GP | Chapter 2.3

He looked up at the ceiling, sighed again, and rubbed his face with both hands. Then he swept his hair back and lowered his head.

“How annoying…”

The hand that had come down to his neck slid lower again, settling at his waist. After standing there for a long while, Taejoon headed for the bathroom with a somewhat tired expression.

The only way to calm down now was to cool his head and body down.

✿ • ✿ • ✿

In the morning light pouring in from outside the window, Seoh’s tightly closed eyelids trembled and slowly lifted.

After realizing the shocking truth, he had sat on the living room floor and thought all night. He had only now become aware of the instincts he had been hiding and the cowardly things he had done unconsciously. He had convinced himself it was good for both of them, while completely ignoring the Esper’s human rights. Thinking they needed Guides anyway, so it was fine.

Come to think of it, that had always been his thinking. He had believed Espers would never refuse him, and the only people he had ever had to consider were the Guide Center. To not even know that was wrong, and to have been thinking all by himself, “I’m different anyway.”

That was the contradiction Song Taejoon had pointed out.

Seoh rubbed his gritty eyes with the back of his hand several times. Then he buried his face in both hands and drew a ragged breath.

At first, even if he was called a whore, even if they said he was disgusting, he had thought it would be fine as long as he could live without pain. So even if he was punished, he had still given Espers guiding. Then, at some point, watching them calm down after suffering had given him comfort. He had thought, as expected, that they were all necessary to each other.

But that had been his arrogance. It had been no different from oppressing the Esper, who was bound to be the comparatively weaker side, in another way. Not even realizing that, he had only felt relieved.

And so his wishes had, at some point, become steeped in self-satisfaction and selfishness.

He had forced the same thing on Song Taejoon, so it was only natural that Taejoon would be angry. Just thinking now about how humiliating it must have been made him feel dizzy.

People pointed at Song Taejoon and said he was strange. That it was ridiculous to need guiding and reject it. They mocked him, saying he was only alive this long because of Guides. They sneered that after refusing for so long, he still sucked every bit of guiding energy out when he needed it, that he was no different from other Espers.

But Song Taejoon’s behavior was an effort to preserve human dignity. His last-ditch struggle not to be dragged around by instinct.

Unfortunately, he failed every time. An Esper who could not receive guiding would eventually rampage. Even so, Song Taejoon had never given up.

Then what of his own pain?

What, if he did not guide, would he die? If he did not use his energy, would he rampage?

The ridiculous answer was no. He would feel pain, but he would not die. He would suffer, but he would live. Unlike an Esper, he was someone who could endure it through human will.

He had only been using pain as an excuse to defend himself all this time.

The hand covering his face dropped weakly into his lap. He opened his eyes and looked at his own pitiful hands. The hand that had trembled violently from pain had become a little steadier after forcibly guiding Song Taejoon. But that fact was so horrifying he could not stand it.

“…He.”

Seoh muttered in a voice pressed and cracked from strain.

“The guiding that Song Taejoon doesn’t want…”

It was both a resolve and a new goal, one person’s will.

“I shouldn’t do it.”

He wanted to whip his weak self, correct what was wrong, and face Song Taejoon as a person facing another person. This was the only way he could apologize.

Muttering the same words over and over, Seoh carved that resolve into his chest like a scar, then quietly closed his eyes. He could no longer resist the weight of his eyelids and sank into sleep. His body, slipping apart, sprawled across the living room floor.

His gaunt eyes and dry, parched face looked exhausted, but no one was there to notice.

Only the shadow of water moved quietly through the silent living room.

✿ • ✿ • ✿

Seoh woke from sleep a day later.

He ate rice gruel to avoid irritating the empty stomach that had gone untouched for days, and he also took a shower in the bathroom behind the kitchen. He was not so listless that he had given up on living, so he tried little by little to get back into daily life.

On the first day, he wiped down the wooden chair behind the mansion.

Kitchen detergent and a scrubber were the only cleaning supplies available, so he did what he could with those, scrubbing off the rust and washing away the clumps of dust. It was not perfectly clean, but the chair recovered some of its original look.

What surprised him was that he had thought it was a dark walnut chair, but it had actually been beige. He wondered how long it had been left untouched for that to happen, though it seemed it had not had much use from the start anyway.

The chair still had stains on it and was soaking wet, so he decided to leave it for about a day. It should be usable starting tomorrow.

Back in the house, Seoh collapsed across the dining table. He had only cleaned one chair, and that was enough to end the day.

“Ha… tiring.”

It was probably mostly because he had not eaten properly for days and had not slept. The floor was not cold, but it was hard, so that probably left marks on his body too. The cushion on the dining chair actually felt softer, so it seemed it might be better to sleep here instead.

And so the day ended, and the next one came.

Seoh half-lay on the cleaned chair, soaking in the sunlight. He had wanted to deal with the pond, but there were no tools he could use, and he had no idea how to clear it, so he had given up.

By afternoon, the energy he had spent guiding Song Taejoon had filled back up again, and his whole body started aching a little at a time. Even the passing wind made his skin sting, so in the end he had to go back inside.

There was nothing Seoh could do here. It was just a daily routine of eating, washing, and sleeping. Originally he should have been guiding Song Taejoon, but he was currently away. Of course he would not want to see him after being forced to receive guiding from someone who said no. The reason Song Taejoon had disappeared was painfully obvious.

“I should’ve held out.”

Seoh rubbed his brow, remembering that day. He should have endured a little longer, held onto his senses a little longer. No… he should have corrected the mistake before that. It was too late now, and he had ruined his relationship with Song Taejoon, so the fault was mostly his own.

Still, what was done was done. Regretting the past would not turn time back. So what mattered now was his behavior going forward.

Do not stand out as much as possible, and do not guide if he did not want it.

Song Taejoon was an Esper who only received guiding when he was right on the edge of rampage. Since Seoh, his dedicated Guide , was here, he probably could not go to another guide.

In the end, they had been forcibly made each other’s only person. It was a relationship like an unavoidable disaster, but even so, except on the days when it was unavoidable, it was better to keep some distance. That was the path for Song Taejoon.

Then… sleeping at the dining table should be avoided from now on, right? Seoh rubbed the chair cushion a few times before hiding his disappointment and getting up.

On the way to his room, he briefly looked at the fish tank in the living room. The fish seemed to be doing well even without much management, so their food must be automatic, and the water changes probably happened on their own too. Or, since the owner was a water Esper, maybe he had taken some special measures.

It would be nice to sit on the sofa and watch quietly, but he did not want to do anything that Song Taejoon would dislike. So he turned away without regret.

“…?”

But then.

Inside the living room, slightly hidden behind the fish tank, he found a door. He had thought he had checked everything on the first day, but the huge fish tank had probably caught his attention and kept him from noticing the door behind it. To think there was another room in a place like that.

“An empty… room?”

The thought flashed through his mind. It was obviously going to be empty like the other rooms, but for some reason he was curious. Maybe it was a storage room with supplies? If so, this mansion might be more livable than he had thought.

Seoh looked toward the front door, worried that Song Taejoon might come in. But even after staring for a long time, there was no sign of the door opening. He could not know when he would return, but somehow it did not seem like he would come back anytime soon.

Then… should I check just for a moment?

He only needed to see what was in there, so it would not take long. If it was a storage room with necessities, he could take out only the things he needed urgently and check again tomorrow afternoon.

Seoh walked over to the door. Standing there, he stared at the handle for a moment, then slowly reached out. He did not know why, but he felt oddly tense and swallowed dryly before he realized it.

With a creak, the door opened, and he peered inside. But something was strange. It was still early evening, so if there had been a window the room should have been clearly visible, but it was pitch black. Only after opening the door farther and sticking his head in did he see the inside. There was no room there, but a narrow staircase leading underground.

Wondering if there would be a light, he groped along the wall until he found a switch. When he pressed it, a yellow light came on from the ceiling. He had not expected there to be a basement, so the storage must be below.

Seoh slowly stepped down the stairs. When he was wondering about how long the path stretched out, he found another door. Unlike the ones in the house, this one was a steel door. It looked so heavy it should not move, but when he touched it, it slid left smoothly like a sliding door.

“…Huh?”

What appeared was a vast, dark, empty space. There had been light in the stair corridor, but inside there did not seem to be any lighting at all. Had this not been a storage room? Or maybe it was a storage room that was not being used.

Seoh went inside and looked around. The corridor light was not very bright, so he could not see all the way in, but the nearby wall was at least visible.

When he touched it, he felt cold metal. It was a completely different material from the rooms in the mansion. And another difference was that it was uneven and hollowed out in places.