E ⋆ Chapter 38

Yang Ke didn’t want to stop, but he did.

Yu Zhinian leaned back against the seat, and Yang Ke noticed that Yu Zhinian’s fingers were bare. He pulled back slightly from Yu Zhinian. Yu Zhinian opened his eyes and looked at him, not with wild joy, but with more confusion and some evasion. His lips moved, hesitating as if he wanted to speak.

“What’s wrong?” Yang Ke reached out and took Yu Zhinian’s left hand.

Yu Zhinian’s hand was soft, without much strength. He looked down at their interlaced hands as if in a daze, but he didn’t pull away, so Yang Ke took the opportunity to ask him, “Can you come home with me tonight?”

Yu Zhinian looked up and met Yang Ke’s eyes. His gaze was still very uncertain. After thinking for a moment, he said, “Can I think about it a bit more?”

“I want to go back to the apartment first,” he added.

Yang Ke didn’t pressure him. He said “okay” and started the car. After driving for a while, Yang Ke asked him, “Do you want to go home and get some clothes?”

“No need,” Yu Zhinian refused. “There are some old sets at home.”

Parked downstairs from Yu Zhinian’s apartment building, Yu Zhinian thanked Yang Ke.

He looked somewhat frail, not much different in appearance from his high school days. Yang Ke felt that over these years, Yu Zhinian seemed to have changed in nothing but age and education.

Only Yang Ke, after speaking those words aloud, grew increasingly regretful about the time he had carelessly lost due to his own arrogance and pride.

“Yu Zhinian,” Yang Ke couldn’t help but ask, “what do you need to think about?”

Yu Zhinian had just unfastened his seatbelt. At the question, he turned his face to look at Yang Ke, confusion and hesitation in his eyes. “I don’t know.”

“It seems…” he paused, then said, “I don’t quite dare.”

“Yang Ke,” he said, “I’m going up now.”

Yang Ke hummed in acknowledgment, and before Yu Zhinian could open the door and leave, he still couldn’t help himself. He pulled at Yu Zhinian’s wrist and said to him, “You can think about everything else, but don’t take off the ring for now.”

Yu Zhinian’s expression became worried. Yang Ke didn’t press him further.

After going upstairs, Yu Zhinian turned on the light, walked to the dining table, and looked at the ring he had placed in a small enamel dish.

He picked up the ring and looked at it for a long time, then put it back down and went to shower first.

Warm water poured down from the showerhead above, streaming over Yu Zhinian’s hair and face, making him recall how Yang Ke had touched him in the car, and also think of the things Yang Ke had said that he never thought he would hear.

If he said he didn’t like Yang Ke anymore, that he felt no stirring in his heart at all, that would certainly be a lie. But he also seemed unable to immediately accept it all as a matter of course.

Yu Zhinian felt that he had already become a person without confidence, finding it hard to generate anticipation or excitement, doubting everything.

He was very clear about it: his indecisiveness seemed affected, and he should be a sunny person to be liked. But it seemed he truly couldn’t manage that right away.

When it came down to it, Yu Zhinian still felt it was all illusory, suspecting that Yang Ke’s understanding of what it meant to like someone was somehow mistaken.

If he accepted once more, if he hoped once more, and then Yang Ke found true love elsewhere, suddenly discovering that what he felt for Yu Zhinian was only habit while what he felt for someone else was real love, then Yu Zhinian’s feelings would come to nothing again. He felt he probably couldn’t bear such a blow.

After showering and coming out, Yu Zhinian saw two missed calls from Yang Ke on his phone. He called back, and Yang Ke answered quickly.

“The housekeeper organized some clothes for you, and some books,” Yang Ke said.

Yu Zhinian hadn’t said anything yet when Yang Ke asked him, “When are you going to Sanwen?”

“Next week,” Yu Zhinian said.

“I got your suitcase too,” Yang Ke continued. “I’ve already left.”

Yu Zhinian could only say okay.

After twenty minutes, without the apartment manager calling up to Yu Zhinian’s unit first, his door was knocked on.

Yu Zhinian walked over and opened the door. After the driver brought all the things inside, he left.

Yang Ke also walked in and looked around Yu Zhinian’s apartment.

“Thank you,” Yu Zhinian said to him. He saw Yang Ke walk to the side of the dining table and also noticed the ring Yu Zhinian had placed in the dish.

But Yang Ke didn’t ask Yu Zhinian to put it on again. He just glanced at it once, then turned back to Yu Zhinian and said, “This apartment is quite nice.”

“I bought one too,” Yang Ke told him.

Yu Zhinian didn’t know what to say. He felt that Yang Ke was really quite willful in how he did things, and the feeling that Yang Ke was probably just trying to hold on out of habit deepened somewhat.

“On this same floor,” Yang Ke continued. “After I send my dad off tomorrow, I’m planning to move in. It’s a bit closer to my company too.”

“It’s not closer,” Yu Zhinian said, a bit helpless. “Your company is in the north.”

“The traffic is better,” he said with conviction and certainty. Yu Zhinian didn’t argue with him anymore.

Yang Ke lingered stubbornly in Yu Zhinian’s home for a few more minutes before leaving.

Yu Zhinian closed the door and let out a breath. He organized the suitcase and books the driver had brought. It was getting late, and he wanted to read some papers before sleeping, but somehow he couldn’t seem to concentrate.

His mind kept being filled with Yang Ke’s closeness and those inexplicable actions. In the end, he escaped by turning off the light and closing his eyes to sleep.

The next day, Yu Zhinian spent the whole day at school running project applications. While eating in the cafeteria, he booked a flight for the following Wednesday. He returned home exhausted and discovered that the apartment two doors down from his had someone moving things in and out.

He didn’t see Yang Ke. He went into his own home, turned on the television to a channel he usually watched, and lay on the sofa to zone out and rest.

Shao Xilin was full of admiration for Yu Zhinian’s decision to go do an independent project. From time to time he sent messages asking Yu Zhinian about the details of relevant matters, asking him to share more of his experiences and pass on his knowledge.

Yu Zhinian was chatting with him when suddenly he heard someone knock on the door.

Yu Zhinian thought it was probably Yang Ke. He walked over to open the door with a bit of reluctance and nervousness. It really was Yang Ke standing outside. Yang Ke was carrying a very large restaurant bag and said, “My place still isn’t organized. Can I borrow your dining table to eat?”

Yu Zhinian couldn’t refuse, so he let him in.

Yang Ke looked like he had just gotten off work. He hung his coat on the back of a dining chair, unfastened his cufflinks, and rolled his sleeves up, exposing his arms. He simply took the takeout containers out of the bag as if he were about to do some heavy labor.

Yu Zhinian walked over and helped him open a few containers. Yang Ke asked, “Do you want to eat together?”

“I’ve already eaten,” Yu Zhinian said.

Yang Ke didn’t say much more and sat down to eat.

He ate in a very refined manner. Yu Zhinian sat across from him, watching and daydreaming.

After Yang Ke had been eating for a while, Yu Zhinian asked him, “You’re not working overtime today?”

“I’ll work after I get home,” Yang Ke said. “Did you book your return flight?”

Yu Zhinian said Wednesday, and Yang Ke said, “I’ll take you then.”

Before yesterday, Yu Zhinian would have had a hard time imagining that he would sit peacefully with Yang Ke like this, casually chatting about their current lives.

Yang Ke asked Yu Zhinian about the project arrangements, and Yu Zhinian answered one by one. Yang Ke wasn’t the type who was good at small talk. The conversation between them wasn’t heated, but it wasn’t awkward either.

It was just that Yu Zhinian noticed Yang Ke kept looking at the small dish on his dining table where the ring was placed. His gaze was too obvious. Yu Zhinian reminded himself inwardly that after Yang Ke left, he should put the ring away and keep it safe.

The day Yu Zhinian left He City, it rained in He City again.

Before eight in the morning, Yang Ke came knocking on Yu Zhinian’s door carrying breakfast. Yu Zhinian was still brushing his teeth and went to open the door for Yang Ke with the electric toothbrush in his mouth.

After finishing his morning routine and coming out, Yang Ke had already set out the breakfast.

Yu Zhinian’s flight was at eleven. After eating, Yang Ke drove himself and took Yu Zhinian to the airport.

He opened the trunk and took out the luggage. Yu Zhinian reached to take it, but Yang Ke didn’t give it to him. Instead, he asked Yu Zhinian, “If I have time off, can I come find you?”

He had just gotten a haircut yesterday and looked a bit younger. The way he looked at Yu Zhinian, though still expressionless, seemed very serious.

Yu Zhinian’s heart always raced. He couldn’t decide whether to say yes or no, so he asked Yang Ke, “What would you come find me for?”

“To see you. Is that okay?” Yang Ke said. “We can’t have you going back and forth all the time.”