ETR | Chapter 47

After returning to the courtyard, Xiao Xueman chatted with Shen Guan about a few other things. While he recalled everything with his usual calm and composed expression, it was clear that the one truly feeling the pain… was the person listening.

“I was taken by the Tian Shu Institute when I was very young,” Xiao Xueman said, his tone flat. “Because I was particularly useful, they kept me around as a long-term ‘pill’. In the beginning, I didn’t even know that’s what I was being used for. Yuan Shu was always a good liar. It wasn’t until much later that I gradually figured it out. Escaping from there… wasn’t easy either.”

“Ever since that incident, I’ve hated people trying to control me,” he added. “Whether it’s in the name of cultivation or in the name of love, it’s the same. No one gets to control me—no one.”

“As for Qin Lou…” Just saying his name made him sigh, long and heavy. “I never told him about my past. I knew he was unstable back then. I also knew that love in this world is selfish. All those petty tempers and little jealousies he had before—I tolerated them. But this line, this one thing… only Qin Lou, he couldn’t cross it.”

Thinking back on it all, Xiao Xueman felt utterly drained. But saying it out loud to Shen Guan lifted a bit of the weight off his chest.

“I’m tired,” he murmured, almost to himself. “Really tired.”

Xiao Xueman had never once doubted that Qin Lou loved him. He did. He still did. He’d always shown it clearly—Xiao Xueman could see it.

And to be fair, it hadn’t always been one-sided. Qin Lou had done a lot for him. His Spirit God Tier 9 wasn’t earned by luck. The achievements of Wangtian Immortal Sect didn’t fall from the sky. Countless times, Qin Lou had held on through life-and-death moments because of Xiao Xueman—he saw it all.

Their love had been built through mutual effort. Xiao Xueman, because of his past, had always found it hard to fall for anyone. But he had been moved by Qin Lou—the man who once had only him in his eyes. They had shared happiness, and joyful memories. Even when their conflicts exploded later on, Xiao Xueman’s feelings weren’t just anger or disappointment. What he felt most deeply… was that they simply weren’t right for each other.

They loved in different ways. Once they were truly together, the issues naturally started surfacing more and more.

Qin Lou’s love was too full of intense possessiveness. Xiao Xueman, understanding what Qin Lou had gone through, was willing to tolerate some of his childish behavior as long as it wasn’t harmful. But over time, Qin Lou didn’t ease up—he only grew more extreme. Even when he crossed the line, he didn’t realize it.

Love can slowly grow through years of companionship. But disappointment? Just once… and there’s no turning back.

“…Let’s leave it at that,” Xiao Xueman sighed. “I was supposed to leave once I found Xiao Wan. I knew it—if I stayed here too long, all these buried things would surface again. It’s inevitable.”

First Heaven was truly not a good place to stay.

Shen Guan sighed inwardly as well and then shared the results of their investigation. Every known Spirit God Tier had been checked. Aside from the Fox Clan patriarch, none of the others showed signs of rapid advancement.

“The cultivation method doesn’t seem to have spread. That tome was destroyed too,” Shen Guan said. “It’s manageable, all things considered. Snowman, since you’ve already decided to leave, then go. Don’t keep letting this wear you down.”

“And you?”

Shen Guan sighed again. “I can’t go with you this time.”

Xiao Wan didn’t know what was going on outside. After finishing cultivation, he went looking for his daddy, only to find out that Uncle Shen wouldn’t be coming with them.

“You really won’t come?” Xiao Xueman asked softly. “You’ve already done enough. It wasn’t your fault—you don’t have to take the fall.”

Xiao Wan had grown attached to Uncle Shen after spending so much time together. Now that he was leaving, the little guy was clearly reluctant, his eyes shiny with tears.

“What you said makes sense… but I really can’t ignore it,” Shen Guan said. “Let me hold out a bit longer. Once things settle, once the Fox Clan is on the right track again, then I’ll leave.”

The situation was complicated. Aside from his lingering sense of responsibility to the Fox Clan, there also needed to be some explanation to the demon clans. Shen Guan had told a half-truth to patch things up—now he had to stand by it. He couldn’t let the delicate balance between spirit cultivators and demon clans be shattered over this. At least his return could ease some tension.

He gently patted Xiao Wan’s head, paused, then said, “You might not understand, Xiao Wan, because you’re still young.”

“When you live as long as we do, you start racking up debts. You won’t even know when or how you got them, but you’ll feel them—responsibility to your people… or guilt toward certain people… they’re all debts.” He glanced at Xiao Xueman. “And once you start paying them back, your heart feels a bit lighter.”

Xiao Wan seemed to understand a little, but not fully. He thought for a while, then asked quietly, “Then… daddy staying here even though he doesn’t like it… is that a debt too?”

Shen Guan shook his head.

“Your daddy’s different,” he said. “He’s the only one among us who’s still completely clean—no debts to repay. I just hope he never gets dragged down by the past again.”

Of course, Xiao Xueman’s departure wouldn’t stay secret for long. Lin Yuan and the others found out soon enough.

No matter what they did, they couldn’t keep him.

But unlike Qin Lou—who was so terrified of losing him again that he didn’t dare do anything that might upset him—Lin Yuan and the others didn’t carry as much baggage. Xiao Xueman didn’t hold any hard feelings toward them either. Though quiet, he’d at least show up now and then—which, for them, was already a blessing.

Now that he was really leaving, Lin Yuan was completely unwilling to accept it.

But no matter how much she hated it, she didn’t dare confront him directly. Xiao Xueman had already been displeased about the way she used Nan An’s health to delay him. Even if her concerns were real, deliberately using them to stall him was another matter.

So tonight, she drank with Su Mingming, and both of them ended up red-eyed and tipsy, full of grievances.

Sometimes, when Lin Yuan saw how Xiao Xueman cared for Xiao Wan, it reminded her of how he used to care for them—so meticulous, so attentive. But Xiao Wan was his own child, so of course the bond was different.

Lin Yuan wasn’t jealous of Xiao Wan, not really—but compared to how things were now, she still felt bitter.

By the end of the drinking session, they were practically crying into each other’s arms.

“Xiao Xueman… Xiao Xueman,” Lin Yuan mumbled, sounding like a heartbroken kid, “he has a son now, so he doesn’t want us anymore…”

Su Mingming was sobbing too, hiccupping, “He even refused the spirit instrument I made for Xiao Wan… said he didn’t want anything from Wangtian Immortal Sect. But it was crafted by Jiang Yan! With our relationship… can’t I even give a gift?”

Lin Yuan had been a sect leader for years. Usually cold and aloof, nobody dared cross her inside or outside the sect. Su Mingming too—despite being more lively—was decisive and had her own authority. If anyone saw them like this, they wouldn’t believe their eyes.

Maybe it was precisely because no one was watching… that they finally let themselves be a little unguarded.

No matter how much they had grown, in front of the man who raised them, they were still just kids.

At some point, Lin Yuan got really drunk. She swayed to her feet, pushed Su Mingming’s head aside, and muttered, “No, I’m going to stop him.”

“What—what are you doing?”

Su Mingming watched her stumble out and immediately sensed this wasn’t going to end well. She shook her head hard to wake up and rushed after her.

But Lin Yuan, even with all her progress in the past century, was no match for Xiao Xueman.

Soon after running out, Su Mingming saw Lin Yuan drop straight out of the sky, as if tugged down by some invisible force, landing on her butt.

As she got closer, she saw Qin Lou standing there.

“If you’re drunk, then go rest,” Qin Lou said flatly. “Don’t go bothering Xueman.”

Lin Yuan was impulsive, sure—but Qin Lou had even less right to say that.

Su Mingming, still simmering, snapped, “You’re the last one who should be going to see Xueman. If not for you, maybe he would have…”

…stayed.

She didn’t finish the sentence. Saying that out loud here would be stepping out of line. Su Mingming didn’t want to stir up more trouble, so she just bowed her head and helped Lin Yuan up.

Qin Lou was quiet for a moment, then said, “Even without me, he wouldn’t have stayed. There’s nothing here he wants. First Heaven disgusts him. As for the two of us… I’ll take care of it. But you don’t need to pressure him to stay either. The thing Xueman hates most… is being forced. He didn’t even come here by choice. So now that he wants to leave—of course he should.”

Whether he was saying it to them or to himself… even he wasn’t sure.

That night, Qin Lou pulled himself together and went to the treehouse.

Xiao Wan had already been coaxed to sleep by Xiao Xueman. Shen Guan was still preoccupied with Fox Clan matters. When Xiao Xueman heard the movement outside, he hesitated for a moment… but eventually stepped out.

Their eyes met—both silent.

It was Qin Lou who spoke first. “We kept the Fox Clan matter from you because we didn’t want it to drag you back in. I didn’t want you to think I was using it as an excuse to keep you here… or that I was digging up the past just to hurt you again.”

After a pause, he continued, “You once said the number one sect should shoulder some responsibility. I originally just wanted to clean this up quietly, without troubling you. I didn’t expect you’d still find out.”

He gave a bitter smile. “Lately, I haven’t known how to act around you. If I’ve made you uncomfortable… I’m sorry.”

Too afraid of losing. No matter what he did, it felt wrong. Say too much—he’d seem clingy. Say too little—he’d seem cold.

“I know you’re leaving,” Qin Lou said. “I came to tell you I won’t try to stop you. I never planned to. I’ll take care of Wangtian Immortal Sect. You don’t need to worry. At the very least, I won’t let Ning Ling or the Fox Clan’s mess flare up again.”

Xiao Xueman listened in silence.

Shen Guan had already told him how quickly and cleanly Qin Lou had handled things. There was no flaw in his execution—he’d been swift and decisive.

What stirred Xiao Xueman’s heart wasn’t that they hid it from him—it was just that all these buried memories were suddenly being dragged up again, making it impossible to stay calm.

But there was something Shen Guan didn’t know—something Qin Lou had hidden.

His hatred for Yuan Shu’s twisted cultivation method wasn’t just on Xiao Xueman’s behalf—it was also personal.

He was born with a seal in his body, suffered countless abuses in the Sixteenth Heaven. That seal… came from the same origin.

Xiao Xueman had known all this when he went to find him back then. He’d thought of telling Qin Lou everything… but seeing what state he was in, he just couldn’t bring himself to.

That boy had suffered enough—why burden him even more?

He had once hoped that Qin Lou’s drive to climb upward came from his own will—not, like him, from hatred.

Because bearing hatred… was a heavy thing. Xiao Xueman knew that all too well.

But now, looking back, maybe it would’ve been better if everything had been clear from the start. Still, hindsight was always clearer. When you’re trapped in the middle of it all, it’s impossible to stay completely rational.

“…Let’s leave it at that,” Xiao Xueman sighed. “I killed the Fox Clan patriarch, and luckily he didn’t have time to spread anything. That’s enough.”

“As for us…”

He paused, then finished, “Let’s just… not see each other again.”

And with that, he turned and left.

Qin Lou stood there, stunned. The words on the tip of his tongue—all swallowed back down.

Maybe Xiao Xueman… no longer had the heart to hear anything about him.