E ⋆ Chapter 12

Yu Zhinian returned to the room he had lived in for over a year, but he had no mind to notice whether anything had changed, nor any desire to reminisce. He was exhausted to the point of collapse. He wearily opened his suitcase, pulled out clean clothes, took a shower, and fell straight into bed.

This sleep was deep. He had no dreams, and he slept so heavily that his limbs went limp, but it wasn’t enough sleep.

The housekeeper kept knocking on his door, forcibly rousing him from slumber. He walked over with a heavy head and unsteady feet to open it. She stood in the doorway and told him softly: “Mr. Yu, it’s time for dinner. It’s already seven o’clock.”

Yu Zhinian was still not fully awake. In a daze, wearing his wrinkled sleep T-shirt and pajama pants, he went downstairs and found Yang Ke already seated at the table with all the dishes arranged.

The sun had not yet fully set. The evening glow was orange-red, and the house was warm.

Yang Ke hadn’t changed. The chef’s signature dishes hadn’t changed. The angle of the setting sun hadn’t changed. The tableware, the tablecloth, even the white flowers on the table remained the same. For a brief moment, Yu Zhinian felt as though he had returned to this time last year.

But there was nothing worth remembering about this time last year. It was even worse than now.

Yu Zhinian sat down in a chair and picked up his chopsticks, thinking hazily that at least now he had successfully spoken the words about giving up the trust, so he no longer had to sit on pins and needles, full of guilt, making a confession with every bite of food.

The dining room was nearly silent, with only the sound of utensils touching porcelain plates.

Yu Zhinian had just woken up and had little appetite. After eating a few bites, he put down his chopsticks and thought about going back upstairs to sleep. Suddenly, he heard Yang Ke say coldly: “What, haven’t eaten in half a year and can’t get used to it anymore?”

Yu Zhinian looked up in a daze and glanced at Yang Ke. Yang Ke, for some reason, also froze for a moment.

Yang Ke was still wearing his afternoon clothes, though he had removed his jacket and loosened his tie. One button of his dress shirt was undone. He was very handsome, tall, and well-built. Yu Zhinian thought he had no flaws.

But according to his high school classmate Zhu Peijia, Yang Ke’s temperament and gaze were truly cold and distant, his speech was utterly impersonal, making people afraid to get close and unable to feel any warmth toward him.

Yu Zhinian liked Yang Ke himself, and when he looked at Yang Ke, his perception was probably different from others’, so he couldn’t make an objective assessment of such a description.

But judging by Yang Ke’s emotional history, what Peijia said was largely correct.

The two of them held each other’s gaze for a few seconds before Yang Ke looked away, his voice becoming slightly softer as he said to Yu Zhinian: “Why are you eating so little?”

His tone was still stiff, but Yu Zhinian was very tired and didn’t really mind. He simply explained to Yang Ke: “My appetite isn’t very good. I’m already full.” He also told Yang Ke: “I’m going back upstairs to sleep.”

“Why sleep again.” Yang Ke frowned slightly, looking at him as if very displeased.

“I didn’t sleep on the plane,” Yu Zhinian paused, then added, “I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“Why?”

“…” Yu Zhinian was reluctant to answer, because he didn’t want Yang Ke to think he was playing the victim again. But Yang Ke was looking at him as if he absolutely needed a reason for why he hadn’t slept for more than ten hours, so he could only say vaguely: “There are too many things to do after I get back. I’m a bit anxious.”

After landing, he had to come to Yang Ke’s house to move his things, bring them to the rental place, sort through what he’d moved out, go to school, attend meetings, reply to Attorney Li, and continue writing his thesis.

Once the apartment lease expired, he’d need to find someone to clean it, and then move again.

Just thinking about all these things made Yu Zhinian feel as though he’d lost the ability to sleep. He became completely awake, wanting only to find things to do to distract himself and mask his emotions.

After he finished speaking, Yang Ke didn’t respond or continue eating. Yu Zhinian couldn’t tell if he was angry or thinking about something. During this time, Yang Ke’s phone vibrated several times, as if there were incoming calls, all of which he declined.

After waiting a moment, Yu Zhinian felt that Yang Ke probably didn’t intend to chat anymore. Just as he was about to get up and go upstairs, Yang Ke suddenly spoke again, asking: “Have you found a new boyfriend?”

Yu Zhinian froze, looking at Yang Ke. After a while, he denied it somewhat awkwardly and bewilderedly: “No.”

“Oh,” Yang Ke glanced at him, “I thought you’d eloped with someone.”

Yu Zhinian didn’t know what to say. After another moment of silence, he said: “Who would I elope with?” After saying this, he felt embarrassed and repeated to Yang Ke “I’m going upstairs,” then left the dining room. Yang Ke didn’t try to stop him.

What Yang Ke said was extremely strange. Yu Zhinian’s second sleep was restless.

The word “elope” kept appearing in his mind. After a few hours of half-dreaming and half-waking, he finally felt slightly more alert. He checked the time. It was already eleven o’clock. He thought of going to the study to get a book to read, then sleep again around one o’clock to adjust his jet lag.

Yu Zhinian walked out of his room and along the dimly lit hallway to the study door. The door was closed. Yu Zhinian habitually opened it directly and found the room lit as bright as day. Yang Ke was sitting at the desk wearing earphones, talking on the phone, holding a document in his hand.

Seeing each other, they both froze for a moment.

Yang Ke, whether afraid Yu Zhinian would hear business secrets or for some other reason, quickly hung up the phone and took off his earphones, asking him: “You’re awake?”

“Yes, I wanted to get a book,” Yu Zhinian nodded from the doorway. “Am I disturbing you?”

Yang Ke didn’t look impatient. He simply said: “Go ahead.”

Yu Zhinian walked in and went to the bookshelf to select books.

He didn’t want to read professional books. He browsed the fiction section for a while and took a Russian novel he had read several times before and still liked. Just as he was about to turn around, he heard Yang Ke’s voice very close to him.

“Is this one good?”

Yu Zhinian was startled. He turned around and found that at some point, Yang Ke had gotten up and come to stand behind him, slightly lowering his head to look at the book in his hands.

Yu Zhinian’s hands were still weak. He almost dropped the book. He looked at Yang Ke but said nothing for a long time.

“I’m asking you,” after waiting a moment, Yang Ke asked him again softly, “Is it good?”

The light was behind Yang Ke, and his body’s shadow enveloped Yu Zhinian. His gaze was very calm as he looked at Yu Zhinian. Yu Zhinian looked at Yang Ke’s eyes, then lowered his head to look at the book in his own hands. After a long moment, he said: “It’s okay.”

He and Yang Ke hadn’t had a normal conversation in a long time, and their distance was definitely less than the minimum social distance, though Yang Ke didn’t seem to notice. Therefore, it was no wonder that Yu Zhinian’s heartbeat quickened, and warmth spread from his chest to his cheeks.

“Do you want to read it?” He didn’t look at Yang Ke, asking as casually as he could manage.

“I haven’t read the novels in this section,” Yang Ke somewhat dodged the question. “Your textbooks are quite sleep-inducing.”

Yu Zhinian unconsciously looked up at Yang Ke: “You read my textbooks?”

Yang Ke hummed in affirmation and countered: “Is that not allowed?”

He reached out, passing over Yu Zhinian’s cheek and ear, and took a book, displaying it in front of Yu Zhinian: “This one.”

Yang Ke only waved the book’s cover in front of Yu Zhinian for a moment, then took it back himself and lowered his head to flip through it: “This one is the most boring. It makes you fall asleep the fastest.”

“…” Yu Zhinian didn’t know what to say. After thinking for a moment, he told Yang Ke: “If you want it, I can leave it for you. Though there are a few expensive ones I might still need to take.”

He lowered his head slightly and saw Yang Ke’s hand, which had been turning the pages, suddenly pause.

Yang Ke didn’t say anything. Yu Zhinian, perhaps out of habit of finding conversation topics, couldn’t help but continue asking Yang Ke: “Have you been working in this study recently?”

Because Yang Ke originally had a larger study on the third floor.

Yang Ke said “yes.”

“This one has better natural light,” he added.

Yu Zhinian said “oh,” feeling that something was off, though he couldn’t quite figure out what. After thinking for a moment, he said again: “Then is there any book you absolutely need?”

“What do you mean by need?” Yang Ke seemed not to understand.

“Books,” Yu Zhinian looked at him and said patiently, “ones you particularly want. I’ll leave those for you. Even the expensive ones.”

Yang Ke looked at him for a few seconds, closed the book, and asked Yu Zhinian as if in casual conversation: “Why would you take the expensive ones? Don’t you have enough money to spend?”

Yu Zhinian was slightly taken aback and didn’t speak. Yang Ke continued: “If you don’t have enough money, why won’t you take the trust fund?”

“You won’t take it even if it’s given to you for free?” Yang Ke moved slightly closer to Yu Zhinian, lowering his head to look at him.

Yu Zhinian instinctively took a step back, his back pressing against the bookshelf. The wood of the bookshelf dug into the bones of his back.

Yang Ke’s face was expressionless, and his voice was very calm. Yu Zhinian couldn’t tell whether Yang Ke was humiliating him or simply asking questions. But these questions did frighten Yu Zhinian, did torment him.

Yu Zhinian’s head to his fingertips ached faintly. He stared blankly at Yang Ke and said nothing.

Yang Ke casually placed the book he was holding on the shelf and lowered his head to ask him again: “Why won’t you take it?”

Many sentences flashed through Yu Zhinian’s mind. After a long time, he managed to say: “I just don’t want it anymore.”

“You don’t want money?” Yang Ke said, then suddenly paused before saying, “What about other things?”

Yu Zhinian looked at Yang Ke but couldn’t glean any information from his gaze, and couldn’t figure out what “other things” specifically meant.

He asked Yang Ke: “Other things like what?”

Yang Ke suddenly stopped speaking.

Yu Zhinian moved his gaze away, lowering his head to look at the book in his hands. After a long period of thought, he guessed that Yang Ke was perhaps still suspicious of his decision and motives. After calming down for a moment, he broke the silence and said to Yang Ke: “I really don’t want it anymore.”

“Yang Ke,” he said, his back against the bookshelf, gripping the book tightly, using what little rationality he had left to search for suitable words. Speaking gently and earnestly, he explained: “I’m not here to go against you. I said I’d give up the trust, and I won’t lie to you. I don’t want this rental apartment situation either. I can move out tomorrow morning. I’ll go find a storage unit and take the things from the basement first. Please don’t lose your temper.”

“I can leave right now if you want,” he assured Yang Ke. “I really don’t mean anything else by it.”

Although after hearing Yu Zhinian’s words, Yang Ke didn’t show any sign of relief, at least he didn’t press Yu Zhinian further.

He looked at Yu Zhinian for a long time, as if judging whether Yu Zhinian was telling the truth. Then he said to Yu Zhinian: “Go to sleep first.”

“You don’t look like you’re in good spirits,” he said, pausing, but still didn’t move out of the way. After a moment, he suddenly said, “When did I lose my temper?”

“I was just asking,” he said again. “It’s fine with me if you stay here.”

In the end, Yu Zhinian didn’t even know how he left the study. He returned to his room, no longer in the mood to read. He walked around the room somewhat neurotically for a few rounds, went to his suitcase, took out his laptop and turned it on, and carefully began organizing the shorthand notes from Ning City that he hadn’t finished organizing yet.