy wondering if this is jealousy, would look like an insane combination to a third party.

By that logic, there was no need to hate Kang Euihyun for showing up at the art gallery with Jeong Sujin. To Kang Euihyun, monitoring how Han Jio and I treated each other would have been more important than spending a cozy, pleasant time with Jeong Sujin. If he hadn’t been curious about my date, he wouldn’t have bothered showing up.

Thinking that, the resentment I had accumulated over the week melted away, and I felt a determination to get into even more mischief. I’ll stir up Kang Euihyun’s mind more violently so he doesn’t have time to focus only on Jeong Sujin.

“Go inside now.” 

Kang Euihyun let go of the hair he had been twisting. Seeing him take out his phone as he ushered me in, it was clear he was about to call Jeong Sujin. I grabbed the man’s hand holding the phone, pulling his gaze toward me.

“Don’t?” 

I hadn’t said anything yet, but Kang Euihyun read my mind accurately. When I nodded silently, he put the phone back in his pocket. Then, he lightly tapped my cheek with the back of his hand. 

“Alright. Let’s go in.”

Kang Euihyun led the way. I matched his stride without hesitation. The pebbles rattled softly beneath my sneakers. I wished this path would stretch on as long as possible, but it didn’t matter if it ended quickly and I had to return to the noisy pension. Because tonight, I would be clinging to Kang Euihyun’s side the whole time.

As I entered the entryway, cluttered with people’s shoes, the corners of my mouth twitched. I’ll be able to spend a pleasant time for a while. When the day comes that my mood hits rock bottom again because of Jeong Sujin, I’ll recall Kang Euihyun’s voice, telling me that he’s glad we attend the same university.

***

3. Dominance in a Relationship

My mother’s chronic habit flared up.

Hearing the sound of glass shattering, I went to the kitchen to find the cup I had left in the sink this morning lying on the floor. Since a cup wouldn’t spontaneously levitate and drop itself, this was obviously my mother’s doing. After causing a nuisance, my mother sat on the living room sofa, pretending to have nothing to do with it.

“What are you dissatisfied with now?” 

I grumbled softly as I walked into the kitchen. Being careful not to step on the broken glass, I first cleared away the large pieces.

One thing I learned from living with my dead mother for three years was that her actions became more pronounced as June approached. A person who usually just sat and watched would drop or break things to get attention, as if begging me to look at her.

“You don’t have to go this far for me to know you’re here, Mom.” 

I glanced toward the sofa while bringing the broom and dustpan. If ghosts have emotions, it wouldn’t be hard to understand why she acted out sharply around this time. Still, it was incredibly tedious to have to clean up after my mother when I was trying to go to class.

“Ah!” In an instant, I lost my balance and pitched forward. I was pushed violently, as if someone had kicked me. It wasn’t that my legs gave out, nor had I slipped on something, but my knee slammed hard against the floor.

“Ah, damn it…” 

Even if I had just fallen, it would have been a stinging pain, but the problem was that small shards of glass were scattered across the floor. The palms of my hands that hit the floor and my knees exposed below the hem of my shorts stung and burned.

Even though I scrambled up quickly, beads of blood had already formed on my palms and knees. I turned my head and glared at my mother, who had appeared right behind me. This was the first time she had touched me in such a way. Rather than the feeling of pain, a shock akin to betrayal hit me first.

“What are you doing? Why did you push me?”

 I demanded an answer, but my mother didn’t look sorry. She simply gazed at me with the same expressionless face she’d had for the past three years, just as she had remained unmoved even when I cried and begged her to leave this house.

I thought I was okay because I’d grown used to it, but in an instant, I became sick of everything. I was tired of being the only one who had to deal with my dead mother, and tired of her making her presence known whenever the anniversary of her death approached. I wanted to be far away from home, just like Yoo Dokyeom. I wanted to run away from responsibility and guilt and live only for myself.

“Why are you doing this only to me? Why? What did I do wrong?” 

I threw down the broom and dustpan and slumped against the refrigerator. I had to finish cleaning the glass, treat my injuries, and go to college, but I didn’t want to lift a single finger. I wished my whole body would just empty out, shrink into invisible particles, and vanish from my mother’s sight.

I wanted to call Kang Euihyun and whine, but everything felt like too much effort right now. Since we’d been repeating the same cycle of coming and going from this house for several years, I felt like he might be getting bored of it. If I told him I was cut by glass, he would rush over in a heartbeat, but sometimes I worried that I was using up all my future opportunities.

Just as the villagers no longer believed the boy who cried wolf, there might come a day when I am in real danger and a worn out Kang Euihyun might not look my way.

“Mom, I’m struggling.”

 I muttered, looking down at the feet of my dead mother. 

“How long are you going to be like this? For the rest of your life?”

Naturally, my mother didn’t know how to answer. My vision blurred with moisture. I thought I was completely drained, but it seemed I still had the strength to cry. I pulled my legs into my chest and buried my face between my knees. A terrible loneliness weighed down on my head.