KMYB | Chapter 7

This method was indeed worth considering, but it was harder to put into practice than the others. Its advantages outweighed the rest, and compared with something as reckless as the cucumber diet method, it was a lot more scientific.

Lin Xiaojin was pretty serious about science, after all.

Xi Shui lay back down on the bed, biting the end of his pen as he thought about how to get himself a boyfriend.

Baidu

[How do I find a boyfriend?]

The answers listed plenty of ways.

1. Get introduced by relatives and friends.

Xi Shui thought about his relatives and friends. They probably wouldn’t be thrilled about him dating in college. They’d rather he focus on his studies and his major. He couldn’t tell them about this. It had to be done in secret.

2. Get introduced by friends in a group chat.

Xi Shui had barely enough people around him to count on one hand as friends. Everyone seemed to get along well with him, but not well enough to introduce him to a boyfriend. Besides… Xi Shui thought their taste was kind of terrible. They always ended up with scumbags, or scumbag women. From Jingwu to Jingxue to Jingtijianbing, they cheated around so much they hopped from one place to another. Even octopuses weren’t as capable of cheating as their partners. Xi Shui didn’t like to comment on other people’s relationships, so every time they came crying and sniffling to him asking what they should do, all he could stammer was: “Do you want to break up?”

What else could they do?

“But he/she is still really good to me most of the time.”

“He/she is also really good-looking.”

Xi Shui didn’t understand them at all.

3. Add nearby WeChat friends.

That was unreliable!

Last time Lin Xiaojin accidentally clicked into it, and some fifty-year-old man had asked him whether his butt was round.

Xi Shui just wanted to burn off a tiny bit of calories through kissing. It had absolutely nothing to do with whether his butt was round or not.

4. Attend matchmaking events.

There was actually a matchmaking corner at school too, but it had been set aside and unused for a long time.

That left only one option.

5. Join an interest-based group.

Xi Shui tapped the screen with his finger. He only joined the Jingwu student council. Everyone in it was either in his own year, or new assistants a year below him, or senior students and senior sisters. Senior Lan had said before that all the good ones had already been taken, and the rest were all warped melons and cracked dates[[1]], even if they were being handed out in bulk for free, she still wouldn’t want them.

Lan Lan was a senior Xi Shui really admired. If she said they were warped melons and cracked dates, then that had to be right. So he didn’t want them either.

So, in summary, and after all the conclusions, finding a boyfriend was a very difficult thing.

Xi Shui raked a hand through his hair, frowning as he lay face-down on the bed. His pajamas were a T-shirt he’d bought in high school. He’d worn it for years, and it worked perfectly as sleepwear, except the collar had stretched out by two sizes after washing. It kept slipping off his shoulders, exposing the smooth, delicate skin there.

He reached out to tug the collar back up, and it slipped down from the other side again.

But he no longer had the spare attention to keep fussing with his clothes. He sent Lin Xiaojin a message.

[Do you know how to find a boyfriend?]

Lin Xiaojin spent all day surfing the internet, so he saw Xi Shui’s message immediately and replied at once.

[Lin Xiaojin: If I knew, would I still be single?]

[Oh, right.]

[Lin Xiaojin: You’re looking for a boyfriend?]

Xi Shui thought about it for a while, then decided there was no need to hide it from Lin Xiaojin. After all, this method had been his idea in the first place.

After he told Lin Xiaojin, Lin Xiaojin immediately sent over a long voice message.

“So you’re actually serious? But I think it works. Maybe once you’re dating someone, you won’t be thinking about eating all day, and there’ll be someone to keep an eye on you too. Do you have any requirements? I know you like guys, so are you top or bottom? You never told me that part.”

“Bottom, bottom…” Xi Shui held his phone close to his mouth. His pale face had gone pink, and his voice was very soft.

“And your requirements?”

Xi Shui picked at the bedsheet with his fingers. “The bigger the lung capacity, the better, I guess. He should be healthy. And he can’t look too ugly.”

“What counts as not too ugly?”

Xi Shui wasn’t quite sure. “About the same as me?”

Lin Xiaojin: “…”

“That’s hard to find.”

Lin Xiaojin had always known Xi Shui didn’t care much about looks. Even though he knew he looked good himself, his aesthetic range was very broad. Among his friends, no matter what they looked like, he could always find their strengths.

Back then, Lin Xiaojin had only noticed Xi Shui’s appearance, and that was why he became friends with him.

Before university, he’d been a little insecure. There was no shortage of good-looking people among art students, and Lin Xiaojin was too ordinary. Not ugly, just completely unremarkable, with nothing distinctive, nothing memorable.

But afterwards, Xi Shui kept praising him. “Your nose is so straight. Your hands are really nice. Your lashes are so soft and droopy, they look especially lazy.”

At a high school reunion last year, a bunch of classmates asked Lin Xiaojin if he’d had plastic surgery, and why he’d gotten so handsome. No, he hadn’t had any surgery. It was because Xi Shui cheered him on every day. Some of that rainbow-flattery[[2]] might not have been practical, but under that kind of atmosphere, Lin Xiaojin really had grown more and more confident, and his personality had become much better too.

So now that Xi Shui was the one in trouble, he had to rack his brains and do everything he could to help.

“You can just pick a few targets directly. I’ll help you take a look.”

“Or I can send you some. These are all people who’ve confessed to you on the forum before.”

Lin Xiaojin sent over more than ten photos, along with each person’s personal details and his own spoken commentary. He had never been this careful even when taking notes in class.

“Contestant number one, Xu Shanhai. Junior year at Jingxue business and management. Height, 853. Weight, 75 kg. He looks okay, but not long ago someone exposed that he’d faked scholarship credits, so his character is no good.”

“Contestant number two, Zhang Jing. Freshman at Jingxue Law School. He’s younger than you, and way too skinny, only 50. Skinny as a water pipe.”

“Contestant number three, from Jingtijian. His name’s Liu Ben. 198, two hundred jin. He’s a weightlifting major too, so that’s no good either. He could crush you flat.”

Xi Shui looked at the photos with little interest. These people didn’t seem like they’d be any good at kissing. They’d need to go straight to a serious make-out session.

“None of them?” Hearing that Xi Shui stayed silent, Lin Xiaojin knew he was dissatisfied. “Then tomorrow I’ll go find Meng Kewen and have him introduce a few to you. The guys in their group all look decent. They all hang out with Zhou the Yama King, and none of them are ugly.”

Hearing the words Zhou the Yama King unexpectedly, Xi Shui suddenly remembered that there was still someone like Zhou Zeqi.

Zhou Zeqi…

Xi Shui spaced out a little. He thought about the pressure radiating off that man, lingering without fading. Even now, if he let himself savor it, he could still taste that feeling of being easily controlled, of being unable to resist.

Lin Xiaojin waited a long time and still didn’t get an answer from Xi Shui, so he got anxious. “Say something. My suggestion just now, what do you think? If it works, I’ll go tell Meng Kewen tomorrow.”

Xi Shui hadn’t been paying attention to what Lin Xiaojin’s suggestion was. Then the doorbell suddenly rang. He hurriedly answered, “Okay, okay,” told Lin Xiaojin goodnight, and went to open the door.

Lin Xiaojin watched Xi Shui vanish in an instant.

He sighed. In truth, Xi Shui’s kindness extended to everyone, all people, anyone at all. Whoever ended up as his boyfriend would be the unlucky one, getting so mad he’d probably lose fifty years off his life. But Lin Xiaojin also thought, if he could be the one on top, then even if he got so mad it made him age backward, he’d still be willing to work himself to death for Xi Shui.

–

The apartment had wooden floors. An auntie came every day to clean, but Xi Shui still put on slippers before going to open the door.

The ceiling light in the hallway stayed on all night.

If you just stood in the corridor, it was hard to tell whether it was day or night outside.

Zhou Zeqi had a towel draped over one shoulder, and under one arm he was carrying a plastic basin filled with toiletries and a change of clothes. His hair was wet, but he must have wiped it before coming over, because no water was dripping down.

His eyes looked as if they’d been washed clean by water, even darker and brighter than in the daytime.

“The water’s out on my side. Can I borrow your bathroom for a shower?” Zhou Zeqi looked at Xi Shui, who was clearly just out of bed. He seemed very soft, and although he wasn’t short, he still gave off the feeling of his sister’s white long-haired chinchilla.

The fur was long and soft, the eyes big and bright, with built-in eyeliner. It always sat high and cold on the bookshelf, looking down at the people below with that same cool air, like a fluffy cloud had landed there.

That was offstage.

Onstage, Xi Shui was more like a swan, a little swan.

The always kind and good-hearted Xi Shui didn’t let Zhou Zeqi in right away. He pressed against the door and asked, “Didn’t you pay the water bill?”

“Before, my sister was living here. She used up all the water credit and left without telling me. I was washing my hair when the water got cut off. Xi Shui, I’ll pay you back for the water bill. Help me out?” Zhou Zeqi lowered his head. His lashes were as black as crow feathers, covering up the sharp, fierce look he usually had.

Xi Shui couldn’t stand people talking to him like that.

He was soft-hearted to the core.

His fingers slowly loosened, and he stepped aside to make room. “Come in.”

“Do I need to change shoes?”

Xi Shui looked at the pair of slippers on Zhou Zeqi’s feet, which were obviously one size too big, and shook his head. “No need. You’re already wearing slippers.”

He led Zhou Zeqi into the bathroom and explained how to use the shower. “Cold water on the left, hot water on the right. I’ve already turned on the ventilation. The body wash is this green bottle, the peppermint one.”

“The shampoo is this white bottle. The one next to it is conditioner.”

Xi Shui pointed from one toiletry bottle to another. After finishing the introduction, he looked up at Zhou Zeqi standing beside him. “Did you remember it?”

Zhou Zeqi held back a laugh. “I remembered it.”

Zhou Zeqi took much less time to shower than Xi Shui had expected. Xi Shui was sitting in the living room outside reading a book, and before he’d even finished two pages, the bathroom door opened. White steamy mist rushed out from inside, and for the first few seconds Xi Shui couldn’t even make out the person coming out.

Zhou Zeqi wasn’t wearing any clothes. More accurately, he was only wearing long pants, and there was nothing on top.

Water droplets rolled down from the muscles of his shoulders and neck, following the sharply defined lines of his body all the way into the waistband of his pants.

A young man’s body was full of vitality, and the raw scent of hormones hit Xi Shui so hard it left him dazed.

At Jingtiji and Jingwu, people often ran around the showers naked. Xi Shui himself had never done that, but he’d seen plenty of it, so he didn’t find it strange. The reason he was stunned was that he’d never seen… this kind of worldliness before.

Noticing that Xi Shui was staring without blinking, Zhou Zeqi bent down, took the undershirt he’d brought in the basin, and pulled it on over his head. Even then, the muscles in his arms were still enough to make someone blush and race with a pounding heart.

Xi Shui looked away and said flatly, “You’ve got a pretty good body.”

Zhou Zeqi wiped the water off his face with a towel, his tone casual. “It’s okay.”

“Xi Shui, to thank you, I’ll treat you to dinner tomorrow. Okay?”

Xi Shui didn’t think long before shaking his head. “I already made plans to eat barbecue with Lin Xiaojin. Next time.”

“You’re not dieting anymore?”

Being exposed like that left Xi Shui mortified.

He used Lin Xiaojin’s unscientific explanation. “Barbecue has no calories.”

Zhou Zeqi didn’t keep teasing him. He was afraid Xi Shui would get angry. He picked up the basin from the floor. “Then next weekend.” His tone left no room for refusal.

He was getting ready to leave.

Xi Shui answered, “Okay,” and watched Zhou Zeqi’s departing back. A standout from the athletics department, broad shoulders and a narrow waist, long legs, trained in sanda, tennis, and other things, plus the strong but not exaggerated beautiful muscles he’d seen with his own eyes, and he was also… also very handsome.

If he kissed Zhou Zeqi, the calories burned would definitely be a lot.

Xi Shui moved before his thoughts could catch up. He rushed to the doorway, grabbed the doorframe, and called out to Zhou Zeqi.

“Zhou Zeqi, do you like guys?”

Zhou Zeqi looked confused, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Yeah. Why?”

“Are you single?”

“Yeah.”

Xi Shui stared straight at Zhou Zeqi, breathing fast, his heartbeat picking up.

Good, very good, Xi Shui was very satisfied.

He was so happy he was about to fly.

Zhou Zeqi waited for Xi Shui to continue, then asked in confusion, “What is it?”

Xi Shui tightened his fingers around the doorframe and said with complete seriousness, “You’ll know in a few days.” He needed to prepare a little first. He wanted Zhou Zeqi to know that he took this very seriously.

——————–

Author's Note:

Old Zhou: He’s fallen in love with me