E ⋆ Chapter 33

Thirty-Three (2016)

Yu Zhinian had thought this was a secret he kept sealed tight, known to no one else.

Just like his conversation with Professor Zhao, it had been buried away, hidden from others’ knowledge.

On Christmas Day when he was twenty-one, the snow had stopped falling, and Yang Zhongyun had not yet regained consciousness.

Because the situation was so urgent, even Zhao Sibei received notification and rushed over. Yang Ke went to the airport to pick him up, while Yu Zhinian went to the hospital first.

While waiting outside the intensive care unit, Yu Zhinian thought back to how he and Yang Ke had spent last night together, and his chest still felt slightly warm.

Around noon, Yang Zhongyun woke for half a minute.

The lights on the monitoring equipment flickered on and off. Yang Zhongyun opened his eyes wide, searching left and right. When he saw Yu Zhinian outside the ICU, he seemed to relax, and a weak smile appeared on his face.

Attorney Li Lu had also come and was waiting outside the ICU.

In the afternoon, Yang Zhongyun woke once more. A nurse came out and called Attorney Li inside for a visit. Attorney Li bent down to listen as Yang Zhongyun said a few things, then came out, removed his sterile gown, went to Yu Zhinian’s side, and said: “Zhinian, come with me for a moment.”

He led Yu Zhinian to a corner of the hospital hallway and told him: “Director Yang asked me to discuss his will with you first.”

Yu Zhinian didn’t understand, and said awkwardly: “Okay.”

“He left one-third of his shares to you,” Li Lu said simply, “but there is one condition. You have to marry Yang Ke.”

Yu Zhinian didn’t react at first. After a moment, he understood the meaning of Li Lu’s words and repeated softly, asking: “Marry?”

“Yes,” Li Lu said matter-of-factly. “Yang Ke knows about it, but Director Yang said he probably hasn’t told you.”

Yu Zhinian stared blankly at Li Lu, thought for a long time, and asked: “When did he find out?”

“It’s been several years, I think,” Li Lu said. “The initial version of the will was drawn up when Director Yang had his first surgery. Yang Ke should have known about it then. Director Yang didn’t want to put too much pressure on you, so he didn’t tell you.”

Yu Zhinian thought for a moment again, then shook his head at Li Lu: “I don’t understand. Why?”

“I don’t want the inheritance,” Yu Zhinian told him. “I don’t need that much money.”

“That’s not something you get to decide,” Li Lu said, frowning slightly. “If you don’t accept this inheritance, things will become very complicated. Yang Ke won’t be able to get it, and it will be very bad for the group’s stability.”

They stood beside a window, and the wind swept the snow on the ground up and scattered it outside the glass.

“I don’t want it.” Yu Zhinian looked at the falling snow beyond the window and couldn’t help but refuse again.

“Zhinian,” Li Lu tried to persuade him. “What’s wrong with accepting an inheritance? From what I know, you two are already living together. There’s nothing to worry about. Director Yang just wanted me to notify you because he’s afraid that if he waits until later to tell you, you won’t be mentally prepared.”

Li Lu spoke to Yu Zhinian as if coaxing a child.

Yu Zhinian felt flustered. He felt as though his own dullness had caused him to overlook some crucial piece of information, but he couldn’t quite say what it was.

“That’s all Director Yang asked me to tell you,” Li Lu said to Yu Zhinian with a reassuring smile. “Yang Ke is his biological grandson, and you are his… closest dear child. Since Yang Ke is already prepared to marry you, don’t overthink it. The inheritance is just the icing on the cake.”

“Come on,” he patted Yu Zhinian’s shoulder. “Let’s go back.”

Yu Zhinian was led by Attorney Li toward the ICU. After a few steps, Yu Zhinian suddenly recalled Yang Ke’s abrupt change in attitude when they were at university, and then remembered that day in the car when he had asked Yang Ke why he was willing to live with him, and Yang Ke had not answered his question.

Yu Zhinian’s hands and feet suddenly went ice-cold.

Yang Zhongyun lay in the hospital bed inside the ICU. Yu Zhinian looked at those lights, stood in bewilderment for a while, and recalled how he and Yang Ke had gotten along after Yang Ke invited him to live together.

Yu Zhinian thought: Was Yang Ke happy?

It seemed like he was, and yet it seemed like he wasn’t.

Had he kissed him of his own will? Or was it to comfort him?

Yang Ke hated all the control that Yang Zhongyun had imposed on him. Yang Ke wanted freedom. So what was the reason for accepting the will’s conditions? Yu Zhinian couldn’t figure it out.

He wanted to find Yang Ke and ask him to clarify.

But just imagining the answer he might receive, Yu Zhinian’s stomach tightened, his mind went blank, his calves felt as though they were cramping, and his limbs grew cold.

After a while, Yang Ke and Zhao Sibei arrived.

When Yu Zhinian heard their voices, he couldn’t help but hide in the janitorial closet next to the hallway. Through a small transparent pane of glass on the door, he watched Yang Ke and his father.

Yang Ke looked around and said something to Yang Zhongyun’s secretary, who was standing at the ICU door. The secretary also looked around and said something back.

Yang Ke didn’t ask further. He walked to Zhao Sibei’s side, and the two of them looked together at Yang Zhongyun in the hospital room.

Not long after, Yu Zhinian suddenly received a message from Yang Ke: “Where are you.”

Yu Zhinian dazedly held his phone, looking at Yang Ke’s back. Yang Ke was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his back held very straight.

Unease seemed like a pair of hands, churning Yu Zhinian’s insides, making it almost impossible for him to stand steady. He wanted to flee from this hospital.

The father and son looked very alike, except Yang Ke was taller and much younger.

Zhao Sibei looked more solemn. After standing with Yang Ke for a moment, he walked to one side, lowered his head, and took out his phone as if typing. After a few seconds, Yu Zhinian’s phone vibrated.

He took it out to look. It was a text from Zhao Sibei: “Zhinian, are you at the hospital? Can I talk to you alone about the will?”

The janitorial closet was very dim, with the smell of disinfectant.

Yu Zhinian looked at his phone screen, thought for a long time, glanced back at the door in the closet that led to the emergency stairwell, and replied to Zhao Sibei: “I’m at the café on the ground floor of the hospital.”

Yu Zhinian walked down.

He could have gone down one floor and taken the elevator, but for some reason he seemed to have become a little afraid of crowds, so he walked down twelve flights of stairs to reach the ground floor.

The café was very small, with only three or five little tables. On Christmas afternoon at four o’clock, there were almost no people inside. Yu Zhinian ordered a coffee, and had just sat down when Zhao Sibei pushed open the door.

Yu Zhinian cradled his coffee cup in both hands and watched Zhao Sibei sit across from him.

“Zhinian, you don’t need to be afraid,” Professor Zhao said to him. “I’m not here to blame you.”

Yu Zhinian shrank his shoulders and made a small sound of acknowledgment. Professor Zhao continued: “It’s just that as Yang Ke’s biological father, I still have a few things I want to discuss with you.”

After saying this, he suddenly fell silent, as if not knowing where to begin. Yu Zhinian waited for a moment, thinking that he might be afraid of using harsh words and hurting him. After thinking it over, Yu Zhinian warmed his hands with his coffee cup and took the initiative to ask: “Professor Zhao, is this about the will?”

“Yes,” Professor Zhao said. He looked at Yu Zhinian for a few seconds and said: “Actually, Yang Ke doesn’t want the inheritance.”

Yu Zhinian wasn’t surprised. He only felt that the coffee cup in his hands had grown a little heavy, and he set it down on the table.

“Does he also not want to be with me?” He looked at Professor Zhao and heard himself ask this.

“It’s not that he asked me to come talk to you. It’s just that I really… can’t bear to see my own son…” Professor Zhao chose his words carefully, probably out of consideration for Yu Zhinian’s feelings, and didn’t complete his sentence. “The reason Yang Ke accepted the will’s conditions is because he felt you should receive those shares.”

“I don’t want them,” Yu Zhinian said immediately.

Professor Zhao nodded: “Zhinian, I know you’re not a child who is greedy for money.”

“You just like Yang Ke very much, don’t you?” he asked.

Yu Zhinian felt his face grow hot. Because of this improper affection, he felt ashamed.

“There’s nothing wrong with liking someone,” Zhao Sibei said to him. “But if a person, because of that liking, chooses to deprive another of the right to pursue love, that is somewhat selfish.

“Marriage is a big thing, isn’t it? It shouldn’t be mixed with too many practical factors.

“If a person marries me out of sympathy for my situation, hoping that I will receive the inheritance, if it were me, I probably wouldn’t accept it.”

Yu Zhinian felt his body had turned to ice, his joints unable to move. Shame and humiliation filled every part of him that could feel anything. He apologized to Zhao Sibei: “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Zhao Sibei said. “Zhinian, in this world, a person doesn’t necessarily only experience one love in their lifetime.”

“I’ve also been somewhat selfish and overstepped. During Yang Ke’s formative years, he was constrained and controlled too much by his grandfather, and was never given much freedom of choice.

“You know this. He hates that very much.

“I hope that when it comes to marriage, he can freely choose someone he loves. So this morning, after he told me about you two living together, I still came to find you.”

“I’m the one who should apologize,” Zhao Sibei said to Yu Zhinian again.

Yu Zhinian shook his head. He couldn’t remember whether he had talked about anything else with Professor Zhao after that. He only remembered that he left the hospital and walked to the hotel across the street.

The road was covered in snow, with a lane cleared down the middle by a snowplow.

The air was so cold it nearly froze Yu Zhinian solid, but fortunately he walked into the hotel. The hotel lobby was playing Christmas carols, and a huge Christmas tree flashed with lights, like a galaxy celebrating the holidays, shrunk down into a lavish room, filled with countless stars and colorful decorations.

Yu Zhinian passed by them and walked toward the elevator.

Early the morning before, Yang Zhongyun had come out of the operating room. The secretary had wanted Yu Zhinian to stay and provide care, but Yang Ke refused. He took Yu Zhinian away, and in the darkness of night they checked into this hotel.

Both were still shaken. The hotel provided complimentary apple cider and Christmas desserts. They sat in the room eating and drinking.

Twenty-two-year-old Yang Ke took off his coat, wearing only his dress shirt, his hair tousled by the wind and snow. After drinking, he leaned back against the sofa as if he had fallen asleep.

Yu Zhinian drank a glass of apple cider and sat down beside him, calling his name and asking: “Did you fall asleep?”

Yang Ke didn’t move at all, his eyes closed.

Yu Zhinian kissed Yang Ke’s face. In the sweetness of the apple cider and the Christmas atmosphere, Yu Zhinian made a wish. He said “Yang Ke” very softly, leaned his face against Yang Ke’s shoulder, and said “I want to be with you forever.”

Yang Ke seemed to be sleeping deeply. Only the hand that Yu Zhinian was pressing against moved slightly, touching Yu Zhinian’s back.

Returning once more to last night’s room, Yu Zhinian saw that the wine they had drunk had already been cleared away, and the room had been restored to cleanliness.

He thought that the wish he had made should also disappear, just like the discarded items in the room.

On the desk lay the train tickets from yesterday, his and Yang Ke’s. Yu Zhinian walked over, picked them up to look at them, put them in his pocket, and then began to learn, just as Professor Zhao had said, to be an ordinary person who would still live well even without receiving love.