SiM | Chapter 1

‘Do you want to come with me? No, let’s go together.’

After their sweet first kiss, Kiel said as if he had been waiting for it.

‘But… I can’t leave here. I….’

‘One person is easy enough to get out. You just need to answer yes.’

‘But, Kiel. If I run away from here, trackers will definitely come after me. I can’t drag you into this too.’

‘That part, I can handle well enough. Just say yes. Come on, Andrea.’

The look Kiel gave him was intense and relentless.

The intruder who had suddenly stepped into his tiny, colorless world was now trying to become Andrea’s savior.

Those mysterious, piercing golden eyes stared straight at Andrea as if urging an answer. When Andrea did not reply easily, Kiel merely held out his hand, as if telling him to take it.

His heart, which had always beaten as if dead, was now pounding wildly. It was not because he was excited at the thought of escaping the little prison and entering the outside world. His heart was reacting to the vivid, overwhelming energy of the boy from the outside world, someone Andrea had met for the very first time in his life.

After hesitating for a long while, the boy did not withdraw his outstretched hand and waited for Andrea’s answer.

‘Trust me. I’ll get you out of here.’

The boy, Kiel, said it with certainty. Andrea slowly raised his trembling hand and placed it over the boy’s outstretched one. A dark smile flickered in Kiel’s eyes. The bones in Andrea’s hand ached from the tremendous force of the grip, but strangely enough, that very strength brought him relief.

‘The knights of my house will be looking for me. Once I meet them, I’ll come back to rescue you. Meet me in ten days at the big rock where we first met. Don’t bring anything with you, or they’ll get suspicious, so just come out with nothing but yourself.’

‘…Okay.’

‘I’ll wait until you come out, so don’t rush. Just slip out quietly without anyone suspecting a thing.’

‘Mm. Okay.’

His heart was pounding so violently with fear and anticipation that it felt like it might burst out of his chest. His hand and body, caught by Kiel, were trembling all over. Kiel pulled Andrea into a tight embrace, as if to reassure him.

‘It’s okay, Andrea. Everything will work out. I’ll definitely come save you.’

‘…Mm.’

Andrea nodded as he wrapped his arms around Kiel’s waist with all his strength.

The next day, Kiel left. Andrea, counting the days with restless anticipation, was dragged out by strange intruders before even a week had passed. They bound his arms and legs tightly with silk cords so he would not be hurt, gagged his mouth, and slaughtered the few servants and soldiers there. Andrea thrashed madly as he watched the mansion where he had lived imprisoned his whole life be swallowed by a massive sea of flames.

Kiel. I’m here…. Kiel…. Kiel!

‘…Kiel!’

Andrea jolted awake with a cry, then let out a long, heavy sigh and wiped the cold sweat beading on his forehead with his hand. It was a nightmare he had not dreamed in more than a year.

Blue dawn light was spilling in through the tiny window.

Looking at the deep blue, strangely beautiful light, Andrea thought of Kiel for the first time in a long while. Still wrapped in the lingering shadows of that dark past, Andrea rolled out of bed and knelt on the cold floor. He lifted his eyes to the old cross hanging on the wall and offered a prayer for the day’s peace.

By the time the short prayer ended, the sky had already begun to brighten.

The monastery, standing alone in the middle of a vast birch forest, was as quiet as ever. Andrea tied back his troublesome long blond hair with a cord and washed quickly in cold water before leaving his plain room, which barely held a small bed for one person and a desk.

The narrow corridor, heavy with cold, was deserted. By now, everyone was probably gathered in the prayer room for morning prayer.

Morning prayer was mandatory for all monks serving in the monastery, but Andrea alone was exempt. The only thing strictly forbidden was leaving the monastery, which looked like a fortress. Within the monastery, Andrea could move around freely as he pleased.

Freedom of movement, but only within the monastery.

That was the only thing Andrea had gained after being forcibly brought here.

After quickly filling his stomach with thin stew and hard bread, Andrea headed straight to the scriptorium. The monks serving in this monastery were all given work. Of course, no one forced Andrea to work. But spending the whole day mindlessly passing time in complete isolation was no easy thing either.

So Andrea usually spent his time in the huge library that took up half the monastery, reading every kind of book packed into it. On days when he did not feel like reading, he took on copying, which was the one thing he was at least somewhat skilled at.

Andrea’s world had always been small, bleak, and thoroughly isolated.

As far as he could remember, before being placed here, Andrea had lived in a mansion deep in the forest. A nanny and several servants looked after Andrea, and soldiers armed with spears guarded the mansion like an iron wall. And the place he had been taken to, as if kidnapped in a carriage after failing to keep his promise to run away with Kiel, was this monastery.

More than ten years in the mansion, and up to now in this monastery. After two rounds of isolation, Andrea had just become a young man of twenty. If nothing unusual happened, perhaps he would live here in this monastery until the end of his life. With no dream and no hope, Andrea had settled his own future that way.

Andrea sat down and loosened his hands, preparing to copy. Copying was an extremely delicate task, so he had to concentrate. While copying, the boring hours would fly by. As for the traces Andrea would leave behind in the world until the day he died, they would probably be nothing more than these books he had copied.

Squeak.

Just as he was absorbed in his copying, not even noticing time passing, he heard the sound of the old door to the scriptorium opening behind him. Andrea carefully finished the line he was writing before looking up. Before he knew it, Monk Johann was beside him. He was one of the monks who mainly handled copying, just like Andrea.

‘Your handwriting is always as beautiful as you are, Andrea.’

Monk Johann said this while letting his hand linger over the paper Andrea was copying, stroking it softly. His brown eyes swept over Andrea’s white face and lips as if savoring them. As always, it was an unpleasant gaze. Instead of reacting to Johann’s strange advances, Andrea picked up his pen again and began copying with care.

The monks had sworn to asceticism, poverty, and obedience, but not all of them kept those vows. Though it was said to be done quietly in hidden places, what happened inside this isolated monastery naturally spread on its own.

In this small monastery made up entirely of men, monks who had to spend their whole lives here sometimes paired off to satisfy their physical desires. Andrea, with his long blond hair and the fresh youth of someone just entering adulthood, was an easy feast for the eyes and an object of desire for those monks.

Of course, thanks to the strict supervision and protection of the abbot, he had managed to keep himself safe so far, but once the abbot, who did not have much time left to live, passed away, only God would know what would become of Andrea then.

Johann began to toy with Andrea’s long, tied-back blond hair with his fingers. Andrea quietly took hold of his own hair and pulled it out of Johann’s hands.

After realizing that his beautiful blond hair had become an object of desire, Andrea had tried several times to cut it short. But the abbot always blocked Andrea’s wishes. Even when asked why, he never answered. He simply ordered Andrea to keep growing it.

Perhaps it was the demand of whoever had locked him up here, Andrea supposed.

“Oh, Andrea…. How much longer are you going to keep me in suspense. You’re not that young anymore, are you? If you would just allow me a little, I can give you great pleasure.”

“God is watching, Sir Johann.”

Andrea said calmly, forcing down the revulsion surging up inside him. Then he picked up his pen to resume copying.

“So arrogant. I hear the abbot has been protecting you all this time. But the day he is gathered into God’s embrace is not far off. When that happens, who do you think will protect you? Every monk in this monastery will probably visit your room each night and fuck you until your body is torn to shreds. You’ll become a spectacle, washing yourself with cold water by the well every day, covered in filthy semen!”

Seemingly consumed by the outrage of being rejected again and again, Johann hurled a bitter curse on Andrea’s future in a raised voice.