E ⋆ Chapter 44

It was one in the morning when they returned to Yu Zhinian's small flat.

The rainy season had arrived, but the weather that night was pleasant. The moon was bright, stars sparse, and the night sky cloudless for miles.

The two of them said goodbye to the villagers and walked along the uneven little path worn into the earth. Yu Zhinian was exhausted, crying out in complaint, gray dust smudged on his white T-shirt from who knew where. He had also drained the battery on Yang Ke's phone, saying he wanted to record some notes before sleeping.

Once inside the courtyard, Yu Zhinian went to shower first.

The shower was outdoors, a makeshift stall built from stone bricks. Yang Ke plugged in his phone and camera, then walked into the courtyard. When the sound of water stopped, Yu Zhinian emerged with a bath towel wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping wet.

He stood in the nearly lightless courtyard looking at Yang Ke, his frame slender, his skin so pale it seemed to glow. Water ran from the ends of his hair down to his eyelashes, and he blinked, then walked toward Yang Ke.

"I forgot to bring a towel for drying my hair," he said to Yang Ke. He passed by him, went into the room, turned his back, bent forward, and dried his hair with the towel.

Yu Zhinian's back was also very pale, his spine showing faintly with each vertebra slightly raised. The bath towel was tied at the narrowest point of his waist and reached down to his calves.

Yang Ke watched for a few seconds, then took a bath towel and went to shower in the courtyard.

When he came back from showering, Yu Zhinian was already bent over his notes.

His notebook was open, transferring photos from the camera. He sat under a desk lamp, pen in hand, writing notes.

"Why don't you use a computer to record?" Yang Ke walked over to look at what Yu Zhinian was writing.

Yu Zhinian's notes were dense and cramped. He had only gotten to the morning's herb-boiling, and had even drawn a freehand diagram beside it showing the process of tying the leaf knots.

"I'm worried about the battery dying, or the computer breaking, and it's inconvenient to get it repaired out here," Yu Zhinian looked up at Yang Ke. "Handwriting feels more reliable."

Yu Zhinian's desk lamp wasn't particularly bright, casting light on his hand holding the pen. His left hand rested on the notebook, keeping the page flat. His hands were beautiful, with clean and even nails, the knuckles showing a faint rosy hue.

"Will everything you write in that notebook get published?" Yang Ke asked him. "Is every page useful?"

Yu Zhinian said he would have to "organize and select from it afterward," but "basically everything is useful." He looked at Yang Ke and joked, "You're very interested, Chairman Yang. Really thinking about getting a degree? Want me to find someone to write you a recommendation letter?"

"Just asking," Yang Ke said. Amused by his self-satisfied expression, he bent down slightly and half-embraced him from behind, his hand touching Yu Zhinian's right hand holding the pen, wrapping it in his own.

Yu Zhinian's body stiffened slightly, his breathing grew shallow, and he asked softly, "What are you doing?"

His sudden nervousness was amusing. Without much mercy, Yang Ke reached out and flipped Yu Zhinian's notebook forward.

Yu Zhinian didn't move at first, but then perhaps suddenly remembered what he had written, and tried to struggle. Yang Ke held him down easily. When Yang Ke flipped to the page near where the love poems were written, Yu Zhinian's ears turned red. He tried to distract Yang Ke, turning back to kiss Yang Ke's chin.

Yu Zhinian's lips were soft, his hair still damp, his cheeks warm and tender, his eyes large enough to hold all his secrets. He murmured Yang Ke's name, his voice stirring Yang Ke's desire. He was nothing like the Yu Zhinian Mei Qi had described as having no interest in matters of the heart.

Yang Ke stopped flipping through the notebook and bent to kiss him. Yu Zhinian relaxed a little.

Yu Zhinian was not someone good at hiding. His admiration and longing, his shyness and resistance, all showed plainly.

In truth, even before, when Yu Zhinian was sad, it made Yang Ke want to do something to stop his sorrow. When he was happy, it made Yang Ke feel that life outside of work wasn't so bad after all. But it seemed like years of effort had gone to waste, so much time squandered, and only now was he slowly finding the knack for how the two of them could get along well together.

Yang Ke had Yu Zhinian turn to face him, and they kissed for a little while longer. Yu Zhinian put down his pen, his hand resting on Yang Ke's arm. His eyes grew somewhat hazy, and he suddenly said, "You're leaving again tomorrow, aren't you."

Yang Ke said yes, and Yu Zhinian fell silent. Very slowly, he leaned closer, as if seeking affection, yet also hesitant, gathering great courage to kiss Yang Ke's lips uncertainly.

Yang Ke asked him, "You don't want me to leave?"

Yu Zhinian's movements paused. He looked at Yang Ke, thought for a moment, but still said nothing. Perhaps he felt there was no point, since even if he said it, Yang Ke couldn't stay anyway. Or perhaps he didn't dare, because however obtuse Yang Ke might be, it would be hard not to notice that Yu Zhinian was often timid these days.

Whenever it came to a moment where he had to speak clearly for himself, he would start to evade.

Yang Ke didn't press him for an answer, but still said, "Yu Zhinian."

He reached out and, without hesitation, flipped the notebook to the page he wanted, the one he had stopped at because of Yu Zhinian's kiss just now, and asked him, "I'll rewrite the page you tore out for you. Can you give me this page?"

That night, Yu Zhinian finished writing his notes about the ritual. He said fieldwork records shouldn't be left overnight if possible.

Yang Ke recopied more than a page of notes onto fresh paper and inserted it where the torn-out page had been. He also wrote part of it himself, because by the end Yu Zhinian was so drowsy he was getting confused. Yang Ke had him dictate while he recorded for him, and finally Yu Zhinian, nodding off and leaning on the table, finished describing the end of the ritual and fell asleep.

Yang Ke carried Yu Zhinian to bed, though he himself wasn't very tired.

Yu Zhinian lay there for a while, then suddenly opened his eyes. Seeing Yang Ke, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around Yang Ke's waist, showing his dependence.

He still wasn't wearing his ring, but Yang Ke felt that this no longer seemed so important.

In the mountain village where there was no cell signal, Yu Zhinian nestled in Yang Ke's arms, much like years ago when they went camping, just the two of them in the tent. They had snuck conversations in Yang Zhongyun's mansion, sent each other pointless messages, eaten chocolates from Yu Zhinian's admirers, and on the hospital rooftop, Yu Zhinian had fallen asleep leaning on Yang Ke's shoulder from exhaustion. In all those moments, there were only the two of them, and only the two of them were needed.

For Yang Ke of the previous two years, the ring and a marriage certificate had been steps to ensure things went smoothly, a kind of proof that his relationship with Yu Zhinian existed.

But when Yu Zhinian himself was already an answer so obvious it could not be more obvious, those steps became redundant.

The next morning, Yu Zhinian slept until ten o'clock, and Yang Ke stayed in bed with him until then.

They went to the village chief's house for lunch together. When Miao Miao heard that Yang Ke was about to leave Dang Village, she looked disappointed and asked if he would come to visit again.

Xiao Chang interjected, "What's there to come back for."

"I should be able to come," Yang Ke said.

Yu Zhinian, eating, looked up at Yang Ke.

Back in the room, it was approaching the time Yang Ke had arranged with his secretary.

For some reason, Yu Zhinian remained silent the whole time. Yang Ke tidied his things, and Yu Zhinian opened his laptop, organizing video materials for a while. He turned back to look at Yang Ke and suddenly asked, "Yang Ke, could you give me a keepsake too?"

Yang Ke had just finished packing his luggage and stood up, walking to Yu Zhinian's side. Yu Zhinian looked up at him and asked, "Is that okay?"

Yu Zhinian's expression seemed somewhat hazy, with barely visible traces of dependence and reluctance. His eyelashes were long, light from the window outside casting their shadow on his nose bridge, his lips slightly parted. It made Yang Ke unwilling to leave as well.

Yang Ke thought for a moment, looked at him briefly, then asked Yu Zhinian, "Did you bring your ring?"

Yu Zhinian said he had, and took it out from his luggage to show Yang Ke. Yu Zhinian's ring was a size smaller than Yang Ke's, with no signs of ever having been worn, very new and shiny.

Yang Ke held it in his palm, looked at it, then took off his own ring and gave it to Yu Zhinian.

"You take this," Yang Ke told him. "I have another one."

Yu Zhinian looked confused and said, "What do you mean you have another one?" Yang Ke didn't explain further, asking instead, "Is this okay? Since you can't conveniently wear it, we'll exchange."

"Okay," Yu Zhinian said, apparently not expecting Yang Ke to give him the ring. He looked down at it, somewhat hesitant. "Yes."

He said, "I'll go buy a chain in Xiping later."

Not long after, Yang Ke's secretary arrived.

Yu Zhinian and Yang Ke got in the car together. As they approached Xiping County town, the phones got a signal, and Yang Ke received calls from Zhai Di and Li Lu, a flood of complicated information coming at him.

Li Lu spoke about matters related to the court appearance. Zhai Di was more of a courtesy call, asking if spending two days deep in the mountains had cleansed his spirit.

Yu Zhinian, meanwhile, seized the time to send an email to his advisor and transmitted quite a bit of material to his classmates.

Once in Xiping, they found a jewelry store in the only small commercial plaza and bought two platinum chains. The plaza's card reader was broken, so Yu Zhinian ended up paying the bill.

Watching Yang Ke thread the ring onto the chain, Yu Zhinian suddenly said, "This feels so childish," as if struggling with himself, saying he felt he wasn't a child, yet was doing something only children would do, that it shouldn't be like this.

But when Yang Ke put it on him, he was actually very happy. In a corner of the plaza where no one would notice, he pulled Yang Ke's hand, then quickly let go.

Yang Ke took his hand again, and Yu Zhinian became very embarrassed.

Time was getting late. Yang Ke needed to go to Sanwen, so he dropped Yu Zhinian off at Mei Qi's workplace. Yu Zhinian still had some emails to send and said he needed to discuss funding with the committee.

After a simple goodbye, Yang Ke got back in the car and set off for Sanwen to catch the train.

While Yu Zhinian still had signal in Xiping, after a while he sent Yang Ke a text message asking, "Why do you have another ring?"

Yang Ke didn't know how to reply, and finally answered, "I don't know."

Yu Zhinian's love poem, ring, and platinum chain were placed in the innermost compartment of Yang Ke's briefcase, traveling with him from Sanwen back to He City, then placed in his wallet.

Yang Ke put his old wedding ring back on, the one he had bought before, and worked at the company from morning to night as usual every day. He could occasionally wait to receive a message from Yu Zhinian each week, and they would have a phone call or video chat. Because Xiping had formally entered the rainy season, transportation became increasingly inconvenient, and their contact became irregular.

Because of this, Yang Ke watched the video Yu Zhinian had recorded of the rain-praying ritual several times. He often felt as though he had just lain with Yu Zhinian in the empty, simple little flat the night before, or would wake imagining he would see Yu Zhinian's silhouette writing notes.

In mid-August, the night before Yang Ke's court appearance, Xiping finally had two days without rain. Yu Zhinian ran to the county town and called Yang Ke, his voice breathless, saying Xiping's signal was also terrible and he had searched for a long time to find a spot with full bars.

He talked about many new discoveries of his own, asked if Yang Ke was going to court, and Yang Ke told him about his work, though he didn't say much about the court appearance itself.

Yu Zhinian's voice, transmitted across telecommunications networks over long distances, was slightly distorted.

"Someone in the village got married the day before yesterday," Yu Zhinian said. "I saw them wearing rings."

He paused for a moment, then said to Yang Ke, "Yang Ke."

After saying that, Yang Ke felt Yu Zhinian become hesitant, stumbling over his words, and he said other things instead. He said Miao Miao and Xiao Chang were dating, that Shao Xilin wanted to squeeze out time next month to visit him and was frantically writing his thesis. By the end, he paused once more, and still said to Yang Ke, "I miss you so much."

He said it very softly, as if running all over Xiping searching for signal was a simple matter, yet admitting to missing Yang Ke was terribly difficult. But he said it anyway.

Yang Ke's heartbeat began to accelerate, slowly at first, flustered by Yu Zhinian's voice.

He realized that he had indeed come to possess the love he had once wholly resisted. It wasn't as false as what Yang Zhongyun had said and done, not fleeting, without deception or betrayal, unrelated to wealth. It was only a stirring of the heart and feelings beyond control. It was the life he wanted, the thing he had always fantasized about in his mind since childhood yet could never give form to.