LA ⋆ Chapter 23: You Like Me

Cheng Ai wasn't suffering as much because his expectations had been low from the start, and ever since he discovered Sheng Yao looking at job postings elsewhere, while he felt irritated, he was also steeling himself psychologically.

Emotion and reason sat on opposite ends of a scale. From a young age, he'd known that life contained things that didn't go as you wished. He possessed abundant material wealth, so he was always pursuing things beyond the material.

Later, when chatting with Chen Siyu, Chen Siyu told him about those points of pessimism that Sheng Yao and Schopenhauer[[1]] shared—humans are composed of desire; if you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you do get it, you're bored.

Cheng Ai thought Sheng Yao was suppressing his own desires, fundamentally evading both outcomes.

"Cheng Ai: the address."

Cheng Ai said goodbye to his stepmother and left.

The air was bitterly cold, making one exceptionally clearheaded. Cheng Ai drove at speed the whole way.

Rounded up, it counted as a New Year's visit. Cheng Ai wanted to bring something, but no matter what he considered, it felt awkward. After all, as a boss he'd never paid his respects to an employee privately; as a suitor, he ought to bring something romantic, not festive gifts. Sheng Yao's home had only him and his younger brother, so health supplements for the elderly were out of the question. Money… that was the most practical but also a bit…

Alcohol? Sheng Yao didn't seem to like drinking. Flour? He probably didn't have the energy to start from scratch kneading dough for steamed buns. Tea? Didn't seem like someone who drank tea. A bouquet of flowers? His younger brother seeing it wouldn't be good.

Cheng Ai called Chen Siyu and Shuitan in urgent consultation.

Chen Siyu said he was just a money dispenser, Shuitan said she really did like money, hehe, being willing to spend money doesn't necessarily mean love, but being unwilling to spend money definitely means no love. Chen Siyu added that money was useless for Sheng Yao—Sheng Yao was the type of person who most disliked having financial entanglements with others.

In the end, he brought two bags of Wang Wang gift packs, which looked festive and could be eaten while watching the Spring Festival Gala.

When Sheng Yi opened the door, he froze for three seconds, then took the two bags of deluxe Wang Wang gift packs from Cheng Ai's hands, turned around and placed them on the dining table, and said to Sheng Yao: "Your friend is here."

Sheng Yao was mixing dumpling filling. He looked up and said: "You're pretty down-to-earth with gifts. No need to take off your shoes, just come straight in." His home didn't have a third pair of slippers.

Cheng Ai let out two heavy breaths. On the drive over, he'd actually felt like he was heading toward judgment, though outwardly he remained composed.

Sheng Yao seemed very natural. Probably, regardless of how things went, Sheng Yao would give him some kind of answer.

"Sit wherever." Sheng Yi stepped back two paces, clearing the path from the entryway to the living room.

"Thank you." The words "little brother-in-law" almost slipped out; Cheng Ai caught himself. "Uh, Sheng Yi, right. You tutored Cheng Ji; we've met."

Sheng Yi raised an eyebrow: "That's me. Did he hire other tutors after that?"

"No." Cheng Ai followed Sheng Yi inside and sat on the sofa. "He was repeating his final year anyway and had no mind for studying. Hiring more tutors wouldn't have helped. His mother was planning to send him abroad for a few years."

"Oh." Sheng Yi responded flatly and poured a glass of water, setting it in front of Cheng Ai.

Cheng Ai: "Thank you."

This reunion dinner was the first time in a long while that a second person, a third person, had appeared. For several years before, it had just been Sheng Yao alone, making do with whatever.

He didn't dare make too much food, afraid of leftovers. He'd made two ounces of chive and egg dumplings, steamed sea bass with black bean sauce and steamed pork ribs with rice flour, made mapo tofu as a rice accompaniment, and ordered a roast duck as the main dish. The culinary limits of this household were fully on display.

Once all the dishes were laid out, the three of them sat down and opened a bottle of cola.

Sheng Yao, head lowered: "Dig in." He picked up a dumpling first.

Sheng Yi looked at Sheng Yao, then at Cheng Ai, and asked: "Aren't you going to say something?"

"Say what?" Sheng Yao tilted his head and glanced at Sheng Yi. Sheng Yi stared at him without speaking. Sheng Yao thought for a moment, then raised his cola toward Cheng Ai: "Thank you, boss, for your cultivation and guidance these past few years."

"Don't, you sound like you're about to job-hop." Cheng Ai also raised his cup, the rim tilting downward, touching the side of Sheng Yao's cup. "Thank you for your dedication to the company."

Sheng Yao's cup tilted down too: "No, no, no, I couldn't possibly."

Sheng Yi couldn't take it anymore: "Can you two stop being so artificial? Do you act like this when you're dating?"

Clang. Cheng Ai's chopsticks fell to the ground.

Sheng Yao's face nearly buried itself in his plate. After a long moment, he murmured: "We're not…"

"Then you go on dates with him every Friday?" Fine, there really was a judge in this room.

Cheng Ai picked up his chopsticks. Sheng Yi went to the kitchen and brought him a new pair. As they exchanged chopsticks, Cheng Ai asked Sheng Yi: "How did you figure it was me?"

Sheng Yi: "He smells like your cologne."

Sheng Yao: "…"

What was this little brother studying? Embedded systems—next year he'd develop an embedded systems production line for the company. He was going places, going far!

"Eat already, meat can't even shut your mouth." Sheng Yao still had his face buried in his plate. "Besides, what kind of evidence is that?"

Sheng Yi was getting into it: "Remember that summer night when it rained hard and he drove you home? What kind of boss drives an employee all the way home to the Sixth Ring that late at night?"

Sheng Yao hurriedly stuffed a wad of roast duck into Sheng Yi's mouth.

Cheng Ai felt his mood improve significantly.

The roast duck from the takeout seemed even more fragrant now. What brand was this? He needed to remember it.

Though they didn't talk about much during the rest of the meal, just eating together in that immersive way brought joy to body and spirit. Not accompanying him at business dinners, not a carefully deliberate meeting at his place. He'd come to Sheng Yao's home to eat the reunion dinner! The reunion dinner!

After the meal, Sheng Yi volunteered to wash the dishes.

Sheng Yao asked Cheng Ai to come up to the rooftop for a smoke.

Cheng Ai didn't smoke, but once they reached the rooftop, Sheng Yao didn't offer him one.

The rooftop had chimneys; the cooking oil smoke from every household gathered here, the smell more pungent than what came back from a range hood.

Cheng Ai stood a few steps behind Sheng Yao, watching that thin but resilient figure, like wild grass. A tiny spark flickered at Sheng Yao's fingertips.

"Sheng Yao, I should probably be the one to bring this up first." Cheng Ai had never said "I love you" outright, because he was afraid that once he spoke it, he'd never be able to hold onto Sheng Yao, or perhaps in Sheng Yao's eyes he'd seem like some heartless rich boy.

He didn't want any misunderstanding.

"I know you like me." Sheng Yao got there first.

"You know?" Cheng Ai was stunned. "When did you…"

Sheng Yao took a long drag, stubbed out the cigarette, and said: "When you're liked by someone, you feel it to some degree, right? It's just that I didn't think of it that way before—I was slow to realize. That time before the New Year when you drove home, I woke up when you woke up. I felt you wanting to kiss me."

"So you…"

"I thought it was strange, and I felt a little longing, but more than anything, I was afraid." Sheng Yao turned back and smiled at Cheng Ai. "Strange because I couldn't understand why you'd like me, longing because of what it feels like to be loved, afraid because of getting something and then losing it. That you like me—it's really absurd, just like this whole world is absurd."

In the night, Sheng Yao wore a white down jacket and a hat, his hands clasped across his chest, like a glutinous rice ball. Behind him were the lights of ten thousand homes. Sheng Yao's smile made one want to cry a little.