LBC |Love Beyond Control/Chapter 6

Chapter 6

On the night of the first snow, only a few shops along the street still had their doors open.

The snowflakes reflected beneath the illuminated signs, like a rainstorm falling very slowly.

Xin Yuan had Xiang Zhufeng’s scarf around his neck, Xiang Zhufeng’s coat over his shoulders, and his body was also casually pulled into Xiang Zhufeng’s arms as they walked slowly through the snow.

The back gate of the school was right next to a chain hotel. As they passed by, the two of them tacitly kept quiet.

It was only when they reached the mouth of an alley two streets later that Xiang Zhufeng finally stopped.

It was called an alley mouth, but in truth it was only a narrow crack barely left between two buildings. Even the little bit of sky above was blocked by the overhead wires, and even the little hotel sign was lit with a feeble, exhausted glow.

“I used to come here when I missed curfew. This place doesn’t check ID for overnight stays at night, it’s just a bit worse in terms of the environment. If you don’t mind, we can squeeze into one room together…”

“I don’t mind.”

Before Xiang Zhufeng could finish, Xin Yuan spoke.

But because he answered too quickly, it instead made it seem as if he was looking forward to this happening.

Before going in, Xin Yuan had still been worried about what kind of look the owner would give two men coming to get a room in the middle of the night.

But the owner had clearly seen far too much. He didn’t even glance at the two of them, and only found the time to speak between games, “We only have a king-size room left here. The air conditioner’s broken and still hasn’t been fixed. Staying or not?”

“Stay,” Xiang Zhufeng replied.

“Upstairs, 402. With ID, 40. Without ID, 50. The key’s in the drawer. Pay first, then come get it yourself.”

Xin Yuan wanted to take out his phone to scan and pay, but Xiang Zhufeng stopped him.

“I still have cash. You don’t need to pay.”

Xiang Zhufeng pulled open his backpack, took out two twenty-yuan bills and one five-yuan bill, then found five one-yuan coins in his pocket as well, and placed them on the counter, where they piled up into a very short mountain.

These actions were completed very quickly, but Xin Yuan still caught the flash of embarrassment that crossed Xiang Zhufeng’s eyes, the same expression as that day at the hospital when he had clearly seen the payment statement. It was an embarrassment Xin Yuan had once been most familiar with.

That was before Xin Yuan graduated from sixth grade. The school organized a graduation group photo, and the homeroom teacher suggested that everyone buy uniform white stand-collar shirts. After He Ye found out, she said it was just a broken photo, what was the need to make it so formal.

On the day of the photo, there were 63 people in the class altogether. He stood at the corner of the back row, wearing the only light gray shirt he had.

The photo had long since been lost, but Xin Yuan always remembered that the stand-collar shirt cost 50 yuan.

Just like the few bits of dignity he had, and wanted so badly to protect, it was equally expensive.

The owner was an honest man. The room he opened for them really was a true king-size room. After entering, there was only the bed and the room, and even the ceiling light looked as if it might fall down at any moment.

There was a window on the wall that looked as though it had been there for at least twenty years. Standing by the window, one could even smell the aroma of egg pancake wraps from downstairs.

Xiang Zhufeng locked the window, drew the curtains, then turned and went downstairs to buy toiletries. When he came back, he also casually brought two pancakes.

“Eat something to fill your stomach. Yours doesn’t have chili or scallions.”

Not long ago, Xin Yuan had still been sitting in the banquet hall of a five-star hotel, where all kinds of precious game were laid out on the tables. Yet amid sentence after sentence of false politeness, Xin Yuan had felt so sickened that he hadn’t eaten a single bite.

Although this egg pancake wrap was very greasy, Xin Yuan still ate more than half of it in one go.

After the late-night snack, there was at least a bit of warmth in his body, but the room, leaking wind from every side, was still very cold.

Both of them had wet hair. Xiang Zhufeng said helplessly, “This room is too cold. I’ll go take a shower first and keep some warmth for you. Once it’s warmer, you can go in and wash. Otherwise it’ll be easy for you to catch a chill.”

Before Xin Yuan changed his surname to Xin, he had always been called He Yuan.

Not because the father he had never met had the surname He, but because on the day the community came to the house to register newborn information, He Ye had, as always, been drunk. The registrar also couldn’t tell what exactly she was saying, so they casually wrote down a homophone for He, officially starting He Yuan’s careless life.

So for a very long time, Xin Yuan actually wasn’t used to it, and had never had the chance to be cared for by anyone.

In the days after meeting Xiang Zhufeng, the experiences he had lacked in the past seemed to be made up for all at once, making Xin Yuan feel as if his chest were about to be filled to bursting by all this care.

At a time like this, Xin Yuan actually already couldn’t help wanting to say, Xiang Zhufeng, you really don’t have to take care of me like this, don’t be so good to me.

But then he thought that perhaps Xiang Zhufeng didn’t think these things were anything special at all.

After all, Xiang Zhufeng was such a good person. He was lucky enough to stand a little closer, so he also got to be touched by a tiny bit of that goodness.

Xiang Zhufeng’s outer clothes were piled beside the bed. The door separating the room from the bathroom was very thin, so Xin Yuan could even hear the sound of Xiang Zhufeng squeezing out shampoo.

But very soon, when he had only just reached the stage of lathering, the room light went out without warning, and the surroundings were instantly swallowed by darkness.

Xin Yuan froze for a moment, trying to find his phone. However, before he could even light up the screen, a scream suddenly rang out from outside in the corridor, followed immediately by a dull crash as something hit the floor.

It was as if he had been struck by something invisible. His thoughts were still in chaos, but his body had already instinctively curled into a ball, both hands tightly clutching his head.

The sounds outside the door only rang out for a few seconds, but the noise in Xin Yuan’s mind grew louder and louder.

It was as if he had returned to many years ago, when he had followed his mother into a newly found place to live. Only the days had not settled for long before people came looking for them again. Those people cursed his mother for being an unashamed little homewrecker while frantically smashing the things in the house.

Every time, Xin Yuan would be locked by his mother inside a pitch-black wardrobe, told to keep his mouth shut and not make a sound.

But that time, his mother had probably offended someone she should not have offended. After a group of women finished cursing and beating, another wave of people immediately came after them.

Xin Yuan could see nothing, and could only hear the voices of many men, followed by his mother’s scream, then endless dull thuds.

He hopelessly covered his ears, but still could not block out the heavy impacts and furious cursing outside, one after another, lasting for a very long, very long time.

“Xin Yuan, Xin Yuan…?”

The room was so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. Xiang Zhufeng took a while to adjust before he could make out Xin Yuan curled up in the corner of the bed, hugging himself in a stiff, unnatural posture.

“Xin Yuan, what’s wrong?”

Xiang Zhufeng realized something was wrong and immediately walked over. But Xin Yuan seemed not to hear him at all. It was only when Xiang Zhufeng reached out and touched his shoulder that he suddenly shuddered, then trembled as he leaned toward Xiang Zhufeng.

“…Are you afraid of the dark?” Xiang Zhufeng bent down and wrapped his arms around Xin Yuan, gently patting his back. “It’s okay, don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

The owner’s scolding voice sounded outside the room, saying that the circuit was just old and had tripped the breaker, it’s not like someone died, and yet every one of them was so old and still more cowardly than a chicken. After he finished, there was a “ding” from the corridor, and the lights in the room came back on.

Xin Yuan seemed to still be trapped in the darkness and had not reacted yet. Only after a few seconds did he blink, and realize that he was pressed against Xiang Zhufeng’s waist.

Xiang Zhufeng’s upper body was bare and still dripping water. Although he had put on outer pants on his lower half, he had probably rushed out too anxiously, because the zipper was only pulled halfway up. His waistband had slipped down slightly, revealing a very thin red cord around his waist.

Something was hanging from the red cord. Xin Yuan no longer had time to see it clearly. His gaze had landed on the defined abs beneath the red cord, and then on the edge of the outline farther below.

Xin Yuan’s mind instantly went blank. Like he had been electrocuted, he jerked back. “I, I’m sorry, I just…”

“What’s so embarrassing about that.”

Xiang Zhufeng thought Xin Yuan was afraid he would laugh at him for being timid, so he pulled Xin Yuan back in front of him, smiling as he rubbed Xin Yuan’s head. “Isn’t it just being afraid of the dark? I was afraid of it when I was little too.”

Xin Yuan’s ears were burning red, and he didn’t dare look up at Xiang Zhufeng again.

At this moment, Xin Yuan seemed to understand the mother he had never been able to understand before.

Back when she didn’t even have a place to settle down, his mother only wanted to sleep a peaceful sleep. Later, when she finally had a small house that could shelter her from wind and rain, she wanted to live in a bigger and warmer house, and wear more gorgeous clothes.

Desire was like a chasm that could never be filled. The more you got, the faster it expanded.

But now he seemed to have become that kind of person too. Clearly, staying beside Xiang Zhufeng was already luxurious enough. Clearly, he had already enjoyed many, many seconds of being cared about. Yet he still could be so ungrateful, and have these filthy, unbearable thoughts.

The cold wind outside kept seeping into the room through the crack in the curtains, and the thin blanket seemed to be nothing more than decoration.

Xiang Zhufeng was wearing thermal underwear, so it was barely manageable, but Xin Yuan beside him, fully armed, was still cold and had not warmed up even after lying there for a long time.

“Are you really that afraid of the cold?” The two of them had originally been lying flat, when Xiang Zhufeng suddenly took the initiative to turn onto his side. “Come a little closer, I’ll warm you up.”

Ever since lying down with Xiang Zhufeng, Xin Yuan’s heart had been close to leaping out of his chest. Now, after finally calming down a little, Xiang Zhufeng reached out an arm again and pulled him into his embrace.

Xin Yuan could no longer tell whether cold or heat was greater.

His hands and feet felt frozen by the air, but Xiang Zhufeng’s breathing brushing his ear, and the hand resting on his lower back, were like an invisible accelerant, making his blood boil.

Occasional scattered footsteps sounded outside, and downstairs the little stalls would from time to time ring with the sound of a payment received. Noisy, rustling, just enough to cover Xin Yuan’s heartbeat, which sounded unnaturally loud.

No one knew how long had passed. When Xin Yuan had his eyes tightly shut until they ached, and the tip of his tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth until it went numb, the breathing by his ear finally became steady, and the embrace gradually loosened.

Xin Yuan first shrank his shoulders slightly. After confirming that Xiang Zhufeng had no reaction at all, he slowly opened his eyes and lifted his gaze little by little.

Even in the dark, Xiang Zhufeng’s features were exceptionally striking, each part seeming to have been carefully carved, so good-looking that Xin Yuan didn’t know which part he should look at first.

In the end, his gaze quietly landed on Xiang Zhufeng’s lips.

His lip peak was very beautiful, the corners of his mouth were slightly raised in sleep, and Xin Yuan felt that Xiang Zhufeng must have endured many unknown hardships, only choosing to disregard them so freely.

Looking at him like this, Xin Yuan, unable to restrain himself, little by little touched Xiang Zhufeng’s lower lip with the tip of his finger.

In the pitch-black dead of night, a very glaring light suddenly lit up.

It was Xiang Zhufeng’s eyes, looking back at him as well.

Xin Yuan froze instantly in place. His body felt as if it were suspended at the edge of a cliff, and even his heartbeat stopped for several seconds.

“You still haven’t fallen asleep…”

Xiang Zhufeng was half asleep, half awake. In a daze, he only remembered that Xin Yuan was afraid of the cold, so he tightened his arms around the person in his embrace again, almost pressing his chin against Xin Yuan’s forehead. “It’s not that cold anymore now, right? Your face has gotten so hot…”