Bro | Chapter 36

The old district, what a great place. Sure, it was full of crooked little alleyways twisting every which way, but step outside and you were right in the city center, convenient for going anywhere.

That was why there were so many stubborn locals. The holdouts lined themselves up in a “人” shape one moment and a “一” shape the next, making the demolition office roll over a bed of nails for quite a while. They were nearly flayed alive before they finally managed to settle all these people.

The old neighbors all stood to receive a pretty substantial compensation payout.

San Pang’s family and Wei Qian had already talked it over. Egged on by Lao Xiong, they had set their sights on three apartments in a pretty good area. They just happened to be on the same floor, one elevator serving three households. As for the remaining one, the two of them planned to leave it for Ma Zi’s mother. She was disabled, and everything was inconvenient for her. It would be better if someone were close by to look after her.

As for the new place, it had been fully taken over by Lao Xiong’s wife, who had swept the whole thing into her own hands. San Pang’s parents still went over there often, but San Pang and Wei Qian had become complete hands-off bosses, not even bothering to go look.

Lao Xiong’s wife was a rather baffling person. Her temper was like one of those double-bang fireworks that looked ready to blast off to the moon at any moment, fiery to the extreme, especially when it came to Lao Xiong. Whenever the mood struck, she would commit a bit of domestic violence by yanking his ears or twisting his flesh. Of course, Lao Xiong, that henpecked sort, was willing to be hit as long as she was willing to hit. One was willing, the other willing to endure. She was like Wang Xifeng out of Dream of the Red Chamber. Whenever she ran into anything that could show off her competence, she hurried forward without delay, always focused on getting involved and taking responsibility onto herself.

She handled things the same way she lived, clean, brisk, and thorough in every aspect.

One day, Wei Qian happened to pass by and went over for a look. The half-finished place gave him quite a scare. Even a person like him, who could live in a five-star hotel or a pigsty all the same, had to admit that Xiong-saozi’s taste passed the mark.

All signs pointed to the likelihood that Xiong-saozi had received a good education. And yet, a woman like this, whose personality and ability both clearly refused to stay confined to the domestic sphere, had somehow, quite bizarrely, become Lao Xiong’s full-time housewife. To be honest, there really was not much in Lao Xiong’s household to be a full-time wife for. Neither side’s elders required any effort from them, the housework was hired out, and the couple had been married for ten years without children. Spending all day at home, who knows what Mrs. Xiong even did. She had to be bored out of her skull.

San Pang had once been curious about why she did not work and did not want children, but Wei Qian had shut him down in irritation. Ever since he was young, Wei Qian had never had any patience for prying into the chicken feathers and garlic skins of other people’s family business.

Everything was going smoothly on Xiong-saozi’s side, but things were not going too smoothly for Wei Qian and the others.

That day San Pang came running over to Wei Qian’s place. Wei Qian, unusually enough, had also come home early and had not gone anywhere. The two of them were mainly there to figure out what to do about Ma Zi’s mother.

Over these past few years, the two of them had gone through hard days. Later, after following Lao Xiong around, they really had gone here and there and saved up a bit of money. But from beginning to end, they had still kept the promise they had made for the dead to hear.

Ma Zi’s mother had never lacked food or clothing. There was always someone looking after her, and every holiday or festival, San Pang and Wei Qian would take turns bringing her to their own homes.

But no matter how close an adopted godson was, he was still not a real son.

For six or seven years now, her ugly son Ma Zi had not come home to take a single look. Aside from sending money home, there were only the occasional letters he mailed back. The handwriting was clumsy and laughable, all crooked and slanted, and the contents were only a few scattered words and phrases. Every time Wei Qian read them aloud to her, she always felt that before she had time to savor them, they were already over.

But forging letters had become harder and harder to keep up. In the past few years, with mobile phones becoming common and communication becoming easier, Ma Zi’s mother would sometimes wonder, since her son was out there doing business and sending her so much money every time, why had he not installed a phone for himself?

Every time she nagged Wei Qian and the others about it, it made those two boys break out in a cold sweat all down their backs.

Fortunately, lately she had stopped bringing it up.

Now the old house was about to be demolished, and just as expected, Ma Zi’s mother was unwilling to leave. Even though the two of them had taken turns praising the new home to the skies, she still could not bear to go. Ma Zi’s mother said she was afraid that after she moved away, her son would come back and be unable to find home.

When Wei Zhiyuan pushed open the door, he found San Pang and Wei Qian standing by the window, one cigarette between each pair of fingers, each leaning against one side of the window, both staring in the direction of the big scholar tree, locked in a competition of silence.

Caught off guard by the sight of Wei Qian, Wei Zhiyuan hesitated at the door for a moment. “San-ge… Ge, why are you back?”

His shout broke the silence. Only then did San Pang stir. He turned back and looked up at the big young fellow, then said painfully, “Qian’er, what have you been feeding our little brother? How did he grow into a great big roof beam?”

Wei Qian was in a foul mood. He casually crushed out his cigarette on the windowsill. “A roof beam is still better than you growing into a giant door plank. You… sigh, forget it. I’ll go talk to her again.”

With that, he quickly went downstairs. Ma Zi’s mother was sitting beneath the big scholar tree enjoying the evening cool. Her face was still uneven and pitted. She was only middle-aged, but her eyeballs had already grown cloudy, taking on that heavy, fading dusk-like air old people carried.

When she saw him coming, Ma Zi’s mother lifted her head and smiled at him. “Qian’er.”

“Auntie.” Wei Qian walked over, hitched up his trouser legs, and squatted down beside her, all the while turning over his wording in his heart. He really had run out of things to say. Anything he could think of had already been said. If he kept talking, it would just become the same old wheel-ruts of repeated nonsense.

Wei Qian was honestly a little on the verge of collapse. Every day he was so busy his feet barely touched the ground. He had only stolen one hurried glance at his own new home before no longer being able to spare the time, and yet all day long he still had to keep his spirits up and come here to go back and forth with Ma Zi’s mother.

If it had been anyone else, he would already have exploded in impatience. But Ma Zi’s mother… Wei Qian squatted there feeling terribly aggrieved, gave a bitter smile, and could only pinch his nose and endure it.

A little gloomily, he said to Ma Zi’s mother, “I really don’t get it. What is there to live for in this godforsaken place of ours? Isn’t the new place better than this in every way?”

Ma Zi’s mother slowly lowered her eyes and looked at him gently.

Wei Qian went on, “I think you’re worrying too much. Ma Zi is already such a grown man, he’s not some little brat of three or five anymore. Even if he really can’t find the house when he comes back, can’t he ask somebody for directions? I…”

Ma Zi’s mother suddenly asked, “Has Auntie been causing trouble for you and San?”

More than trouble, it was a terrible nuisance. An absolute nightmare. Wei Qian grumbled in his heart. He had rushed back specially for this and, before dinner, still had to clean himself up into proper shape to follow Lao Xiong around as a tagalong, catching the night train to go see some out-of-town project.

One breath lodged in Wei Qian’s throat. Bitter gall nearly churned up from his stomach. But in the end he still forced out a stiff smile. “No… how could that be?”

Ma Zi’s mother looked at him for a while, then, unexpectedly, gave way. She said, “Then… then how about we let it go. Auntie really wasn’t trying to make trouble for you boys. I’m getting old. I’ve lived here for most of my life. Suddenly telling me to move, my reaction got a bit stubborn. I just couldn’t turn the bend right away.”

Wei Qian heard the hidden loosening in her tone and was almost beside himself with joy. He had never expected that after going over it again and again, he really could move heaven and earth and make this old mule of a woman relent. He hurriedly struck while the iron was hot and asked, “Auntie, then does that mean you’re willing to move?”

Ma Zi’s mother avoided his eyes and lowered her head. Only after quite a while did she give a small nod. “Then let’s move.”

Wei Qian felt a great weight lift off him at once and hurried to his feet. “Alright! Then no problem. Tomorrow I’ll have my San-ge take you to sign the contract and collect the compensation, alright? Oh my dear auntie, you’ve finally nodded. Otherwise I really was about to kneel to you.”

Ma Zi’s mother said, “Since we’ll be leaving after this, I want to have another look at the old neighbors. Can you push me around for a bit?”

She only had one arm she could put strength into. Sitting in her wheelchair, she could barely push herself out of the yard, but a longer distance would not do.

Without a second word, Wei Qian dropped to one knee. “Push you? I’ll carry you on my back.”

He carried Ma Zi’s mother on his back as he slowly walked through every filthy, cramped, rundown little alley. It was still bustling and noisy, still full of little brats tearing around everywhere. It was just that the little brats of the previous generation had grown up, and the ones now running around downstairs had become a new batch. There were still bicycles parked every which way, illegal sunshades everywhere, little convenience shops run out of people’s converted balconies. And still there was that old scholar tree that, every summer, endlessly dropped those green “hanging ghosts.”

As he walked, Wei Qian kept talking to cheer Ma Zi’s mother up. He talked about how he and Ma Zi had once joined forces to beat up San Pang at some intersection back then, and later how the three of them had laughed it off and let bygones be bygones. He talked about where their old youtiao stall had originally been set up… Then suddenly, a drop of icy liquid landed on Wei Qian’s neck, making him stop short.

After that, tears fell one after another onto Wei Qian’s neck and face, and from behind him came the suppressed, hoarse sound of sobbing.

Wei Qian’s steps faltered. In that moment, all he wanted was to give himself a resounding slap across the face.

The lie the two of them had spent six or seven years weaving, full of holes from beginning to end, after countless close calls, had finally still been pierced through.

The first time he heard Ma Zi’s mother say something like that, he should have realized it.

How could the living ever fail to find their way home?

Wei Zhiyuan had been watching the whole time from the window.

He saw Ma Zi’s mother’s face, covered in scars. Once she started crying, the scars flushed a vivid red and looked even more frightening. When his big brother was not at home, Wei Zhiyuan had brought her meals before. Every time he went over, she would earnestly grab a handful of candy or little snacks and stuff them into his pocket, even though he was no longer little.

What Wei Zhiyuan always felt from her was a kind of numb resignation and an almost humble, self-lowering eagerness to please, as though even keeping him there for five more minutes, even saying a few extra words, would be good enough.

He had never seen Ma Zi’s mother cry like this before.

And when her tears landed on Wei Qian’s face, it was as though he himself were crying too.

But Wei Zhiyuan knew his big brother would not cry. From his big brother’s clenched jaw and deep-set gaze, he saw a kind of restraint that cut into the heart like knives.

Wei Zhiyuan did not know why, but the moment he saw that side of Wei Qian’s face, it was as if the hot blood in his chest suddenly began to flow backward, warm and heated as it coursed through his entire chest, soaking his heart until it was almost soft.

For three years now, every time he got close to big brother, Wei Zhiyuan would feel that nauseating, agitated stickiness all over himself, something he could never quite shake off. Yet in this fleeting moment, that sticky feeling miraculously dissipated. He kept staring as Wei Qian gently put the sobbing Ma Zi’s mother back into her wheelchair and pushed her into Ma Zi’s small courtyard, until they disappeared from sight.

In that instant, Wei Zhiyuan felt strangely bereft. All this time he had been trying to imitate big brother, surpass big brother, using that to lessen the nervousness he felt whenever he got close to him. He had also never much looked forward to big brother coming home, because that person was always dangling before his eyes and disturbing the rare calm he managed to maintain. Yet at this moment, something close to longing suddenly rose in Wei Zhiyuan’s heart. Even though Wei Qian had just been right there in front of him, he urgently wanted to speak a few words with big brother in peace, wanted to let himself move a little closer to big brother and listen to what he was thinking.

The blazing karmic fire that had always roared in his chest seemed to suddenly shed its tyranny and arrogance, weakening, slowing, turning into a warmly glowing little flame that spread into a kind of hidden, winding, layered feeling.

Wei Qian came back very quickly. Throwing himself backward, he let his whole body fall onto the bed and first gave a heavy sigh.

A moment later, there was movement beside him. Wei Zhiyuan sat down at his side.

Wei Zhiyuan casually took the small knife and apple from the table, carefully peeled the apple, and handed it to Wei Qian. “Ge, why are you so good to Youtiao Auntie? She’s not even your real mom.”

Wei Qian took it, and the corner of his mouth twitched. “Why are there so many whys? There’s no why.”

Wei Zhiyuan said, “How can there be no why?”

Wei Qian paused. “Your Ma Zi-ge… do you still remember your Ma Zi-ge?”

Wei Zhiyuan nodded.

The apple was not big. Wei Qian took one bite and ate nearly half of it, puffing out one cheek in a huge bulge. But he was currently growing a wisdom tooth, so chewing was awkward. It took him quite a while to swallow, and then he said to Wei Zhiyuan, “Back then, if the one who’d died had been me, your Ma Zi-ge would have sold pots and pans if he had to, but he still would have raised you and Xiao Bao.”

One of Wei Zhiyuan’s long legs bent and rested against the side of the bed. Quietly, he lowered his head and carefully studied Wei Qian’s brows and eyes. From them he sensed a trace of something unusual, enough that he almost wanted to reach out and touch him.

The boy thought to himself, then why are you so good to me too? I’m not your real younger brother either.

But he did not ask it. The question turned once inside him, then finally dissolved through his limbs and bones.

Wei Qian suddenly seemed to remember something. He rolled over and sat up on the bed, clamped the apple between his teeth to free his hands, pulled over a bag, and beckoned to Wei Zhiyuan. “Come.”

As he said it, he glanced toward the little room again. “Xiao Bao isn’t home, right?”

Wei Zhiyuan said, “Her school dance team is practicing.”

“What kind of nonsense is a dance team… she can’t put that bit of thought into something proper.” Wei Qian frowned. Clearly, just hearing the name of that group made him dissatisfied. But he quickly tossed the matter aside and handed the bag to Wei Zhiyuan. “Open it and take a look.”

It was a laptop bag. Wei Zhiyuan had already recognized that. He hesitated, then glanced at Wei Qian and carefully opened it. Inside was a brand-new laptop.

Wei Qian sat in the chair with one leg crossed over the other and lectured, “Weren’t you entering that computer competition? Your teacher even called me yesterday and said you’re always running to the school computer room, which is especially inconvenient. Why didn’t you say anything to me? From now on, if you’re missing anything, just tell me straight. What do you think I’m earning money for?”

Wei Zhiyuan smiled. Like a real child, he lowered his head a little bashfully, and his fingertips brushed over the shiny lid of the laptop as though it were something precious.

Wei Qian lowered his head to look at his watch. “Oh no, that won’t do, I have to go. Don’t let Xiao Bao play with it. Better yet, don’t let her see it either. She’s already frivolous enough, fooling around with things and neglecting what matters. You hear me?”

Wei Zhiyuan said, “Thanks, Ge.”

That day, Wei Zhiyuan stood there and watched Wei Qian all the way as he gathered his carry-on things. He did not forget to casually grab a book as well. Then he strode to the street corner, hailed a taxi, and left.

The boy stood there savoring the feelings he had just had, seeming to want to sort out a reason for them, to understand them properly. But very quickly he gave up.

If it had not come for no reason at all, how could it count as the sudden leap of a heartbeat?

By the end of the solar year, while Wei Qian was being tormented by both his thesis proposal and an unresolved project on Lao Xiong’s side, they all moved into the new home together, and Wei Zhiyuan finally had a room of his own.

The first time Grandma Song pushed open the door and went inside, she was practically Granny Liu entering the Grand View Garden. In her whole life she had never lived in such a beautiful house, and she was so restrained she did not know where to put her hands or feet.

Grandma Song seemed split in two. One moment, as if sleepwalking, she asked, “Is this our home? Are we really living here from now on?”

The next moment she would glare and curse Wei Qian. “That little bastard’s money is burning a hole clean through him, that’s what I think! He’s only been eating his fill for a few days and already his tail’s sticking up into the sky! How much money did this cost, this wasteful little bastard who’s shortening his own life? Why didn’t he just buy a princely mansion while he was at it? He’s only just earned a few melons and two dates, tsk tsk, and already there’s no room in the world of the living for him!”

This time, the three siblings all tacitly ignored her cheerful stream of abuse together.

On the one hand, it was to celebrate the housewarming. On the other hand, it was also to thank Xiong-saozi for all the effort she had put in. So San Pang and Wei Qian’s two families combined and treated Lao Xiong and his wife to a meal. Only halfway through eating did they find out that the day happened to be Xiong-saozi’s birthday.

So that evening, San Pang and Wei Qian accompanied Xiong-saozi to celebrate her birthday as well. One phone call from her summoned a whole crowd of young people, and the group booked a private room at a nearby club.

Most of the people Xiong-saozi had called over were young women, and not just ordinary young women at that. These girls all had a spirit about them that was different from other people. Whether they were stunningly beautiful or only average-looking, each one carried a kind of artistic aura that was hard to describe, especially pleasing to the eye. San Pang, that embarrassment of a fatty, stared until his eyes practically went straight.

Lao Xiong was terribly henpecked. With a whole crowd of beauties before his eyes, he did not even dare raise his head. He sat off to one side with his eyes on his nose and his nose on his mouth, meditating like a monk.

San Pang said, “Good lord, where does saozi know so many great beauties from?”

Lao Xiong lowered his voice and told them, “Your saozi used to be in an art troupe. These are all girls she used to guide.”

“Used to”? Lao Xiong did not say why she no longer was, and Wei Qian did not ask. His gaze, however, involuntarily landed on one of the girls.

She… that girl was beautiful in a way that seemed to shine. And that beauty was not the cuteness of a girl, nor the intelligence and purity of a female student. It was a pure, unadulterated kind of female beauty.

Some girls made people think of the girl next door. Some made people think of some little animal. Some made people think of a certain style of painting. But this girl did not make people think of anything at all. When she stood there, all she did was make people feel, clearly and unmistakably, this is a woman.

Xiong-saozi’s eyes were sharp as needles. One glance and she noticed. Secretly, she jabbed Lao Xiong with her elbow. “Hey, look.”

Lao Xiong thought the organization was testing him and hurriedly declared his position in fear and trembling. “I’m not looking.”

Xiong-saozi pinched him. “I’m telling you to look at Xiao Wei. Have you noticed or not, ever since Tingting came in, Xiao Wei hasn’t even swept his eyes over anyone else. Hey, hey, I’m asking you, he doesn’t have anyone, right?”

Lao Xiong was so troubled that he sighed and groaned to his wife, “Why are you suddenly obsessed with matchmaking again, my dear lady?”

“Building merit, building merit, don’t you understand?” Xiong-saozi said. Then she raised her voice and called to the girl, “Tingting, come here. Big Sis is introducing you to someone!”

Tingting answered and stood up from among the girls, then walked over.

Only then did San Pang snap out of the dazzling crowd of beauties. The moment he got a clear look at Tingting, he first froze, then his eyes widened and he immediately spoke up to stop it. “Saozi, don’t…”

But Xiong-saozi was already speaking in her usual quick way as she pulled Wei Qian over. “This is someone who used to work with me, her name’s Tingting. This is Xiao Wei, Wei Qian, brought here by your brother-in-law. Jie’s telling you, Tingting, this young man is really something, a talented young elite. He’s even from a prestigious university, and handsome too, right? You young people should get to know each other more…”

Wei Qian suddenly jerked his hand back. Xiong-saozi lifted her head, not understanding why, only to find that his whole face had gone white.

Tingting greeted him in a friendly way. “Hello.”

But Wei Qian looked as if he had seen a ghost. He steadied himself, barely preserving his composure, and forced a smile at Tingting. Then he quickly apologized and said, “Saozi, I think I drank a little too much today. My stomach’s not feeling too well. I need to go outside and sober up.”

Then he turned and fled as if escaping for his life.

San Pang cried, “Oh no,” and immediately chased after him.

Wei Qian charged all the way to the bathroom, locked the stall door behind him with one hand, and clung to the toilet as he vomited until it felt like the seas were turning over and the rivers were churning.

San Pang hurriedly knocked outside the door. “Qian’er? Qian’er, are you alright?”

Wei Qian did not answer. He threw up everything there was to throw up, and by the end he was nearly drained of all strength. Only then did he slowly slide down the wall and sit on the floor.

San Pang heard his voice come out low and weak from inside. “I’m fine, San-ge. Let me rest by myself for a bit.”

San Pang drew his hand back and did not dare make a sound. Quietly, he waited outside the stall.

Wei Qian braced his elbows on his knees and lifted his head, staring without blinking at the glaring white light overhead. He felt empty and sad.

He did not know Tingting, and he had never seen her anywhere before. Yet the instant she walked in, Wei Qian had felt struck.

He had not had time to react to where that sense of familiarity around her came from. He had only instinctively been drawn to her. In all his life, from body to mind, Wei Qian had never before felt such intense interest in a woman.

At that moment, Wei Qian suddenly discovered that he was only attracted to one type of woman. Before he could even figure out what kind of type this girl belonged to, Xiong-saozi had already taken it upon herself to call her right in front of him.

And when she came closer, the faint floral fragrance on her body surged toward him like an undercurrent, and then she pressed her lips together in a smile, Wei Qian found his own feelings almost impossible to describe.

Face-to-face, he understood where that sense of familiarity around her came from.

That pure female aura of hers, untouched by conduct, gestures, or even beauty and ugliness of appearance, was startlingly like his mother, who had died ten years earlier.

The surging hormones in his young body had not yet had time to cool, but Wei Qian’s heart had already been dragged into an icy abyss. He did not want to remember at all how imperfectly he had handled things, how he had somehow endured all the way to the bathroom before finally throwing up.

He had brushed against the floating nightmare that had haunted his whole life, and no matter what, he had no idea how to face it.

That day, Wei Qian could not remember how he got home. He was not drunk, only tired, tired enough that after opening the door and getting back, before he even had time to return to his room, he collapsed onto the sofa. He did not want to think through anything. He just dropped his head and wanted to sleep.

A moment later, the bedroom door behind him opened with a creak, and Wei Zhiyuan walked out.

“Ge?” Kneeling beside the sofa, he gently pushed Wei Qian once.