ACM | Chapter 3.9

But Jinhoo hyung was different. He took a wide variety of classes, not just those in his major of business administration, and because he grasped things so easily, he boasted top-tier grades in any subject. He even often enrolled in practical arts and physical education classes, and surprisingly, his grades in those were high too.

The reason Jinhoo hyung met Chorong nuna was also because her major class was held in this building, in the same lecture room, right before one of hyung’s general education classes. Supposedly sparks flew between the two of them when they crossed paths entering and leaving the lecture room, and the two of them exchanged numbers and started dating in no time. It was said that without even going through the process of entering hyung’s fishing net, Chorong nuna immediately took the girlfriend position as if she had been specially selected.

The thrilling story of the moment they fell in love, as told through the mouths of the people involved, actually hid a painful truth. That intense period from exchanging numbers to dating fell within the two weeks when I had not even properly confessed to Jinhoo hyung and was busy avoiding him.

The desperate confession of a gloomy gay man who said even a second, even a substitute for a woman, would be fine was buried behind the brilliant romance story of a good-looking man and woman that looked so nice from the outside.

The confession, which was not even a confession and failed anyway, came from me first.

The one who started dating, kissing, and having sex with hyung was nuna first.

The start of the relationship came earlier for nuna, so naturally I became the second.

And in hyung’s priorities too, I was second.

Smack.

“Ow!”

As I wandered around with no spirit at all and all my thoughts drained out, bumping into someone was only natural. Even so, I had a bad feeling that the other person had come toward me from the opposite side and deliberately shoulder-checked me. My notebook, which I had been holding, dropped to the floor, so I crouched down to pick it up first.

The other person did not apologize, nor did he make any move to pick up my belongings for me. That said, he also did not seem like he was trying to pick a fight, nor did he act like he was trying to ignore me and go on his way while pretending to be busy.

Since I often drew pictures wherever I went on nice days, today too I had a spiral notebook tucked under one arm. My sketch notebook had fallen open and spread out with the front and back covers facing up, so I worried whether the drawing inside had been scraped against the floor and carefully picked up the spiral. Even then, the person standing in front of me did not move an inch.

‘Luxury brand.’

The toe of a super high-end pair of sneakers that anyone interested in fashion would know came into view. The foot size looked like 280 to 300. The Jinhoo hyung I had seen earlier was wearing slip-ons, so for now it was not his feet.

“……”

When I lifted my head, I met a familiar face. Right, you being stuck around in this building is not surprising at all, since you are Chorong nuna’s hoobae. Even so, there are not just one but multiple buildings in this huge engineering college, so of all times, to run into each other exactly now… Were you stalking Chorong nuna too and happened to run into me here? You’re just like me, dragged all the way here following Jinhoo hyung.

I silently muttered the words I could not bring myself to say out loud, and slowly stood up. Even until I fully straightened up, Taegang’s gaze remained fixed on the spiral notebook in my hand. Wondering what was so interesting, I looked down at the notebook, only to see Jinhoo hyung’s face, which I had been drawing in a sketch whenever I had time, spread open in full view. It was the page that had happened to catch in my hand when I dropped and picked up the notebook earlier.

Thunk!

The way even his gaze landing on it felt so unpleasant made me snap the notebook cover shut. Only then did his eyes move to my face. As expected, it was a look full of hostility, as if he had seen something he should not have seen.

“You’re really devoted. Now you’re drawing your boyfriend’s portrait too?”

“What does it matter to you.”

“Don’t spread gay stink all over our department, and get out of my sight.”

“……”

Taegang glared at me, speechless from the sharp attack, and tried to end this short and unpleasant clash by just walking past. It happened then. I had my own share of wrongs too, but since a third party who was not even directly involved was pouring this much emotion onto me, I did not want to just let it go, so I called him back on the spot.

“Hey! Lee Taegang!”

The broad back that had been passing me froze in place. I had only half expected whether he would react to me and look back, but maybe because I had shown an uncharacteristic counterattack after always cowering in front of him, his curiosity was piqued.

“What.”

“What the hell do you want from me? Why are you always picking fights?”

Taegang was silent for a long while while facing me. It seemed he himself was not picking on me because he wanted some specific change, but just lashing out. Once Lee Taegang realized that himself, maybe he would be less sharp toward me in the future. At least, that was the faint hope I held onto, since he had not seemed like such a prickly person until we fell out.

“I just hate your existence itself.”

“……”

“Being gay is disgusting enough, and on top of that, getting in between a couple and going along with cheating is even more revolting.”

At this point I had nothing to say. Thankfully no one was around, but what was he thinking, saying this stuff so loudly if someone passing by could hear? When the word “gay” came out of his mouth in a loud voice, I even flinched. Taegang snorted at my reaction. He must have gotten a thrill out of seeing me tremble in fear that I might get outed.

“…Lee Taegang. I know you like Chorong nuna, but…”

“This has nothing to do with me liking Chorong sunbae. Morally, what you’re doing is disgusting, isn’t it.”

“……”

A tall body, a solid build, and a deep, low voice filled with certainty that his own words were absolutely right. Standing in front of that, I tried to come back at him with something, but my spirit was crushed again. Unable to find anything to say back, I bitterly accepted the KO and turned around. I had no choice but to leave first.

As expected, Jinhoo hyung did not call me back at all for the rest of the day. My mood was very gloomy, completely unlike the bright weather.

* * *

Saturday afternoon, it was a day with no particular schedule, so I was resting around at home. While I was flipping through the spiral notebook I had dropped in the engineering building the day before, the page with Jinhoo hyung’s drawing opened up.

Hyung’s features were the same, but because my feelings toward him changed from moment to moment, the impression of the portrait also changed whenever I drew across several days. Even now, I absentmindedly picked up my pencil and started adding another layer of graphite lines. A mixture of lingering resentment that he still had not contacted me and restless longing to see him made hyung’s face sharper than yesterday.

“I want to see you…”

Scritch, scritch-.

Halfway through adding shadows to hyung’s features, the words slipped out of my mouth by themselves. Even though I still had not received any response from hyung after avoiding his calls yesterday, I got tired of waiting and picked up my phone.

[Hyung! Are you home?]

The moment I sent the message, I turned on my laptop and played a downloaded movie. I did not want to sit there nervously wondering when hyung would reply. Throughout the movie, my attention kept drifting to my phone, wondering whether there would be any response, but I forced myself to ignore it.

About two hours later, right after the movie credits rolled, I picked up my phone to check whether there had been a message from hyung. But the moment I opened the message window, I felt all the strength drain from my body.

There was still an unread mark next to the message. Thinking I might call him, I guessed hyung would either reject it or not answer again, so I wrote another message instead.

[Are you busy?]

It had been ten minutes that felt like ten hours. When my phone buzzed, I jumped up from the topper. Finally, the reply I had been waiting for had come.

‘Finally!’

[Doyun, your place is Liberty Village, right?]

The recipient was Sungmin hyung. Just when I had started doing a little dance of joy, thinking it was Jinhoo hyung’s reply, I lost some of my energy. Still, I had to reply, so with lifeless fingers I slowly pressed the keyboard.

[Yes, that’s right]

[Do you like raw fish, Doyun?]

[Yes~ of course]

Since I ate everything without any real pickiness, I answered honestly. Come to think of it, I had not properly eaten a single meal today and had only been snacking and lazing around, so I was starting to get hungry. Maybe because Sungmin hyung had mentioned sashimi, my mouth started watering a little.

[Do you know Hanjin Fisheries at the Maeheon-dong intersection? I’ll send you the address.]

I knew the place he meant. The owner couple and the atmosphere of the place were simple, but because they pride themselves on receiving good seafood straight from the source through a special distribution network, the prices are quite high. It was a popular spot that was fresh and had long waiting times.

It seemed Sungmin hyung was nearby, because he said to come out whenever I was ready and that he would go in and wait at the restaurant first. He was going to treat me again, after already buying us lamb not long ago. And expensive seasonal sashimi too.

I had heard just yesterday that he would buy me dinner, but I had not expected it to happen today. It was an unexpectedly sudden plan, but because I had been feeling troubled over Jinhoo hyung’s silence, I quickly got dressed and went out. There was no reason to refuse free sashimi.

I went into a sashimi restaurant with a noisy, market-like atmosphere. The price was high, but the interior was the very picture of a common street-side tent restaurant. Sungmin hyung, seated ahead of time at a round table, spotted me entering and waved warmly. Today he was dressed in much darker tones than his usual style, where he liked pastel matches, so his impression felt different.

“You haven’t had dinner yet, right? Sorry for calling you so suddenly.”

“Oh, no! But this place is more expensive than other sashimi restaurants…”

“It’s fine, I’m the one paying.”

With a friendly, soft smile, hyung ordered alcohol. The sashimi and side dishes had already been ordered in advance.

‘He really is handsome.’

Sungmin hyung was really handsome in a different way from Jinhoo hyung. His features were pretty and delicate in a neat, refined way, but he was absolutely not feminine or fragile-looking. Because of that, even when we were this close together alone, my heart sometimes raced, despite the fact that my mind was full of Jinhoo hyung. I think I’m just too obsessed with handsome men.