GP | Chapter 2.8

He had briefly woken in the middle, but his body had been too exhausted to get up, so he had fallen back asleep in a daze. And just now, he had barely opened his eyes and was trying to go to the bathroom and wash up, only to find Song Taejoon in the living room.

He had thought it would be fine this late at night…

Seoh let out a soft sigh and rubbed his face.

“Ngh?”

Then a sudden ache struck him, and he hurriedly took his hand away. Looking at his palm, he saw it was full of tiny cuts. Ah… right.

The torn places had already crusted over with blood, and the pressed spots were bruised dark. Not only that, but his arms, elbows, knees, legs, everywhere that had been crushed against the stone was a mess.

There was not a single unhurt place on him. On top of that, his butt was wet deep inside, and sticky fluid was smeared over his whole body. Some of it had dried into white patches.

The fact that he kept checking again after already confirming it while dressing himself showed he really was out of it. Seoh swallowed a low groan and lowered his head.

He did not know how long he would have to wait. Seeing his condition again with his own eyes made him want to wash up as soon as possible. He wanted Song Taejoon to go into his room quickly.

Bang!

Then, all of a sudden, the door shook hard with a loud sound. Seoh jumped and looked at it as a voice came from outside.

“If you’re awake, come out.”

The sound felt very far away with only one door between them. His pounding heart calmed down a little.

But why was he suddenly coming over to do this? Had he found something strange? Or was it the clothes? They were strewn across the mansion’s back yard, and maybe he had not gone out to check yet. Thoughts flashed through his head one after another.

Even so, he still had no intention of going out. He knew all too well that his current state was far from presentable. On top of that, he did not have the courage to face Taejoon when he looked angry. He had probably already had his insides torn up by the unwanted guiding.

Even if receiving guiding in an emergency could be chalked up to necessity, Song Taejoon would be better off avoiding him as much as possible. The door was not locked, but Taejoon did not force his way in regardless. Even the man who looked so twisted in temperament actually knew manners and courtesy. That only made him feel more sorry.

Seoh swallowed dryly and asked in a hoarse voice, “…What is it?”

But Taejoon did not answer what it was about. If he had business, he could simply say what he needed and leave. Seoh waited with that thought, and after remaining silent for a while, Taejoon finally spoke.

“…Come out for a second.”

His voice was gentler than before. But Seoh shook his head.

“I’m sorry… if you have something to say, could you please say it like this?”

“Why? Because you can’t stand the sight of me?”

But, as if nothing had happened, he shot back sharply. Seoh did not know what misunderstanding he had, but he did not have the energy to explain right now. Curling his knees up and huddling into himself, he said weakly, “It’s not that… I’m just a little tired.”

“You were doing just fine coming out a second ago.”

Even while leaning on the wall and barely moving forward, his legs had been shaking. To put it bluntly, it had hardly looked human. Moving Taejoon into the living room had taken the last of his strength.

“S-sorry.”

Knowing he was making Taejoon sound ridiculous, he could not help it.

He only wanted to know why Taejoon had suddenly asked to see him.

If his body were a little more intact, he might have heard Taejoon out… but in any case, not right now.

Taejoon exhaled a long breath, as if forcing down his temper. It sounded deliberately audible, and Seoh flinched, shrinking his shoulders. Another brief silence followed. Then, for some reason, Taejoon asked, “Forget it, do you have anything you want to say to me?”

“Something I want to say?”

Seoh tilted his head. Something he wanted to say to him? Thinking about it carefully, there really was nothing in particular. No, wait, there were a few things. They were more questions than things he wanted to say, though.

Was it okay to ask? He worried that maybe he would irritate Taejoon again. But these were things he needed to know to stay here in the first place. An emergency phone was absolutely necessary.

“I… then.”

“Say it.”

“It seems like the phone and internet don’t work here… There’s security on the system, so could I maybe know the password?”

“…What?”

“I mean, not for anything else. For an emergency phone. Just in case.”

He tried to explain haltingly, but his voice kept shrinking smaller and smaller. He was worried because Taejoon’s repeated question had sounded displeased. It felt like he was about to snap that Seoh was asking knowing there was security, asking when he should have been using his brain.

Before Taejoon could say anything, Seoh withdrew the request.

“No, it’s fine. I was only asking because I didn’t know if it was possible… You don’t have to tell me. I’ll be staying in the mansion anyway.”

“…You’ll be staying in the mansion?”

“Huh? …Ah.”

Could it be that he did not even want him in this place? Last time he had said not to come into his room or the living room, and maybe even that had become too much now.

Then where was he supposed to stay? Was there another house outside the mansion? He could not get over the wall, so he would have to search inside the garden instead. The idea of going into the dark, overgrown area was a little frightening, but he had no choice.

As he resigned himself and thought about what to do next, Song Taejoon asked without hiding his incredulity.

“You really think you’ll stay in this house? Not go back to the Guide Center?”

“…Huh? Uh… do I have to go back to the center?”

“Why are you asking me? Wasn’t that what you wanted? Or are you just pretending to be stubborn for the hell of it?”

Seoh blinked at the words, completely unable to make sense of them. He wanted to go back to the Guide Center? When had he ever said that? There was no way that had happened.

He worried that maybe he had muttered something strange while unconscious. He also had no idea how much Taejoon remembered.

Still, going back to the center was not an option. If he returned, it was unclear whether a new dedicated Guide would be assigned to Taejoon, and Seoh himself would be forced to live under whatever penalties the center imposed.

Ah… again.

Seoh checked his body, now completely emptied of guiding energy, and gave a bitter smile. This was the first time in his life he had experienced energy depletion, and he had felt none of the supposedly “empty” sensation people talked about. If anything, he felt liberated, almost refreshed. He had heard some people even went into shock, but apparently that did not apply to him.

So unconsciously, he had once again tried to use Song Taejoon as a shield to protect himself. Just like a little while ago. It had only been a short while since he had sworn not to do that, and the fact made him unbearably embarrassed and ashamed. But if nothing else, his wish for Song Taejoon to be comfortable was sincere.

Taejoon had not directly asked him to go back to the Guide Center. He had only asked whether Seoh wanted to go back. In that case, maybe they had not completely broken down yet. In the end, the result might not differ, but in his heart, he still wanted to stand beside and watch over him.

“I’m your dedicated Guide , so I have to stay here.”

“…”

“I’ll stay quiet, so you don’t have to worry too much…”

“Ha, seriously. …Honestly.”

He was trying to explain carefully so Taejoon could feel reassured, but Taejoon cut him off and let out a bitter laugh. Seoh dried up at the mouth, thinking he had offended him again. What was it this time that he disliked? He could not figure out what to be careful of at all.

There was one thing in common, though, and that was that every time Seoh opened his mouth, Taejoon seemed to become displeased. Maybe he simply disliked Seoh’s existence itself. More than other Guides.

Seoh hugged himself and sank into gloom.

If that was the case, then did anything he did even matter? What could he possibly do for someone who disliked even the act of quietly breathing? While he was mulling over whether he truly should go back to the Guide Center and looking completely deflated, Taejoon suddenly asked, “You’re in a state of energy depletion right now, aren’t you?”

“…Yes, that’s right.”

“And you’re still saying you’ll stay here?”

“I’m… fine though.”

It was not that he was fine, it was that he actually felt better. There would be no pain for a while. What could be better than that?

“Ah, wow. You really are more than I expected.”

“…What is?”

When Seoh asked back at the abrupt remark, Taejoon laughed and said,

“You liked my dick enough to endure the depleted state?”

“…Huh?”

“I didn’t realize you were this sincere. I think I underestimated you. Other Guides would hate even being in the same space as me after one round. I didn’t know you liked fucking enough to suppress even that instinct. A little… surprising, huh?”

“…”

He could not say anything, only open and close his mouth in shock. He had never expected the rumor that he was a whore to come back to him like this.

If I let this go, the misunderstanding is going to get worse…

But even if he explained to clear it up, would Taejoon believe him? Had he not already dismissed his pain the same way others had? Trying to convince someone was not easy. Especially not someone who already had no faith in him.

If there were evidence to prove this body of his, things would be different, but he had none of that either. No matter how many tests he took, nothing abnormal was ever found.

There had been a time when he raised his voice because he wanted the Guide Center to recognize him. He had even volunteered for examinations and begged them to please confirm the symptoms if they could research it. But the result had been miserable. Since everything came back normal, no one believed him.

After that, he had completely given up on expecting anything from people. He had entertained a little hope that if he became Song Taejoon’s dedicated Guide , Taejoon might believe him, but even that had been useless.

Thinking about it, it made sense. Who would believe you if you had no proof and only asked to be trusted? Especially not someone with a notorious track record.

Seoh quietly stared at his own hands and arms, mottled with stains here and there. There was nothing he could do now. Nothing at all. Only keep silent.

His focus slowly began to blur. Hugging his knees and staring blankly ahead, the whole world turned misty.

“…”

After sitting quietly like that for a while, he heard laughter, hah-hah, from beyond the door. But after that, no sound came. He did not know whether Taejoon was still standing there or had left, but it looked like he would have to spend the night like this.

After the stormlike ecstasy passed, the air had grown even colder than before. The aftermath left behind was entirely his own burden.

Do not expect, do not want, just as always.

Silently repeating it inside, he slowly closed his eyes.

A familiar darkness settled over him.