ACM | Chapter 3.3

I wanted to cover my ears, but if I did that I felt like I might accidentally let out a sob, so I could not even think about moving the two hands that were covering my mouth. If she found out I was hiding here… then Jinhoo hyung would hate me.

Earlier, when my moans had been too loud, hyung had roughly covered my mouth from behind and focused only on the act… but now, no matter how loudly she screamed, he only warned her with a ‘shh,’ and did not carelessly cover her mouth or restrain her. This was the moment I had no choice but to realize the clear difference to hyung between his real lover and a male hoobae who kept clinging to him because he liked it.

I was so miserable, trying so hard not to cause hyung any trouble, with my hands pressed over my mouth and holding my breath. The hands covering my mouth grew damp from the tears that ran down from my eyes. The sex noises they made twisted my head into a mess.

* * *

[Jinhoo hyung_Missed call (8)]

[You’re not answering]

Jinhoo hyung, who had had sex with his girlfriend in the lecture room right in front of me, called that night after their date was over. I naturally avoided his call and did not reply to any of the messages that came in sporadically the next day either. No matter how much I was going along with hyung’s cheating, I could not tolerate his inconsiderate behavior, completely ignoring how I felt.

[Hey]

[Ryu Doyun]

I had just received a takeout coffee from the half-price coffee shop across from the school cafeteria. Hyung sent me another message in a row, but I intended to ignore it without even letting him know I had read it.

But that did not work either. This cafe was one of the few on campus where almost every student who had finished eating would gather. I had not managed to hide thoroughly, and before long I ran into the Jinhoo hyung I had wanted to avoid right away.

“Oh? Doyun!”

…Of course. Chorong noona was, as always, beside hyung today too. I had grown close to hyung, and because of that I had sometimes run into her as well, and before long we had become acquainted. Nuna, who only knew me as Jinhoo hyung’s close hoobae, greeted me warmly as if she had met someone she was truly happy to see.

If someone were to ask whether I felt guilty about deceiving such a kind noona, I would almost automatically answer, ‘Not at all.’ I even wanted to snap back and say, You know that the cock Jinhoo hyung had in noona’s body just yesterday was actually inside me a few minutes before that, right?

The only person in this relationship who had done nothing wrong was noona, and yet I was such a bad person for having these ugly thoughts in front of her.

“What a shame, if you had come just a little earlier~. Jinhoo would have bought your coffee too.”

“Ah, yes…”

She, who was really sunshine itself without a single wrinkle, had spilled warm, friendly words, saying there was no hoobae Jinhoo took care of as much as Doyun. The drab, ordinary cafe on campus shone brightly like a coffee commercial set because of the handsome Jinhoo hyung and beautiful Chorong noona. Unknowingly, people’s gazes were also gathering on them. Something like this perfect couple… I did not want to see it with my own eyes.

While a few words were exchanged only between Chorong noona and me, Jinhoo hyung, who had been trying to contact me over and over just a moment ago, was now silent, stepping back and only looking us over. Honestly, I thought hyung would at least rough me up and drag me out, or ask why I had not answered his calls.

But unlike what I expected, hyung did not seem to have any intention of bringing up our issue here at all. Right, more than wanting to break this frustrating cold war with me, he probably wanted to focus on his date with the noona beside him…

“Taegang, then please take care of that for me later! Doyun, we’re heading out first-.”

…Huh?

Before leaving after saying goodbye to me one last time, noona also greeted someone seated at a nearby table and then walked out. Since it was a familiar name, I turned toward that table, and sure enough Lee Taegang was sitting there, looking toward the door where the couple had disappeared. Then his eyes met mine.

“……”

He had already figured out the relationship between me and Jinhoo hyung a few days ago, but he had not yet spread the rumor around, including to Chorong noona and the others. The creepy fact that he knew my secret ran down my spine and made me tense up on its own.

But Taegang did not seem to have any intention of trading barbs with me today, because he moved his eyes away from me and once again cast a wistful look toward the exit where noona and hyung had disappeared.

I almost reflexively read something in his gaze. It was something very similar to the feeling that naturally welled up in me when I looked at hyung and noona, and it was nothing other than a sense of defeat.

Could this guy perhaps… the woman he said he liked at the club after-party…

“What are you looking at.”

Perhaps aware that I was still looking at him, Taegang spat out a cold line. So you were feeling the same way as me too. For him, who was in love with a senior from the same department but could only look on helplessly because she already had a lover, I felt at least a little bit of sympathy in this moment.

* * *

I slept and woke all through the night, even getting up in between and crying. I was thankful that today was Saturday, so I did not have to go to school. When I looked in the mirror, my face was swollen up horribly and ugly. If I ran into Jinhoo hyung with this face, he might say he had lost all interest in me and decide not to see me at all, second or otherwise.

……

I really must be an idiot. It had only been two days since hyung committed the unforgivable act of having sex with his girlfriend in front of me… And yet look at me, still not able to let go of him while worrying about the possibility that Jinhoo hyung might not meet me anymore.

[Jinhoo hyung_Missed call (5)]

My phone had a string of hyung’s calls that I had deliberately ignored. The biggest problem was that I did not have the courage to confront him and get angry, but I also did not want to go my whole life without seeing him, and I could not bring myself to just forgive him either.

Since I was the one who feared this relationship breaking apart more, there was no proper way I knew to make things better just by stubbornly ignoring his calls. The blade of this relationship was still in hyung’s hands, and as time went by I even began to worry that what if he never contacted me again?

Once I thought that way, I figured that from now on I should make sure to answer whenever hyung called. But from that moment on, cruelly enough, hyung’s calls did not come anymore.

He had left missed calls until three in the morning, so maybe he fell asleep around three or four… Then he must be getting up around now… Why was he not calling? Was this relationship really going to end like this? What if he was already sick of me and blocked me?

The anger I had been holding toward hyung had turned into anxious waiting before I knew it. Sick with worry all morning, afraid that he would never contact me again, I took the trash for recycling that had piled up in the house and went downstairs.

Just as I was dumping the collected plastic trash into the bin, the stinging smell of cigarettes wafted over from beyond the pillar of the piloti-style villa. This is a no-smoking area… With a slightly annoyed face, I turned my head to glare at the rude smoker, but then I was startled.

Jinhoo hyung was standing right in front of me. Looking straight at me while I was sorting the recyclables. There were cigarette butts all over the ground, as if he had been coming here to kill time for quite a while.

“…Since when…”

“I haven’t slept a wink since morning and I’ve been here the whole time. I’m tired.”

“……”

“Doyun… Stop being mad.”

“Hyung.”

Childishly, I was first overwhelmed by emotion that hyung had not intended to abandon me. What came next was the thought that my face was probably still all swollen. Hyung had only a little hollowness under his eyes and looked as gorgeous as ever… If I had also stayed up all night without sleeping like hyung, would I not have swollen this much… That was the only weird thought I could come up with.

“You were the first one I dated, Chorong. Anyway, we’re officially a couple, and Chorong doesn’t know about our relationship, right? So I thought it was right to prioritize her in that situation.”

“You didn’t have to have sex right then and there! You could have refused her seduction any time…! Even though you knew I was hiding there!”

There was wetness in my voice by the end. In the end, I ugly-cried in front of hyung. Hwaaaang-. Hyung made some unsophisticated sounding noises and quickly rushed over to the crying me and pulled me hard into his arms. Mixed in with the scent of hyung I had missed was the strong smell of cigarettes, so strong I could not tell how much he had smoked since dawn.

“I’m sorry… I was so worried because you didn’t answer my calls.”

“Ugh… hngh… hwaaah…”

I clung to hyung and wailed as if I had lost a country. Even though it was the sight of two men crying while hugging in broad daylight, which was enough to make him worry about the people around us, hyung did not care and accepted all of my whining.

“Let’s hurry upstairs. I’m starting to get sleepy.”

“Yes, hyung…”

Just like that, my cold war with hyung ended in a flash. I could not shake the feeling that I was being dragged along by his pace again, but so what. Hyung had stayed up all night waiting for me in front of my place, which meant he still needed me.

“Haaah! Hnghh! I like it… I like it! Hyung!”

“Hngh… hah!”

The studio was filled with heat and moans. As soon as I took out the thick topper and blanket and spread them out so hyung could lie down and sleep right away, he, despite being clearly exhausted from lack of sleep, pushed me down on top of them and immediately stripped me. The sex started right away. It felt almost like makeup sex after a long fight.

There was always a box of condoms and gel in the room in case hyung came to my studio sometimes. While the gel kept getting used up, the condoms hardly ever got touched after the first time hyung had used one out of curiosity, saying it was a brand he had never seen before.